Beware Of The Bears!!!

Keep reading to the last line.

Words Of Wisdom

So you are at an Asian place getting food. And when your bill arrives there is a fortune cookie. Even though fortune cookies are an American invention and about as Chinese as my ass is. But whatever.

I derailed my own words of wisdom. It happens often. Trust me.

But the fortune sucks! It is something lame like "you will have great fortune" or Happiness is yours" or something generic and cheesy.

You can ALWAYS make such a lame fortune better by adding "in bed" to the end of it.

The 13% Problem

What the hell is wrong with people?

According to a poll taken in March of this year, 13% of respondents reported believing Obama is a Muslim.

USA Today did a similar poll in April and reported 10% of respondents believed Obama is a Muslim.

Based on what? Based on bullshit. Pure bullshit. See the Republicans have forgotten how to win in a fair election. So they have been resorting to making shit up.

This is how Bush won. In 2000 he lost the early primaries. McCain spanked the smirking chimp. And for good reason. McCain could form a sentence in proper English. McCain had a track record in the Senate. McCain served in the Military. And so on.

Bush came off as a stuttering idiot with no clue.

So how did Bush win? Simple. During the South Carolina primary the Bush campaign set out to smear McCain with lies. And they did. Well maybe not Bush directly, but forces loyal to him did. They spread all sorts of nasty internet rumors. McCain's wife was a drug addict. McCain was gay. The adopted daughter was really McCain's own illegitimate kid. And not just any illegitimate kid - but a BLACK illegitimate kid! And so on.

Google it yourself if you do not remember. The reports are still out there. It happened.

And it worked. McCain went from a lead in South Carolina to a loss. People believed the bullshit.

So in 2004 why not do the same thing again? Worked in 2000! This is why I think the "swift boat" thing was probably all untrue. Made up by forces loyal to Bush. Hey whatever it takes to keep the King on the throne!

So what is going on today? By now someone has sent you the same bullshit emails I got. Obama swore in on the Koran. Obama is a Muslim. Obama does not pledge allegiance to the flag. And so on.

All bullshit by the way. None of it is true. Forces still loyal to the neo-con movement just made it all up and spread it around.

And what "proof" do they provide? Obama's middle name! That proves he has to be Muslim! He will not wear a lapel pin! That proves he hates America.

I do not wear a lapel pin. I think the US Flag Code mentions that the flag should not be worn as jewelry. Does a lapel pin count as jewelry?

And if you want to use a part of someone's name as "proof" of who they are, lets talk about John Gacy. Shall we? Why not! Names are an issue now! So John McCain clearly has links to John Gacy - the serial killer who murdered something like 33 boys. Do you want a SERIAL KILLER as President? I don't!!!

Of course that is a crazy argument. Just because both men share the same first name means nothing. But I am not trying to make parts of a name an issue.

The forces making up bullshit are.

Obama is a SECRET MUSLIM! The Koran says it is OK to lie to infidels about your faith! So that proves Obama is a Muslim!!!

So the Koran says it is OK to lie to infidels. If this is the case how do we know McCain is not a Muslim? If he says he is not then he could be lying! How do we know Bush is not secretly a Muslim? How do we know Reagan was not secretly a Muslim? How do we know any past President was not secretly a Muslim?

I mean if saying you are not only proves you are, then we are ALL Muslim! If someone admits they are a Muslim then they clearly are - but if they say no then they are PLANTS! Muslims in disguise.

And who would make a better secret Muslim plant? McCain or Obama?

So once again, a totally stupid argument.

And then there is Fox "News". The "news" network that puts people on TV who like to say shit like this.





WOW! And this is from a "news" network? Barack Osama! OOPS did I say Osama? Because I did not mean to say Osama! That is crazy. What was I talking about again? Oh yea Barack Osama. Obama. Whatever. Same guy.

HIS MIDDLE NAME! There we go again. The fake Madrassa story. And on and on.

But is the bullshit working? I think so. There are the polls mentioned before. Of course I think that those 13% who reported Obama is a Muslim were ever going to vote for him anyway. The whole fake Muslim thing is just a good excuse and something they can spread.

It sounds better than "he is a nigger". Which is where the conversation goes most of the time if you take someone who claims Obama is a muslim and corner them with facts. Point out that even Cheney, who swore in all the Senators including Obama, says thay Obama swore in on the Bible and that is what you typically get.

I hope that for this election, people do not listen to bullshit. Vote based on facts. Vote based on ideas. Vote based on things like that.

Not based on some made up bullshit someone emails you. Or anything you hear on Fox "News".

Vote on more objective things. There is no need to stoop to making things up.

But making things up is how Republicans win. Ask McCain. He was smeared in 2000 by Bush. He has to remember.

Making Rounds

I made a round on some blogs today. If I missed yours do not despair! I will be there. Later today. And by "today" I mean Sunday. Ill get there! Just give me some time to catch up.

In other news - it is time for another fun filled game of "guess what I forgot at the vacation place"!! Yes you get to guess what it was I forgot while on vacation! And you can win fabulous prizes!

I lied about winning a fabulous prize by the way.

So what did I forget??? Was it.......

1. A Netflix movie I forgot to take out of the DVD player
2. The AC charger for the cell phone
3. My bluetooth (wireless) headset for the phone
4. A pair of pants
5. Beer I left in the fridge
6. My bottle of Flor de Cana 7 year Grand Reserve rum

The answer will be provided tomorrow, unless I forget.

Back To Reality

Vacation over! Time to leave Sanibel Island and drive back to Miami.

It is only a 2.5 - 3 hour drive, but it is a world away.

But all things must come to and end. And I am pretty sure the cats want out of cat jail. Cat jail is also known as "a cat size cage at the vet". I am sure they loved that.

There is much work to do once back home. Other than bailing the cats out of jail, there is the usual post vacation stuff to deal with. The boat is a mess. It needs a major cleaning. The inside needs to be scrubbed down really bad.

And then the hull that is in contact with water is covered in marina scuzz. Some strange residue is all over it.

And so on.

It was all fun while it lasted!!!

Fishing Master

Behold! I have mastered the art of fishing!


No fish were harmed in the taking of this picture. The fish was released and swam away.

Still Around

I am still here! And still on vacation.

I got 4 rods rigged with circle hooks and stuff. You have to use circle hooks now or else the water police will club you. Three rods are rigged with fluorocarbon leaders. This is some sort of high tech fishing line that is supposed to be "invisible" under water. One rod has a wire leader.

So will my nifty fishing line knots hold?? We shall find out!

Really REALLY early I am going off to harass some fish. I do not know if I will catch anything. Probably not. I usually do not catch squat. But who knows! I may get some keeper grouper. Or something. Snapper possibly? They are out on the reefs.

My fishing track record is less than great. I usually do not catch anything. Chances are the fish are safe.

Post In The Past - From The Future!

Monday's post was posted on Sunday. By accident. On purpose.

In the meantime, please enjoy this!



Sierra Nevada "Bigfoot Ale". This is a barleywine style beer. 10% alcohol - just like the gasoline I have to buy now! THANKS ETHANOL! You are a net energy loss but what the hell!

Really this beer would be much better during cooler weather. I may take the 4 I have remaining home with me and fridge em. Save them for the fall / winter. Celebrate the season's first cool snap. Ahhh that always feels so good.

Quick Update

Quick update time!

I also forgot the chart of the area. Good thing the boat GPS has a chart, otherwise I would have to navigate by using the force.

The force is not always strong with me. Navigation by using the force usually ends up as a dredge operation. Making my own channel!! YEA!!

Just hope the bottom is soft mud if you create your own channel.

Lets see what else is going on. NOTHING! And that is good. Did you know there are no traffic lights on the island? Well now you do. No traffic lights. There is a single 4 way stop sign. Thats about it. And that is good.

Normally I do not like being someplace with no traffic lights. Of course most of the time when I am somewhere without traffic lights I am in The Sticks. In Mississippi or Alabama or somewhere. With nothing to do. Everything closes at 7 PM. No drinking on Sunday or else God gets pissed. So you have to buy all your beer Saturday and somehow God is fooled.

Blue Laws are retarded. Really. People still get hammered, they just have to buy their booze one day in advance. And they can say smugly "WE do not buy that stuff on Sunday here!".

Blow me. I do not want to hear that crap. You know what I have to say to the "we do not buy that stuff on Sunday" line?

In Miami WE do not marry our cousins. So there. In Miami WE have these things called "dentists" and more people with full sets of teeth. TAKE THAT!!!

But really - Sanibel does not need traffic lights. And yea things do close early. By 10 PM there is no place to get food, other than the 7-11. The last bar shuts down at 1 AM. EARLY!! But that is OK.

So far things are good.

Island Life

I am here! On the island. In the Gulf Of Mexico. Well one side of the island is on the Gulf Of Mexico, the other is on San Carlos Bay.

But that is not important. Really. Geography is boring. Nobody gives a shit where places are. This is proven easily. Go out on the street and ask a random person what borders North Dakota. Or where Belgium is.

If the person you ask does not know, then chances are you are somewhere in the USA.

So getting back to Sanibel, here is another map.



So now you know where the island is. Just take a map of Florida. Now look for TAMPA. It is in the west coast. Look for a big ass bay - can't miss the place. Now that you have found Tampa trace your finger SOUTH for an inch or two depending on the size of the map. You are looking for a smaller place called "Fort Myers". Sanibel is pretty much there.

If your finger gets to Naples you went too far. You flunk geography.

And now.....for the list of shit I forgot!!!!

1. The camera. I remembered the camera battery charger however.

2. My shoes. All I have are a pair of Crocs.

I may have also forgot other things. Who knows. The vacation is really just starting.

Runn Oft

It seems it is that time of the year again.

The time I am FORCED to haul off to the other side of Florida and spend a week in a beach condo. Yea I know - sounds horrible. The place is right on the beach. Well actually about 100 - 125 yards from the beach. I have never measured the distance. There is also a large pool and a pool bar and shit. The condo itself has a full kitchen. It is stocked with plates and cooking stuff and so on. You just check in, lug all your shit up the stairs, and put it away.

Of course I devised a way to DEFEAT the evil stairs. The stairs used to be the bane of the vacation. See the resort seems to ignore the ADA. There are no elevators. Only stairs. Cant get up the stairs? TOO BAD!

So anyway you had to lug all your crap up the stairs. The beer, your clothes, and whatever food you decided to get.

And then there is all the other stuff. This is sort of a family vacation thing. My dad brings a lot of shit. Too much really. I can jug my crap up in two trips. One trip for the clothes and 1/2 of the beer, then another trip for the other 1/2 of the beer.

But old people like to bring a lot of things. PILES of things. At least two coolers. Plus enough clothes for a month per person. Plus who knows what else.

Ever see older people at the airport lugging enough luggage for the Saudi Royal Family? You ask them where they are going and they say "we are going to (someplace only 2 hours by air away) for three days". Three days huh? So you have two LARGE bags per day?? Are you planning to use all that shit?

Anyway chances are I am related to those people. And yes, somehow they do manage to use all that shit.

So.....I invented a STUFF ELEVATOR! It consists of two straps, a metal tube bent to an L shape, a pulley, some rope, and a clip. Here is how it works!

When I get to the place I go up the stairs with the items. The metal tube gets strapped to a concrete beam and the pulley is hung from it. Then I loop the rope through the pulley. On each end of the rope is a clip.

At the ground there is now a rope with a clip attached to a pulley at the top of the stairs. Then someone at the ground level takes a large canvas bag, stuffs it full of shit, and clips the handles to the rope. I haul it up.

Now this is where the device is PURE GENIUS. The pipe can pivot in the straps. It will not fall, but I can pivot it 90 degrees. So once I haul up a bag of shit I can pivot the pipe and the shit moves over the railing! Then I can plot it down.

After the shit is hauled up the stairs the stuff is then moved from the hallway to the condo.

And then the stuff elevator is taken apart and stashed somewhere.

Of course I am bringing the boat. I was working most of the day getting it all ready. I had to remove the floor boxes to get to the bilge so I could check the through hull fittings. They all look fine. No problems. Then I had to put the boxes back and replace the bolts that attach the box lids to the hinges. And then there was the installation of the two additional courtesy lights I was putting off. But it is ready now.

I just hope someone does not say "hey a boat! Someone will be here to hook it up to a truck and haul it off to the other side of the state! I think I will pack it full of shit".

There is a wet slip for the boat. This is the best part. And why I had to check the fittings below the waterline. The boat will go to live at the marina where it can hang out with a lot of other boats. And whenever I want to use the boat it is already in the water! Floating. No trailer needed! No boat ramp. It is going to rule.

Drive-Tard

This guy is a BAD DRIVER. The scary thing is that he is allowed to drive a large vehicle, towing an even larger and heavier object. How many lives were endangered by this drive-tard on the road??


How Not To Use The Drive Through ATM - Watch more free videos

Seriously, we need much MICH higher standards in the USA when it comes to handing out drivers licenses.

At least it was not in Florida. I think.

Real Work VS Bullshit

I have a few things to do before I am ready to trek across Florida on my way to the Gulf Coast. Which is really only a 2 - 3 hour drive. No biggie. I hardly even notice the drive. I have satellite radio. It is so worth it.

Anyway one of those things is watching a movie so I can send it back to Netflix to get more movies which I can take with me.

The three I have now are Cloverfield, The Kingdom, and Flyboys. Cloverfield - GODZILLA RIP OFF! A horrible monster emerges from the sea, and wipes out New York City. Sound like a familiar plot? Geez. At least TRY to make it different. The movie makers even admitted to ripping off Godzilla using the excuse "Japan has all these great monster movies, and the USA does not except for King Kong".

Well let me break it down for you movie making IDIOTS! Godzilla is a classic. Why? Well lets see here. Japan was NUKED twice in WWII. Then AFTER the war was over Godzilla was made. In the movie an innocent marine iguana was hanging out sunning itself when there is a nuclear blast. The fallout transforms it into Godzilla, who then ravages Tokyo. In the movie credits, the year the movie was made is given as some year of the emperor of Japan - whose power was diminished by occupying US forces.

So the movie was NOT just some bad monster movie with a guy in a Godzilla costume knocking over cardboard buildings. It was an allegory to what actually happened to Japan. The fallout continued to kill long after the war was over. This is why the movie is so great - even if the acting and effects are horrible. Because it is NOT just "a monster movie".

And King Kong? Well lets see here. You have this unspoiled jungle on an island inhabited by "primitive" people. People so primitive they managed to build a wall that could contain this giant gorilla. Then some western explorers "discover" the island (that already had people on it) and just help themselves to whatever they find there - to exploit it for fun and profit. Then the giant gorilla gets loose (the primitives can build a fence to contain Kong but Kong has no problem getting away from the more advanced people) and runs wild in New York City.

So again - not just a "monster movie" - but an allegory for.....oh I don't know....COLONIZATION maybe? Think so??

So get over it Cloverfield people. You did not make a Godzilla or even a King Kong. You DID make just a monster movie. Cool effects! But no classic. 3 tail whips only because I happen to like monster movies. And the monster was cool looking.

Flyboys was based on an actual WWI fighter plane squadron made up of volunteer Americans fighting in France. The "flyboys" all enlisted with the French BEFORE America declared war. The French trained them to fly, gave them planes, and sent them off to be the first fighter pilots. Good movie. I do not know how based in truth the movie is, other than the fact that there was a squad of pilots made up of volunteer Americans. I went with 4 tail whips.

I have yet to watch The Kingdom. Ill do that later. After I post this. By the way, I am using the "write now post later" feature. So by the time this post is posted the movie will be at least 1/2 over.

So what else do I have to do? Clean the boat. See some sort of roof work had to be done. So this crew comes over and starts to rip everything off the roof, exposing the plywood. Now what does this have to do with the boat? Well the roof where the boat lives is a gravel roof. Great for hurricanes. Really. A gravel roof is probably the best for hurricanes. See the wind gets under roof tiles and shingles and rips them right off, which can then allow leaks. Gravel roofs fare better. Sure everything downwind gets gravel blasted - but after it is all over just put more gravel up there and you are usually OK.

But when you mess with the roof it gets really dusty and dirty.

Of course there is a good part here. The good part is I can clean the boat in less than 30 minutes. Actually A LOT less than 30 minutes. Really all I need to do is squirt it down and let all the dirt and dust run off. No need to use any soap or anything, although if I do that will not take long either.

So I would much rather have to clean the boat than to do the roof work!

I have said this before and Ill say it again - roofing is REAL WORK. All other "work" is bullshit. If you wear a suit to work you are NOT "working". You are loafing.

Roofers NEVER wear a business suit to work. And they do more work in a day than a lot of people do in a year. And in South Florida - in the summer - it is work! You will get tired just watching.

Now imagine you have to haul the heavy ass bags of gravel up to the rooftop. Bag after bag. I do not know how many but it is a lot.

El Passo!!

Ops Normal

Operations are normal. Again. The visitors are gone. They left Saturday afternoon. They will have a long drive home.

Anyhow it was fun. I had a good time driving people around. I actually found a place to park on Ocean Drive twice. It was amazing. That never happens.

And you have to take people from out of town to Ocean Drive / South Beach. They did not want to do the club thing, just hang on the beach. Fine by me really. I could let them hang on the beach in the sun while I found a bar where there is shade.

So it all worked out.

And in other news, the posting schedule will resume somewhat normal operations. Whatever that means. My schedule has been somewhat erratic as of late. I guess there is nothing exciting to report on and I can not think of anything funny.

Summer tends to do this. The heat saps everything.

This brings up a bitching point. People that complain about the heat in South Florida in the summer. Yes, it is hot. No shit! Really? I thought it was a ski resort!

And please do not complain about the bugs. Yes there are bugs. We all know it. They are biting me too. Except I have enough brain cells to put on insect repellent. Its called "Off". Use it. Quit complaining.

Ill comment that it is hot. Ill say crap like "I am going in the shade" and stuff, but that is not a complaint. It is more like informing others what I intend to do. Hey Ill be over there, for I am not an idiot.

Ill also jump in the water whenever possible. This helps beat the heat.

But there is no point in complaining. It is like complaining that shit stinks, or that dogs bark, or that water is wet. And it is annoying to others.

And another thing is sneaking up. It seems that I leave for the Florida gulf coast on Friday. That will be nice. I like going there. I do not know how long Ill be able to stay this year. It depends on a few factors that are as of yet not totally resolved. But things are looking OK. So far.

Still Here!

I am still here. Contrary to internet rumors I was not carried off into the everglades by a pack of alligators or anything.

Internet rumors. Never believe them. Unless they are funny. Like the internet rumor about Richard Gere and a gerbil.

Anyhow lets get away from that. The guy falls asleep in a pet store and a rodent gets confused and thinks "that" was a habitrail. Could happen to anyone right???

Uhhhh....not.....really? We can only hope the gerbil was at least declawed. I suppose. Or do you want the claws??? I don't really know much about these things.

The tour guide think is going along pretty good. Everyone is having a nice time. As it turns out, the out of town people want to go to different tourist spots and drink. Go figure! So I took em to the beach, and while they baked in the sun I hid from the sun at a bar. And so on. Really this guide thing is pretty easy. You just make shit up!

Really. Make shit up. Like anyone is going to know you are making shit up. Like for instance, Star Island. A few famous people live there. But which houses are owned by famous people and which homes are just owned by anonymous VERY rich people? Got me. I don't care where Rosie O'Donnel lives, or where Madonna used to live. I just assume that Rosie lives at the home with the giant "Slow speed manatee zone year round" sign.

I mean the sign must be there for a reason right? So why put the sign there as opposed to somewhere else?

But bad manatee jokes aside, it is going along well.

I also discovered something. The Doral Golf Resort. This is in Doral. Which is in Miami. Not too far away from home really. The golf course is famous or something. The Blue Monster? Something like that. It is some sort of a big deal on the PGA tour. Which I could give a shit less about.

Golf is a waste of land.

But there was some manner of trade show there. And the people had to go to it. That was the whole point in the trip down here really. So they are staying at the golf resort thing. And it is a pretty nice place. The drinks are expensive however. But the resort is cool enough. If you actually give a crap about golf it is probably much cooler.

Everyone leaves tomorrow. Then it will be back to normal.

Tour Guide

Well so far so good! I have to conduct a tour of Biscayne Bay today. Yea I know - a real arm twist. Actually I offered. Any excuse to use the boat is a good excuse!!! I am all for it.

It will be a blast. Really. I want to do it. Ill have fun.

I know where P Diddy lives. I know where Al Capone used to live. Yes, Capone had a house in Miami. Before he croaked. The house is not his anymore, someone else owns it now.

I also know where a bunch of other crap is at. Plus I can make shit up. Everyone is from Ohio. What do they know about Miami? NOTHING! So I can make shit up. Nobody will know any better.
As Krok says. its all good.

Tour Guide

People from out of town arrive today. Guess who gets to play "tour guide". I really do not mind.

I just hope they do not want to go to South Beach. I hate the South Beach traffic. I hate the South Beach parking. I hate the South Beach drink prices. I hate the South Beach VALETS! Those people are PARASITES ON SOCIETY! Yea, take this $20 to park my vehicle for me. Yea I could do it myself - but fuck it. Here is $20. Please re-adjust the drivers seat for me! And change the radio station! GO ON! Please! I insist.

Oh wait - I forgot! I can't just park myself. YOU VALETS TOOK OVER ALL THE SPOTS! I have no choice.

SLUGS! I would rather pay a homeless person to piss in my gas tank than pay you to park my car.

I also hate the whole South Beach scene. The waiting in line so some scumbag behind a velvet rope and decide if you are worthy enough to get into some club. Hey scumbag behind the rope! Does your probation officer know you are out past midnight? How is that ankle bracelet the courts told you to wear going?

Really - take my word for it. South Beach sucks. Unless you like to pay for overpriced drinks and pay scumbags to mess with all the controls and settings in your car and stand in line to get into clubs and crap. If you like that then you will love South Beach.

But EVERYONE wants to go there. They think it is great.

I already know the people want to go to "the beach" today. But that is OK. I will pick the beach and go someplace half way decent.

I think they are going to get a place on Miami Beach anyway. Then they can go to South Beach all they want. And look at the fruits. And deal with the valets and scumbags guarding the entrances to the clubs - telling you that you can get in now IF you agree to buy a $500 bottle of vodka that you can get anywhere else for $30.

Classic. But not for me.

Weekend Wrap-Up

The 4th went over well. I got out on the water and that usually results in a good time.

The weather did get a little snotty in the late afternoon / early evening. I got to play an exciting game of "outrun the storm". The rules are simple - do not get rained on. If you get rained on then you lost.


Now complicating the game was the SLOW SPEED zone I was in. And not to mention the hundreds of other boats anchored up waiting for the fireworks show to start. And the cop boats there to make sure I did not violate the slow speed zone.

For a while, I was on the edge of the storm. At one point the heavy rain was about 50 yards away. But then I got out of the slow zone area and could haul ass. But I won the game. I did not get rained on and I did not get hit by lightning.

But I do need one more piece of equipment. GOGGLES! I happen to have some, I just did not bring them. But I am going to put them on the boat and keep them there. They have a clear lens, and I have another lens on the way that is dark. Why do I need these?

Imagine that it is sprinkling and you are playing "outrun the storm". So you are running at 25 mph, with the drizzle hitting your face. But it is dark so you can not wear sunglasses for protection! That sucks. Actually it stings.

Speaking of stings, it seems I got stung by a bee. Or some sort of fuzzy bug. It was at night, AFTER the fireworks, and away from land. I got stung, the bee got mushed. I think I won that battle.

Some out of town people will be here Monday, so chances are good the boat will get wet again Tuesday. They want to go to the beach Monday, after an all night drive from Ohio to get here. I think they are crazy. But whatever. If they want the beach then they will get the beach. I just do not know which beach yet. Probably South Beach. That is the famous one. But I HATE South Beach. I hate parking at the beach. I hate the traffic at the beach. So it all depends. If the people just want sun and water, then Ill go to Key Biscayne. I hate that place a lot less.

And what about Sunday? Well Ill be floating. Again. Why not. Ill be out doing my auxiliary weekend warrior thing. Cruising around looking for things. Not as much fun as a party booze cruise, but the government pays for my gas, and I get more time at the wheel to practice boat handling stuff. It all works out.

And now...photos of the last mission, taken at Monument Island. You can see the monument in some of the photos. You can also see the brooding storm clouds.......

Happy Birthday

Have a happy and safe Independence Day. Do not blow a thumb off in a horrible M-80 accident or anything.

It is America's birthday! So celebrate as you see fit!!

For me, Ill be floating around somewhere. Somewhere in the general area of:

1. Watson Island.
2. Monument Island.
3. Virginia Key / Bayside Market Place.
4. Coconut Grove / Key Biscayne.

All these places are close together. With fuel the way it is, I do not do as much running around as I used to.

It will be a good time!!


The first beer is to these guys. They started it all.

I Have No Title

I noticed something kind of exciting today!

The National Hurricane Center website has a new look. Now why is this exciting? Because it is. YOU may not need a link on your blog page to the NHC, but I do. I like the link on my blog to the NHC. Because then I do not have to Google "hurricane center" all summer. I can just click the link and see what is going on.

Because it is not a bad idea to keep track of what is going on. Unless you live someplace crazy. Like Montana. Or Idaho. If you live in Montana or Idaho then you probably never need to go to the National Hurricane Center website.

But I never have to go to the "how much snow will my ass have to shovel tomorrow" website. So in some sort of cosmic way it all works out.

OK so that is over. Stay tuned right here for tropical updates. Should there be any. If there are not I will not complain. No updates are the best updates of all!

As for as more immediate concerns go, weather on Friday still looks OK. Same "scattered thunder storms" forecast as every other day. So the mission is still on. I have conferred with various sources (my spy network) and I think I have good intelligence regarding a place to drop the anchor and watch the fireworks. Ill be able to see at least two shows at the same time. Maybe (probably) more.

In other news, I am watching some lame ass cop show. Now I have watched a lot of lame ass cop shows. And in all these shows I have learned one thing.

When the cops say "it smells like a brewery in here" you are probably going to jail. So do not use beer or booze as cologne or as an automobile air freshener. But if you do get stopped and your car does smell like a brewery and you see TV cameras, say some crazy funny shit. It makes the show more entertaining. After all, you are drunk so you have an excuse. You are not going to get into any more trouble. It is your chance to strip naked and run away screaming KILLER BEES!! KILLER BEES!! Or something.

The Gnats

Lets see here.....what is going on?

Nothing. Welcome to the summer doldrums. You wake up, it is hot outside, then it rains, then the gnats come out, and every time you breathe you inhale gnats.

Where the hell are a swarm of dragonflies when you want them? NOWHERE! In fact, I can not remember the last time I saw a dragonfly. This may explain the gnats.

Of course this is probably my fault. I have been dumping over any container of standing water I can find. Standing water breeds mosquitoes. These are BAD! HORRIBLE! But dragonfly larva also need standing water.

So what the hell can I do? Apparently nothing.

I hate it when gnats get up your nose. Once I was riding a bike and that happened and I started to sneeze and then swat at the air in a feeble attempt to clear a path - and then I crashed into a line pole.

So there I was, probably letting loose with a string of no-no words, bleeding, and furiously picking at my nose. With my pinkie finger so I could REALLY REALLY reach up there deep. Digging for gold. The idea was that I could SQUASH the gnats so they would stop wiggling.

It must have been quite a sight to see. There is that crazy guy again! Cursing and bleeding an nose picking. And it looks like the front wheel on that bicycle is....bent or something???

Good thing Homeland Security was not around back then. I would have probably been added to several watch lists. And for good reason. YOU do not want to have to sit next to the bleeding nose picking cursing guy during a trans-Atlantic flight now do you? Of course not. This is why people who frequently do this need to be on the famous "do not fly" list. Everyone can agree on this much.

But it was all the fault of the gnats. I hate those things. Did I mention that?

So anyway, that is a good summary of how things are going. Wake up, it is hot, then it rains, the gnats come out and the humidity is about as high as it can get so everything is steamy and you sweat like you are melting, then it rains some more, then the day is over.

Except for today. It only rained a little where I was at. See in Florida "rain" does not mean you will get wet. It can be raining in your front yard, but not your back yard. Really. I have seen that happen before.

You may be driving home in a terrible thunder storm, through standing water caused by an urban flash flood (some genius decided that everything in Miami must be paved, so that water can no longer soak into the ground - it just runs to the lowest point in the area). But when you get home - everything is bone dry. Never rained there.

But the gnats will be out anyway. They do not seem to care. I have no idea where they come from. I suspect they live in hedges and/or the lawn. Maybe just underground? Who knows.

Now what does this have to do with anything? I forgot. I think I was getting at a point. But whatever that point was is lost to time.

OH YEA! Thats right. It all boils down to Friday the 4th of July. So far the weather reports are promising. They are calling for a "slight chance" of showers and thunderstorms. Pretty standard report really.

The water mission is still on.

I Live On Comments

Photograph Monday will remain on this blog main page until I get comments.

Arrangements have been made for a booze cruise on the 4th. The general plan is to get in the water sometime in the afternoon (1 or 2 PM target) then go to a party island for some swimming and whatnot. Then when the sun is getting low in the sky head to a dockside food place ( I figure 5 or 6 PM for this).

And then head off to watch the explosions in the sky from the water. The explosions start at 9 PM. So by 8 PM Ill have to be anchored in the designated area. I have no idea where that is, I have never watched the fireworks from the water before.

Sounds like a good enough plan to me.