Why We Need A Change

So I was sitting at a bar and someone said to me "Why do we need a change in congress?". Actually, I just made that up. I was not at a bar, and nobody said anything to me.

But whatever. This video is just too good to not post here. This clip contains Senator Ted Stevens (R) from Alaska explaining how the internet works. Ypu have to watch the whole video. The punch line is at the end. The first 4 minutes just sets up the joke - but without the setup you will not get the full effect of the joke.

Ted Stevens is the chair of the committee that is in charge of regulating things like the internet.

Scary stuff. Which brings me to the next topic! HALLOWEEN!

Today is Halloween. The evil holiday when kids dress up like goblins, devils, witches, and other monsters. Some grown-ups who still believe in goblins, wizards, witches, and other monsters are trying to take all the fun out of the event. As if allowing your kid to dress up like a scary witch will make them become a witch. As if there was such a thing as a magical potion or spell - or a flying broom! It really is laughable. Halloween is nothing more than fun for kids, and an excuse for adults to wear a toga and get drunk.

So for the rest of us who do NOT live in magical fairy land, where unicorns prance around and the Earth is only 6,000 years old - here is my advice.

Buy decent candy. You can buy cheap stuff, most people do, But you should buy a bag or two of some good stuff. Mini-Snickers or something like that. Maybe some Mini-Kit-Kat. Whatever.

When you hand out the candy, place some of the good stuff in each bag. You can mix it with cheaper stuff, but make certain that you do not just hand out cheap crap.

Houses that hand out cheap candy are far more likely to be the target of mysterious flying chicken eggs. You can reduce the odds of this happening with just ONE Mini-Snickers.

A good investment if you ask me.

Time Change

So, this time change thing is kind of nice. It is only 1 AM, and I am starting to get tired. I may be asleep by 3 AM today. That is, if I do not start playing Splinter Cell: Double Agent again.

But really - this time change crap is stupid. Why do we still do this? People say "it makes the day longer". I call these people "stupid". Fooling with a clock does not make the day any longer or shorter.

You know what will make the day longer? Slowing the rotation of Earth. Want to make the day shorter? Speed the rotation of the Earth up.

Yea I know - in the summer there is more hours of daylight than in the winter. But that is only true north of the equator. South of the equator, there are more daylight hours during our winter. You see, the seasons are reversed. When it is summer in North America, it is winter in South America. It has something to do with the tilt of the Earth. So next time you are at the airport and you see some doofus lugging around snow skis in August, there is a good chance they are going to Chile. Or Argentina. Or somewhere like that.

On the equator, days and nights are pretty much the same length. There is some seasonal variation, but not a whole lot. Just like there is not a lot of seasonal change in the weather.

But the concept of fooling with clocks twice a year is dumb. Maybe it made sense 200 years ago. But back then who had a clock? Nobody thats who. Only the rich could afford a clock that long ago. Everyone just got up at sunrise. Or when the chickens started to make an ungodly racket. Whichever came first.

And the rich with clocks probably had slaves or servants actually change the time. They did not do it. If they had to, then they would have done away with the crap 200 years ago.

But here we are. All this time later. Still doing this primitive BS. We did away with outhouses! We do not use corn cobs as toilet paper anymore! We all shower at least three times a week! We have things like a toothbrush, a safety razor, and hair dye!

So why do I still have to change the clock in the truck? And how friggin lazy can I get? In the time it took to type this, I could have changed the clock in the truck at least a few dozen times.

Backmasking - Fact Or Hype?

Today's in depth investigative report will be about the Satanic plot to hide messages in rock and/or roll music.

This is not a new plot by any means. Clearly, Satan invented rock and roll music in an attempt to destroy America. Luckily, various Christian groups like The 700 Club noticed this plot in time to alert everyone. Like the FBI. The FBI spent who knows how much investigating The Kingsmen smash hit "Louie, Louie". And we still have no idea what the words to that song are. This is what makes it such a classic drunken party song. All you have to do to "sing along" is make random noises to the beat of the music. There is no need to remember any complicated words, because there are no words. This is the final result of the FBI investigation.

But what about real Satanic messages in music? I decided to find out! I report, you decide. I stole that line from an asshole who shall remain nameless.

My investigation starts with classic rock music. Lets start with bands that start with the letter A. So without any further delay, AC/DC!

Here is a clip from "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" played forward.
And this is the same clip played backwards.

So, did you hear the "satanic" message? Well neither did I. But people think it is there! They swear they can hear it plain as day. What do they hear? Apparently, they hear "Yea I'm the nazi. Ohhh and I love it. Who the F are you?" WOW! I guess now that someone told me what to hear I kind of hear some of that. Sort of.

And I have more goodness from AC/DC! Here is a clip from "Back In Black" played forward, and then backwards. Someone with a great imagination thinks the backwards clip says "I love Satan, alright. And Satan knows I love Him. Love Him. Love Him!" They must have better hearing than me, because I do not hear anything except gibberish.

There is also supposed to be all sorts of hidden Satanic crap in Led Zeppelin songs. And there are supposed to be Satanic drawings and symbols on Led Zeppelin album covers. I have some backwards clips, but I can not hear anything there. Even when I am reading the supposed words while listening to it.

Do your kids watch that horrible Pokemon TV show? Then you probably know this song. But should one play it backwards this is what you hear. Clearly, the evil menace that is Pokemon needs to be stopped!

But what about sweet innocent Britney Spears! She would never place any backwards messages in her songs now would she? Lets fine out! Here is a clip played forward. And here is the same thing played backwards. Did I hear "sleep with me, I'm not too young"?? Who knows. I think that mesaage was placed there simply to sell more records.

But not all these backwards messages are bad. Some are just plain common sense. Like these clips from Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust". Here is clip 1 and clip 2 played forward, with clip 1 and clip 2 played backwards. Did you catch that? Clip 1 sounds like "it's fun to smoke marijuana" and clip 2 sounds like "It's all for fun... smoke it... get stoned". OK THEN! Like we did not know this before.

And then there are the bands who decided to just have fun with all this crap. They decided that since staff from The 700 Club was busy looking for Satanic messages in music, they might as well throw them a bone. Here is Fred Schneider from the B-52s telling us what happened to his pet parakeet, along with some tips to make your LP last longer. This is the clip played forward.

The J.Giles Band points out that "It doesn't take a genius to know the difference between chicken shit and chicken salad" in this clip, and here is the clip forward.

And then there is the king of intentional backwards messages - Frank Zappa. His song "Hot Poop" contains lyrics that were removed from another song by record censorship people. Here is another wacky example, from what sounds like Moon Unit. This is the clip played forward. Notice that it sounds like gibberish. But we would expect no less from Frank Zappa. He was the man.

Not to be left out, They Might Be Giants recorded a song called "Subliminal". I wonder if this song has any messages in it? Yup. Put there intentionaly. Here is the clip forwards, and backwards.

Another jokester who got in on the gag was Weird Al. In this clip he reveals what Satan's favorite snack food is. This is the clip as you hear it on the album normally. Can you hear it? Clearly, Satan eats Cheez Wizz. Who would have thought that? But then again, cheese in a can is some evil stuff. It will plug you up like nobody's business. You will never poop again if you eat too much of that stuff.

There are other examples too. There are a few from Pink Floyd. In "Several Species Of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together In A Cave And Grooving With A Pict" contains the message "That was pretty avant-garde, wasn't it?". And in one of the songs from The Wall (Empty Spaces) is the message "Congratulations. You've just discovered the secret message. Please send your answer to Old Pink, care of the funny farm, Chalfont."

But what I have to say about all this was already said by Weird Al. Here is the cip, from the song "I Remember Larry" - of course played backwards. And what is that message?

"Wow, you must have an awful lot of free time on your hands"

Well said Al. Or is it Mr. Weird?

Special thanks to www.backmaskonline.com for the clips and stuff for this post!

By the way, has anyone ever tried to play recordinds of Pat Robertson backwards? I wonder what good stuff would come from that little experiment?

Lazy Saturday

Not a whole lot going on today. There were things I was going to do today, but I can not remember what they are at the moment.

But here are some things of great importance I managed to get done this week!!

1. Cornelius went to the vet for his cat shots. Unlike Fat Fred, Cornelius is not fat. Cornelius is here now. If I get anywhere near my bed, Cornelius shows up. But if I am in ANY other room Cornelius runs off if I try to capture him. I think he is bi-polar or something.

2. TRUCK LIGHTS FIXED! I got some extra reverse lights for the truck. I first wired them directly to the reverse lights (on a 2002 Toyota Tacoma this is the RED wire with a BLACK stripe). This overloaded a circuit and popped a 10A fuse. So I got myself a relay! A relay uses low current to open a switch, which then allows higher current (or a higher or lower voltage) to pass through. I ran a 12v hot lead directly from the battery to the back of the truck. This lead is connected to the "12V in" part of the relay. The "12V out" is wired to the extra lights. The "switch input" on the relay is connected to the reverse light circuit. Finally the ground is connected to the truck frame.

Now when I shift into reverse, a very low current (less than 100 mA) runs to the relay through the factory wires. This current opens the switch, which allows current direct from the battery to flow into the extra lights. A fuse at the battery and another at the lights prevents any possible fires or other bad stuff. The current required to activate the relay is so low that it does not place any extra strain on the reverse light circuit.

So now I have 110 watts of halogen lights when in reverse! It is like headlights in the back of the truck. Well not exactly headlights, more like fog lights. But it is a hell of a lot brighter. No more running into stuff in reverse!

3. Begin the quest to seek out a job. It seems that the State of Florida requires one to seek a job while on unemployment. I can fully understand this. Of course I HAVE been seeking a job - but not in the eyes of the State. All the running around I have done so far does not count. I have to apply to at least two jobs every week, and take whatever is offered to me.

So here it is. My former job was VERY specialized. Pretty much there is only ONE place in the USA where that job exists, and that was where I was working. The closest similar job would be with the United Nations in NYC, the Office Of Foreign Missions in DC or somewhere else in the world, or the US State Department. The State Department is out because I was never a federal agent. OFM will be hard to break into because I really do not have the right degree. The UN would be cool - but it is in New York. I can not afford to move to New York. Cost of living in Miami is high, but NYC is even higher!

I tried to explain this to the nice lady who called, but it seems that the State either does not understand or does not care.

But no problem! Rules are rules. Policy is policy. Screaming at the brick wall gets you nowhere. So if Florida wants me to apply to at least two jobs every week I can do this. After all, it is not a whole lot to ask.

So I updated my resume. It is a great resume! I included many details from my last job, and of course added in my teaching experience.

So now I have a very specialized resume. Everything on it is true, and I did not leave anything out. It is not padded, as most resumes are. But it is not exactly the sort of thing an employer for a low level job will be looking for.

Water Water Everywhere, Nor Any Drop To Drink.

You may have noticed that the post topic is stolen from Samuel Taylor Coleridge's epic poem "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner". But he can not sue me, for he croaked in 1799.

And some people think the line is "and not a drop to drink". But the line is "water water everywhere, and all the boards did shrink. Water water everywhere, nor any drop to drink". I guess Coleridge did not wand to overuse the word "and". Plus way back in the 1700s people talked funny.

But I am not going to post about water. Or drinking.

Propaganda propaganda everywhere, and all our brains did shrink. Propaganda propaganda everywhere, nor any fact to...what rhymes with shrink and means "read" or "hear"? Darn. And I thought the stolen verse was going to be perfect for this. Oh well, better luck next time.

When did everything become spin and propaganda? Probably back when I was not paying attention. Or maybe before that. Who knows. But it does seem like it is getting worse and worse.

For example, there is a "documentary" set to air on The History Channel or whatever that is going to compare Iraq under Hussein to Germany under Hitler. I find the timing of this program very suspicious. The Bush Administration and supporters have already said that anyone who did not want to go along with the war plans were "creating 1939 all over again". In otherwords, agree with us or else you are appeasing a man who will start a world war. And now that the war is getting to be very unpopular, it needs a good dose of P.R. to revive it.

And yes, there are many things you can compare between Saddam and Hitler. First off, both men wanted to be the sole source of power in their nation. To be the sole source of power and authority, you can not exactly be a nice guy. You have to be an asshole. So why do I think the program is suspicious?

When Hitler re-wrote the German Constitution, the first thing he added was "the will of the Fuhrer is the law of the land". In otherwords, his will was law. Instantly. No debate. No oversight. No courts. No anything. If he decided something, then it was law. Period.

Wow what a despot! It is good to live in a nation that does not have this kind of crap going on! Right?

Except that in some ways, Bush has expressed the exact same view. When he "authorized" things that turned out to be illegal, he acted like he should be above the law. He got upset that people would dare question anything. His henchmen would complain about "activist judges". Nobody was arrested and subjected to torture over going against Bush (at least none that we know of), so a direct comparison can not be made here. But the feeling that Bush thinks his will should be law IS here. After all, he needs the proper tools to fight terror. He has said this.

Yet I doubt that any of this will be in the show. The message will be "had the world stood up sooner, Hitler would have been stopped before anything too horrible could happen". And that message is true. Had Europe and the USA done something BEFORE the invasion of Poland - who knows if WWII would have even started in Europe.

But then again, had the German people said "your will is NOT the law of the land mister!" then he may have never risen to absolute power in the first place.

The propaganda is not only on one side. It seems to be everywhere. Everything is a 30 second sound clip. Everything is shaved down to a simple, very general, concept. So simplified and general that it is either not correct, or taken way out of the context of the original study. On both sides. Just listen to one campaign ad. It does not matter whose it is. It will only be 30 seconds. It will not contain any detail. It will not really say anything with any substance. But if the ad were any longer, people would change the channel.

Does any of this sound familiar? "With us, or against us". Simple and short. A great sound clip. But what if you are with us, you just do not agree totally? What if you are 90% with us, but there is 10% that you do not agree with? Well then - you are NOT with "us", and therefore you are against "us". This is what I am talking about. Propaganda. It is simple and easy to understand. It sounds great on the radio. It could make a great slogan for a poster. But it is over-simplified to the point where it is simply not true.

But I can say it in less than 10 seconds to explain almost anything.

It is almost like America had ADD. If your message takes more than 45 seconds to get across - BORING! People change the channel back to the auto race, the football game, the baseball game, or whatever. Then they spend hours drooling on themselves, watching millionaires play a game or a bunch of cars going around in a circle.

Just like the ADD kid who can not sit still in math class, but can spend the entire weekend playing a single video game non-stop.

Getting Ugly

I love this time of year. The air gets cooler. The skies get clear. Humidity drops. Bugs that feed on blood go away.

And every other year, it is election time. That means ATTACK ADS! Yes, the TV and radio is full of 30 second attack ads. Who votes based on a 1/2 minute television ad anyway? I suspect that a lot do - or else not as much money would be spent this way. So what are most republican ads I have seen saying?

The same old crap. You know, vote republican or else your taxes will go up and we will all die because the terrorists love democrats and hate a safe America. National security and taxes. It is all they have.

But what they do not explain is that IF terrorists love democrats so much, why would there be any attacks if the democrats were in? I mean democrats and Osama are friends right? I do not go around blowing up the homes of my friends. Just saying.

And of course, there is the same old "lets use religion to shill for votes" crap. You would think that by now stem cells would be super duper safe. With W in office for 6 years, and a republican held (hostage) Congress for even longer - what has been done? What is the republican held government's excuse for not delivering what they promised to the evangelical vote block? They promised a culture of life, and they delivered a needless war. They promised to protect every fetus, but once that fetus is a child there is no health insurance for it. Services to the poor? Forget it! Screw the poor! Let them starve to death, or get a better job! My my how Christian! Jesus would approve.

So I am thinking that maybe this is starting to happen all over America.

And if it is not happening? Then one of two things is going on.

1. The people already figured out what is going on and stopped buying into the scam.

OR

2. They do not care that religion is being used to justify making the rich richer and spreading war so that there are more opportunities for the rich to get richer.

It is that simple.

But so far my favorite thing said this election cycle was said just today. Or was it yesterday? I forget.

At any rate, am I the only one who found it funny that Rush accused Michael J. Fox of going off his medication and/or acting for that "support stem cell research" ad Fox was in?

After all - who would know better than Rush about going off medication. He seems to be an expert on getting on medication, so he should at least know something about what happens when people stop taking it. And acting! He knows about that too. He is fairly good at acting like he was never a pill popper himself.

Attacking someone with Parkinson Disease. And not attacking the message, but attacking the PERSON. Oh he is acting! He is fake shaking! He stopped taking his pills in order to shake more! Wow.

It truly is getting ugly. And with just over a week to go, and the republican party getting desperate because they feel a wind of change might be on the way - we can all look forward to more humor! See, ending on a positive note!

Bugging Out

Time for a political post!

It seems the party in power is seriously bugging out. Big time.

Of course they have reason to freak out. There is a real possibility this time that they could loose control of the Congress. This is VERY bad! No more sweeping everything under the carpet! No! There could be investigations!!

Of course if nothing was going on, there would be no reason to fear investigations. This implies that since there IS concern among Republicans that there could be investigations if they loose power in the Congress something wrong IS going on.

What amuses me the most is all this time they have been telling WE THE PEOPLE that unless we are terrorists, we need not be concerned at all about the ever expanding powers of the executive branch to do whatever it wants. We need not worry about police agencies being able to detain people for as long as they want without them seeing a lawyer or a judge.

But now THEY are concerned that THEY might be under investigation. When WE are all under investigation it is good. If we are not doing anything, then nothing happens. But when THEY face investigations, they freak out. Why would this be? They are not doing anything illegal are they?

So the White House allows all the right wing blowhard possibly pill popping talk radio noiseholes to have a "summit". On the White House lawn or something. But can one really call it a "summit"? The term implies TWO SIDES having a little chat about how to play nice. So where was the other side? It seems the other side was not invited. So what was so "summity" about the "summit"?

And on the TV things are just as amusing! Why, they are pulling out the "San Francisco liberals like Nancy Pelosi will take over" crap again. I heard someone say this. They also mentioned New York and Massachusetts - I wonder who they were talking about there?

Anyway, lets just take the "San Francisco" stab for now. What are they trying to say? Are they implying that since San Francisco has a very large and very out of the closet gay community that gay liberals will take over? I find this amusing as well. It seems that every day another gay republican is forced out of the closet. Now it is clear why the so-called "log cabin" republicans were allowed to be around. The rest of the party secretly admired them - even as they deamonized anything even close to "slightly fruity".

And even Bush is having to flip flop on his major blunder - going into Iraq. Why just a month or two ago all Bush could say is "we will not cut and run". He also said "stay the course" a lot. Now, that message is changing. The White House is trying to back away from "stay the course". This amuses me because that is all Bush had! Now that "stay the course" is changing to "veer off course just a little bit" what sound clip will republicans be able to use? I have a suggestion - try "stay the course UNLESS said course is not good to stay on, in which case change course and blame San Francisco". That will work!

The republicans are also pulling out the old "democrats will raise taxes" crap again. What a load that is. First off, Bush will STILL have his veto power. It is not likely the democrats will obtain a 2/3 majority in both branches of Congress. The thing is, Bush might have forgot he has veto power. It is not like he has used it in all the time as President.

And another thing - why should taxes NOT go up? I mean, we have to pay for this war somehow! Nothing is free right? If you want something, you have to pay for it! I can not just go to the supermarket and proclaim "I require free ice for I am going out in my boat today!". I have to PAY for the ice I need. It is how the system works! I work, I get money, I use the money to pay for crap I want. If something I want is too expensive for me to afford, I do not buy it. Simple concept there!

Now consider the gobs of money the war is costing every day. Where will that money come from? Magic? Will the government win the international powerball lottery? Is Congress playing high stakes slots in Las Vegas?

No, the money comes from TAXES. One way or another, taxes will pay for everything. So why not start paying now? Why use the credit card and have to pay all those finance charges?

Saying "we have to raise taxes to pay for the war" is simply being honest. But nobody has said that yet. Republicans are just assuming that Democrats will say that. And democrats might say that. But once again - fiscal responsibility is not about creating massive debt. It is about a balanced budget right? Right now the budget is far from balanced. It is like a see-saw with a fat kid on one side and a box of air on the other side. So the solution is either to put rocks in the empty box (raise taxes) or put the fat kid on the running track (spend less). Seems like another simple concept that the republican party can not figure out.

Yes. This election season will be amusing. The propaganda will be thick. The slogans will get creative and possibly change by the hour. There will be massive hysteria on Fox News. The city of San Francisco will be used to scare people. They might even drag Key West into the fray. Any mention of Mark Foley will get you branded as a terrorist and tossed into secret jail.

And so on. One would think I will have a grand old time. Not so. I do not like to see crap like this happen. There should never be one party rule. I think it is GOOD to have the White House and Congress run by different people. Call me crazy, but this is just what I think. Putting all the eggs in one basket is never a very good idea.

The Emperor has no clothes. Will the voting population realize this? We will find out in just a few weeks.

There is one more thing I was going to type, but I can not remember what it is. So maybe if I just type stuff I will remember. Or, like an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters, I might randomly create what I was thinking about but then forgot. Or I might create "Macbeth". Or maybe "Hamlet"??? I always thought the name "Hamlet" sounded funny. What is that? Someone named a kid after a little ham and other people thought it was a good idea and copied it? It sounds more like something on the breakfast menu at Denny's than a proper name!

And I just remembered what else I was going to say! Stay the course. Lets say you are the skipper on a boat. You are heading "on course". For the most part, you stay on that course. UNLESS you check your charts and notice that you are heading right into a massive reef. At that point you change course to avoid hitting it. You do not say "we will stay the course" and run aground. A good skipper tries to AVOID running aground.

Good thing Bush is not the captain on a cruise ship. I would not want to be on that boat! I can picture it now. "Attention passengers, this is your captain speaking. You may notice that we are heading directly towards a lighthouse. Do not worry, we will stay the course! I demanded that the lighthouse move out of our way or face the consequences of it's actions!".

The Gun Post

Inspired by a post on Saur's blog and driven by a TOTAL LACK of comments for the past few days, I am going to switch gears a little bit and venture back to heavy stuff.

Today's topic - guns!

It is well known that America allows gun ownership. It just always has. The guns arrived with the first explorers and never left. They were there when the nation was formed. They were there for the "wild west" days. And they are here now. I own some. I have various pistols, a few rifles, and a shotgun. I sometimes go target shooting. My guns are pretty much fancy pricy loud devices used to put holes in paper. I do not hunt. I live in a city. It is far less trouble to simply buy my food.

I have a permit to carry, but it is very rare that I do. In fact, I never have. Ill get into that later.

However, I am not a member of the NRA. I do not agree with much of what the NRA says.

For one, there is no clear evidence that guns make you any safer. Yea I know, the NRA has all sorts of neat numbers and figures that seem to link a "decrease in crime" to gun ownership. I call bullshit on that! Here is my evidence.

I live in Florida. Florida is one of the states the NRA uses to prove guns are good. The NRA claims that crime in Florida has gone down since pretty much Jeb Bush was elected. I do not know the exact date they start their data from, or what years they compare their data to, but whatever. It is not really important. But lets just look at this at face value here!

IF crime rates are so low, then why do people still feel the need to buy guns? Why did Florida pass the "shoot first ask questions later" law about 1 year ago? And yes, I know the Washington Post (the link is to them) is probably part of a "vast liberal media attack" - but I am just going with the first link I can find on Google here. I would have used the "liberal media" Fox News had it been the first link.

And why are prison populations growing? Why are so many people buying house and car alarms? I mean crime is DROPPING right?? So if crime is DROPPING as the NRA claims then you would think that courts would have fewer cases. And fewer people would feel the need for an expensive house alarm.

So crime is not dropping. Guns seem to have no effect at all. Except for the little problem of so many gun related crimes. How are criminals getting guns?

Well they steal them! And who do they steal them from? Sometimes they rob the gun store. There was a rash of gun store robberies in Miami where a gang would steal a SUV or other large truck, and crash it into the storefront. Once the wall was taken out they would run in, grab as much as they could in a minute or two, then pile into the get-away car and split.

But more commonly, they get them from people who own guns. They break into cars and steal them. They break into homes and steal them.

Now if there were no gun stores, or guns in homes and cars, it would be really hard to steal them.

But guns do not cause crime, PEOPLE cause crime! Right? Well yes. In a way.

Now lets look it in another way. IF the people that cause the crime did not have a gun, would they have pulled off the crime? It is really hard to shoot someone if you do not have a gun! So the guns ENABLE people to cause crime. People so inclined to cause crime in the first place that is.

So you get a gun to protect yourself. What is wrong with that? Well nothing. People need to feel safe in their own homes. So if having a gun makes you feel safe then it is doing something.

But there are things to consider. First of all, the odds of an accidental shooting in a home with no guns in it is zero. The odds of an accidental shooting in a home that has a gun is infinantly higher. I say this because the number 1 in infanantly larger than the number 0. Do not believe me? Take any large number and multiply it by zero. What do you get? Now take any non zero positive number and multiply it by the same large number. What do you get? Even if you take a small number like .00000000000000001 and multiply it by one hundred trillion you get a larger number.

Likewise, having a gun in the house makes you far more likely to add a gun to the streets. If someone breaks into a home without a gun they can not steal one from it.

And yes, most break-ins happen while you are at work. Criminals are not dumb. They know they are far more likely to get away with it if you are not home. You are less likely to be a witness, and who will call the cops? Unless your neighbor is paying attention - nobody will see anything and nobody will call anyone.

But guns on the streets in the hands of permit holders make everyone safe! After all, the criminals have no idea who is packing!

The problem with that is it makes criminals MORE violent. Say you are a criminal, and you see someone you think you should mug. That person may have a gun. So what do you do? The answer if you hit them HARD and FAST. You do not want them to be able to shoot first. So you smack them upside the head with a brick or something. Then you find out if they have a gun. If they do you steal it. If not, at least you may get some cash out of the deal.

This is also a problem with Florida's famous 10/20/life law. It seemed like a great idea - and I still think it is. But if you are a criminal who is going to use a gun in a crime you may face life in prison. Might as well just shoot the person you are going to rob! Life in jail is pretty much a death sentence anyway. Yea you get out in 40 years, old and with no viable job skills. Your family will be gone, as will your friends. So why not just shoot the witness? You might get two life sentences? Will that stop you?

I should note that I still support locking violent people up. Stiffer sentences will make some more violent, but nothing can really be done about that.

But what about Joe Lawful! The guy who never speeds and pays all his taxes on time! The guy who supports the police, and feels bad if he lies to get out of jury duty!

Joe Lawful is not the problem. Joe Lawful is not a threat to anyone. But what happens when Joe buys a gun? Joe opens up the possibility of an accidental shooting, and being the victim of a theft that adds another hot gun to the streets.

But you already said guns have been a part of America since the 1500s! And they were never a problem before! So why do you say they are part of the problem today?

Simple. Things change. Cocaine used to be legal. Cocaine used to be part of the ORIGINAL Coca-Cola formula. Google it, or use my handy link to snopes.com source. Marijuana used to be legal too, George Washington grew the stuff on his plantation (probably a reason why he was known to request congress to "wrap it up" so he could return home for the harvest). Of course Washington did not grow pot just to smoke it. Many historians think he did, but the main reason for growing it was to make ropes, paper, and cloth. In the age of sail and before nylon and polyester NOTHING made stronger rope or sails than pot. The US Constitution is written on hemp paper, one of the reasons it is still around today. Modern notebook paper will not last 200 years unless it is very carefully preserved from day 1.

But today cocaine and the wicked weed are illegal. You go to jail if you have the stuff. So what changed? In the case of cocaine, it became obvious it was a problem. People had to have started to coke out at some point. In the case of weed, some stuffy law enforcement type person decided that weed caused jazz music - and people looked like they were having too much fun dancing to it. Also, the early jazz musicians were awful dark! And white girls were dancing to the tunes! Back in the "Jim Crow" days this was not exactly "good". At least this is my best theory.

In other words, things change. Some for the better, some for the worse. What was good yesterday may not be good today. And what is good today may not be good tomorrow. So while handguns may have been fine yesterday is not really the issue. Today is the issue.

And what of the hunters? I have no issues with hunting. I happen to understand the concept of wildlife management. It is this easy. We have killed off all or most of the top natural predators. So with less wolves and cougars - what will keep the game animal population in check? Nothing will - except hunters. Without hunters, herds will just overpopulate, get sicker, and cause more car accidents when they wonder out in the streets.

But if kids had more gun education, it would help! How? I am not saying that it is going to hurt, but I fail to see how it helps. It makes them aware of guns? That helps? I do not see how. It may make them less curious, but it may also lead them to believe that they can safely handle a gun should they find one. They may also try to use the gun to "look cool" if they have trouble fitting in. They may know how to not accidentally discharge a gun, but the "friend" they show it to may not.

Another problem is gun owners paranoia. Many of them claim they have guns so the government fears them - but they are so friggin paranoid about EVERYTHING. And the paranoia is very selective. The NRA fought the waiting period laws. Before the waiting period laws hit the books, there was a spike in gun sales. People were buying before they had to wait, because the waiting period was just a "liberal plot to end gun sales". Yet the Patriot Act passed with no opposition from the NRA. When Congress passed laws a few days ago that allows all the stuff Bush is having legal problems with not a single pro-gun group said anything. But these laws COULD give the government the power to toss out at least three amendments depending on how it is used.

Private guns prevent the government from abusing its power? Not from where I am looking at things. The people who own most of the private guns seem to support the current political party in power during their grab for more power.

So then - what do we do? Honestly, I do not know. I do not believe guns make anyone safer, nor do I buy into the propaganda from the NRA that "the second amendment protects the others". People paying attention to what is going on protect the Amendments.

So then I support banning all handguns! Well not exactly. I think it would be good if this could be accomplished, but the fact is that there are so many handguns out there that it would take years, decades, to get them all off the streets. And during that time? Who knows. On one hand, criminals would find the supply of guns cut off. This would cause the street price to skyrocket. Minor thugs would be priced out of the gun market.

On the other hand, there could be a short term spike in gun crimes. Punks would think that they were the only ones with guns and become more daring. Maybe. We really do not know.

I do support gun control measures. I do not have a problem with gun registration. I do not know exactly that good it would do, but I would not be opposed to it. The government would know I have guns? Well so what? They can find out what books I look at in the library. They can spy on my phone calls. They can data mine my credit card purchases, or track how often I pull money out of the ATM. So what is one more thing? It would be violating my rights? It seems to me that plenty of rights are already being violated.

And that thing about Hitler banning guns when he took power? So what? He also consolidated ALL POWER to the executive branch of the government. Nobody seems to have a problem with giving the executive branch of the current government more and more power.

So - what to do? Lets get back to that. I still do not know. If guns were banned, not everyone would turn them in. Legal gun owners would become secretive illegal gun owners. They would not use them to rob people, but they would remain out there. And when the former legal gun owner hits hard times? With no pawn shop to sell a gun at for quick cash, they may sell them on the streets.

In short, society needs to think long term for anything to be accomplished. Crime is NOT getting any better. Things are getting more violent.

But like I said, I do not know what route should be taken. I do not know what will and what will not work. I do not think there are any simple solutions here. Things have regressed to a point where it may not be possible to salvage anything out of it. The old saying "you sleep in the bed you make" may very well apply to America at this point.

On The Agenda For Today

Do not fret! No heavy stuff. I am thinking that my gun post may be tomorrow. I have been putting my views on guns together for some time now. But that is heavy stuff so none of it today!

So what is on the agenda today? I have to go downtown. I have to go up in the tall building and question the personnel department about stuff. Like "hey I worked for a year and a month. Do I get assistance obtaining another job or something?". Or something like that. I may have to consult with some sources before I go up the elevator.

In other news, I think I broke my truck. I wired in some aftermarket reverse lights. They provide me more light than the factory lights. I removed the factory lights so as to not put too much load on the reverse light wire.

So today when I was backing the boat under the tarp thing - something went POP and then started to beep. Oh well! There goes the fuse! That is what I thought.

But then I notice my engine temperature gauge does not work. Neither does my tachometer. And why is my odometer blank? Also the speedometer and air conditioning fan does not work. Oh yea - and the instrument dummy lights. All kaput.

The fuel gauge may or may not still be working. I have to drive around more and see if it drops. Obviously if the gauge does not drop then it is not working, and I will just have to guess when to put more gas in.

The headlights still work, the tail lights (running, brake, and turn signals) still work. The radio and clock still work. The dashboard back light works. In fact, everything seems to work EXCEPT for the stuff listed above that does not work.

So I have that crap to fix. But first I have to discover what the hell happened. I do not think the computer is fried, because the engine still runs. In fact, the engine seems to run better.

What worries me is the blank odometer. Something tells me that can not possibly be good.

My plan right now is to remove the crap I installed, fix up the wires so it looks like I never messed with them, then take the truck to the dealer and play dumb in an attempt to get a warranty diagnostic and/or repair. I do not know if that will work. If a computer component DID get fried it is going to be not-so-good.

Plan B is to use my GPS to tell how fast I am going, and how far I drive. I will just assume I am not overheating. I do not really need the tachometer. The dummy lights? Uhhh if they never light up that is good right?

But the non-functioning AC fan. THIS is a problem! That shit needs to get fixed and soon. Not only is the cold air gone - ALL THE AIR is gone. No vent. No heat. No AC. Nothing. It totally sucks ass to have to drive in the rain with a no AC car. I have done it. But now I do not even have a vent fan!!

I hope it turns out to be something simple and cheap to fix.

Don't Forget The Drain Plug!!!

If you are reading this after say 8:00 AM and before 4:00 PM Miami time, chances are I am not at home. I will be somewhere in Biscayne Bay. Maybe at the Marine Stadium Lagoon? Maybe checking out Government Cut if there is not more than one cruise ship there? Who knows. I do not even know. I could be in Biscayne National Park, I could go check out Stiltsville, I may go spy on the action at Cape Florida Beach or Hobe Beach, or whatever. Maybe Ill go moon the houses on Star Island!

Today should be a nice day on the water. The forecast calls for a light chop in the bay, with seas of 2 feet or less. It will be a little cloudy, but the chance of rain is very low and the winds will be light. Highs will be in the mid to upper 80s.

That is about all for now! There may be another post later today when I get back. Or maybe not.

Week In Review

If any week needs a review, this one does!

Monday and Tuesday was mystery buildup time. My vast network of spies were giving me reports that were not exactly good.

Wednesday I had a meeting with some sources. The news from the meeting was not good at all. It was bad. The opposition forces had rallied their troops, and fired the first shots in the final battle of the war.

Thursday, the battle was waged. The General commanding the forces of good implemented an all or nothing strategy. The opposing forces did not seem to be expecting this move. In the heat of battle, the other side ordered a full retreat.

On Friday everything was done. There was much rejoicing in the kingdom of light. The war seems to be over. Now the rebuilding can begin! This is where it gets good for me. I could be part of this rebuilding process.

And in other news, the boat engine fired right up! I did not even have to use the choke. I just connected the engine to the garden hose, turned on the water, switched on battery 1, and started it. No problem.

Battery 2 on the other hand is failing. It will not hold a charge. The automatic charger says the battery is charged, but it has no amps. You put a load on it, and it just can not put out the juice.

I can still use the boat, but it is a good idea to get battery 2 replaced.

Is It Friday Already?

Wow. Friday already. It seems like only yesterday that it was......uhhh.....some other day. Like Sunday or something. Weeks seem to pass faster when you have no job to go to.

So how do I keep track of what day it is? Simple! It is all about what is on TV, and what is going on at Titanic. I like Titanic because of the beer. The chicken wings are also pretty good. The best nights to go to Titanic are Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. Wednesday is the "Blues Jam", Friday and Saturday is more live music, and Sunday is Karaoke Night. Titanic is a small place, and on live music night it is VERY loud.

And on other news, I got word from the State about my unemployment claim! I get a mere pittance, with a cap on benefits of around 6k. And should my benefits run out before I get another job?

Not very likely to happen. You see, some good stuff happened on Thursday. Very good stuff. I hope to be back at work before Thanksgiving.

Jack Squat Day

I did not get Jack Squat done today. I am also not 100% on "Jack Squat" being a pronoun. And while I am at it, they should rename the lottery the "Jack Squattery" cause I have never won squat. I stole that line from THIS SHOW.

But I shall get stuff done in the marrow! Or is it "on the marrow?" Well whatever it is, Ill do it when the sun is up. I have other stuff to do. I have a lunch thing to attend with some people from the former job. At a swanky place! So I will be motivated to get up and go. When I get home I can do some more stuff. Like crap removal from the truck.

And now it is time to play a game! This game even has a THEME SONG! And the game also has a THEME PICTURE! Here it is! You should probably load the theme music now!

OK so here is how you play. I post a question. You come up with a word to put in the BLANK. If you match my word, you get a point.

Mrs. Jones said to Farmer Jones, "you better get new glasses, you just attached the automatic milking machine to your ______"

AND

The Tidy Bowl man has made so much money (HOW MUCH MONEY?!?!), he got a _______ for his little boat.

At this point the THEME MUSIC should be playing, while you come up with a word.

Ill post my words as a comment!

On The Agenda For Today

OK - no messing around! Today, I shall remove ALL the junk from my truck. I will clean out the passenger compartment. I should probably vacuum as well. The inside surfaces of the glass need to be cleaned. The instrument panel cover needs to be cleaned. It needs a total inside cleaning job.

And the bed is also full of garbage. I have a bunch of old newspapers that need to go in the recycle pile. I have a bunch of odds and ends leftover from various projects. You know, bits of PVC pipe, loose hardware, and so on.

And then there is the toolbox. The toolbox is a DISASTER. Over the years, I have just been putting crap in the tool box. Not removing stuff - just putting more and more stuff in it. It is so stuffed with crap, the lid barely closes. So I need to take EVERYTHING out, and decide what is junk and what is not.

Then I need to remove the toolbox so that I can remove the Bed Rug. I might as well inspect the bed for rust and stuff. There should not be any, the Bed Rug is soft and should not scratch the paint. The paint in turn should keep any moisture that managed to make it under the bed rug from rusting the metal. The Bed Rug is made of marine grade carpeting, with a backing of neoprene rubber - so it does not leak.

Then I need to put the Bed Rug back in, re-install the toolbox, and start filling up everything with crap again!

If I get up at a reasonable time (as in BEFORE 2 PM), and do not lolly-gag, I should be able to get it all done in a day.

Place your bets! How much will I get done? All of it? None of it? 1/3 of it? More than 1/3?? Less than 1/3?? Will I put it off till Wednesday? Till Thursday? Will I decide that I LIKE all the junk and not ever clean out the truck?

In a little over 12 hours, the truth shall be known.

Got To Do Something Part II

If you will notice, yesterday's post was all about how I have to do something. So what did I do Sunday? Lets see!!!

IN ORDER!!!

1. Wake up.
2. Take my morning piss.
3. Read blogs.
4. Finish watching my Animaniacs DVDs from NetFlix (volume 1 disk 3, 4, and 5)
5. Put the watched Animaniacs DVDs in the mailbox.
6. Go to Titanic bar and Grill
7. Order a Captain Smith Rye Ale (Smith was the Captain of the actual RMS Titanic by the way).
8. Order some chicken wings.
9. Had another Rye Ale.
9. Had a shot of tequila.
10. Had two more Rye Ales.
11. Go home (I was not driving just FYI).
12. Had another beer.
13. Had another shot.
14. Made some coffee.
15 .Went on a bike ride to the Farm Store.
16. Rode back home.
17. Had another shot.
18. Drank the coffee.


And in case you were wondering, RMS means ROYAL MAIL STEAMER. HMS means HIS MAJESTY'S SHIP. HMS was ONLY used for ships of war. RMS was used for fast ships whose home port was in England and which were certified to carry mail. Not all ships registered in England were able to carry mail. Ships registered in England but not ships of war or mail steamers had some other designation. I have no idea what that designation was. If you do, please leave a comment! I read all comments, and I need to know any and all things nautical.

I AM a member of the United States Coast Guard Auxiliary. Really - I am! So I like to learn little bits of nautical trivia. I use this trivia to make other members of the flotilla think I know more about boats than I actually know. People in my flotilla think I am some sort of super mariner. Really - they do! But the truth is I have no idea what the hell I am doing. I have never met a sandbar I can not run aground on.

But all things boats aside - what the hell was I talking about? I forgot. OH YEA! I was talking about what I did today. Then I was distracted by the fact I went to the bar.

Anyhow, the crap I listed was pretty much EVERYTHING I got done today.

What is that? Not a whole lot? Well then smarty pants - what did YOU get done? Huh? Well, I am waiting!!! Go on - list EVERYTHING you did on Sunday! Can you list 18 things?? Well I did!!!! So there! If you can not list at least 18 things than you can not possibly say you did more than I did. And therefore, you were not more productive than I was! HA! Got you there! HA HA HA HA!

And do not think that tomorrow is not going to be just as productive! Hell no! I have an ass load of things planned for tomorrow. By the way, tomorrow is really today. I will count "tomorrow" as when I wake up. When ever the hell that is.

So here is what I want to do tomorrow!!!

1. Buy auxiliary reverse lights for my truck. I want to add two 55 watt sealed beam lights that turn on when I shift to reverse. You know - more light and shit. I may need to add a relay and run a direct 12v (fused) tap to the battery. ALWAYS put in a fuse!!!!!! Fires suck!!!!!!!!! Fuses prevent fires - and only YOU can prevent (any) fire. Only you. I may not actually do this.

2. Uhhhhh....OH YEA! Start the boat engine. And plan to take the boat out sometime this week. The weather will be good. I will probably do this,

3. Shit. I know there is something else. But I can not think of that right now. ONE MOMENT PLEASE!!!!

4. OH YEA! I remember now! I need to measure my tool box lid, and clean out my truck tool box. I have a master plan for the tool box. And here is the plan! I want to put in TWO 12v marine deep cycle batteries and a battery switch (so I can select battery 1, battery 2, or both batteries wired in parallel). I also want to add a solar panel (to keep both batteries fully charged at all times), a solar panel voltage regulator/battery charger, some lights so when I lift the tool box lid I can see shit, a 1000 watt peak power inverter (so I can plug crap into the truck tool box - like for example a blender!!!), and external 12v and 120v plugs so I do not have to open the tool box to plug shit in. I will wire the solar panel / voltage regulator/battery charger directly to the batteries. The switch will be wired to the 12v outlet and the power inverter. That way if I keep the battery switch to "off" everything will be off. Only when the switch is on "battery 1", "battery 2", or "both" will anything get power. But the charging circuit will always be hooked up. Ill post photos when I get all this stuff done. Trust me - it is going to kick ass.
Not at all likely to happen anytime soon.

5. In the space left in the tool box, I want to build a mobile bar. You know, foam in an area to build an ice chest, bolt in a speed rack to hold a few bottles of stuff, bolt in something to hold glassware, add a neon sign that plugs into the power inverter thing, and so on. It is going to TOTALLY kick ass!!!!!! It will kick ass, but no way this will happen anytime soon. I want to regain full time employment first. And even then, not very likely to happen.

6. Buy some food for Max The Lizard. MUST DO THIS!!!! Max is hungry. Poor lizard! Max is counting on me to provide him with food.

Anyhow, I should get two things done. Start the boat engine and get food for Max The Lizard.

By the way - this is Max having lunch. But this photo is of Max having a mouse lunch. Max is a bit larger now so I feed him rats. Rat crawlers to be exact. Not exactly "baby" rats, but not full grown either. Somewhere in the middle. He eats 5 rat crawlers at a time. And Max lives in a much nicer cage now.

NOW FOR THE GOOD PART!!!!!! If you are in Florida, and you read this blog, and you have my email address, and you know my personal phone number, and you live in and/or near the Tampa area - any day AFTER Wednesday will be a great day to hit Biscayne Bay in the boat.
It is not like I am working or anything. So make a plan to get down here already! I have a boat, time to use the boat, a stainless steel propane BBQ grill for the boat, and everything!

I am also planning on hitting Everglades National Park one night with my telescope. I can use it to look at stuff in the sky. It will also kick ass!!

After all, I DID tell the State that I wanted to be an astronomer when I filed for unemployment :)

Got To Do Something

Yar, bad things be off the starboard bow!

By the way, I was typing like a pirate for that last line. So read it like a pirate, or else you will not get the full effect. And "starboard" is sea talk for "right". Just so you know.

So anyway, bad trends are starting. I spent most of Saturday trying to out lazy Cornelius The Cat. And let me tell you, it was hard work! But I think I was able to match Cornelius nap for nap.

Now this can not be good. Being able to out nap a house cat is not something a human should be able to do.

So I need to do stuff. Stuff to get me out and about. Maybe a ride to Shark Valley! I have not done that in a while. I also need to clean out the truck. It is quite full of crap that needs to either be put away where it belongs or thrown out because it is trash. I tend to accumulate things in whatever vehicle I drive. It builds up till one day I can not open any door other than the drivers door without crap falling out. At that point I remove the bulk of the crap. Then the crap builds up again. It is an endless cycle.

I could also go look for a source of income. But there is a problem with that. First off, there could be an opening back home. I would apply for it, and should I be selected then problem solved! So before I can accept anything full time, I have to find out what the status with the possible opening is. Then I have to apply - and should I qualify there is the interview board, the background check to get my ID back, and so on.

But there is a MAJOR problem with getting a part time "fill in" job. No employer is going to believe that I really want to be a park service aide. They would know that the odds of me staying with the job for any reasonable period of time is less than 0%.

And there is another problem. I made plans to get out of town on the first weekend of November. I can not take a job that would have me working on this weekend. Well I could - but I don't wanna. I got plans and stuff.

I do not think this situation will last much longer.

Being Lazy Pays Off!

Sometimes, it pays off to be lazy.

Just now I got off my ass and filed for unemployment. Actually, I got ON my ass and filed for unemployment. I was comfortably seated while I filled out the forms on the internet. Actually - I was comfortably lying in my bed while filling out the form over the internet. I got a laptop in 2000 because my desktop computer crapped out. I have never gone back to the old school style of computer that needs to be plugged in.

So anyway, I filled out the forms. And I learned a few things in the process!

1. By law, there is a "waiting week". You are not paid for the waiting week. I did not know this!

So by putting this off, I took care of my waiting week without really waiting! My waiting week ended the same day I filled out all the crap (today). This means I can start claiming weeks starting next week - Monday October 23.

Also, I got my last check from the former job today. And it is a massive phat check. All my unused holiday and annual hours were cashed out. So I was able to claim my full earnings for the current year - had I applied sooner my actual earnings would have been slightly understated - and therefore my benefits would have been a little bit lower.

Hey - you have to be accurate with these things! If I commit fraud it is a felony! I want to be as accurate with all this as possible.

And I had to select a "desired career". Now NOWHERE was anything even close to my former job listed. So I had to pick another desired career. You know, so the State can help me find a new job.

Here are some things I saw that made me pause.

1. Dishwasher
2. Short Order Cook
3. Migrant Farm Worker

Does ANYONE actually select these jobs? I mean, it asks you what you WANT to do, not what you did in your last job. It very clearly said DESIRED JOB. People desire to be a dishwasher? And migrant farm worker? Can illegal immigrants file for unemployment? Are citizens migrant farm workers? Very strange.

Anyhow I selected "astronomer". Why not. I have a telescope and stuff already! I know like three or four constellations, and even the names of a few stars. Oh yea and I know all EIGHT planets. Pluto is not a planet anymore - it is an "ice dwarf". Ill bet you did not know that! And on top of all this - I keep astronomer hours! Right now, staying up all night and sleeping all day would not really require me to change my hours of operation very much.

So now the fun part. I hang out for a bit, and when I have to go to the one stop employment center I get to see if the State has any leads on a cool astronomer job.

I Knew This Would Happen!!!

I predicted this a few weeks ago. So now I will share it with anyone who reads this dribble.

I was told on September 22 that my job was going to be removed from the budget.

Nobody whom I worked with really wanted this to happen. But it did. I had to keep it a secret from all except three people for a week, but sooner or later I had to let em know what was going on.

Anyhow, the people that did know what was going on (Email is great - using it you can keep vast numbers of people out of the loop) asked me what I was going to do. You know, in light of the whole unemployment thing.

My reply was "I'll probably become a bum".

You know - stay up late, drink more beer, sleep SUPER late, watch a lot of Science Channel, National Geographic Channel, Cartoon Network, and Spike Network, and so on.

So here it is. My last day of work was Sunday, October 1 2006. And here I am, just over ONE WEEK after being removed from the budget....

And I am a total bum. I have reverted to where I was a little over a year ago. I stay up to un-godly hours of the morning. Waking up before 1 PM is simply not going to happen. I have less energy and less motivation to do anything than I used to have when I had a job.

As predicted, I have turned into a total BUM! I am too lazy to apply for unemployment benefits. I think about it - but then I figure "why bother". Why bother to do anything. Really.

So maybe I am depressed. But then again - I do not FEEL depressed! I just feel like.....well....BLAH. Like nothing.

So here it is. 2:45 AM. Right now. I am not really sleepy, I did not wake up till almost 3 PM. And I can sleep to whenever "tomorrow". And by "tomorrow" I mean whenever the hell I decide to wake up. That could be as late as 5 PM. Who knows.

So yea, I am a bum again. I might as well start drinking Mad Dog 20/20.

The sooner I become employed again the better. Nothing good can become of the current situation. I am going to become a bigger and bigger bum till I have to move into the downtown Miami I-95 overpass.

Anyone care to donate a refrigerator box? I might need one.

But I shall not despair! At least not yet.

For I AM the Phoenix. I am the Thunderbird. I am the stuff of Navajo legend. I can be a bum for now - for "now" is not important. Ye all shall see!

By the way, I will be in Orlando the first weekend of November. I am going to the "food and wine" festival at Disney World. I shall be drunk as all hell on Saturday. People with kids will be looking at me and my friend and saying "crap! Look at those two! I wish we could be doing that!" - but they will not be able to. Having kids is a bitch.

If you care to join me, feel free to do so. Just be in Epcot Center on Saturday, November 4 2006. Go to the World Showcase. Look for a drunk dude, walking in a zig-zag pattern with a girl. More than likely that dude is going to be me. Say "YO LAZY!" If the drunk dude stops and looks back with a "what the fuck?!?!" look then it is me. Come join in the fun! There shall be much merry making! And much alcohol consumption. I may very well puke.

It will be legendary! Be there or be SQUARE!!!!!!!!

The Ballad Of Magellan

For your viewing amusement! A short animated version of one of the most famous sailing voyages in history.

Something To Ponder.

I like to ponder pointless crap. It distracts me from various realities - like the content of the previous two posts. Heavy stuff!

So as a defense, my brain will focus in on pointless crap to think about! It works, sometimes. And without further rambling - here is today's point to ponder!

Say it is 2:26 AM. You are up writing blog posts and watching an Animaniacs DVD from NetFlix. You are also drinking a beer.

The question is - does the beer count as the SECOND beer of "today" or the FIRST beer of "tomorrow"? It is after midnight. The last beer I had was with lunch at 4 PM. And I did take a little nap after lunch. Doing nothing is hard work!

I am inclined to count this as the second beer of yesterday. This means that when I get to sleep I can wake up and count everything as a whole new day. That is IF I get to sleep before the sun rises. It has been a while since I saw the sun rise.

Anyhow - I went out on the backyard a few minutes ago because that is where the beer fridge is. The old fridge was replaced with a new one, so I decided that it was a waste to toss a perfectly good old crappy fridge, so it is in the backyard! Who cares if the thing leaks because the self defrost pan is rusted out / the heater element broke. It is in the backyard!

The air. There was something strange about it. I can feel a change a-brewing. Sweet. Beer pun. The air - it was NOT SO HORRIBLE! It was not all hot and muggy. It was ever so slightly cool. And the air did not feel wet! It was what I would call "dry". Not dry as in Las Vegas dry, but dry by South Florida standards.

Soon I will be able to go back to Everglades National Park. With my telescope. The winter stars are almost in the sky. I saw Orion just now. High in the sky. As time passes, it will rise sooner and sooner.

And it will get a little bit cooler. And less buggy. Everglades season is almost here! At last!

By the way, did anyone notice that I changed some colors? You know, added some yellow here, removed some red from there. And changed the post text color to white. I think it is easier to read now.

100 Countries!

It seems that this blog managed to get visitors from 100 different nations! How about that! I think that nation 100 was Gibraltar. So welcome, visitor from Gibraltar!

Now on to other business. It seems that while some people did read the post from yesterday, nobody on CNN did. Or maybe they did read it, but they did not understand it. So I will elaborate.

I said that NEITHER PARTY supports Christian Values - I was not just typing to hear a clicking noise. It is a fact.

When I say stuff like this, people either get mad or just assume I do not know what I am talking about. Or both. People that identify themselves as Christian do not like hearing this. They tend to take it as an attack on their religion.

Now we are all adults here. Or at least close enough to adults. So just hear me out.

It is no secret that economics is king. Money is the power behind politics. Both parties claim they do not accept special interest money - but who are they fooling? If one person takes it, EVERYONE has to take it. Otherwise the guy who takes the money has an advantage. So while nobody will admit to taking gobs of money from some guy with a suitcase stuffed with cash and a list of "suggestions" - the fact that such a guy exists means SOMEONE is taking his suitcases.

The USA, and most of the rest of the world, operates under the economic principle of Capitalism. Capitalism allows for a lot of things. Vast piles of wealth. Industrialism on a massive scale. Prosperity. Tons of crap to buy. And so on.

Success in a capitalist nation is based on what you own, and how much you are worth. Success means having a 60 inch HDTV. It means having new leather furniture that gets replaced every 5 years to keep up with the latest fashion. It means a large home, and fancy new cars in the garage. It means designer clothing. It means $400 purses, with $100 matching wallets. It means gold watches. And so on.

Capitalism requires growth to work. If there is no growth, then investments do not work out so well. Imagine if the stock market flatlined for a few months. Imagine if every stock index did not gain or loose ANY value - at all. A total flat line, no matter how small the time scale was.

The result would be a total economic collapse. Well maybe not a total collapse, but it would spark a major panic.

So what is wrong with growth? Well nothing. Except for this!

Growth causes inflation. This means it takes progressively more and more money to maintain the same standard of living. In the 1960s, $5000 would get you one ass kicking sports car. Today $5000 gets you a riding lawn mower.

Yes, wages have gone up since then. But the problem is that wages have not gone up at the same rate as inflation. Slowly, over time, the standard of living possible on a single income slipped. In the 1960s a teacher could afford a Corvette. Today a teacher can barely afford ANY new car - let alone a sports car.

Not to be left behind, families started to rely on dual incomes. This way people could still afford all the things that say "success". Dual income families could buy new cars, and fill their home with nice new things. Dual income families can afford that large screen TV.

But not all dual income families can. And if both parties of a married couple work full time - who raises the kids?

So a generation or two of kids were raised as latch-key kids. They understood that mommy and daddy had to both work, so that they could have cool new shoes. When they were sick and did not feel like going to school, they were sent anyway - because mommy or daddy could not use their sick leave to take the day off.

The lesson was clear. Money and things were more important than day to day family life.

THIS IS THE REASON WHY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO HELL TODAY! The violence, gangs, and drugs are NOT CAUSED BY violent TV or video games! It is not caused by a "lack of morality", and putting up copies of the 10 Commandments everywhere WILL NOT HELP AT ALL!

The violence is caused by our economic system. If you are poor, you can not afford ANYTHING that says "success". This makes you a looser. Nobody wants to be with a looser.

So go out and get a job! Right? Well it is not that easy anymore. People used to be able to get a factory job or something with a High School only education, and earn a decent wage. There was a possibility of advancement.

But what about today? Vast numbers of factory jobs are not overseas. So what do kids growing up in poor areas see as the "successful"? Drug dealers, pimps, gangsters, thugs, and other criminals. These are the people with the cool cars. These are the people with the gold watches. These are the people with the designer clothing. These are the people who have money. So these are the people kids identify as someone to be like.

And kids in middle and upper class areas - what do they see? They already live to a high standard. They do not want to regress. Yes, they have a better chance of going to college. But they get out of college, and find that they will not be making the money their parents are making. To many, this is a major shock. No house on the golf course and new BMW! They can barely afford a ratty little apartment and a used Buick.

Some wait to move up the ladder of success, and some supplement their incomes with "stuff". Or they go into horrible debt. All in the name of the appearance of success.

So what does this have to do with Christian Values? Why NOTHING AT ALL! This is my point. Our economic system and Christian Values are NOT COMPATIBLE! You can not be rich and Christian. At least not in my view. You have to pick one or the other.

Really. When Jesus was fasting in the desert, he was tempted by Satan a number of times. This story is in the Bible - and therefore a part of the religion. One of the things Satan tempted Christ with was wealth and power. Jesus refused.

Jesus was not a rich man. He COULD have been rich. He COULD have used his powers to raise an army and overthrow the Roman Empire. He COULD have really been King over all other Kings. But he was not. He was poor. He did not raise any armies. He shunned wealth and power. And by doing so, he did become "King of Kings", according to Christian doctrine.

Christians try to live as Jesus would live. Therefore, a Christian should also reject wealth and power. But capitalism would pick the wealth and power in an instant! It is a no brainer!

The system that drives the world economy is Anti-Christian. If you have faith, think about it for a second. What about our chosen system of economics jives with Christian Values? The wealth? The greed? The "I got mine, let everyone else find their own" attitude?

Nothing about it is Christian.

But we all live under Capitalism. Nothing in the short term is going to change that. I think that one day our system of economics will collapse, as it has collapsed before. The system Adam Smith wrote about was killed by the Industrial Revolution, but it was reborn as something else - which was in turn killed by the Great Depression, giving birth to the system we have today. So yes, the system of today will one day fall apart. But it will come back as some other system. Count on that. Money is at stake.

And in our system, money is more important than anything else. Money is power, and power is where it is at. So when money is at stake, things happen.

Economics is the root of our political system. Both parties know this, and both parties obey this fundamental truth. So therefore, one can conclude that IF economics of the root of our political system and IF our system of economics is not compatible with Christian Values - the political system is not compatible with Christian Values.

So should Christians continue to vote Republican or switch to Democrats? Really - it does not matter. Neither party will truly represent Christian Values - as both parties are owned by the economic system. This is why I laugh when Republican talking heads on TV claim to represent Christian Values while pulling in millions of dollars a year in take home pay. What they are actually doing is USING religion to further their own means.

Taking the Lord's name in vein. All in the name of wealth and power.

And the Democrats? Not a whole lot of difference. They have used religion for votes too - just not on the same scale as Republicans.

So what should a Christian who wants to vote do? I would say vote for people who live up to Christian Values, but such a person would shun running for office - for that would be seeking power. That contradiction in philosophies thing will get in the way there! Can't live based on the teachings of Jesus and be a money grubbing power seeker at the same time!

This kind of creates a problem! And there is really not a good solution to the problem. Except for the obvious - which would be to overthrow the system and install one that agrees to your values. But Christians can not do that either, because of the whole "Prince of Peace" thing. So no bloody revolutions.

The only thing that can be done is to ignore the contradiction, and vote based on secular matters. If one candidate is professing to have "great faith" they are a liar. A person of "great faith" would not be running in the first place. So vote for the other guy. Ignore party affiliation, for the D or R label does not really matter. If you are going to vote based on a single issue - remember there ARE other issues. for example, should you vote for the candidate who is anti-abortion but also wants to slash services to the poor in order to give more money back in tax cuts? I can not answer that for you. Nobody can. You have to work that out on your own. Yes, Jesus would be against abortions but he would also be against cutting services to the poor.

And you can pray that the next economic system will be more in line with Christian Values. Of course, this will mean giving up your Mercedes Benz. A small price to pay - right?

So how do I get around all this stuff? How do I justify my need of a new boat and a more powerful vehicle to tow it? How can I justify going to Las Vegas to play a few games in a feeble attempt to win a jackpot when I could give that money to feed the poor? I do not claim to follow Christian Values. I do the best I can given the system I live under. And in doing so, I think I am doing as well as can be expected. I am not out to screw anyone over.

Stupid Questions On CNN

Leave it to CNN to come up with stupid questions, and then try to convert them into "serious" journalism.

Today's stupid question was "In light of the Mark Foley thing, will Christian voters still vote Republican".

Well lets see. "Christian" voters have been voting Republican for years now. Probably 10 years or more. And what has the Republican party proved to be?

The GOP would tell you that they are the party of values and morals. And a whole lot of people have fallen for that garbage. But exactly what values are they for? Why, FAMILY VALUES of course! At least that is their story, and they are sticking to it.

But what kind of crap do they support, and how does it jive with family values?

1. Tax cuts for the wealthy, and massive corporate welfare. Republicans will happily admit to this. "Of course we cut taxes! Why, it helps the little people!" they will say.

But the fact is that few if any of the "tax cuts" really helped. Remember when Bush was first elected in 2000? Remember the much talked about "tax cut"? What was your share? $400? $800?

Well if you are a multi-millionaire, your cut was much more. Tens of thousands more. So while the little people got their $800, corporations got hundreds of thousands, or even millions. And chances are you spent most of that $800 on higher gas prices.

The sad part is that the Republican party has managed to convince millions of little people that if you give money back at the top, it all trickles down. Of course it does not. It stays where it is. The working class continues to work, while CEO salary goes up and up and up.

2. War. Yes, America was attacked. And yes, we had to respond to such a thing. But the war hawks just had to rush everything. Who needed support from the rest of the world? What the hell did the French know about anything? So they rushed into a war, and arm twisted the opposition party into the mess by using the events of September 11 as leverage.

But who cares about people being killed over there? It is war after all! People die in wars! However, abortion is murder!

Now there are other things too. For example, most conservatives love the death penalty. It is "liberals" who are anti-death penalty. Yet, it is the consertives support laws that ban abortions - while liberals support keeping abortion legal. This is not exactly 100% true, there are probably many exceptions to this - but in general it is true.

One would think that the party of the "culture of life" would not support any kind of death. But it seems that the culture of life only supports life if it is a fetus or a person in a vegetative state.

But when we inject Christian values into the mix, one would be anti-war, anti-abortion, anti-death penalty, and pro-things that help the poor. That means that a Christian voter would find it to be offensive that their tax money was used to buy bullets to kill people. They would gladly GIVE to provide basic needs to the poor. They would find it offensive to own a $70,000 sports car, when children have to go without medical care due to poverty. And so on.

In other words, the "Christian" voters are fooling themselves. They might think that they are not, but they are. NEITHER PARTY embraces true Christian values. Our economic system will NOT ALLOW Christian values! Our economic system encourages greed and selfishness. Our economic system idolizes wealth and riches.

Jesus on the other hand, lived a life of poverty. When the Devil tempted him with wealth and power he rejected it. A good capitalist would never do that. A good capitalist would take up the offer of riches and power without even thinking about it.

Christian voters would be more likely to support a Karl Marx type economic system. Or at least one where the idea of being rich were done away with, so that all could have their needs met. What good is millions of dollars to a Christian when people are starving in Africa or the streets of America?

So will Christian voters continue to vote Republican even with the Foley scandal and admission of being gay?

I say yes. Of course they will. All the un-Christian stuff going on now does not seem to bother them very much - so long as the two or three issues they care about are still being fought for. They would vote Foley back into office, if he would simply promise to fight to keep people like him from getting married, outlaw abortion, and kill more people in jail.

It Is Time.

So, as you may have heard one Mark Foley (R) of Florida got busted doing the internet sex chat thing with minors.

And you know what that means! That's right! It is time for a MARK FOLEY JOKE! So here is it. Someone emailed it to me.

"When Mark Foley reads, he never uses a bookmark. He simply bends over the pages".

Pretty good huh? Not really? Well I do not see you doing any better! If you happen to have a better Foley joke email it, or better yet leave it in the comments. Prizes will be awarded to the best Foley joke left as a comment. I have a rubber rat, some empty beer bottles, and a can of Canada Dry fizzy water. Oh yea and an empty pizza box.

In other news, it is good to know that we do not live in dictatorship. Or do we? In the new Bob Woodward book (which even the asshole Bill O'Riley says people should read) Bush is quoted to have told top Republican "leadership" this about Iraq.

"I will not withdraw, even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me"

Well done Mr. Bush! Spoken like a true dictator! You will do whatever you want, even if you are the only one who wants to do it! Just the kind of person we want to be in control of a vast military power.

Lazy Cooking

First - there is business to attend to! Has ANYONE switched to Blogger Beta yet? Is it any good? Does it suck?

DISCUSS NOW! Or else.

Now that the business at hand is out of the way, time for today's main topic!

Say you are up late watching DVDs from NetFlix because you have no job to go to tomorrow. Maybe it is your Friday! Maybe you are taking a few days leave. Maybe you were downsized due to budgetary bullshit. Maybe your job was shipped to India. Whatever.

Of course, you run the risk of getting a snack attack staying up late. And just for kickers, say you do not feel like getting up and going to get some take-out. Maybe you do not want to stop the movie. Maybe you are drinking beer. Maybe you are in your underwear and do not feel like getting dressed. Yea, you could always just throw on a t-shirt and drive to Taco Bell in your undies. Who cares if the neighbors see you. What are they doing up anyway? Don't the bums have JOBS?!?!?!

But you might get stopped by the fuzz. The fuzz might be looking for a random pervert who just flashed a bus load of nuns. The random pervert might be driving the same car as you. Then the cops find you, in your undies, with Taco Bell on hand. Not very good!

Well here is all you need for a decent midnight snack!!

1. One or two cans of chicken breast.
2. Olive oil.
3. Some sort of sauce.

Obtain a small skillet. Put some olive oil in the skillet. Turn on the heat to high, because you do not want this to take all friggin night. Open the can of chicken. Drain the can in the sink.

By this time the oil in the skillet will have heated up. If not, just wait a bit. When the oil is heated, dump the chicken in the skillet. Stir fry the shit for a few minutes.

When the shit starts to smell like food, add the sauce. In my case, I found some teriaki sauce. I was looking for soy sauce, but whatever. Anything you like can be added really. Put the sauce in the skillet. Cook for another minute or so.

Drain the shit. Eat it. Total prep time, about 5 minutes. Maybe less.

If you want to get all fancy and stuff, you can make some rice to go with the chicken. You could also put some eggs in the rice, add mushrooms and some random veggies, and make your own fried rice - but this will take more time and would count more as "dinner" than a "snack". I am just saying that if you happen to have some leftover rice you can use that.

OR MICROWAVE INSTANT RICE! I forgot about that stuff! I need to get some. I will have to go back to the store soon, I am just about out of beer.

Decision Day

I have decided what I am going to do.

File with the State for unemployment benefits. Screw it. It is within my rights to do so. I was not "fired". I did not do anything wrong. So why not file?

I am going to. Why not. I can hang out and get paid to watch movies from NetFlix. I can look for jobs in the front yard. Or in Biscayne Bay while I am out in the powerboat or kayak.

Of course, I will obtain another job. Sooner or later. I have a plan and everything. I always have a plan B, and often a plan C. You get the idea.

So while plan B, C, and D works itself out I will hang out and collect unemployment.

What I Am Up To,

As you all know, I am back to where I was when I started this blog thing. Funemployment.

But not really. I had a job when I started this blog thing. It was just that....well......it did not exactly fit.

So, as fate would have it, I fell into a job that DID fit. And by "fell into" it I mean I fell into it. I had no idea that such a job existed in the universe.

HEY KIDS! This is why you should never listen to your guidance councilor! They will tell you to be an astronaut or doctor or lawyer or some shit. But they have NO IDEA what kind of jobs are out there. All they do is go to monster.com and search for "hot jobs". But they miss so much stuff. So do not listen to them. They do not know their ass from a hole in the ground.

So anyhow, this job just kind of fell out of the clear blue sky. I applied for a menial job with menial qualifications. As it would have it, somehow I managed to find myself in something totally different.

I credit this to karma. I spent YEARS building my karma fortune penny at a time. For example, when I went to the supermarket I would not just leave my shopping cart in some random parking space. I would push that cart to somewhere else - somewhere the cart would NOT block anyone.

Anyhow, I got this job. Somehow. Through some sort of cosmic force. And as if by magic, the job fit. I just kind of did it. It was not even like real work. It WAS real work, but it did not feel like real work. And because it did not feel like real work it was NOT real work!

It is kind of hard to explain. I do not think I can explain it. If you have never had a real job that did not feel like work you will just never get it. If you have had a real job that did not feel like work then you know what I mean. People at the job site think "that guy does not do shit", because that is how I carried myself. Being happy at work is somehow a TERRIBLE thing. Apparently, if you are all grumpy and pissed off all the time then you are "working". But me being seen on the shuttle bus and walking around - HAPPY - meant I was not doing anything.

Go figure. I WAS doing stuff. I was doing as much as anyone else at the job site. Hell, I might have been doing more. I do not know. I do not know what others did. I did not really care. All I had to worry about was what I was doing at the time.

But - fate is what it is.

However, things have a way of working out. At least in theory. I always figured that if I simply did the best job I could do that everything would be OK.

My theory will be tested.

Geometry

It is a good thing I paid attention in geometry class! Here is the problem I am up against now.

How to fit a 16 foot kayak on an 18 foot powerboat.

Now before you say "oh crap! That is easy! The powerboat is a good 2 feet longer than the kayak!", let me fill you in on a few powerboat facts.

1. The length of a boat is measured from bow to stern.

For the kayak, this is no problem. The "actual" length and the "measured" length is the same. But for the powerboat, this is not the case. The "actual" and "measured" lengths are not the same. Here is why!

1. There is a small engine well at the stern, where all the engine related crap hangs out. Steering cables, fuel hoses, and so on. So, subtract about a foot and a half from that 18 foot overall length.

2. The bow area has a deck that is not usable for passengers. The anchor, anchor line, front navigation lights, and horn hang out here. Under this deck is storage space for other stuff, like more lines, the spare prop, and so on. So subtract 3 or 4 feet from the 18.

What is left over is the space available for people.

Then there is the beam problem. The beam of the boat (width for all you non-boat people) is about 6 feet. But the boat gets all pointy at the bow. So you do not have a full 6 feet of beam all the way to the bow.

So basically, the kayak is about as long as the boat - unless I lay the kayak down the center line of the powerboat. But this is impossible, the center console gets in the way. Plus, this would seriously limit the people carrying capability of the boat.

This weekend is Columbus Day. While this minor holiday is not a big deal for you, in Miami this is a HUGE boat day. There is a sailboat race (LAME), and somehow the sailboat race evolved into a massive free-for-all anything goes floating party for everyone who does not care about some stupid sailboat race. Everyone goes to a place called Elliot Key (located in Biscayne National Park) and lets loose. There is an anchorage area everyone uses. At least 1,500 boats will be there Saturday. Of course NOBODY has any alcohol, and so there is absolutely no nudity at all.

Now with all these boats, in such a small area, it is hard to move around. You end up dropping anchor anyplace you can find room. Of course you TRY to get into the crowd as best you can, but this is not always a good idea. It is not easy to maneuver a boat in such close quarters.

Which is why I need the kayak! The kayak can get right into the thick of the madness. No problem. It is highly maneuverable.

So far, here are the options I have:

1. Tow the kayak. PROS - the kayak is never onboard the 18 footer. CONS - I would have to tow the thing slowly and it would take a long time to get across the bay.

2. Find a way to lash the kayak on board the 18 footer. PROS - I can cruise at normal speed. CONS - there is this huge thing on the powerboat I have to deal with. It could be an uncomfortable ride for anyone else on board.

3. Leave the kayak at home. PROS - more room for people, beer, and food. CONS - no kayak to get into the thick of the madness.

With this unexpected time off, I will be able to get the boat out this weekend. Now all I have to do is decide if it is worth it.

Florida Gooberner Race

It seems the race for the next GOOBERner of Florida is underway! Here are the choices FL has.

1. Charlie Christ, former Attorney General under Jeb Bush.
2. Jim Davis, some other guy.


Anyhow, it seems that the Charlie Christ guy has more money. Mas dinero. I can assume this because he has released the first batch of 30 second TV commercials that 99% of voters will base their vote on.

Christ, the republican, is claiming he "will fight for Florida voters". His commercials mention that Jim Davis wants to "raise property taxes" and calls the sales tax holiday "a joke".

What kind of bullshit is this? Here are the FACTS!!!!!!

1. Property taxes are set by LOCAL governments, not by the state. The GOOBERner, no matter who he/she/it is, has little control over it.

2. The sales tax holiday IS a joke. First off, only a few things are covered. Second, there is a set limit on what you can spend without having to pay the sales tax. Third, the holiday only lasts a week or something.

So what happens is everyone waits for the holiday. Then stores are PACKED. Stocks run out. People have to run from store to store, only buying a portion of what they need from each store in order to remain under the limit.

But - Charlie Christ is going to fight for us! And that other guy is just a "liberal". This is what the actual commercial says! Like being "liberal" is so bad.

I HOPE that Jim Davis simply makes a commercial that says this:

Charlie Christ has been the Attorney General under Jeb Bush for _____ Years. But what has he done about the fact property insurance has increased 4 - 6 fold? Well Mr. Christ - what have you done? What has ANY republican done? Not a friggin thing. Charlie Christ, please do Florida voters a favor and buy property in Alabama and fight for the voters there. Get out of Florida. We do not need your "help".

I should so run for office. Really now. All this bullshit has to stop somehow.