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Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I Can See The Bahamas From My Front Yard

Actually I can't. But Bimini is only about 50 miles east of the Miami Sea Buoy!

So think about that! I do quite often. I think "if I just had a slightly larger boat with twin engines.......I could go get me some fresh conch!"

And rum from Cuba. Because in The Bahamas that shit is legal. But here in the USA??? Not legal. contraband.

Not that I do not know where I can get it. It is not like there are a bunch of bars where if you know the secret password (usually "Fidel Castro sucks") you can order shots of contraband Cuban rum or anything.

OH NO!!! The people in Miami who are so in favor of the embargo would NEVER EVER think about going to The Bahamas and bringing back a few crates of Cuban rum! Of course not.

And there is no way - NO WAY - I would ever go to the local Indian reservation, buy a whole lot of tax free cigarettes, take them to The Bahamas, unload them, clear Bahamas Customs, load up with Cuban rum - then come back to Miami! NEVER EVER!

Seriously - never. My boat is a little bit small for the crossing.

Plus it is just not worth it. Honestly I do not understand the obsession with Cuban rum. Flor De Cana 7 year Grand Reserve is better than any Cuban rum I have ever had.

And Flor De Cana is legal. Not contraband. It comes from Nicaragua. I can buy as much of it as I want without having to know any secret passwords or anything. Even if I could just buy a bottle of Cuban rum, I would go with Flor De Cana anyway.

Stick to what you know - and like! That is my general rum rule.

Anyhow my point is that I can almost see The Bahamas from my front yard. There is Florida, and then some water - and then The Bahamas!

I am sure this might mean something one day.

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Monday, September 29, 2008

Almost Sort Of Cold Front

But not really. It rained here for a bit. At times it was raining rather hard. There was some urban flooding in the areas that always seem to flood.

Temperatures ARE a little cooler. So some people I know are going on about "the cold front".

But...alas, it is not a cold front. During and after a cold front you can expect a few things to happen. Really - you can. Do not believe me? Next time one passes over observe for yourself!

1. It rains like crazy. It really comes down. This is typical for the first fronts to hit. See the warm moist air is displaced by the rapidly moving cold front. The air is forced up. Where it gets cold. Cold air can not hold moisture, so it all falls as rain. Or sleet. Or snow. It all depends on how cold we are talking about. But as the front passes, the rain/sleet/snow stops. Down here we get hard rain, but after the hard rain stops the weather clears fast.

2. The prevailing winds change direction 180 (more or less) degrees. Low pressure air spins counter clockwise. High pressure air spins clockwise. The cold front is ALWAYS the leading edge of high pressure. So the winds change direction.

3. The weather clears rapidly.

4. It gets colder.

5. You generally feel better as the higher pressure air allows your lungs to take in more oxygen with each breath.

6. Pressure RISES. This is a very important concept.

What happened today was after the hard rain, we got a few hours of drizzle. It got a little cooler, but not that much. Highs for today are forecast to be 88 degrees. Better than 96, but not really "cold". The winds did not change direction. In fact right now there is no wind. It is dead calm. The sky did not clear, there are still clouds out.

And most importantly, the pressure is currently FALLING. This means that a high pressure zone could not have moved over this area. In fact, it means a LOW PRESSURE area is approaching.

So....not a cold front.

The Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Barleywine shall remain in the fridge for some more time.

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Saturday, September 27, 2008

Skipper The Parrot

If you are here to know what I thought of the debates - you are S.O.L. And what does S.O.L. mean?

Shit Out of Luck.

You see, I was too busy to watch. Too busy doing what you ask??

Consuming beer. Talking shit. Doing a Skipper The Parrot memorial shot. And so on.

By the way, Skipper The Parrot belonged to an associate of mine. Skipper The Parrot was 52 years old. The owner had that bird for that long.

So what did we learn from that? DO NOT GET A PET PARROT! You will have it for 50 years. The parrot may even outlive you!

So yea - I was slightly busy. Therefore I do not have a debate analysis.

I did record it on the DVR. I might watch it later.

I want to see a Shuttle launch. I have decided. I am going to do it. I have to inquire about getting a ticket to watch the next launch. I have to check with associates and see who else wants to go. Hopefully someone will.

The other day I was right by the Kennedy Space Center. But the shuttle did not launch. So I did not see anything relating to space ship launches.

There will only be 10 more Shuttle launches before the Shuttle program is supposed to end. I would like to see at least one launch before it is a part of history.

And it is only a 3 - 4 hour drive.

Friday, September 26, 2008

1 Day Adventure.

You know what? It was time for a 1 day adventure. An adventure, but one that lasts only 1 day. Get the hell out of this place - shake things up a bit.

Excitement! Peril! And stuff like that.

Or not.

You see, my mom has a friend living a few hours away that had some sort of major surgery. Hip replacement I believe. That is some NASTY shit. They have to pretty much unattach your leg. The problem is nature spent a VERY LONG time making sure your leg can not just fall off. It is attached pretty well. Soooo.....

They have to cut you open from your ass to right above your knee. Then they cut off the old natural ball that attached your femur to your hip. Then they cram this metal spike thing into your femur. Then they attach a metal ball to the metal stud that is now sticking out of living bone. And then they pop the new ball joint into your ass bone socket.

And then you get a whole lot of pain pills. And you need them so if anyone says "you do not need those drugs" you can kick them in the nuts (or other sensitive area) with your now bionic leg. Then tell them that they are overdoing the pain thing, and to please stop doubling over while making hamster noises. Then sell them one of your pills for $20.

But make a "mistake" and give them some other cheap pill instead. Pick one, it does not really matter. Preferably pick one with the most fun side effects - like for example one that causes loose runny gross extra stinky water like stool. For a month.

But I am getting sidetracked here. Mom wanted to go visit her friend, currently recuperating in a nursing home where she can get physical therapy daily.

That reminds me. While I was roaming about the place looking for the right room (staff told us the room number was 208 - which is the dementia ward - when the room that the friend is in is 108 - not the dementia ward) I found the "activity room".

I wish I had taken a photo of the activity room. You see, someone thought that they would decorate the door to the room with Halloween stuff. So what did they put up?

A big ass GRIM REAPER! In a nursing home. Some people there are on hospice. Some are in really bad shape. As in they could go at any moment. A few of the residents are over 100!

And they put up a Grim Reaper. YEA! That works. Hey look! Death! Right there in the "activity room"! Why don't you go do some "activities" in there Mr. Jones? So....complaining about the meatloaf again huh? Shall we make you go to....THE ACTIVITY ROOM?!!??!?!?!

Come one people. THINK! This is a nursing home. Full of old people, many of which are sick and need constant care. Oxygen bottles everywhere. Beds on wheels so residents can be wheeled out of their rooms into a larger room so at least they can hang out with someone. DO NOT USE GRIM REAPER AND SKULL HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS! How about the standard "black car all frizzed up" or the "witch on a broom flying past the full moon" or something?

I have a pretty twisted sense of humor, and even I would have declared that joke was just going too far. Why not put on a hockey goalie mask and bust into the place with a chainsaw?? Or an ax drenched in fake blood? Then start yelling and waving the chainsaw / ax for a few minutes while the staff, in on the joke, pretends to run around in a state of panic while screaming. Hell, hire the Universal Studios special effects guy to make it look like a staff member got a body part chopped off.

Then when you can not contain the laughter any more - remove the mask and have the whole staff say "happy Halloween!!!!"

Then find a lot of new residents. Cause there will be a whole lot of vacancies after that.

But I am getting all sidetracked all over again.

My mom's friend lives in Palm Bay, Florida. That is only about a 3 hour drive from here. In fact, it is a three hour drive. 4 with traffic. Palm Bay is very close to Melbourne FL on Florida's "Space Coast". So named because of Kennedy Space Center.

So it was clear what needed to be done. Mom did not need to drive for 7 hours just so she could visit her friend in the nursing home / physical therapy / GRIM REAPER CENTRAL place.


So I reserved a rental car. And since they were nice enough to ask what kind of car I wanted, and I was renting from Hertz, and Hertz has Mustangs, I got a Mustang. They asked hardtop or convertible. I asked for the hardtop but they gave me this one instead. OOPS! Here you can see said car parked in Palm Bay.

Once mom was delivered to the place to visit with her friend, my job was done. I might as well go explore the place a bit. This is the primary reason the top is down. I can explore better if there is no top on the car, as doing that removes all blind spots.

Eventually I found this. The Intracoastal Waterway.


And there was a causeway on the road I had to pull off of to get this photo!!!


Do I dare find out what lies on the other side of this causeway? I don't know there. I mean, who knows what could be over there. Could be anything! Maybe a beach! And maybe just a large store selling Grim Reaper related decorations - which seem to be so popular up there.

But it was One Day Adventure Day so of course I continued along the causeway.

And what I found was Melbourne Beach. I sort of expected to find that. Next thing was to search out a surf shop place where I could obtain a hat. You see, I did not think that they were going to rent me a vert. So I did not come prepared. No hat!!! You need a hat, as it keeps your hair from blowing all over the place.

There were a bunch of places that probably sold such items along Melbourne Beach, but I also wanted a little beach side place to hang out for a bit while the visiting thing was going on.

But as it turns out, there were no likely places to hang out beach side on Melbourne Beach. Really. Oh sure there were a lot of daily / weekly rental apartments. And hotels. And even some residential units. But no little place to just hang out. At least not on the beach. And who wants to hang out inside some generic place?

So I kept going. Soon I encountered Patrick Air Force Base. A1A runs right through the base. And of course after that comes Coca Beach and then once you are there it is only minutes to Kennedy Space Center.

Too bad the Shuttle was not being launched! That would have been cool. But it was not to be.

I like Coca Beach much better than Melbourne Beach. Coca Beach is a pretty cool place. I found a surf shop where I could get a hat that says "Coca Beach Florida" proving I was in fact there. And I also found this.


A genuine beach DIVE BAR! Perfect. Just what I was looking for. A place to hang out on the beach.

A quick check of the local laws confirmed that this was an acceptable place to hang out.


Notice what it says. Alcohol "restriction". No containers in excess of 1 gallon. 1 gallon?!?!?!? Holy shit that is lot of tequila! How much do you need? I would think that limiting containers to 1/2 gallon would be sufficient - but no. On Coca Beach you can have containers up to 1 gallon in size. Also notice how there is nothing about a limit on the number of 1 gallon containers of booze you can have. So if you want that 5 gallon party keg - no problem! Buy 5 gallons of water, dump out the water, replace with beer. Cops will smile and say "Welcome to Coca Beach!! Don't let that beer get too warm now!".

I inquired about this sign to the bartender in the local dive bar place. She informed me that it is because of - what else - old people. See the old people LOVE their boxed wine. And boxes of wine are around 1 gallon in size. So when the "restrictions" were being written the local bar owners / people who like to drink showed up at the city council meeting to voice their objection to a drinking ban on the beach. All the other beaches have no drinking on the beach laws, so the Coca Beach bars have had an upswing in business. They like that.

The locals also like to be able to go to the beach and have a beer.

The old people, who just do not give a crap about anything, want their box wine. And what are the cops going to do?? Arrest Grandpa who fought the Nazis in WWII for having a box of wine on a beach - kind of like the beach he stormed on D-Day? Oh hell no! What would the headlines say about that? War hero, winner of 12 Purple Hearts and 2 Medals Of Honor, arrested by fascist pigs for having a little bit of wine".

So the "restriction" is 1 gallon containers. Not much of a restriction at all if you ask me. Might was well just say "no glass containers, no kegs". That would pretty much be the same thing.

Looking SOUTH along the beach from the deck of the little bar that seems to be a popular spot for the locals to hang out.


Looking NORTH along the beach from the deck behind the little dive bar I found.


The beaches on this part of the State go for hundreds of miles. They are endless. They just go on and on and on. In South Florida, this is just not the case. And to the east is just open Atlantic Ocean. There are no Bahama Islands, and there is no bay. So the ocean rollers just come in and form breakers on the beach. In Miami, this does not happen. You just do not normally see these breakers. Sometimes you do, but only on some beaches. And usually there has to be fairly shitty weather around.


And this is Ocean Rescue. The red flag means there is a "high hazard". Rough conditions such as strong surf and/or currents are present. Swimmers are discouraged from entering the water, and those that do should take great care.

The rollers were creating 4 - 6 foot breakers. So someone who was not careful could get into trouble in that kind of surf. Also, there probably were some strong undertow currents. All that water breaking on the beach has to drain you know.

And with that the adventure was pretty much over. I got called, the visit was over as my mom's friend had to go to her daily physical therapy, so it was time to pay the tab and get back to Miami.

I was back home at 6:50 PM. I left the house to pick up the rental car at about 5:45 AM. It took about 3 hours to get there and 4 hours to get home.

All in all - not too bad of a haul. I keep forgetting how close the Space Coast actually is to me. I really need to go watch a Space Shuttle launch one of these days - before they stop flying the thing.

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Thursday, September 25, 2008

Stunts

I hate stunts. Take the latest David Blane stupidity. Hanging by your feet huh? Where at? I would like to know so I can BEAT YOU LIKE A PINATA!!!!!

Only I suspect candy will not come out.

Please David, just go away. Nobody cares. Want to impress me with a "stunt"? Go submerge yourself in lava for 5 minutes. And not that fake Hollywood movie studio lava either - I'm talking about LAVA! Do it at Volcano National Park in Hawaii.

But I am not talking about physical stunts. I am talking about something almost as retarded.

So McCain is suspending his campaign. You know, "the crisis" and everything. And now he wants to suspend the debates so that he can "fix" the mess?

REALLY?!?!?! So you are going to fix this is a single bound huh? Weren't you the chairman of the Banking And Finance Committee? Back then would have been a good time to fix the mess.

Now it seems to me that these hearings have been going on for a few days - sans McCain. So why the big rush now? I mean - there is nothing to vote on yet. And we all know that whatever is cobbled together WILL pass. How do I know this? The banks have us by the short and curlies here. Bail them out or else we all go broke. Well not all of us. Ill be OK most likely. See my investments can lose a lot of value, but there is a time horizon for them to come back. Assuming that they do not all collapse into dust. But if I were 3 years from retirement then I would be screwed.

Unless I wanted to eat canned dog food for dinner. HAPPY RETIREMENT! Here is your Alpo cake!

So yea, the bailout WILL happen.

McCain has said that the proposal on the table now is "dead". Well the only proposal I am aware of is the one Bush proposed. And I agree - that is dead. This is why there are HEARINGS going on. So that everyone can hammer out something that can pass.

Pronouncing it "dead" just so you can "suspend" a campaign then rush to DC to personally save the day is nothing more than a stunt. You are not suspending anything! Please.

If McCain were so worried about this then why not suspend the campaign on day 1 of the hearings? Huh? Why now?

And why can Senator McCain not multitask? You know, watch this thing called "C-SPAN" on the talking picture box (NOW IN COLOR!!!!)? Video tape the shit if you have to. That way you can watch the hearings and campaign at the same time.

And what the hell - use that magical email device to send questions you want asked to some asshole actually at the hearing.

You know, TECHNOLOGY???? This thing that allows for multitasking??? The days of two tin cans and some waxed string are over.

So yea, I want to vote for the man who can only do one thing at a time. There is no way in hell a President may have to deal with more than one thing at a time! OH NO! It is totally impossible that a major hurricane will rip apart an American city while this economic thing happens.

Right??? Anyone still out of power from Ike?? NAAAA! That problem is all over with now.

So anyway - I smelled a stunt.

But it could not possibly be the whole "lets put off the debates" thing. It HAD TO be something else.

And then it all came together. I found this posted on Fox "news" only a little over 3 hours from now (as I am typing this).

http://embeds.blogs.foxnews.com/2008/09/24/palin-will-also-suspend-campaign/

Palin will also suspend her campaign. Why? She is not a senator. She can not swoop in and personally save the day!

But she will suspend her campaign anyway.

I already heard a blub on some lame TV news channel about the next logical step.

The suspension of the VP debates. AH HA! So now the stunt becomes clear! A move to put off the VP debates - possibly forever! I mean if the first date is missed then all the other days can be "booked with prior engagements" and whatnot. The McCain camp can foot drag and stall and delay - and then before you know it election day is here!

And nobody really gives a crap about the VP debates anyway! We are not voting for the bottom of the ticket! It is the top that counts!!

And so on.

So if you ask me what the root of this latest stunt is - there is my answer. To put off the VP debates as long as possible.

And while that is going on, grandstand. Pretend there is no such thing as a "campaign jet" that is always full of fuel and can have either man in DC in a matter of hours. Pretend that without you there, in person, nothing can get done.

And so on.

I am not buying into this bullshit.

And if it is not bullshit - if the man is really serious (and lets be honest - nobody knows when the clowns are being serious) - then I think it is really bad that he can not concentrate on more than one thing at a time.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

History

You know, some things never cease to amaze me. Really.

Take the mess going on now. You know, the finance meltdown. Nobody could have seen this coming huh?

Well lets see here. In 80s the idea that government had no place in anything was proposed. Small government was the way to go! Less is more! Let the free markets breathe!

And so it was. Deregulation began. And what did we see?

Junk bonds. An entire industry was built on these bonds. And then there was a new kind of financial institution - sort of. The Savings and Loan. Not exactly a commercial bank, so they were not covered by US Federal Reserve regulations. And not exactly credit unions.

To be honest, I do not know what they were. But I do know they were largely unregulated. Free to do the free market thing.

And what happened? They collapsed. They invested heavily in high risk "junk" bonds. Sure they made an ass load of money for a time - but that ended.

And the taxpayers had to bail them out.

But that was not enough. No. The experiment needed to go on. Less was still more!

Now let me tell you the story of an airport. An airport that needed to be expanded. The local government decided that the "free market" could get the job done better, faster, and cheaper.

So they gave a company - the major user of the airport in question - a blank check. And they said "expand the airport the way you want - because after all you are the major airline here!"

And they did just that. Only since they were NOT using their own money it was all fucked up. Terminals were built that did not match the master plan. Things were ordered before they were needed.

15 years later, the expansion is not finished yet. The project is WAY over budget. It was over budget 10 years ago really.

The taxpayers are bailing that place out too. The airline gets to keep using the airport, without taking any of the liability of the project.

So much for the theory that somehow the "free market" is this magical fairyland, full of fountains that run with rainbow beams and the streets are all paved with gold!

Actually - I take that back. The free market is just that. And when the golden road has to be repaved - GOVERNMENT!!! WE NEED A BAILOUT!!!!!

So why were there regulations in the first place? Why were banks not allowed to be insurance companies?

Well there was a time when there were no regulations at all. Banks could do what they wanted to. And companies could do what they wanted too.

This period of time is also known as "the gilded age". Sort of. Business actually had to deal with the anti-trust law before this period of time. I think. Business also had to contend with the rise of organized labor - which created the middle class.

But unions suck. I know. Who needs them. We can trust business to treat people like they are not horse shit! Why there is no way they would allow profit to get ahead of employees.

Anyhow that is another historical thing.

Back to "the gilded age" - which unless I am mistaken was the period of time after WWI and before 1930? You know - "the roaring 20s"?

It was a pretty good time. All sorts of new securities were invented. Banks and financial institutions were running totally free and unregulated. Why they did not even have to tell the truth on balance sheets!!!

And then, late in 1929, the party ended. Just like that. The cops showed up and confiscated all the drugs and the beer keg - and made the girls put their tops back on and stop dancing around.

What followed was the Great Depression.

Modern banking regulations were written during the Depression - to prevent it from happening again.

And in the 40s - after WWII - the USA was booming. Same for the 50s. And 60s. Things got a little rough in the 70s, but before that the economy had a pretty good run.

But in the 80s enough people had died / forgotten the reason for regulations in the first place. So the push to dump them began.

Leading to today. And this is even AFTER the collapse of the Savings and Loans! How soon we forget huh?

There is such a thing as over regulation. There is such a thing as rules that are far too restrictive.

But the MYTH that we can just trust the free market should be clear. For now. Until we forget again.

And we will forget again.

Business wants the bailout - but not the regulations.

And we can trust them to not fuck up again! Right?

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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Tradition

My first day of fall went OK.

A long time good friend came to visit. And mooch some free internet access. I give my long time good friends the password to my wireless network.

The celebration of spring involved a few shots of Flor De Cana 7 year grand reserve rum. I have grown quite fond of this rum. Nicaragua knows how to make some ass kicking rum!!!

Trust me here. It is good. If you do not believe me, buy a bottle. It is not terribly expensive. I pay around $20 for a 750 ml bottle. For rum aged 7 year in a wooden barrel that is cheap. But the stuff is just so fucking smooth!!!!

I give the Flor De Cana 7 year grand reserve FIVE out if five stars. It is truly excellent.

The 12 year rum is even better. And I have even sampled some Flor De Cana 21 year rum - it is to die for. So smooth, so full of flavor.

If there is one reason to live, it is for Flor De Cana 21 year rum.

By the way, if you are reading this and you are a representative of the great Nation of Nicaragua - I would greatly appreciate a barrel of your Flor De Cana. Really. It would hold a place of great honor in my humble abode. Me and my friends would get drunk many times in honor of your great nation.

But no matter what, Nicaraguan rum will ALWAYS be dear to me. It really is the best. Better than all other rums from all other nations. Better than Appleton from Jamaica. No offense Jamaica, but Flor De Cana is better. I still love your Appleton and your Myers, but given the choice Ill go with Flor De Cana.

Better than Black Seal rum from Bermuda. Better than Bacardi from Puerto Rico. Better than Brugal from the Dominican Republic. Better than Barbancourt from Haiti.

Flor De Cana truly a great product. Trust me here. I have done my research. The competition was tough, but Flor De Cana comes out on top.

So anyway, there was much celebration with the rum.

And I busted out with the last of my Sierra Nevada ESB. ESB is for "early spring beer". I actually bought this before I went to Sanibel Island in the summer. There was the booze store, and my parents (who technically own the time share) wanted to shop at the evil Wal-Mart across the street.

Well I do not support evil. So I went across the street to the booze depot.

In the parking lot of the Wal-Mart I had one ESB, and one Bigfoot Barleywine.

And then another Bigfood barleywine. Why not. In for a penny, in for a pound!!!

And then another ESB. For the road. What the fuck. I was following my dad in his Durango towin the boat anyway. Knowing that dad would not speed while towing the boat why not have a few beers???

There was NO WAY I was going to crash into my beloved boat. I love the boat. It is all I have really. I would gladly crash my vehicle into ANYTHING other than my boat. Tanker of plutonium??? BRING IT ON!!!!! Just not the boat.

So it was safe to drink and drive - but only for that one time.

Anyhow the ESB and Bigfoot are heavy beers with a high alcohol content. No good for the summer really.

I have 4 Bigfoots left. They are 12% beers. VERY HEAVY. They are reserved for the first cold snap.

The ESB's are gone.

I still need to have Lazy Oktoberfest. It is like real Oktoberfect, only you do not need to go to Germany. You just get drunk here in Miami.

It is tradition. And one does not fuck with tradition.

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Monday, September 22, 2008

Fall Equinox

Today is a special day. It is the first day of fall. At 15:44 UTC the sun will be directly over the equator. This exact moment in time marks the fall equinox. Many people think the equinox lasts all day, but scientifically speaking it does not. It is a moment in time. The exact time at which if you were standing on the equator the sun would be exactly 90 degrees over head.

Today, you can expect to have an equal amount of day and night. For the most part. If the sun hovered directly over the equator then days would last 12 hours and nights would last 12 hours. In reality the sun is in constant relative motion in relation to Earth.

So for those of us living north of the equator, the day will be a few seconds longer than the night and for those south of the equator, the night will be a few seconds longer than the day. But it would be a safe bet to call it even. Equal periods of day and night.

From here on out, days will get shorter and shorter if you live north of the equator. South of the equator days will get longer and longer.

So depending on where you are, it is either fall or spring.

Now I like this time of the year. It makes me feel good. For one, it means hurricane season will be over soon. But it also means cooler weather is on the way. It means Ill be able to enjoy some crisp cool air when outdoors. It means the bugs will go away. It means there will be days when I do not have to use the vehicle AC, I can just roll down the windows. Maybe even turn on the heater.

I have found it works very well to keep all the windows down, open the split window in the rear of the truck, and then turn on the heater full blast - directed to the floor. It works well as long as you are moving. At red lights you may have to turn the heat down.

But mostly, it means crisp cool days. It means it is not so blasted hot that you do not want to move around. It means bike riding in the everglades without dying of blood loss / heat stroke.

My time of year. For sure.

So the days will get shorter and shorter. Nights will get longer and longer.

And on December 21, winter solstice, the sun will be directly over the Tropic Of Capricorn. Solstices mark the shortest and longest days of the year (summer solstice is the longest day, winter solstice is the shortest).

I have some special beer in the fridge, waiting for the first good cold front to pass. When I can sit outside and it feels like the whole world is air conditioned, then Ill be able to enjoy this beer. It is a dark and heavy beer, with a high alcohol content. Not at all what you want on a hot summer day. But PERFECT for a crisp cool fall / winter day.

I am really looking forward to this.

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Friday, September 19, 2008

AVAST!!!

Today be the day. And what day might that be? Talk Like A Pirate Day ye scurvy bilge rat!

Don't tell me ye be forgettin! Tis a grave offense don'tcha know?

Arrrr, this whole post be in pirate speak.

But first, before I forget, BOOTY FOR DUSTY! Just some buried treasure I be leavin. Harrr!

Tis easy to talk like a pirate! These salty sea dogs made a lernin video for ye.



The important thing is to be rememberin that in the language of pirate, the noun always be placed before the adjective.

This beer be flat!

This rum be weak!

That thar wench be saucy!

Arrrrr be the most flexible word in the language of pirate. Arrrr can mean "yes I would like a muffin", "I agree", "I do not agree", "buzz off", "ye scurvy dog", or even "this whole financial collapse thing is really getting me down - my 401k lost $25,000 just today!". For example.

PIRATE 1: This bank collapse thing be causin me ship to take on water!!

PIRATE 2: Arrrrrrr!

And so on.

The language of pirate be useful indeed. And today be the day we celebrate it, in all its glory!

ARRRRRRRR! Where be me grog?

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Thursday, September 18, 2008

International Talk Like A Pirate Day


September 19th is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Many people worldwide (it is INTERNATIONAL Talk Like A Pirate Day) are trying to raise awareness of this holiday. You can help out by - and you will never guess this - talking like a pirate. All day.

You see.....

Most days are like all of the others,
Go to work, come back home, watch TV.
But brother, if I had me druthers,
I'd chuck it and head out to sea!

For I dream of the skull and the crossbones.
I dream of the great day to come,
When I dump the mundane for the old Spanish Main
And trade me computer for rum!! ARRRR!

Yes, it is Talk Like A Pirate Day. When laptops are benches God gave us for wenches and sale ain't a low price to pay. Where timbers are shivered and lilies are livered and every last buckle is swashed. Trade in your car for a ship full of ARRRRRRs and then pound the grog till your sloshed.

Really. This is a serious holiday. There is even a THEME SONG for the holiday. So you know it is true. And that is not all! OH NO! Not even close. There is a Wikipedia entry as well.

And of course, an official web site.

So how did this day begin? Good question. The bilge rat known as Capt'n Slappy invented it as the result of a sports injury.

According to Capt'n Slappy, the day is the only holiday to come into being as a result of a sports injury. He has stated that during a racquetball game between Capt'n Slappy and Chumbucket, one of them reacted to the pain with an outburst of "Aaarrr!", and the idea was born. That game took place on June 6, 1995, but out of respect for the observance of D-Day, they chose Capt'n Slappy's ex-wife's birthday, as it would be easy for him to remember.

So remember, September 19th is Talk Like A Pirate Day. Warn your co-workers. Warn your friends and family. Warn everyone you know.

Or don't. I am not going to warn anyone. I am just going to talk like a pirate. Let everyone think I am on drugs. I can pass a piss test. I have been studying for that test for some time now. Ill ace the shit.

Just think of it, you can say things like "avast!" and "arrrrr" and "drop anchor" and "scurvy" and "bilge rat" and even "prepare to be boarded" and "surrender the booty".

So how does this work? Lets say you have to go to the supply closet at your place of employment for more desk supplies. Instead of saying "I need another pack of pens" you can say "ARRRG! Prepare to be boarded!" and then bust into the supply area. Then you say "surrender the booty!" and take what you want. It does not matter if you need it or not, just take it.

Trust me - nobody will bother you. They may look at you in a strange way, but they will not bother you. They will get the hell out of your way and possibly call security.

At which point you pull out your cutlass that you made out of cardboard earlier (when you were supposed to be working on that big project), and make the bilge rats walk the plank. Or at least get out of your cubicle.

Then look for another job. Because chances are you will be the only one taking the holiday seriously.

But just imagine how fun work would be on September 19tyh if this holiday were known by all. Holy shit that would be a fun day. Not much actual work would get done - but the office water cooler would be full of rum. And you would still get paid. You could call all the chicks in the office "wenches" and not have to worry about another sexual harassment seminar. You could get drunk and not get fired.

Seriously, give me ONE Talk Like A Pirate Day and Ill give you TWO "paid legal holidays". Really. Ill call that a bargain. The best I ever had.

Are you getting all my classic rock references? I make a lot of them you know. Just ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall.

But I do not know any good pirate phrases! What should I do?

You have a full day to prepare for this. Be creative. But if you need a starting point, here is Capt'n Slappy himself.



Get in touch with your inner pirate.



Spay and/or neuter your pet.



And finally, if you are going to be drinkin the grog, be sure to sail with a designated helmsman.

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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Cat Exclusion Zone


This is Cleo. As you can see, Cleo is a cat. I "found" Cleo when I was looking for Cornelius, who just vanished without a trace. I put up "lost cat" signs with a picture of Cornelius all over the place. So someone calls me one night to say the cat is in their back yard, which was only a few houses over. So I go over there and it was not Cornelius, it was Cleo. Cornelius was described as "neutered male cat, about 1 year old, 10 pounds". The cat they saw was a scrawny little sickly kitten. Not male, not neutered, and nowhere near 10 pounds.

But the scrawny sickly looking little half wild kitten needed a place to hang out. And food. So I brought it in and gave it food and tamed it and took it to the vet and so on. So Cleo is still here.

And on the table. The photo is proof of that. Cleo is not supposed to get on the table. But she does not seem to care about what she is supposed to do. She just gets up there and looks at you. As if to say "yea I am on the table - got a problem with that??". She did not even move as I reached for the camera, which was right next to her.

She just wanted to share some of my food. But when she is eating I am not allowed to share any of her food. Neither are any other cats. I did not give her any of my food. It was my food. And I was hungry.

I have squirt bottles, but they are currently empty. I cleaned them out with a little bleach and forgot to refill them. I use the squirt bottles to establish a cat free zone. It works for as long as there is water in the bottles.

Now I know what you are thinking. You are saying "I would not allow my cat on the table" or "my cat never gets on the table".

Oh really? If you are thinking that, I have news for you. Your cat is smarter than you are. Look at the facts. Who is the one who works? Who is the one who buys the food? Who is the one who puts up with traffic and a boss and coworkers you may not even like? Who is the one on a handful of pills because of hypertension, high blood pressure, and who knows what else?

And who is the one that spends the day lounging around, sleeping most of the time?

Yea - I thought so.

Anyhow I have news for you. If you have a cat, and it goes in the house - it is on the table. You may not ever see the cat on the table, but when you are not looking guess what? Cat is on the table. And do not think a "scarecat" will work. I tried that. The cat quickly figured out the full color life size cardboard cutout of me was fake. It was used as a cat scratching post.

Anyhow I gave up. I lost the "stay off the table" war. The cats had a better war strategy than me. Sure I had technology on my side. I also had a pretty much unlimited war budget. I could have any weapons system I wanted. Squirt bottles hanging from the ceiling (space) if I wanted to. You name it.

But I lost.

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Monday, September 15, 2008

The Life Aquatic With Lazy Iguana

I promise this post will be far more entertaining than that stupid "Life Aquatic" movie. It was SO BAD that I could not even watch it.

And I have watched "Killer Clowns From Outer Space" more than once. So when a movie is so bad I can not handle it you know it is really horrible.

As I alluded to before, I am involved in something of a racket. The way it works is I put my boat in the water. Once in the water I boat around from here to there, doing stuff. What kind of stuff? Who knows. Maybe just looking out for stuff. Maybe more. You just never know.

And in return, the government pays for the gas. Pretty sweet deal if you ask me.

STANDARD WARNING!!!!!! All photos are linked to full size images. These images are fairly large, around 3 megs each. And so forth.

Now when the mission began, I wanted to check this out. I could see it from the shore.


That pole should not be sticking out of the water like that. But it is. And why is this? Well the sailboat that pole is attached to sank. There is an area of the bay where many boats are anchored / moored. Some of these boats are abandoned. Over time the abandoned boats fill up with water and sink. Each rain storm adds a little more water. Every gallon of water in the bilge means the boat is that much less buoyant. Eventually it sinks. This one sank. It actually sank a few weeks ago, I remember seeing it listing to one side.


Here is a closer view. I should have salvaged that white floating thing. It is a fender. That rail sticking up may also have some value. Not much, but someone with a sailboat that floats might have a use for it.

The rest of the boat is history. It was not worth much when it was still floating. But now it is even less than worthless. It will cost someone money if they want this hazard to navigation removed.

The hull is totally covered in marine growth. The sailboat is part of nature now.


This is ICW day mark 31, in Biscayne Bay. Or should I say it was a day mark. Now it is just a very dangerous steel beam sticking out of the water. The beam rusted out over time, and I guess the recent near miss storms provided just enough wind to snap them. Someone, most likely the USCG, put a buoy there. But what is left of the beam remains. The buoy is probably temporary, when they get around to it another marker on another steel beam will be driven into the bay. But for now it remains a potentially dangerous oblect. Should a careless boater pass too close to the buoy it will be a problem.

But I found an unmarked navigaitonal hazard of my own! A big ass log. It was a good 30 feet long. It was longer than my boat. it was spotted floating in Government Cut, around the area the cruise ships use. It was just floating there. I think it was a utility pole or a dock piling that fell off a barge or other ship. It did not seem to be broken off. The Coast Guard did not know it was there, it was first reported to anyone by my boat.

This was a very dangerous object. It was floating, but most of the log was underwater. It was hard to see. And it was getting late in the day. This area of the bay has no speed restrictions. And since it is protected water, when there are no cruise ships there and the cut is open to general traffic people like to go fast.

Anyone who hit thaty log would suffer major engine damage. Lower units would have been ripped off. It may have even caused injuries from a boat stopping really fast. People could have been thrown overboard, and possibly drowned. Boats could have been damaged to the point of sinking.



So I took it under tow. Here you can see the log being towed. You can sort of see it in the photo, but mostly you see the wake it is creating.


Here is the log again, under tow in government cut. I towed it out of the cut, and then to a public ramp owned by the City Of Miami. I left it there, after hauling it up on land. I hauled it out of the water because I did not want it to float away in the tides.

I was planning on using the truck to pull it to an out of the way area, but the log was very heavy. It would have been heavy when dry, but it was water logged. So it was extra super heavy. I tied a rope with a tensile strength of 4,000 pounds to it. The rope snapped. So I had to leave it where the rope snapped.

Anyhow that is how the day went. And this is what I do when I am out on a mission in which the government pays for the gas. I get to go out on the boat, which is fun - but sometimes I have to do something. Like tow a big ass log out of the water.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Boat Stuff

Well there is not a whole lot going on. So I decided why not put the boat in the water.

It is going to be an official mission. So that means I have to do the "watch out for stuff" thing. And the government pays for the gas. All in all, it usually works out well.

Last official mission the boat was on I got to take a cruise up the Miami River, to maintain a security zone around a freighter that burned up while a commercial diving team performed an underwater hull inspection. That was pretty cool.

Ill have the camera. If I see anything interesting Ill photograph it. I already know of at least one thing. A sunken sailboat. It sank. You can tell it sank because the mast is still visible above the water.

I may also see other things. You never know.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Cult of The Iguana

I just noticed something. I have followers! Two of them.

So since I have followers, I got a brilliant idea. Become a cult leader! I always wanted to be one of them. I get to say stuff, and even if it is total bullshit others will listen. Hang on every word.

And most importantly, give me money. There is no point in being a cult leader if nobody gives you money.

I hope my followers are all very rich and even more gullible. But something tells me I am shit out of luck on both counts.

I need a follower like Tom Cruise. Rich, and ripe for the cult picking. I just have to pry him away from that other cult he is a part of.

And now - a video of a man with WAY TOO MUCH time on his hands.



A scuba diving cat? I am so sure the cat just loves that shit. If that cat were not so fat it would spin around and bite the living shit out of that guy.

Fred would. Fred will bite you if you do so much as try to pet him on the belly. He hates that. He may resemble the Buddha, but there is no rubbing his fatness for good luck. And he has been on a diet so he does not resemble the Buddha so much anymore.

I can not even imagine what wrath he would unleash upon the fool who carried him into a swimming pool.

I do not need such fools in my cult. They would spend all their money on stupid shit, like scuba equipment for their cats. Leaving less money to give unto me. For the cult leader requires much money so that I can obtain the twin engine boat of prophecy, enabling the golden age of some shit I have yet to make up to be ushered in.

I am a lazy cult leader. There will be many more golden ages of some shit I have not made up yet. Because that is how it is.

Only lots of money will enable all the secrets to be fully revealed. But this is where the twin engine boat of prophecy comes into play.

I can only make shit up while at sea. And the current boat does not have a place for a desk, so it is hard to write stuff. Therefore I need another boat. With a cabin. And a table upon which I may write. And AC so that I may be comfortable while I make crap up. And a fridge so that the beer shall remain cold, without needing coolers full of ice. I shall call beer "prophecy juice" and it shall be revered by all. But mostly me.

Rum shall be known as "super concentrated prophecy juice". The super concentrated prophecy juice needs to be treated carefully. Too little of the stuff and there shall be no good prophecies. Too much and I fall down and sleep for a few hours. So you need to have just the right amount.

But the galley shall also require an ice maker. And there should also be a fresh water tank of a decent size, and a marine water maker. And a water heater.

This cult leader does not believe in cold showers. Unless it is very hot. But with AC it will not be very hot.

And of course, a flushing toilet.

I figure I can get all these things once I am in the 45+ foot range.

So yea....I need a lot more followers. Or one really rich follower.

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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

This And That

I see nobody read or commented on my fish success post.

Fine. Go on and keep killing fish. Don't do 4 or 5 things to all but guarantee fish success.

But enough about that.

Last week I had a mystery tooth chip event. I was innocently hanging out at home, watching TV. Out of nowhere I noticed a small, rock like substance in my mouth. Not thinking about it too hard I just exhaled hard and sent the object flying.

But then I started to think about it. What the hell was that? Where did it come from?

And then I noticed the pit on one of my front teeth. Not very big, but I could feel it with my tongue. And it had somewhat sharp edges. No pain, but once I knew about it it drove me batty.

I could not leave it alone.

So I contact the dentist office and ask what can be done about it. This resulted in an appointment.

Now really it was not a big deal. Just a small little pit. Hell the sharp edges had even become smooth edges. But still, it was bugging me.

The dentist looked at it, and determined that it was not a big deal. It was not going to be subject to decay (which was what I was concerned about) because the chip was in the "self cleaning area".

Awesome.

Anyhow I made myself at home in the chair, the drill was busted out, there was some minor drilling that did not bother me at all. The drilling took about 30 seconds (if that).

OK so now I am up to about 1 minute in the office.

Next was the applying of the magical tooth putty.

And then there was the special UV light to harden the magical tooth putty.

But apparently this was just the primer coat. For there was some more tooth putty stuff applied. And then it was formed and pressed into place with some sort of blunt metal object.

Then more light treatment to harden the stuff.

Then a little more drilling, to remove the excess.

I was out of the place about 30 minutes after I walked in. So including waiting time and my possible tardiness by a few minutes to the appointment, it was about 15 minutes I was in the back room.

$250.

This is about twice as much as a half hour in the champagne room at a strip club would cost. And I did not even get a dance.

But I do not have this pit on my front tooth that drives me crazy.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Readers Comment

Not a whole lot of comments about the fish. However, I am still going to post this. A step by step guide to the aquarium. Follow this guide and you should not kill anything.

First, what I have is an Eclipse System Six. You can get these things for around $50. Now normally I would not have selected this type of setup, but it was for a small office and compactness was a major deal. I had to do some manner of work after all. Taking up all the desk space with the aquarium would have been very possible, but it would also have killed the illusion of doing any "work".

The system six is a six gallon plastic aquarium. Out of the box it contains almost everything you need for a minimal setup. It has a pretty small foot print and so it is very easy to find a place to put it. The filter is built into the hood. The filter is minimal but it easy to maintain. Every so often you have to replace the filter pad with a new one. There is also a bio wheel, which you can probably do away with. I left mine in.

A filter needs to do three things. Mechanical filtration removes particles. The filter pad does this. Chemical filtration removes stuff dissolved in the water. The filter pad contains a small amount of active carbon which does the chemical filter thing.

The bio wheel accomplishes the biological filtration. The bio wheel simply spins around in the outflow much like a paddle wheel. Bacteria set up shop in the wheel, and they turn ammonia (toxic to fish) into nitrite and then nitrate. Nitrate is mostly harmless, but at high levels it is not good. This is why you have to do water changes.

For a simple fresh water setup, the filter is adequate. Barely. I would have designed it to have a more powerful water pump, but as it is out of the box it works.

There is also a built in light. The light is very weak. Only 8 watts. This is another weakness with the design. Now some people have modified the hood so it has more light. You can upgrade it to have one or two 14 watt power compact bulb(s). This would give the little tank a lot more light, but if all you want to keep are a few fish then you do not need light. It would also increase the cost of the system. To keep it simple, and bring set up in an office, I decided to not modify it. I stuck with the stock lighting.

I did buy a different bulb. The aquarium came with a warm white (yellowish) bulb. I replaced that with a 14,000 k light - which looks more purple. I think these lights are better for plants.

In addition to the aquarium kit, I also got a fully submersible 50 watt heater with a built in thermostat. VERY IMPORTANT! A heater is required. Tropical fish like warm water. The office would get very cold when it was empty, and warmer when people were there. The heater would hold the water at 78 - 80 degrees no matter what. So you need a heater. If the temperature in the room is fairly constant a 25 watt heater would work, get the 50 watt.

After that you need a simple thermometer. Set the heater for 75 - 80 degrees (I set it to 80) and verify that temperature with a thermometer.

Now you are pretty much done with the hardware. It seems like a lot, but it really is not.

I wanted to keep live plants. The reason is because they look better than fake plants, the fish are in a more natural environment, they can add oxygen to the water, and they can remove nitrogen compounds - reducing the need for so many water changes.

But plants are also another problem. You have to keep them alive. They need light - which the aquarium out of the box does not have a lot of. So I had to select plants that would do OK in low light. I went with the Java Fern (seems to do great in low light) and some other plant that had wide leaves. Wide leaves = gathers more light = should do better in low light conditions. In theory. It worked for me.

But light I said, plants require nutrients. Now in aquariums of the past I had mixed results with plants. For the most part I was replacing them from time to time. I know why. The first aquarium I had I got when I was in 4th grade. And of course, it came with cheap gravel. The 55 gallon tank arrived when I was in 7th or 8th grade and used sand I salvaged from a pool filter. The substrate had nothing in it for the plants.

So for the little aquarium, I decided to go premium. I got a bag of this stuff. Seachem Flourite Red. It comes in other colors too, but the local fish store had red so that is what I got. This gravel is formulated for planted aquariums. It is pretty much natural fracured clay, treated in such a way as to lock the minerals in the clay. Plant roots can get what they need, but the gravel does not allow stuff to leach into the water. So now the plants can get the iron and other things they need - but the water remains clear.

But at $16 a bag, in a large aquarium it would get costly fast. However all I needed for the little tank was one bag. So that is not too bad. In fact, I did not even use all the bag. I have about 1/4 of a bag left.

I did not know if it would work, but I gave it a shot. The investment was not that much. In the old days, before things like this were available, to keep plants you had to go through a lot more. You had to have layers of subsreate. You needed medium size gravel, top soil, peat moss, and all kinds of crap. Pretty much you had to recreate a lake or river bottom. Not anymore!

WASH THIS STUFF OUT WELL. It is very dusty. Wash it until the rince water runs clear.

I also use another prodict for the plants. Seachem Excel. Plants need CO2. Now you can add CO2 to the water - but you need a CO2 tank and a pressure regulator and all sorts of stuff. Seachem Excel is a liquid that contains carbon compounds that plants can use instead of CO2. One large bottle of that stuff lasts forever as you only need a capfull per week. If that. I have gone for months without adding any and the plants did not die.

I do not add anything else for the plants.

Well that is pretty much it! One Marineland Ecliple System 6 aquarium, a 50 watt heater, a thermometer, and if you want plants the Seachem gravel and another 8 watt plant light bulb.

From there on, just go slow. I filled the aquarium with distilled water. Then I added buffer to stabilize PH where I wanted it. Again, the cost was minumal for this. The supermarket has gallon jugs of distilled water for about a buck each. Small aqaurium mens lower cost to fill.

This is not the time to add fish!!! You do not have a biological filter yet. This takes time to establish.

What you want to do now is put in the gravel (washed) and bio wheel. Carefully fill it with water. Set your heater to the desired temperature and plug everything in. Do not put in the filter pad. Not yet. Just use the bio wheel.

You will need some test kits now. At the least you need to get an ammonia, nitrite, and nitrate test kit. Then you need to cycle the aquarium.

To do this you need to introduce ammonia to the water. Ammonia is very toxic to fish. But fish produce ammonia as a waste product. You need bacteria to remove this stuff and turn it into less harmful nitrite, and then more bacteria to turn nitrite into nitrate. Your plants then use the nitrate. Balance everything and water changes do not have to be frequent.

So here is how I do it without using any fish. At first the water will have 0 ammonia. To produce ammonia all you need to do is add a pinch of fish food. It will break down to produce ammonia. You can also add a few drops of non sudsy ammonia directly to the water. You do not need a lot, just enough to start to turn your ammonia test kit green.

Then wait. The bacteria will find its way into the tank. Test ammonia every day, or every other day. Whatever you like. You will notice that ammonia levels will remain stable, then suddenly drop. Once ammonia drops to 0 then you know that the bacteria have arrived.

Next test for nitrite. If there is any, you are not done yet. Wait some more. After some more time you will notice nitrite drop, and nitrate rise.

DO NOT CHANGE WATER DURING THIS TIME. It will only take longer to cycle the tank.

Once ammonia and nitrite tests 0, do a partial water change to get the nitrate down to 20 ppm or less. Less is better.

Now you can add the plants. You can also put the filter pad in now. You do not put the filter pad in during the cycle because the filter pad will have a lot of bacteria in it. So once you remove that filter pad and throw it out - a chunk of your bio filter is gone. But if you cycle without any filter pad in place then you do not have to worry about throwing out pads later. The bacteria will be in the gravel and bio wheeel.

If you have a friend with an aquarium you can get one of their old filter pads. Put the pad in some aquarium water and swish it around. Scrub it lightly with a brush. Once a good portion of the gook on the filter pad is in the aquarium water, throw the pad out. This will speed up the cycle by adding established bacteria.

From here on go slow. You have a bio filter, but it is not strong. So add fish slowly. Figure out what fish you want to add - fish approiate for a 6 gallon tank. Do not go out and buy all the fish at once. Doing so could overload the bio filter. Start with one or two fish, wait a week, get one or two more, and so on. This gives the bio filter time to catch up to the bio load.

Do not overstock. The general rule for freshwater is one inch of fish per gallon of water. So in a 6 gallon tank that means you can keep one 6 inch fish, two three inch fish, 6 one inch fish, and so on. Overstocking is a killer, and a common mistake.

Test weekly for nitrate. When the test kit turns red, you probably need to change two gallons. Orange means one gallon. Yellow or orange-yellow means you are OK. You can keep nitrate at 0 with more bacteria. But these bacteria only live in oxygen free water. This is hard to do in a small aquarium. You need a deep gravel bed, or a lot of porus rocks, or something like that. These bacteria turn nitrate into nitrogen gas which then bubbles out.

In a small tank, nitrate is best controlled with plants and/or frequent partial water changes. How frequent? That depends on many factors. But the higher the bio load the more frequent the water changes have to be. This is why you need to test nitrate at least weekly. The good news here is that in a 6 gallon tank, one gallon is usually all you need to change. One gallon represents 20% of the volume. Or close to it. Changing one gallon is easy, takes only a little time, and you can keep using that distilled water and PH buffer for a low cost.

Balance the aquarium well, with fish and plants, and you can probably get by wuth 1/2 gallon changes. But I just do gallon changes.

And that is pretty much it. This all seems like a lot, but like I said it is really not. You just need some basic equipment, and a little time.

If you do not want the Eclipse you can get a standard squarium. But then you need to get the hood with a light, an external box filter, and all the other stuff. Cost will be about the same as the Exclipse 6, but you can probably get a slightly larger tank. Like 10 gallons at least.

The one thing I do not like about the Eclipse, other than the other limitations (weak light, could use a more powerful filter motor) is the cost of the filter pads. $10 for a three pack. I may try to see what happens if I rip a pad apart, dump the used carbon out, add fresh new carbon, and then lay in more floss. Should work fine and would prevent from having to buy more pads. It would be cheaper. But for now it makes it easy to change the mechanical and chemical media.

NEVER attempt to clean the bio wheel. Leave that thing alone. The gunkier it looks the better it works.

There are other all in one systems. When I got the Eclipse I did not really look at them too much. but had I looked, then I would have probably got the Bio-Cube 8 gallon tank. More light, more powerful water pump, and more options for the filter area. Also more money - about twice as much for the tank. And then you still need a heater and all the other stuff. But oh well. I did not. And for the way I have it set up, the Eclipse 6 is working fine. I am in no great hurry to change out the Eclipse.

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Monday, September 08, 2008

Weekend Update

You may want to skip directly to the photos. Or maybe not.

As you probably know, the hurricane totally missed Miami. Honestly, I am surprised at this as I fully expected something. I was smack dab in the middle of the cone, and at one point the track had the eye passing right over me.

Sure it was 4 - 5 days out, but still. When you are in the middle of the cone 4 days out you should assume that you will see something.

But apparently Ike got a better travel deal to Cuba. So it went there.

Friday I was somewhat concerned. So I went to the store to get distilled water for the fish. The fish live in a carefully controlled environment. Distilled water has no PH and nothing dissolved in it. It is pure water. So pure it does not really exist in nature. I use distilled water for two reasons.

1. I can. The aquarium is only 6 gallons, so I only have to buy couple of gallons at a time.

2. Using distilled water makes it very easy to hold the PH at 7.0. I can actually hold the PH at any value I want.

But there was no distilled water. It was gone. There was stuff labeled "drinking water" but not a drop of distilled water.

People are retarded. If you are not used to it, distilled water tastes funny.

But there was beer. So it was not a total loss to go to the store.

*****************************************************************************

ANYHOW - a few days before all this hurricane stuff I had to do some serious aquarium maintenance. I had allowed the java fern to take the little tank over. And it did take it over. Looking in, all you could see was plants. The plants were so thick that there was not really any room for fish to swim. The plants were also preventing proper water circulation.

So I had to take care of this. Java fern can be broken apart. So I did this. And so now I have this.


It was a pretty big undertaking. A large glob of fern was removed. Most of it was thrown out. Those little plants to see are what is left. It will, in time, take the tank over again. But this should take a while to happen.

I tried to get a better photo, but it was hard. I kept getting this.


Skipper. I think he wanted food or something.

So what is in the aquarium? Right now only 2 kinds of fish.


Fish type 1 is the harlequin rasbora. I have four of these fish. They are peaceful schooling fish. They do best in groups. They are native to Asia. They like soft, slightly acidic to neutral water. Another reason to use distilled water, as my tap water is the opposite of that. This is a somewhat crappy photo, as it is overexposed. But I am lazy and do not feel like finding a better photo. They are a coppery color.

This is the other fish. I have two of these guys. Chinese algae eaters. I have a fair amount of algae they can eat. And I have a lot of plant life for a small tank. They can get territorial, but so far they are behaving.

This fish is also from south east Asia. Same general area as the rasboras. So I suppose that is sort of a theme. The South East Asia theme. You know, all fish from that region of the world.

I still need to get a bottom scavenger. I am thinking of glass shrimp.

Depending on what the water tests reveal, I may get another type of fish. I like neon tetras. But they are South American - so they will not really fit in well with the theme. Of course, I do not think the glass shrimp do either.

One of the traps people with aquariums fall into is overstocking. With only 6 gallons of water, I have to be careful to avoid this. So I may not put in any more fish.

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Saturday, September 06, 2008

On Hold

I am on hold. So I queued up the on hold music. Which is located to the right. Just click play. I added some new stuff. A lot of the links are dead - I know. I am fixing that. On and off.

I was actually awake for the 8 AM update. And it looked a lot like the 5 AM update. Now I am not one for panic. I mean panic requires effort, and I am not at all about effort.

Anyhow, I decide that I should do a few things before everyone else freaks out.

So I turn it in the local news and the local news was at Home Depot. And the mayor was saying some shit.

Then to the store! You see I needed some distilled water. For the aquarium. I trimmed the plants in the little aquarium, got a few more fish, and so on.

The store was rocked. There were a ton of people there. And there was not a single bottle of distilled water to be found. But there WAS drinking water. Now what the crap? Were people just grabbing anything? Apparently so. So no distilled water. I have one gallon now. I only wanted two more.

The canned food isle looked like bears had been there. Nothing was left. Not even the gross canned food stuff nobody EVER wants. Gone. All gone.

Wow. Well unable to get my distilled water, which is usually the LAST of the water to go, I go to the beer isle. Plenty of beer there. So I grab some Sam and find the shortest line.

I also went to the rum store for some rum.

Anyhow at some point the 11 AM or 2 PM update came out, and it looks like this.


A shift to the south. Towards the keys.

Huh. How about that.

Anyhow I have to still keep an eye on this thing. But the latest trends look a little better for Miam-Dade County. This thing may just miss Miami. I could still be in tropical storm conditions. Or I could see hurricane conditions.

The next batch of trends will tell more of the story.

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Friday, September 05, 2008

In The Shit

Bad news. For me at least.


Well this is just swell. Remember how I said t he cone can shift around somewhat when you are in the extended area? Well it did.

Towards South Florida.

So, where am I? Good question. Somewhere in Miami.

But more specifically, my location is:

25 degrees 43.0 minutes N (latitude)
080 degrees 20.2 minutes W (longitude)

More or less. Not exactly but very close. These coordinates are actually on a lake - I do not live on the lake. But I am within 100 - 200 yards from that location.

Now here is how the coordinate system works. Each minute of latitude (north to south) is equal to one nautical mile, or 1.15 land miles. Each minute of longitude (east to west) is about .9 nautical miles - for my area. Longitude distances change depending on your distance to the equator.

Got it? Good! Now for some more good stuff from the hurricane center.

FORECAST POSITIONS AND MAX WINDS

INITIAL 05/0900Z 23.7N 61.0W 110 KT
12HR VT 05/1800Z 23.7N 63.0W 105 KT
24HR VT 06/0600Z 23.3N 65.6W 95 KT
36HR VT 06/1800Z 22.8N 68.1W 100 KT
48HR VT 07/0600Z 22.5N 70.6W 105 KT
72HR VT 08/0600Z 23.0N 75.0W 115 KT
96HR VT 09/0600Z 24.0N 78.5W 115 KT
120HR VT 10/0600Z 26.0N 81.0W 95 KT...INLAND

Forecast positions and max winds! Fun fun. Notice the 96 and 120 hour (4 and 5 day) positions.

24.0N 78.5W is south east of me.
26.0N 81.0W is north west of me.

So at this point, and this is subject to change as the forecast 4 - 5 days out has a lot of error in it, I am forecast to be in the eye. If it takes this path I will be in the eye, or just outside the eye. Either way Ill be in the shit.

115 knot winds = 132 mph winds = category 4 storm. Well just barely a category 4 storm. Category 4 storms have at least 131 mph winds.

So.......uhhhhhh......shit?

The next 12 - 24 hours will determine many things. Like for example how much of the shit I will be in. Given the choice I would rather not be in deep shit. I would rather be in shallow shit.

It all depends on what the Bermuda High does. There is a high pressure ridge that likes to hang out over Bermuda. If it gets stronger it will push the storm to the south. This will shift the forecast landfall location.

But even so, the models are converging on South Florida. Honestly, at this point I think it looks like a Dade or Broward landfall event.

Isn't that special?

Tune in tomorrow for more Ike news. I suppose.

Now if you are in South Florida, or have interests in South Florida - it is not set in stone that it will be a Miami-Dade or Broward landfall event. So no reason to panic yet.

Panic time will officially begin (or not begin) Sunday. So for now here is my advice. Eat, drink, and be merry; for tomorrow we diet. Maybe. Possibly. Most likely.

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Thursday, September 04, 2008

Ike Update!

Thought you all may like a Ike update. So here it is.


Now if you will recall, I said I did not like Ike. And now I am in the cone. Right in the middle of it.

It it too early to know what this means. The way these graphics work is that you do not really just look at the line. You look at the cone. The storm can be anywhere inside that cone.

So what do these lines mean? Not a whole lot really. Sort of. The solid line has a higher degree of certainty than the dashed line. Likewise, the solid white area of the cone is more certain than the shaded area of the cone.

So all I have to do at this point is watch the thing. As if there is anything else I can do.

Standing on the beach, sticking your ass out to sea, and farting is useless. Do not ask me how I know this. I just do. It serves no purpose. And the police tell you to go home.


So not being able to get the whole story from the pretty picture, we go to the above chart. The wind speed probability table. As you can see, the table is not good. The storm is right now a category 4 hurricane. That is not good. Sustained winds of at least 145 mph. I know the above chart says 135 but it is old. The 5 AM track is out now, and it is at 145 now. The chart gives you an idea as to what they think is going to happen strength wise. As you can see, it is not forecast to get any weaker.

It could become a category 5 storm. In fact, I would not be too surprised if it does make cat 5. But once there, storms have hard time staying there. Usually if a storm makes cat 5 it can not sustain itself for too long, so they yo-y0 from 4 to 5 and then back to 4.

BUT....all this aside, I am less concerned about it now than last time I mentioned it. Do not get me wrong here, I still do not like the track it is on. It looks really bad for the Turks and Caicos Islands. It also looks not so great for Hispaniola. And it will likely make landfall somewhere along the east coast of the USA.

And then there is this. The 5 AM update.


Still in the cone, but look at the trend. I am at 25.3 N 080.2 W. More or less. If the storm stays on that track, then by Tuesday it will be at approximately 25 N 077 W. Close, but not too close. And heading away.

Good for South Florida, bad for The Bahamas. Also bad for somewhere else on the US coast.

The question for now is when will Ike make that turn to the north. The sooner the better for South Florida.

I think that it will hit the US coast. It could do this anywhere from South Florida to the Carolinas.

Hey - at least I never have to shovel snow. This is the trade off.

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Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Late Back To School Advice

I got so sidetracked with storms and shit that I forgot something! Something important. A public service announcement if you will.

A Lazy Iguana "back to school" tip. So if you have a child going back to school, have them watch this inspirational video from Foamy The Squirrel.



Usually I dole out my own advice for back to school day. My advice is usually pretty good. But that Foamy has a way with words that frankly is too good to not use whenever possible.

So there you go. If you (or your kid) has a fat ass gym teacher, take Foamy's advice. I highly recommend it.

It will continue to be funny for YEARS. The punishment will only last a few hours. If you ask me the trade off will be worth it. You will obtain legendary status among fellow students. That alone is worth whatever detention or some bullshit that will arise from speaking the words.

Speaking of back to school, remember junior high? Now imagine how junior high would have been for you if your own government declared you "ugly". Like the girl to the left. The government of China declared her too ugly to be on TV, so they had her sing the national anthem then found a prettier girl to fake sing it during the Olympics opening ceremony.

They even made a song about it. Really. They did. And my vast spy network uncovered it. So HERE IT IS.

Yea, junior high is really going to suck for her.

Of course China does not have a free press. Chances are that the people have no idea about this. Which is good for the girl. Nobody will ever know her government declared her to be butt ugly.

Who said that a free press is a great thing? I would say that a free press is usually a good idea, but there are times when you might wish that the press was not so free.

Like when the government declares you ugly. You would want the press to keep that on the down low.

So there you go. My back to school advice.

And remember - if you think your day is going bad and could not possibly get any worse - at least you were not declared ugly by the government.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

I Don't Like Ike

And who would?

Now this one has me slightly concerned. It is not the graphic you see that is concerning. Well it is the graphic, but only to a point.

So now Ill let you in on a sort of secret. There is a link to the Tropical Prediction Center on this page. When you go there you can get all the graphics and shit you want. But there is something else.

The email alert link. If you click that you go HERE. After that, subscribe to "Atlantic Discussions". You will get one email per storm, every time there is an update. The discussions pretty much explain the maps.

And then you do not need the idiots on the TV. They all subscribe to the same discussions. Or so it seems.

The last discussion expressed "very high confidence" in the forecast track.

So anyway, sometime in the next 5 days I think South Florida will be in the famous cone.

Other than that - not a whole lot going on.

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Monday, September 01, 2008

Labor Day

It is Labor Day. The day that labor is honored.

So, if you think unions suck you know what you should do today? WORK! Without pay. And if you get a paid day off, demand for your boss to never do this to you again. Forfeit all your sick and paid vacation time too. You should probably also demand a pay cut.

Because you see, thanks to unions we have a middle class. We also have weekends, days off, sick leave, vacation leave, overtime pay, and all that other good stuff.

Unless of course you are so delusional that you really think all this was the idea of business. Which it was not Because you see, it represented a transfer of wealth from the factory owners to the factory workers. And why would they want to do that?

Because labor organized, and demanded these things or else there would be no workers. No workers means factories sit idle, which means nobody makes money.

This terrified management back then, and still does today. This is why some companies are so quick to bust up any signs of a union today. Wal-Mart has been known to close entire stores (and fire everyone working there) because a few employees dared to utter the U word. Never mind the fact the stores were new. It was better to close them down than let labor organize.

Some things never change huh?

In other news - I chipped a tooth. I do not know how this happened. I was just sitting here doing nothing and it happened. I noticed this little piece of hard stuff in my mouth, spit it out, and then discovered that one of my front teeth felt different.

So now the little chip missing is really bugging me. It does not hurt, it is just annoying. Ill have to do something about it. I hope it is a cheap fix.

In other OTHER news, on this day in 1935 a major hurricane hit South Florida. The storm has no name, it is just known as "the Labor Day hurricane". At least 423 people were killed, many WWI veterans who were employed building the railroad (which was also destroyed never to be rebuilt).

The federal government had offered a train to the railroad company to evacuate people, but the railroad executives relied on a primitive forecast that had the hurricane staying offshore. There was also some sort of "communication error" leading the company to think that a train could be sent from Miami quicker than what was actually possible. There was no train in Miami.

Earnest Hemmingway would write about the hurricane in a magazine article titled "Who killed the vets".

"You're dead now brother, but who left you there in the hurricane months on the Keys where a thousand men died before you when they were building the road that's washed out now? Who left you there? And what's the punishment for manslaughter now?"

The railroad was found not liable for anything in a later investigation.

Right now as I type this the effects of a major category 3 storm are starting to be felt along the US Gulf Coast. The 2 AM update comes out in about 10 minutes, at which time the path it will take for landfall is pretty much a certainty. There will also be another wind speed update.

Unlike 1935, this is a cat 3 storm and not a cat 5. The 1935 storm was the most intense storm known to have hit the US - however Wilma and Gilbert had lower pressures. Intensity is tied to pressure - the lower the worse it is. Gilbert did not make landfall in the USA, and by the time Wilma hit South Florida it was only a category 2.

Also, unlike 1935 and more recently three years ago - there were massive evacuations. People took this storm seriously and acted accordingly. As a result, we should not see the massive loss of life. There will be property damage, but property with nobody in it means nobody gets hurt.

I just hope everyone left in time to get somewhere. You do not want to be in the car when these things hit.

And just now, the 2 AM update came in. The thing slowed down - which is bad. It does not look like it will be a category 4, which is GOOD. It is not getting stronger.

I do not know about the path. The satellite images suggest a wobble, but it is really hard to tell the path of these things just by a short satellite loop.

It is also wrong to only look at one city. The TV is obsessed with New Orleans, but that is not the only town in the area. It may be the largest, but it is not the only fish in the pond. People ARE going to have property damage out of this. I do not know who, I just know there will be damage.

And if the levees in New Orleans hold - here is another danger. Next time fewer people will leave. Leaving is really a pain in the ass. You have to pack up everything, then find a place to go. If you are lucky you have friends or family living somewhere else you can visit. Otherwise you have to find a public shelter or a hotel.

Public shelters suck. They are better than nothing, but they are not really a place you want to be unless you have to.

It happened here. After Andrew when there was a storm alert everyone took it very seriously. shutters were up, supplies were grabbed, and people did go to shelters.

But it was a fake hurricane. Many people left the shelters only a few hours after arriving.

So now, if an evacuation is called for Miami - I wonder how many will stay?

Relief groups will need money after this. Consider a donation to the American Red Cross, and/or one of the church based groups that will undoubtedly respond to this disaster. Just do a little bit of homework first, and make sure it is a real charity and not some scam that collects money and then delivers nothing.

Hanna is no longer a concern for me. It will not be a South Florida event. All eyes are on Gus right now.

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