Halloween

First, for your viewing pleasure - A SPOOKY SHORT FILM!!!!!



And I thought Fred the orange cat was mean because he will bite the crap out of you if you annoy him. And how to you annoy Fred? Try to move is fat ass. If he plops down next to you then fine. But if you try to hold him, or move him, or touch his paws, tail, or belly - you will probably get bit.

Up next - Lazy Iguana's Halloween Safety Tips!!!

Tip 1 - spring for some GOOD CANDY. It is OK to have a few bags of the cheaper stuff - but you need some premium candy to spice things up.

Tip 2 - make up goody bags. Fill the bags with an assortment of stuff. MAKE SURE that at least one or two premium treats are in each bag.

The bags make it easy for the potential problems to remember where the candy came from.

For you see, this year Halloween falls on a Friday. And there is no school Saturday. So handing out crap candy is just asking - no PLEADING - for your place to get toilet papered. Or egged. Or whatever.

The way I look at Halloween is that is a holiday celebrating extortion. Give me good candy - or else I pull a prank on you. A prank that involves your front yard and a bunch of toilet paper. Or your car gas tank and a bag of sugar. Or a dozen raw eggs and your front door. Or a bag of dog poop set on fire and left on your porch.

By the way - if you open the door and see a bag on fire - DO NOT STOMP IT OUT!!! It is a trap. As demonstrated in this training film.



Tip 3 - as soon as Halloween is "over", throw out the pumpkin. Leaving a carved pumpkin on your door steep is an open invitation for someone to smash it. Or blow it up with fireworks.

Lets see - what else. I think I covered everything. I got the spooky video covered. I got the Halloween tips covered. Yup. Got it all.

Ill be going to the FLIBS today. The Ft Lauderdale International Boat Show. It looks like Ill go to the big boats area, which is on the water at a marina. I have never gone to the big boats area before. So it will be cool. I guess.

I printed out my ticket so I will not have to stand in line, like a jackass, when I get there. I think I have a free parking hookup taken care of.

There will be photos.

Halloween Humor

First - an item for CM!!!

A few weeks ago I drove my mom a few hours north to visit her friend who is in a physical rehab center / nursing home. The old lady had a hip replacement operation.

Anyhow while roaming the halls of the nursing home / physical rehab center - I passed by the recreation room. Decorated for Halloween.

With a BIG ASS Grim Reaper.

This struck me was funny, in a morbid sort of way. A grim reaper in a nursing home? Grim reaper decorations in a place were the average age of the residents is death minus a few weeks? Really??

Did nobody stop to think about this first??

Anyhow - it amused me for some reason. I think my brain is wired wrong.

I have decided on my costume. Since I am cheap I am going to make one. I just need a box and some spray paint. I am going to totally steal this idea.


Yea I know - not terribly original. But whatever. As if Frankenstein is original. Or as if the other lame ass costumes people put on are original. So I am going to rip off this idea.

And who knows - maybe even see some boobs.

Plus I already have the box. And a knife. So all I need is the spray paint. And the letters.

That is pretty much all for now.

Cool

It is official. The first REAL cold front of the season is here. In South FL. Right now my bedroom window is wide open - and the AC is OFF!! There is a good deal of cool air pouring in the window now.

And it is wonderful.

I drank my Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Ale. I was waiting for the first cold front of the year so that I could properly enjoy such a heavy beer.

While driving to the drink the beer hangout spot, the truck windows were down. The rear split window was open. And the heater was on full blast. I like this driving mode. It feels good.

Last week it was cool - or at least not hot. But it was all gray and ugly. Tuesday the sky was clear and blue - and it felt like the whole planet was air conditioned.

Since it is not even Halloween yet, I am VERY OPTIMISTIC about this winter. It is shaping up to be very nice.

For me. Maybe not for you. I am in South Florida. You may get buried in snow. But for me it will just be cool. Maybe even chilly.

Cold for my standards is below 50F / 10C. And currently it is 51F / 10.6C.

That is about all for here! The rest of this week is looking REALLY GOOD!!!! Nice and cool. Clear blue skies - and no heat. No bugs. It will be safe to venture into the everglades again.

Yes. This winter is looking very good.

Good News

Only one more week of this election stuff left to go. This is good news indeed.

Of course, do not expect the stuff to go away. There will be no more commercials, but there will be a few days of "analysis". State by State, County by County, precinct by precinct, down to the smallest possible unit analysis.

Before computers and crap this was probably not possible. But it is now. Technology - she be a harsh mistress. Like the sea. Only less salty. And fewer sharks.

The FLIBS is in town this weekend. And what the hell is the FLIBS?

Ft. Lauderdale International Boat Show.

I think I have managed to wrangle some free FLIBS tickets. Or should I say ticket. So it looks like Ill go. Why not. I like to look at stuff. I think the plan is to go to the big ass boat section and look at the big ass boats.

Somewhere there is a place to score booze. There always is. The idea being if you get people drunk, they are more likely to buy a boat.

And in this economy, I would be grabbing people that walk by, strapping them down to the floor of one of the boats at my display, then funneling rum down their throat. I would have boxes of kittens and puppies and infants - which I would threaten to drown if nobody bought something.

Desperate times call for desperate measures after all.

But the truth is the very large boat market is not really suffering the same as the small boat market. See people in the market for a $10m yacht do not really give a shit about the economy. They are going to drop $10 million on a boat. They are insulated from the shit storm. Somewhat.

80% of the world's big yachts are sold at the Ft. Lauderdale show. Last year sales WERE down. I do not know by how much.

I did hear that a lot of the smaller boat sales fell through. This happens every show. People get all want-y and shit. Then they see a boat that they can not really afford, and start the process of buying. Then when they can not secure financing the deal just dies. Or they just back out. They get home, get sober, and back out.

But last year A LOT of deals died. And credit was still somewhat easy to get. I expect new boat sales in the under 40 feet class to be dismal.

But Ill go.

The truth is I like the convention center venue the best. This is where the accessories and smaller boats are. Things like electronics, gizmos, thingies, crap, doohickeys, demos, and so on. I like to look at that stuff.

Ill do that at the Miami show.

Lets Play Sniff The Bullshit!!

It has come to my attention that A WHOLE LOT of bullshit has been spread this election cycle.

MUCH more than the normal amount. I should not be surprised, but I am. I did not know there were enough bulls in the world to produce this amount of shit.

People must have been stockpiling it for a few years or something.

So here is how you can sort it all out. Lets say you get some email that Obama is a (fill in the blank) or that Obama (blank).

For example, Obama traveled at age 20 on a foreign passport, and visited North Korea.

Here is what you can do! Go to Fox News. On the main page, there is a "search" box. Search the Fox News website for "Obama passport" and see what comes up!

Whats that?!?!?! NOTHING about his travels to North Korea on a foreign passport? Really?!?!?!

At this point you can only draw two conclusions.

1. The story someone emailed you is BULLSHIT

2. Fox News is part of the vast liberal media cover up.

By the way, if you conclude option 2 then you should stop watching Fox, because it is part of that darn liberal media. By not watching Fox anymore it will go off the air, and the average IQ of the nation will go up by 10 points.

If you conclude option 1 - then Fox is not part of the liberal media cover up. The story is just bullshit. Not true. False. Made up.

The election is less than 2 weeks away. And that is GREAT! I am so done with it at this point.

And by the way - to all the desperate McCain supporters. If you are going to make up a story and carve a B into your face, remember that if you look in a mirror to do the self mutilation, mirror images are REVERSED! So if you are looking in the mirror, the B should appear backwards. If it appears correct in the mirror you carved it on your face backwards.

Got it??? GOOD! Remember mirror images are reversed, or get someone else in on the attempt to spread more bullshit to do the carving for you.

Also - remember your story. Do not get little details confused. And remember that if your story is going to involve an ATM - those things have video cameras. Make sure you actually go there.

The Lazy One recommends saving all carving for Halloween pumpkins. Leave your face alone. You are just going to cause medical insurance premiums to go up. The Lazy One also recommends that you just have a beer and forget about elaborate plans. It is a whole lot of effort after all.

As for me - I just want to fish more. The more time spent fishing, the better. There is no TV when you are fishing. And trust me - that is a GOOD thing.

Sunday Ill be out on the water. There is a series of sailboat races at the boat club. I get to be a safety boat. After it is over the boat club is going to provide me TWO beverages of my choice.

I shall choose Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. Or maybe rum. Ill have to think about that.

Vanishng Act

So I have vanished for a few days. I have a good excuse.

I was early voting. It took this long. The line was really long.

Really. I showed up on the first day of early voting. I figure that nobody is going to show up on the very first day. What about all the "undecided" people I keep hearing so much about? They would not be there.

But who the hell is still undecided? What are you waiting for? More 30 second TV commercials?

And then there is the old people. They like to do things early. This is why it is next to impossible to get a table at Denny's at 5 PM. That is prime time senior discount time! But at it turned out, on Monday there was a Matlock marathon on TV, so I figured that people would stay home and watch that. And I may have made up the thing about the Matlock marathon on TV. But still, it was day 1 of 10.

So when I get there, and there are cars parked on the high voltage power line easement land, I think "oh.....shit". But in for a penny in for a pound! Plus I found a good place to park and looked at that as a good omen.

The ballot for Miami is long. It always is for these types of elections. A lot of crap is stuffed in the ballot. State crap, County crap, and so on.

And then there are the new machines! Touch screen is out, bubble sheets are in! It now takes longer to vote. But it is a better system. You bubble in the sheet, then feed it into the scanner. If the scanner accepts the ballot, it means you did not fuck it up. The votes are stored in the machine memory so that they can be tabulated fast. And if there is any funny business, there is the paper hardcopy.

The whole process took about 2.5 hours. Most of that was standing in line. Not really too bad, but a little more than I was expecting.

Anyhow here is how I went!!!

President / VP - Obama / Biden. Big shock there huh?

Congressional district 21 - Raul L Martinez. Google that name if you want some great reading. The guy really is a class act. I think he was convicted of some sort of crime, later overtruned on appeal. He also attacked and beat the crap out of some idiot. He was the mayor of Hialeah, and even by Miami standards Hialeah is a foreign nation. But be that as it may - Raul Martinez is better than the incumbent Lincoln Diaz-Bilart. Diaz-Bilart is an ass. Time for him to go. What the hell, let Raul in congress. Maybe he will beat the crap out of someone during a heated debate. At least that would be funny. By the way, there are TWO Diaz-Bilart brothers in Congress. I am really hoping BOTH get shit canned. Even if that means putting Raul Martinez in.

Clerk Of The Circuit Court - Harvey Ruvin. Why not. I have no idea who this guy even is.

Shall (whoever) on the State Supreme Court be retained - NO! Get rid of em all. I always do this, just because. So if you are a member of the FL Supreme Court - I am that guy who voted NO to keep you around for some more time. And no, I have no idea what you have done, or how you have ruled. Hell I may even agree with you. But still - NO!

Property Appraiser - Gwen Margolis.

State Constitution question 1 - shall the state delete provisions authorizing the legislative branch to restrict or prohibit the ownership or inheritance of property by aliens ineligible for citizenship. HELL NO! Keep that shit in the state constitution.

Question 2 - defining marriage. The wedge issue, put on the ballot to draw out voters likely to go for McCain. I mean you may not really like McCain because he is not far enough to the right - but you WILL show up to vote on question 2. And while you are there, why not vote for the person on the ballot most likely to win and the furthest to the right. Shit like this comes out every time. So I voted NO. Marriage has lasted this long without being defined by Florida, so therefore it probably does not need to be defined now.

Question 3 - YES. This will make it so your property tax assessment does not increase if you make improvements to your property to increase resistance to wind damage. Also included in this would be improvements that generate your own electricity by installing renewable things. So if you drop a load on a metal roof (best for hurricanes) and solar panels, your home value goes up but not the tax assessment.

Question 4 - YES. This provides for lower property taxes, or no property tax, on land encumbered by conservation shit. So if your land is declared to be a nature preserve, then you get a tax break.

Question 6 - YES. This taxes waterfront property based on actual use as opposed to best use. So if you have a small marina, you are taxed on the value of said marina and NOT what the land would be worth if you built a $100 million ultra luxury condo high rise on it. SAVE THE BOAT RAMPS!!!

Question 8 - sales tax to support community colleges. YES. This does not actually create a sales tax, it simply gives Counties the option to propose a sales tax to supplement community college funding, which will have to pass another public vote, and will sunset after 5 years unless reauthorized by public vote.

And then there were some County questions! These are fun.

Home Rule Charter Amendment. What this gem is trying to do is take ALL the power away from the County Manager and give it to the Mayor. The County Manager would be reduced to a nothing job, only allowed to support the mayor IF the mayor wanted to allow it.

OH HELL NO!!!!

Home rule change regarding the pay for commissioners. Should the county commissioners no longer get paid $6,000 per year (and be allowed to hold outside employment) so they can get $92,000 and be full time employees - unable to hold outside jobs? FUCK NO!!! These grave robbers get all sorts of "extras". Such as their $900 per month car allowance. And free health insurance for life. And a $300,000 discretionary budget. You fuckers want a close to $90,000 pay raise? GIVE UP THE REST OF YOUR EXTRAS! Pay for your own car. Pay for your own insurance. I could work for the County for 30 years and when I retire do I get free insurance for life? NOPE! So screw you guys. Don't like your $6,000 per year salary? GET ANOTHER JOB!

Charter change so that people running for local office can just pay a "qualifying fee" instead of collecting signatures? NO WAY! Too fucking lazy to collect signatures on the street? You just want to pay the "qualifying fee" then run for a job that only pays $6,000 a year? Uhhhhh.....NO! Collect the signatures.

Rule change so the clerk of the courts, not the commission, approve petitions and inform the County Commission when they have to hold public hearings - YES! Take more power AWAY from the commission. After all it is only fair! The poor commissioners are only making $6,000 a year! They need fewer responsibilities so that they can panhandle on the street corner so that they can afford more than rice and beans for dinner.

Rule change so the clerk of the court approves citizen initiative petition drives, not the commission? YES! Again - those poor overworked commissioners only making $500 a month need less workload. So take the power AWAY from them and transfer it to someone else.

The last one I was not so sure about. It says that the County Commission be required to provide uniform fire rescue service for all incorporated and unincorporated areas of the County - except for Miami, Miami Beach, Coral Gables, Key Biscayne, and Hialeah - which may provide their own services. I think this is an effort to stop incorporation. So I voted YES. Fire rescue services should be around for whoever needs them.

ANYHOW - I told you the ballot was long. There was much to read. And I lot of bubbles to bubble in.

But I did it. And the machine accepted my ballots. So I guess I did it right.

Most importantly - I got it all over with.

Not Communist. Maybe.

Well there is some exciting stuff going on here.

Actually, I am going to take that back. There is not any exciting stuff going on here. Just an out of town visitor. Who is bringing her adopted kid. And then everyone is going to Disney World.

Now I am not going to get into the whole adopted kid thing. I do not think it is very important. But lets just say it seems a bit strange. The kid was supposed to be adopted from China. But her hair is not straight. Ever see a Chinese without straight hair??

Me either.

And this person is not exactly sitting on cash. Adopting from China is not cheap. See China is really a capitalist nation with a one party law. Capitalist?? But how can I say that?? They are commies!!! I do not know what I am talking about.

Or do I????

The idea of "communism" is "for the common good" - right? You know, health care for the masses, social security for old people, and all that other stuff.

That DOES NOT EXIST in China. If you can not pay for something over there, you are fucked. On the other hand, if you CAN pay for something ANYTHING and EVERYTHING is for sale. Need a liver? No problem! They will find one for you. And if the "donor" has less money than you do - that liver is suddenly for sale!

Capitalism to the extreme if you ask me.

So how does someone who can not make a large "donation" to some orphanage get a kid? Who knows. The child does have a medical condition - something that could be corrected here in the USA but in the "communist" China it was left totally untreated. Because fixing it would require money.

Good thing we do not want to be "communist" huh? If we were, well then apparently the party that accused everyone else of being "communist" would rule. Nothing for you - unless you can afford to pay for it. That is the new communism. Ask China.

Anyhow be that what it may. My parents are going to foot the bill for a Disney trip for her and her kid. Cause they are cool like that.

But I am off the hook. I am not going. I weaseled my way out of it. Plus I do not exactly have the cash to go. I would need my own room - as it would be very weird to share a room with my mom, the adopted kid, and her mother which is also my cousin. This ain't Alabama!

No offense Alabama.

And then I would need park tickets. And food. And I would also want to do non kid stuff, namely go to the Food and Wine festival at Epcot Center and then attempt to drink around the world.

So anyway it would be VERY weird, I can not really afford it, and my dad is not THAT communist. Paying for a kid to go to Disney is one thing - paying for my ass to go, someone who is not a kid and who has been there a bazillion times, is quite another thing. I can either pay for my own ass to go - or I do not go.

But I am going to take the guests out in the boat. I like using the boat. It is full of gas. The oil tank has about 2 gallons in it, so that thing is almost full as well. It is all ready to go. All I need is a child size life jacket. In case I sink.

And once I do that, my work is done. If the guests even want to do that.

Skippered

I invented a new verb. Skippered. An alternative version of this new verb is "skippering", but that form is not as commonly used.

Here is what the verb means. Skippered - the act of Skipper the cat getting into something, usually human food.

Examples of use.

OH SHIT, the new loaf of bread I just bought got skippered. (past tense)

Hey you furry little bastard, don't you dare think about skippering that pizza!! (future)

Your food is getting skippered! (present)

Leave that food there unguarded, and it will get skippered!! (future)

I can no longer just leave a loaf of bread out. If I do, there is a good chance I will find the loaf on the floor, a small hole chewed through the bag, and some of the slices inside the bag molested.

I have taken to just tossing out the slices in question. To hell with it. Skipper has all his shots.

Also - I have learned to hide the Chinese take out in the oven. Little shit has not figured out how to open the oven yet.

Regatta Party Photos

FOX UPDATE!!!

As you may know, a few days ago I spotted some strange looking animals in the neighborhood. I suspect that they were fox. This is strange because there is no real fox habitat anywhere near here, nor has there been for a long time.

Anyhow - there have been no further sightings of whatever it was I saw. Were there fox? Who knows. It is possible, but I lack any hard evidence to prove or disprove my hypothesis. So for now the hypothesis stands.

And now.....COLUMBUS DAY PHOTOS!!!

All the photos may be found HERE. File names ending in "a" are the resized versions, and less than 125k in size (photo1a.jpg, photo2a.jpg, and so on). All other photos are closer to three megs in size.

Here are some of the photos I selected for publication!

A visit from the US Coast Guard.


Random people getting drunk and having fun on some overloaded boats.

Strange shit found floating in the bay. Nobody was swimming anywhere near this object. My guess it that it was tossed overboard for creating an offensive stench.


There were a good many boats out, but less than last year.


Another shot of some of the madness.


Got into a little bit of a water fight. Good thing the camera is waterproof.


And finally, the boat that I was tied up to. The little tiny blue boat in the picture is a 21 foot Contender, and was my ride out to the party. It is not my boat, it belongs to a friend.


Well that is about all!! It was a pretty good time.

Boring Monday Crap

I have photos from Columbus Day, but being lazy and stuff I have not resized them and uploaded them to my webpage so I can link to them here.

Give me time. Ill get it done. At some point.

When you ask??? Got me. Maybe tomorrow. And then again maybe not.

So you will have to keep checking here daily.

In other news, I am still waiting for it to get cool, so I can pop open my Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Ale. Which is really a type of barleywine.

And what is barleywine? It is a type of strong ale. It is probably a very old style of beer, although what it is today is not likely what it was a long time ago. However, barleywine as it is known today is a recent invention, apparently not much more than 100 or so years old.

I have 4 bottles in the fridge, waiting for the weather to get cool. And then I can properly enjoy it.

Getting Splashed

And sloshed.

I found a Columbus Day solution. I will have to contend with the Contender - which belongs to someone else.

This has MANY advantages! Probably the biggest advantage is that I do not have to put my boat in the water. This means I do not have to tow the boat to the ramp. This means I do not have to deal with the madness that will be at the boat ramps today. Already - there are a lot of boats anchored out at the party spot. Trailer parking spaces are already filling up. Some of the smaller marinas are already full, or close to full.

And that is not all! It also means I do not have to pull the boat out of the water (more marina madness), trailer home, wash the boat down, flush the engine out, and so on.

Oh yea - the fuel tanks in the boat will remain at the same level! This is always good. Sort of. Actually it is a conundrum. If the boat fuel tanks are full, it means I do not have to put more gas in. But if I do not need to put more gas in, it means I am not using the boat.

Anyhow a friend of mine has a new Contender 21 footer. They are also members of a private boat club that has a lift. The boat is at the club now. So they can put it in the water without dealing with the marina madness.

Once at the party spot, the Contender will tie up with some other boats and all will be good.

The only issue is that the Contender has no top. So there is no shade. Shade is good. Shade prevents skin cancer. But I was promised that the other boats will have shade. And maybe even AC. Nice.

I am going to bring extra sun screen. A lot of extra sunscreen. BECAUSE............

October is breast cancer awareness month. And on Columbus Day there are a lot of exposed boobs. Now these exposed boobs do not always see the sun, and so they are prone to nasty horrible sunburn.

So in the interest of breast cancer awareness month I am going to perform a public service by distributing free sunscreen to chicks who want to go topless. I will even apply it myself, so that I am sure that all areas are covered.

Because that is how I roll. I am all about the public service.

Situation (Not The Yaz Song)

OK what do you do if you find yourself in this situation?

You are riding a beautiful white horse. To your right side is a drop off. On your left there are a bunch of ostriches being chased by a lion. And if this is not enough - in front of you there is a herd of gazelles that will not get out of your way, and behind you is a stampede of other horses.

How do you get yourself out of this highly dangerous situation?

Ill let you mull that one over for a bit.

It is looking more and more like I will not be able to get out for Columbus Day. Not really that big of a deal really - it is a madhouse. Finding a place to launch the boat from would be a pain in the ass anyway. If I can not find a crew tomorrow then oh well. Ill just go out some other day, when the bay is not full of madness and mayhem.

Which by the way, are two of my favorite M words. The rest are foul and unfit for publication on the internet. Yea I know that 99% of the internet is porn, and of the remaining 1% - 99% of that are Nigerian email scams. But lets not sully the internet even more by contaminating the .01% that is not porn or Nigerian email scams with foul M words.

And now, video clips of stupid people doing stupid shit - and paying the price. Stupid is not free. It has a cost. Usually measured in pints of blood and/or a hospital bill.





Oh yea - the answer to the situation is......

GET YOUR DRUNK ASS OFF THE MERRY GO ROUND!

Strange Goings On

I think that somehow "the woods" was magically transported into the general area where I live.

You see, when I went out to get the cats inside at 2 or 3 AM, I saw something very strange. Some sort of animal.

It did not look like a cat, unless it was one big cat. It had a longer body than a cat would have (unless it was an exotic or a savanna - which is a cross between a domestic cat and an exotic). It seemed to have slightly longer legs than a cat would have. It had a bushy tail, but it was slightly tapered at the end and unlike what most cat tails look like.

But I do not think it was a cat. It did not move like a cat. It trotted more like a dog would. Even when I saw it run, it did not have a typical cat running movement.

So maybe it was a deformed dog? Possible. But I do not think so. There were two of them you see. When I tried to walk over to get a closer look, the two split up. One jumped over a fence. I mean cleared it. There was no clinking sound at all.

I know dogs can jump, but they tend to be clumsier about it. It was not panting as dogs do. It is still warm here - even at night, so a dog running around would be panting.

So I do not think it was a dog. But from the distance I was at, it looked like it had a dog like snout.

As I watched the other animal trot away down the street, I could not help but to think of one animal that moves more like a dog, has the grace of a cat, has a bushy tail, and has the general body shape I was looking at.


A fox. But where would a group of fox hide? There is no woods close to here. Well there is a fairly large park about a mile to a mile and a half away from here that has some woods, and the woods area is used for some lame ass "Santa's Enchanted Forest" thing which people are starting to set up - so it is possible that fox live in that woods and were scared out of it from the activity - but how they would find their way to here is not clear.

The park closest to me is small, mostly open space, and has very few trees. I do not think it would make a very good fox home.

I could not get close enough to confirm the identity of the critter. So whatever it was, its identity will remain a secret.

But if I had to guess, based on what I observed, I would say that I saw a pair of fox.

Goings On

I know that the world is wondering what is going over here. Not wanting to disappoint the population of the planet and upset the cosmic forces, I decided to make a post.

Even if I do not have anything really cool to say.

First - I do not yet know if I will make it out to the Columbus Day party. I might, I might not. As of now I am leaning towards "might not", but no firm decisions have been made. So who knows.

The main problems relate to no firm commitments from various associates to go, and the hassle that will be involved putting the boat in the water that day. The ramps are extra busy, and there is a lot of vessel traffic. A good deal of the people that are out there have a lack of basic boating knowledge. And then there is the alcohol consumed. Every year there are accidents. It is a pretty nutty time on the water.

If I go then Ill go. And take pictures. If I do not go then I suppose there will be no photos.

For the benefit of one person who still reads this blog, I got the urge to build something. And document the construction process. And the post it all here! So I might go this. It all depends on how lazy I get. And what I can find in the line of lumber scraps. Ill need some lumber scraps. I really do not want to actually buy anything to construct the project.

The boat needs to be scrubbed. I started on this project, but I did not finish it. The tarp the boat was living under got damaged, so the boat was just out in the elements for a while. Not good. The seats got black spots on them. I got most of the spots off with some Simple Green, but I need to take some Tilex out there to finish the job.

I got some stuff called "Barkeepers Friend" to clean the diamond no slip pattern that is molded into the deck. The non slip surface is nice because you do not slip, but it is a bitch to keep clean.

The metal rails and t-top frame could use a polishing. Barkeepers Friend will work for that too.

It is going to be a fair amount of work. Lots of scrubbing with a hand held brush.

It is times like this that I am glad the boat is only a 20 footer!

Weekend Plans.

Columbus Day is this weekend! And what is Columbus Day you ask?

Well it depends on who you are. If you are of European descent then it is the day we honor the dude given credit for discovering the new world. Which already had people living on it. Now call me crazy but how can I "discover" a place that already has people in it?

HEY LOOK! I just discovered Walt Disney World!! Amazing! Who knew this place existed! And it just got better! I discovered Space Mountain, and a haunted mansion! Wow this is turning out to be a pretty good day!

And if you are of Native American descent, then Columbus Day is probably a day of mourning.

Anyhow none of that crap really matters anymore. What does matter is that a few decades ago some hoity-toity sailing yacht owners decided that Columbus Day would be a good day for a regatta. A sailboat race. Why not. They had nothing else better to do.

And so it began. A humble sailboat race few people here gave a shit about. Sailboat racing was something for the well to do, not everyone else.

However for those in the race, after it was over why not drop anchor somewhere and hang out?

And thus was born something people DO give a shit about - A PARTY!!

Over the decades, not a lot has changed. Few people gave a shit about the actual race, but the party kept gaining popularity.

Today, the party reigns king. The boring sailboat race still takes place, but nobody really cares. Many people are not even aware that there is a race going on.


This shot is from last year. It is not all the boats that were at the party. Some overnight, some are day trippers. Last year I stayed on my boat for two nights. I showed up at the anchorage late Friday night and did not return to the ramp till Sunday afternoon. I was tied up with some friends in another boat. They cheated however - bringing a boat with an enclosed toilet, fresh water shower, and cabin.

I had to jump overboard to pee, my shower was taken on the deck using 1 gallon water jugs I filled before I left, and there was no cabin to sleep in. I am hard core like that.

I do not yet know if I am going out this year. Ill have to see who else is going, and how long they plan to stay. Leaving late Friday seems to work out pretty well. The ramps are not as busy, there are places to park, and the cops are still setting up the DUI station but are not yet ready to process anyone. So it is a good time to leave.

If I go I will try to go Friday night again. Traffic on the water gets pretty heavy Saturday unless you leave really early. The party ramps up by the afternoon and really hits overdrive in the evening. A plan to return on Sunday, if other people can stay out that long, would be workable. If not then a return home Saturday night is possible.

If I go, Ill do the same as last year. Attempt to find someone to tie up to, and of course bring the kayak!

Wake Up

Its Sunday! I think. Ill have to check my sources. I did not think there would be a post as I went to sleep without putting one up, but then Fred the big orange cat decided to do something about it. So he came in here, started to meow / howl (loudly) and then jumped up on the bed when he realized I was not going to get up to feed him.

So now I am awake. Fred is sleeping. I am going to wait a few more minutes, then start making noise, and throw a pillow at him. See how the cat likes that! Wake me up huh?? Well two can play that game!



And in other news, it is raining. Or at least it was raining. And it is supposed to rain some more. you see, a weak cold front pushed through. And then as soon as it passed it stalled and reversed direction - as a warm front. And now it is an occluded front that seems to be stalled. So there will be more rain. At some point.



However, as you can see if the weather REALLY wants to screw with you, it will. I am so sure there was much snickering in the production room when this weather report was going on. This is why weather people on TV can be funny. They get so into what they are saying that they sometimes forget to watch out where they are standing.

The other news goons have sense enough to remain seated behind a desk.

Anyhow - that is about all that is going on today! Just a rainy day. Ill have to feed critters soon. The critters eat too darn much.

If You Are Not Part Of The Solution.....

Then you are part of the precipitate.

Just a little chemistry joke for you. Science people are not really known for their excellent joke,s so for a chemistry joke that is about as good as it gets.

This is why you do not want to invite a bunch of chemistry geeks to a party. They will start up with the bad jokes and then someone will make a stink bomb in the sink and next thing you know all the girls at the party have been spooked off.

Meanwhile, someone else is showing everyone how to make an even stinkier concoction in the sink. And before you know it, you have a chemistry geek stink bomb creating contest going on.

Sounds like a load of fun huh?

Now lets contrast this to a party with a lot of accountants. That would be even worse. I can only imagine the jokes there! What did the credit say to the debit? You are on the wrong side of the balance sheet and can not be properly amortized using straight line depreciation!! HA!!! Good one huh??

No. Not a good one. You are scaring people. And stop keeping track of how many party snacks are left in each bowl. Nobody cares.

The point is, it can always get worse. And when it stops getting worse, you are most likely at rock bottom.

Or just at a very bad party.

Either way it is about the same.

The VP Debates

OK OK I admit - I missed the first Presidential debates.

Yes. Missed them. You see, they were on a Friday. This is a major problem for me. Fridays are "hang out at the Miami Yacht Club" night. It is tradition. And one should not screw with tradition.

So I was busy. Hanging out at the yacht club. Consuming beer. Talking about boats. And so on.

Watching some debates was just not going to happen. But I did record them on the DVR. And no, I did not watch the recording yet.

BUT - the VP debates were on Thursday. Thursday is not Friday. Therefore it is not Miami Yacht Club night. So I was free to watch it.

Now from prior experience I learned there is one good place to watch political crap at. And that place is......

FRITZ AND FRANZ BIERHAUS!

Why not. I watched the final night of the Democratic Convention from this place. There was whole group there just to watch the final night.

And eat some food.

And what the hell - it is the BIERHAUS! The beer house!!! So might as well have a beer. Or two. Or six.

Now if you are going to watch political shit, I highly recommend doing it at a German themed Bierhaus. It makes it that much funner.

And as fate would have it - Thursday just happened to be the first day of the Oktoberfest celebration.

AWESOME! Oktoberfest, in Miami, at a place owned by an actual German immigrant, serving authentic German beer, and I get to watch the debate.

Throw in some schnitzel and we will call it a deal!!!

Anyway - TWO LITERS of beer later, the debates were over and I walked back to my friend's place - where the trusty truck was parked. My friend does not live too far from the beer place, so there was no good reason to drive there. Walking was better.

Anyhow I got to keep the 1 liter glass mug. So I can go back and get refills for $12. Until Oktoberfest is over that is. I might just do this. By my math, I need at least one or two more refills to break even on the whole "buy the mug" thing. After that point I am "saving" money. In theory.

But one could also argue that I would have saved even more by not buying the mug and first liter for $25, and then paying $12 per refill. I can not really argue with that logic either. But what is done is done. So I might as well go back for more!!

I think the beer heightened the whole VP debate experience. Get tired of the talking??? Drink more!!!! Problem solved. Hungry? Order a soft pretzel. Problem solved.

Anyway as for the debates - I got what I expected. There was the expectation that Palin would flop. I did not not expect this. I suspect that her previous comments may have been a setup.

But if I had to judge who made up more bullshit, I think I would vote for Palin. She said a few things I know for a fact are simply not true. It was made up. There were also a few questions that were not answered by Palin.

But I did not expect her to flop. I did not expect her to "win" but I did not expect a total flop.

However, I did some quick research on Alaska. It has a populatin of about 683,478 people (est 2007). I have no idea what the budget of the State is. The populatin density of the state is 1.2 people per square mile.

The City of Coral Gables, one city insde Miami-Dade County, with an area of 37.2 square miles - 64% of which is water so the land area is only 13.1 square miles - has a population of 42,871 (est 2005). That is a population density of 3,217 people per square mile.

If Coral Gables were in Alaska it would account for 6.3% of the population of the entire State.

Miami-Dade County has a population of 2,387,170 (est 2007). Or 350% of the population of the entire State of Alaska. And Miami-Dade is but one county of many in the State of Florida.

According to the McCain camp's logic, Miami-Dade County mayor Carlos Alvarez, who has a County budget that looks a lot like the entire State budget for Alaska (COUNTY BUDGET), woul make a better executive.

But he was not nominated.

I just do not get it. I do not see how the McCain/Palin ticket will change anything. I am not convinced they will do anything different. And since they are the incumbant party the burden of proof if sort of on them. And I am just not convinced.

At this point I do not know if I can become convinced that they will really change anything.

And one more thing. I would have gone about this a whole other way. When some asshole says "tax breaks to business creates jobs" (and yes that WAS said - at least 2 or 3 times) I would have said "well then by your insane economic theory, we should be up to our assholes in good paying jobs - after so many years of such cuts! Governor - would you care to tell those watching where there can apply for some of these great jobs????".

But no. Nobody said that. And I would still like to kn0w - where are all these jobs? 8 years of the Bush economic policy and tax cuts and shit - and what do we have? Where are the jobs?? Where is the prosperity?

I can show you $4 a gallon gas, people filing for unemployment, collapsed banks, and so on. But more jobs??? Nope. Can't find many of those.

It makes me want to have another liter of beer.

Upload Your Slogans At Crest.Com

Yea, I saw the commercial. You know the one with that annoying TV chef? BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!!

And a bunch of idiots cheer and clap. At least now we know what this child TV star is doing today!


Traded in the club for a pepper grinder huh?

Anyhow - these are some of my submissions to Crest.Com!!

1. Crest - because it tastes better than rotten teeth!

2. Crest - now with mouth herpes killing agents!

3. Crest - because crystal meth addicts need to brush too!

4. Made in the USA, so why not spend your tax rebate check on the stuff?

5. Crest - Not made in China so you know its 100% lead free!

6. Crest - possibly made in China but tested to make sure it only contains a little lead.

7. Crest - use daily OR ELSE THIS WILL BE WHAT YOUR TEETH LOOK LIKE!
8. Crest - buy a tube then CRAM IT down the throat of your favorite bank CEO!

9. Crest - that minty flavor? ITS NOT MINT!!!! HAAHAHAAHAHAHHAAH!!!

10. Because Frank N. Stein says "Crest sofa king good".

Somehow, I do not think Ill be winning the contest. But they asked! Companies should really not ask me for slogans. I can come up with some you will never EVER forget - but that might not be a good thing marketing wise.

Even if every so-called marketing "expert" says that a memorable slogan is exactly what you want.

Well - you would never forget "now with herpes medicine" as a slogan would you? I would not!

And if you meet someone, and end up at their place, and you see a tube of toothpaste with herpes medicine - you know its probably a good time to leave. Unless it is already too late. In which case you might as well hang out for a few more hours. In for a penny in for a pound.

NOTE - I do not really have a problem with the Crest company - so DO NOT SUE ME!!! I have no money anyway. You would be drilling in a very dry well.

In fact, I use the stuff. Teeth are important. You need them for things like opening bottles and gripping fishing line and holding things and what not.

Clutter

You may have noticed the thing next to my "fishing knot of the day" widget. What is it you ask??

It is some kind of "click to vote" thing that supposedly is going to get some animal shelter $10 Gs. As in grand. There are also other things that the shelter may win.

Anyhow if you feel like it click the thing. If not then don't. But f you are really cool then you will go to the site, vote (they want an email address - do what I do and create a gmail or Yahoo email account that you use for stuff like that), and then post the little banner click thing on your site. If you have one.

Vote by October 16th, or else the Supreme Court will just pick a winner.

ANYHOW......moving right along........

TEN USELESS THINGS I KNOW!

Not in any order. All these things are equally useless things cluttering up brain space that could be used to remember something remotely helpful. Like for example where my car keys are right now. GOT ME!!! I would have to look in one of the 5 places I tend to leave them at.

1. The name of the Kellog's Corn Flakes rooster.

2. The original 4 marshmallow shapes in Lucky Charms cereal.

3. The difference in an ale and a lager.

4. Standard temperature and pressure.

5. The words to "Effervescing Elephant" by Sid Barrett.

6. The words to the 1970s "Slinky" commercial jingle.

7. The Snoopy Sno Cone Machine. You put ice cubes in and get a snow cone out, yum yum fun is what its all about!

8. The phone number to Frankie's Pizza (NOTE - this may be useful)

9. How to beat Ultima 3. Which I actually have a copy of. Now if I only had a vintage IBM PC Jr. to run the game on.

10. What channel HBO was on back in the 1980s when my parents had cable TV.

And there. Now you have a little idea of the useless crap that clutters my brain, and why there is no more brain capacity for useful knowledge.