Last Day

Of 2008 that is! And here is some good news if you just can not get enough of 2008!!

2008 will be exactly one second longer than 2007. There is to be a leap second. The Earth is slowing down.

DARN MOON!!!! Causing a slight gravitational tug slowing the rotation of the planet down!!

Anyhow - leap seconds and other geeky shit aside - happy New Year.

Feeling Better Now

I feel slightly better today than I did the other day. But I still see a lot of cars with Dolphins flags.

NEWS FLASH TO THE IDIOTS.

You are not part of the team. No matter how orange you paint your face. You will NOT get anything if they win. You do not get a ring. You do not get a trophy. You do not get any money. You get NOTHING. Got it? Nothing. The players do not give a crap about you. Well they give a crap about you as far as them getting paid goes. But other than that they do not care at all about you. You are not invited to their parties. You are not going to hang out with them unless they are forced to hang out because you won some sort of contest. And even then, they will be paid for it. They will gladly play for that team you hate IF that other team pays them more.

Yea I know - that is harsh. But the truth is harsh sometimes. That is just how it is.

I really hope the local team does not make it to the stupid bowl. And if they do - I hope they lose.

Why? Simple. If they win then idiots will go crazy. I will not be able to move in this shit hole because the standard way to celebrate and protest here is to DRIVE AROUND REALLY SLOW. Yup. If you are happy about something, or pissed about something, you get in your car - find a major road, then drive down it really slowly. Honking your horn. IF you can write then you scrawl some stupid message on the car windows so you can not see into any of your mirrors.

And then there are the "victory parades". Which the TAX PAYERS pay for. Why is this? The people on the team are rich. They get paid more in a few years than you are likely to make in your lifetime - and all they do is play with balls. But you get to pay for their "victory parade".

As if they accomplished something of major importance. As if they are returning from a world war, and there is peace again.

All at tax payer expense. Teachers can not get a raise because there is no money, but if the Dolphins win there will be plenty of money for a parade.

Anyhow - I found a NEW ONLINE GAME!!!!! Yes a new online game. You may find it dull, but the great thing is that it does not take much time to play each day.

Not many people know this but right now there is a sailboat race around the world. And you can play along. If you want.

http://www.volvooceanracegame.org/play.php

What you do is set your course, choose your sail configuration, and that is pretty much it. There are wind charts and a wind forecast for +12 hours, +24 hours, and +36 hours. So if you log in to the game once or twice a day, you can play. It only takes a few minutes each time you log in to alter the course (if you need to) or change the sail configuration (if you have to). Less than 5 minutes.

Catch me if you can. My race boat is named Cat-A-Tonic.

Why I Hate Sports More Today Than I Did Last Week.

And last week I hated sports too. Just so you know.

Anyhow it all started out as a moving mission. Someone I know is moving, and so I was recruited to actually move just about everything. You see - I have the truck and the trailer. A truck and a flatbed trailer are very useful for moving missions.

But two days before that I got some bad beer. And I ate some gas station "hot" food that was really just barely above body temperature. PERFECT for harboring various bacteria species unknown to science. Anyhow the end result was for some reason I was not feeling all that great the next day. All I had to eat yesterday was a small bowl of soup and two mini burgers.

By the way, my friend who is moving was there for the bad beer. So today - even two days later - nobody was really feeling too great.

In fact I think I broke the toilet. Something so horrible came out of my ass that I was embarrassed to have created the smell. Now I am not going to lie and say my shit smells like a lovely bouquet of flowers. It does not. It smells like what it is - shit. But this shit I just took was super mega foul. A once every 100 years shit. The kind of shit that can peel paint off the walls, and make people think Satan has possessed your colon.

But I am getting off topic. Sort of. It is important to know that everyone in the story so far is running on day 2 of reduced calorie intake. Nobody feels too great. Nobody really wants to continue with the mission. But the stuff MUST be gone by the 31st. So putting it off was not an option.

Of course said friend just had to move into a second floor apartment. And the building had no elevator. So that meant lugging a bunch of crap - some of it heavy crap - down stairs.

But that is not all. You see, the trailer is used constantly. As a place to store more crap in. The trailer is in the care of my dad - who has seen fit to pack it FULL of junk. If it were up to me, I would take it all to the dump. But according to dad some of the junk is "good". So in the morning the trailer had to be unloaded before it could even be moved.

Then it was off to the apartment to fill the trailer up with more crap. And the bed of the truck. And the cab of the truck. And another car of a helper. And then everything had to be hauled to the new location. Then the trailer, truck, and car had to be unloaded and all the stuff moved in.

And then back to the apartment for the rest of the stuff - including one item that was bulky and sort of heavy - had to be loaded in. Actually it was not much. The heavy thing, a mattress, and a futon frame.

And then back to the new place to unload all that stuff and move it in.

Now at this point I am tired. I had been up since whenever. And I was running on low food reserves. My colon was possessed by the devil. Beer was not agreeing with the stomach. The helpers left after the first load - which was OK because the first load really was the vast majority of everything.

Then after that I had to take the trailer back to its home. And load all the "good" junk back on the trailer.

So now my friend and I are quite hungry. Sort of. I knew I needed food, but really did not feel hungry. But I had a hankering for chicken wings.

Now this is where the anti sports content comes in. There was some fucking WORTHLESS football games going on. Now since I am not a fag who likes to watch men wearing spandex fondle balls I could give a shit less about football. But the place with the good wings close to here is a sports bar.

Of course the place is packed. They do not know how long it will take to get a table. The place is full of assholes and douche bags. All screaming like maniacs. Because some ogre was able to catch a fucking ball.

Oh yea - some assholes also brought horses. HORSES!! This is a fucking city and you are NOT AMISH! What the fuck is the matter with you? Taking horses to a place where people want to get food. Yea - the smell of that horse shit is just what I wanted to be exposed to. And when the horses did shit - and oh yes they did shit, all of them, at least once each - what did you do? Not a fucking thing. Did you have a shovel and a garbage bag? Nope.

I wish I had some firecrackers so I could have thrown the firecrackers behind the horses so maybe you people could have been thrown into the road where you could then be run over by a bus.

These are sports fans huh? Inconsiderate assholes. Watching men in tights play with balls.

So we leave the horse shit smelling full of assholes sports bar.

Or at least I tried to. Since the place was packed and apparently everyone drove there alone - there was no place to park. So I was in the overflow parking behind the place. As I am pulling out I see a big ass white Chevy Silverado pulling in. The alley is only big enough for vehicle traffic in one direction, so I pull off to the side so the Silverado can pass.

But does the asshole pass? Oh hell no. The shit head pulls right up to this area with "NO PARKING" signs all over the place and PARKS! HE FUCKING PARKS!! There is another truck trying to pull in behind him. And when I look in the rear view someone else is behind me.

So now EVERYONE is stuck because of the asshole in the white truck. So what does the asshole do? Nothing. He gets out of his truck, gets his shit head kids (the kids are loaded with asshole shit head DNA - so there is the next generation in that long line right there), and then walk away.

Well after walking away - no doubt to watch the fucking WORTHLESS FOOTBALL GAME - he is told by a few people to move his truck. He seems upset.

Keep in mind had the fucking asshole just gone another 10 feet he would have seen the spot I just pulled out of.

But now he is stuck, because now there are three cars backed up behind me. He can not move forward because of that and he can not move in reverse because of the truck behind him. Meanwhile I am really stuck.

So he just sits there with his reverse lights on.

Eventually the last truck in backs up. This leaves me enough room to move. So I start to. And ASSHOLE tries to back up.

Well fuck that. I want out so I can go somewhere else with fewer assholes and NO HORSE SHIT for some food. I am cranky. So my friend jumps out of the passenger side He stands behind and to the drivers side of asshole and says "Don't try to move now - after the mess you caused by being stupid. Can you read? NO PARKING means NO PARKING. And I maneuvered to get the hell out of there.

All this madness. All this horse shit. The fucking asshole "I am more important than the world so I can just do as I please" shit face. And for what???

A stupid game involving men playing with balls.

Once out of that crazy place I go somewhere else.

"We do not know how long the wait is, because there is a game on".

GREAT! So you have a place full of assholes who are going to clog up tables for who knows how long because of football? Do these people have this thing called "television" at home? You can drink beer at home too you know. Some people are actually trying to eat here.

Now what struck me at this point was how fucked up America is. And you know why? Because more people care about a stupid game they are not getting paid to play than they do about America being fucked up.

Imagine if as many people who go bonkers for sports cared about children with no access to health care. You think something would be done about it?

What if all the assholes who paint their fucking stupid ass faces with "their team" colors paid attention to something more important? You think so many law makers would be passing bullshit then?

But no. Nobody cares about important stuff - but when there is a fucking faggy football game going on EVERY ASSHOLE just has to watch it. The super bowl audience is easily way over the most massive voter turnouts on record.

So why are things so fucked up? Well what do you expect will happen when more people think a football game is more important than anything else?

And what happens when teams cry to local governments for public money to build a stadium - so that the players can keep getting wildly inflated salaries? What does the retarded sports watching public say?

OK! Sounds like a good deal to me!

And what if the same amount is requested by a school system? NO WAY! HELL NO!! Let the public schools fail! It is a waste of money! And so on.

So yea - right now I really hate sports. And if you were the jackass in that Chevy Silverado at the Sports Tavern on Sunset Drive - you are so a major douche. And do not use your kids as an excuse. They have nothing to do with you.

I ended up going to the supermarket for a sub sandwich. Which was fine. There were no shit heads there.

Bad Beer Is Still Better Than No Beer At All

I think I got some bad beer yesterday. Either that or there was one too many rum shots. But I think it was bad beer.

See bad beer gives you that "bad beer feeling". The bad beer feeling is not the same as hung over. You know you are not going to puke. Your head does not hurt too bad. You can go outside and the brightness of the sun does not make you want to hide in a dark cool cave for a few decades.

But you get that "I knew the beer tasted funny" feeling in your stomach.

And yes, the beer was off. I drink enough of it to know when it is off. It had a slight sour taste to it. Not exactly like dirty lines - almost more like contamination.

But did I drink it anyway? Yea. Beer is beer. So what if it was off a bit. I lived.

Today will be extra fun. I have to help someone move. I hope the flatbed trailer tires hold air. I am not sure they will. If they don't - well I need new tires anyway. So Ill just drive on the rim. The rims on the trailer now are really a little bit wide. I could deal with narrower tires really.

If the cops pull me over Ill play dumb. Really? The tire is gone and I am driving on a steel rim? There is a rut carved into the road? So many sparks were thrown out of the trailer that I set a few cars on fire???

I had no idea!!! Are you sure it was me and not that other guy I saw towing a road hazard?

Ill probably only get clubbed a little bit. Ill wear my special police clubbing helmet. It helps.

Reflections

WARNING! There may be more than the usual amounts of spelling errors in this post. And I do not give a shit.

An old friend rolled into town today. This is always a good thing. This is someone I have known for close to 1/2 of my life. From my high school days. A long ass time ago.

So what did we do? Get piss ass drunk. What else? I had to get my "dinner" from a 24 hour Mc fucking Donalds. And the "dinner" was off the breakfast menu. As I sip my "morning" coffee at 5:45 AM - wondering when the fuck I will ever get to sleep - I have to stop to reflect on things.

1. I still have a full head of hair. This is good. A LOT of people I went to high school with are bald mother fuckers now. HA HA!!!You are bald and I am not!!!!

2. A lot of people I went to high school with are fat bastards not. I am not fat. HA HA! You fat bastards!!!!

The friend who came to town is not someone I see often. In fact the last time I saw this person was when I had to drive to Live Oak Florida - just south of Georgia. That was a good 4 or maybe 5 years ago.

Right now my math really sucks.

Anyhow it was a good time. There was much beer drinking. I busted out with the junior and senior yearbook. Myspace and Facebook were searched for hot chicks from way back when. Some were located, some were not.

By the way - (Name Withheld) really REALLY hot redheaded chick, Southwest Miami High class of 92 - you were voted hotest chick in the class by three drunk guys. Well mostly one drunk guy. Me. Beating out even Erika, the super hot blond chick. Please leave a comment if you read this and you are still hot. Seriously. You have NO IDEA. Well maybe you do but whatever. Leave a comment anyway. It would be fun to catch up, no matter what is going on now. If you are not hot and/or have 50 kids then ehhhhhhhhh. You know how it is.

By the way - Erika you can leave comments too. So can anyone from that class I might know. If you think you may have been my friend - or at least knows who I was - back then.

Otherwise - fuck you.

Holy shit. No matter how fucking drunk I get I never look for the old ass ancient old testament era yearbooks.

Except for special occasions. And what it a special occasion? Catching up with old friends from WAY back in the day. When it seemed like a good idea to do stupid shit.

Anyhow it was all good.

Today, when / if I wake up - there will be more fun. A certain movie theater manager from back in the day will be tracked down. And there will be much free popcorn. And free movies.

Unless said manager - a close friend from back in the day - turned into a dick.

But I know this person - who shall remain nameless. For multiple reasons. I have gotten stoned and drunk in the presence of said person. We used to play Sonic The Hedgehog. While stoned.

So if he denies the gang today he is a dick. Friends are friends after all.

I fully expect free something. Popcorn or movie admission. Or both.

Post Christmas Post

I hope everyone had a good Christmas. Or a good December the 25th. Things went OK here. Kind of low key. I got some jeans. I needed them. Now I can put off laundry for 2 more days!!!

This is always good. Anytime I can put off having to do ANYTHING it is good.

But some things you can not avoid. Like cat box scooping. Got to scoop that box! Or else bad things happen. Presents are left in the sink. Or bathtub. Presents nobody wants. But they get left there anyway!!

Now according to my magical all holiday calendar, today is Boxing Day. Now I have known about Boxing Day for a long time. But for whatever reason it is not a big deal at all in the USA. For a long time I thought it was some kind of Jewish thing. Really. It was on the calendar, but nobody paid any attention to it. Like Sukkot and Tu BiSh'vat. Whats that??? Got me.

Later when I was told that it was somehow connected to Christmas I used my impeccable logic and reasoning skills to deduce the meaning of the day.

Boxing Day was the day set aside to box up all the crap you got but did not want or was the wrong size/style/color/whatever - and bum rush the stores for credit or exchange.

But just now I remembered I have access to Wikipedia! So I looked up Boxing Day to solve the mystery once and for all.

FROM WIKIPEDIA!!!

"Boxing Day is a public holiday in the United Kingdom, Australia , Canada, New Zealand and countries in the Commonwealth of Nations with a mainly Christian population"

FROM ME!

OK - so far so good. Seems to be a holiday in the UK and nations associated with the Commonwealth. But not the USA! So why not? I know about the American Revolution and stuff - but we mostly kept a lot of stuff from the old country. Like the ridiculous wigs. And the hairstyle that emulated the ridiculous wigs. And the system of common law.

But not Boxing Day. So I investigated further!!

WIKIPEDIA

"It is based on the tradition of giving gifts to the less fortunate members of society"

AH HA!!!! I always knew that this was just another communist redistribution holiday! Giving what to less fortunate members of society???? Gifts?? What do you buy for the homeless person who already has everything? Another shopping cart? Maybe a shopping cart I have pimped out by spray painting it gold?


But alas, the "tradition" did not last into modern times.

WIKIPEDIA:!

" Contemporary Boxing Day in many countries is now a "shopping holiday" associated with after-Christmas sales."

SEE!!?!?! Told you!!! It IS a day when you box up all the crap you did not want and take it back for store credit. And if you are lucky, the value of the item boxed up (bought before Christmas) was not on sale! So you can exchange it for store credit and get some better crap that IS on sale!

So again, my logic and reasoning skills proved themselves to be reliable.

But as I continued reading, I encountered something very confusing.

WIKIPEDIA:

"This day is historically England's name for St. Stephen's Day - St. Stephen was the first Christian martyr, being stoned to death in Jerusalem around A.D. 34-35 - 26 December, which is a public holiday in most countries in Europe and many countries around the world with predominantly Christian populations. In the Eastern Orthodox Church, St Stephen's Day is celebrated on the 27th of December, although in Greece the Greek Boxing Day (Synaxis Theotokou, Σύναξις Θεοτόκου) is also celebrated as a public holiday on the 26th of December and is not related to the English version."

OK follow me here. St. Stephen. Stoned to death. December 26, 34 or 35 AD. Public holiday in many countries with a mostly Christian population (except the USA).

So where the hell do we get boxes from this? Why not call it "Stoned Day"?

Ill tell you what - "Stoned Day" would be FAR MORE popular than a holiday where you give stuff to the less fortunate. And how did the whole presents thing get started anyway? Was Mr Stephen handing out gifts to people in violation of the law or something? Maybe he was giving away crap gifts and the less fortunate stoned the guy to death?

Who knows.

But now that I think about it, we already have a "Stoned Day" holiday. April 20th. 4/2o!! Dude. So maybe that is why the holiday was named after either a sport where two people beat the stuffing out of each other, or after cardboard containers. Again, who knows.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Unless you do not celebrate Christmas, in which case merry day off with pay.

Unless you have to work, in which case merry day at work with overtime AND holiday pay.

Unless your employer does not offer overtime for working holidays - in which case I hope said employer gets a lump of coal. And not the good kind of a lump of coal. Oh no - I am talking a lump of coal shoved somewhere that you do not want the coal to be.

But anyhow - I am straying from the point here.

Merry Christmas.

Spread The Cheer.

And nothing else.

I do not give a shit how hot Jessica in accounting is. I said NOTHING!!!!!!

Got it???? Go0d!!

Obligatory war On Christmas Post

This time of year, as it has for many years, propaganda about some grand "war on Christmas" ratchets up. As in the above cartoons. We all know that if you mention "Christmas" in a public school you are severely punished! Right???

Wrong. Nobody really cares if you say "Christmas" or not. Trust me here - I have worked in public schools. And I was a student in them for some 12 years.

And not once was anything said to anyone for saying Christmas.

Yet cartoons like the one above prevail. Is there any basis in fact for them? Nope. Pure fiction. 100% bullshit. But yet they remain.

I think this cartoon is FAR MORE ACCURATE. You want to talk about a "war on Christmas"? Fine. Lets do that. And what the hell, lets make it political.

So - what has CAPITALISM done to the season? I think the cartoon to the left pretty much sums that up pretty well. And with a great deal of accuracy. CAPITALISM has turned Christmas into an extended retail buying season.

And the people crabbing the most about the so called "war"? They are all right there. In line at the Best Buy. Maybe even with blood on their boots from trampling grandma during a Wal-Mart "door buster" sale.

By the way people - "door buster" does NOT mean you are supposed to actually bust down the door. HAVE SOME DIGNITY!!!!

But nobody who blabs about the "war" wants to talk about capitalism. Because of course, capitalism is all good. It can do no wrong. To say anything at all critical of out economic system instantly gets you kicked out of the club that promotes the idea there is a war on a holiday.

Because it is all about control. And making money. But more on that later.

First I want to bring up another point. Not everyone celebrates Christmas.

Yea I know - more of that liberal godless propaganda from me. But it is true.

Now why is nobody screaming about this cartoon? After all - Hanukkah has NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH THE WINTER. There are no Hanukkah snowmen. In fact, I do not even think Hanukkah is a major Jewish holiday. I know that it is not included in the high holy days.

But do you hear Jewish people crabbing about a war on their holiday? Nope. For that matter, have you EVER heard a Jewish person complain about pork fumes from the BBQ place down the street? Do you hear them complain that Red Lobster restaurants are a slap to God's face? Do you see them protesting that the supermarket sells shrimp? Have you ever heard them say something snide to the deli worker because a big chunk of non kosher pig meat is right there - visible for all to see?

Nope. Never.

Does this mean they agree with consumption of such things? Who knows. Many Jews do not keep a kosher kitchen anymore. It is a pain in the ass after all. Plus - lets face it. Shrimp are good! Get a good garlic butter sauce going and there you go!

But more importantly, Jews realize not everyone is Jewish. And to them that is fine. No big deal. If you do not want to be one of them, they do not think you are against them. They do not think you are at war with them.

You simply have a different faith. And no - they will not try to convert you.

So, what does any of this have to do with the mythical "war on Christmas"? Nothing at all - yet everything in the world.

Yes, I am talking about the whore on Christmas. Those who PROFIT from pitching the idea that there is a war on a holiday.

How many liberals do you know who use this season to pitch their book about how Christmas is under attack?

None.

Now how many assholes on Fox use the season to pitch their book??

All of them.

Now how about that? Amazing huh. So people pushing the idea that there is a "war on Christmas" have a profit motive in doing so???

AMAZING!!!

So given their profit motive in pushing the idea - what do you think they will say? Don't buy my book because I am full of shit?

Of course not. They will use their "news" show to push their ideas. And sell more books. And make more money.

Because after all - it is all about the money.

So next time you hear some bullshit, ask yourself this. Where is the profit motive? If the profit motive supports the position - then more than likely it is bullshit.

By the way - there is also not a war on any religion. How do I come to this conclusion? Simple. Those who claim there is MAKE AN ASS LOAD OF MONEY off the position. They sell books. People send them money to "spread the word". They get money to speak.

It is a business. A very profitable one to boot.

Anyhow - there it is. The real motive behind this whole "war on Christmas" pitch. Profit. Money. Book sales.

That is all it is about. Fact? Who needs fact? Sometimes non fact is far more profitable.

And in the end, profit is all that matters.

Winter Is Here?

The news keeps saying something about "the first day of winter".

Now when it comes to this, I just have to assume the media is correct. I have no way to verify it.

I suppose I could mention that there is a plan in the works to go fishing. And these plans do not include making a hole in ice.

Actually Ill take that back. You do kind of have to make a "hole" in the ice. See once the cooler has ice in it you have to shove the beer bottles into the cooler with enough force to displace some of the ice cubes.

That is kind of like making a hole. Sort of. You just do not need a saw.

Now I could be a dick and talk about air and water temperature here. But I will not. You see - water temperature in the bay is a tad low for my tastes. As a result, there will be no swimming. Yea I could go out and buy a 3mm wetsuit - but I do not want to. I can wait a couple of months and it will be extra warm again.

But for the rest of you, the solstice happened yesterday. So that means that the days will get longer from this point on. The spring equinox will have a day and night of equal length. Summer solstice will be the longest day.

So it is really with some degree of sorrow for me when winter solstice rolls around. Its not like I want the rest of you to freeze.....but.......

It is just so darn nice here for the winter. There is excitement over an approaching cold front. It is like the whole world is air conditioned. I can open the windows and I do not feel like I am in some lame remake of "The Birds" only with less birds and more bugs.

It becomes possible to venture into the swamp without needing to bring a few units of blood with you.

So to this years winter solstice I raise a glass of beer. Beer which I need to keep in the fridge, because if I put it outside it would get warm. Too warm really. The fine beer I am drinking now really needs to be no colder than 60 or 65.

I have no idea what that translates into if you use a non US temperature scale.

Consumer Gambling. And Rum.

As the day known as Christmas rapidly approaches, as few things run through my mind.

1. Should I get some spiced rum? Currently I have 4 different bottles of rum. Well three bottles and one flask. The flask of Pussers British Navy Rum was a gift. It is almost gone by the way. The other three bottles are Flor De Cana 7 year grand reserve (Nicaragua), Brugal Añejo (Dominican Republic), and Mount Gay "sugar cane rum" (Barbados). The "sugar cane rum" is only called that in the US market - because the real name of "sugar cane brandy" can not be used because the stuff is actually rum and not brandy. So due to US labeling laws they can not call it brady. The Mount Gay stuff is a blend of varous aged rums.

Anyhow - this is a decent selection I have going. So why spiced rum? Why for eggnog of course! Also - I was thinking about a special holiday rum cake made with spiced rum.

2. My inner consumer is wondering about sales. Do I do on and just apply for the instant store credit at Best Buy and get a 40 inch 1080p TV now (for the pre-Christmas sale price) OR do I want till after Christmas and gamble that the price will be lower? I can get a 0% interest deal for 18 months now. So as long as the TV is paid off by then financing is free. I would have to read the credit terms to see what happens if there is a balance remaining after 18 months. It will either result in the full 18 months of interest being applied to the remaining balance, or the whole 18 months of intererst being applied to the original balance.

This is why one must read terms VERY CAREFULLY!!!

But really - with 18 months of free financing paying the thing off should not be a huge problem. $60 a month will pay off a $1,000 balance in 17 months. So $120 a month will pay it off in just over 8 months.

I did this once with a digital camera. I got 24 months of free financing for any digital camera over $300. I ended up with a top of the line Sony and paid it off in 6 months. Not a bad deal really. I sent off $100 here, $50 there - whatever I felt like.

On the other hand - is it that big of a deal if I do not get movies in Blu-Ray format? Standard DVDs have been working fine.

And lets say I do end up with a fancy high defination TV. Ill need a fancy Blu-Ray DVD player. Prefably one that up-converts standard DVDs. And if I am going to get a Blu-Ray DVD player do I want the one that will allow instant streaming from Netflix, or do I get the Sony PS3? I have been able to resist the whole PS3 craze so far. So cave in now? Quit when I am winning?

And when will it be cheaper?

Choices choices.

Beer Beer And More Beer

I went to a beer tasting! It was pretty cool. Believe it or not, I had never been to one of those before.

Actually - that is not entirely correct. I had been to ad-hock beer tastings. Like a few years ago when I went to the Epcot Food And Wine festival in Walt Disney World. But since servings of beer or wine were actual servings, I got fairly tossed.

And I have been to places that make their own beer. Ill order a sample platter or something. Or Ill just pick four or so beers and have full pints.

This was a tasting. I was given a shot glass. So each sample was really just a taste.

I made it to all the tables, and tried everything I wanted to try. Sometimes more than once. Sometimes more than twice.

I walked out with a 6 pack of Hazed And Infused, a very interesting dry hopped beer. Dry hopped means that the hops are tossed in during the fermenting process. Since the hops are not boiled, this does not add bitterness to the beer. So what does it do? It makes the beer taste like the hops smell. It adds a lot of hops aroma to the beer.

The Hazed And Infused is a pale ale type brew, very dry hopped. So the nose of the beer really comes through. I liked it.

My second choice was Stone IPA. This is another dry hopped selection. It is a heavy IPA, close to 7% alcohol. I think.

Anyhow - I liked both very much.

So now in the fridge I have Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale, Stone IPA, Hazed And Infused, and for emergencies Presidente Light.

The Presidente Light is not actually in the fridge. There is no room for it. I do not remember how I got it. I know I did not buy that shit.

And in other news, a milestone of Christmas shopping is over with. I got my dad something. So that is done. Dads are always difficult to find stuff for. But I found something. So that is done. I got to get mom something too. That will be easier.

Friends are always fairly easy to get stuff for. At least my friends.

Prizes

Well as it turns out, I did not make it by the post office. I tried, but it was just not happening. Many things conspired against me. Like for example, sloth.

Sloth will get you every time. But it continues to be my favorite deadly sin. Well that and lust.

I am not that into the gluttony thing. So I guess I would not be playing the "lobster claw game".



Fun fun!! Win a lobster for a buck! I actually saw one of these machines. On the west coast of FL. At a little dive bar called "Bert's".

But the claw game is not limited to cheap stuffed toys and lobster! You can also get a pet goldfish.



Or a pet turtle.



Or even a pack of smokes.



I believe that the goldfish, turtle, and cigarette machines were in Asia. Probably Japan. Japan is big on the claw game. You can get everything from them. Even food.

The lobster game was obviously America. How do I know? Was it that they were all speaking English without that silly UK accent? Nope.

The sheer number of fat people gives it away. Where else but America would you see so many fat people all in the same place??

Nowhere.

If you happen to be in the Miami area, there is a beer tasting going on. At Lucky Liquors, located at the Tropicare plaza. Where the drive in theater used to be.

And if you are a recent transplant and have no idea where that is, Bird Road and the Palmetto expressway. Right across the street from Tropical Park. There is a Target, a Best Buy, some furniture place, a Publix, a Taco Bell, Cayo Escoval seafood restaurant, and the booze shop in the plaza. The festivities start at 7 PM. There will be prizes. There is a $12 cover charge but you get a $5 credit on any beer you buy at the event.

Blocking Progress

I have to do battle with the post office today.

Well not so much "battle". More like "mail something". But this is always an adventure.

For one, there are ALWAYS more counters than there are people to sit at the counters. Supermarkets and stores do the same. Why have 20 check out lines when you know darn good and well that only 5 will ever be open at once?

The stores know this. But they want to get the customers hopes up.

And then we wonder why people get trampled every black Friday weekend at Wal-Mart. It is NOT to get to the pile of cheap shitty $20 DVD players that will break after a month of use. It is to AVOID the long checkout lines.

Must get my shit then get in line before the line is 2 hours long!!!!!

I actually hate going inside the post office. If I have to use the post office there is this thing called a "drive up mailbox". The drive up mailbox is my friend. I feed it Netflix movies all the time.

But the box I need to send off will not fit in the drive up mailbox. I know this because I tried to stuff it in there.

No go.

And I have no idea why the line is so long. I mean no matter what I need, the transaction only takes less than a minute.

ME: I need to send this shit off to 152 Sasquatch Lane, Middle Of Nowhere USA.
THEM: OK, that will be $10
ME: OK! Here you go!

That is it. So WHY THE FUCK do the idiots in line in front of me all take forever to do whatever it is they are doing? If you know you need stamps ASK FOR THEM UP FRONT!! Do not pay for the postage then remember you need stamps. Do it all at once.

Otherwise - use the stamp vending machine.

Also - and I can not stress this one enough - if you hover in your car, waiting for a parking spot to open up - YOU ARE A MAJOR ASSHOLE AND SHOULD BE DEPORTED!! I do not care if you are a citizen. I can decide which country your ass is deported to.

You see, when you wait for that person you see waddling out to their car to get there - you are blocking me.

And for what? So you do not have to walk the extra 20 feet to get to the other parking spot?

WADDLE YOUR ASS THAT EXTRA 20 FEET!!! Exercise is good for you. You need it.

You know who you are. Parking lot stalkers. Holding up 10 people because you do not think you should have to walk.

I park in the back of the lot if I have to. Why can't you?

In Control Of Nothing

This winter is turning into a letdown. It started out with some promise. The first good cold front actually came before Halloween this year. And since then some nice ones have pushed through.

There were even a few nights when I needed the heater in the truck.

But now it is just a little bit cool. The humidity is also back. It is plenty warm enough for there to be bugs.

So is it everglades season or not??? I say no. I thought it was, but I was wrong. I do not think the bugs will be as bad as the dog days of summer, but I can not say that there will not be any. I just do not know.

But I can not control the air temperature, or the number of bugs. So I plan to commission an expedition to the vast swamps of South Florida. If there are bugs, then there are bugs. Not a lot I can do about it.

My good digital camera is back in action. Amazingly enough the battery still holds a charge. This is good. Ill be able to use it again. It will be good. It is a bit less portable, and not at all waterproof, but it takes better pictures.

Maybe this weekend Ill make the trip. Or maybe not.

Boat Parade Photos Part 1

I was motivated to crop and resize some pictures. But the same problem from last year happened this year. The night time photos are mostly blury. I have to use a really slow shutter speed because the camera lens is tiny and it does not gather light very well. So between the fact my subject is moving, the camera has to use a slow shutter speed, me being in a small boat, and me holding the camera it is really hard to get an in focus shot. In low light.

But I have these!!

Port Everglades, Ft Lauderdale. This is a bigger cruise ship terminal than Miami. I guess. I know it is a bigger cargo port. And because of its layout, recreational boats can still get pretty close to the cruise ships. In Miami the cruise ship terminal is closed to traffic. In Port Everglades the ICW which can not be closed runs right past the terminals.

So I can get pictures like the one above. And like this one.

I also found at least $10 million. A tidy sum to be sure. So what does all that money look like? Like this.

This is just one mega yacht. You can also see a larger yacht in the background. The yacht in the foreground looked like it had at least 5 radars, and at least as many satellite domes. What were the satellite domes for? TV. Internet. Phone service. Stuff like that. And like I said - these are just two yachts. Waterways in Broward County are loaded with them. This one is the "Excellence III".

Excellence III is a charter boat. So if you happen to have 310,000 - 330,000 Euros (some charter sites have her listed for $310,000 US Dollars which is a great deal if those prices are still current) you can charter her for your very own Carribean cruise!

By the way, that price is PER WEEK. You can split the cost among up to 12 friends if you can not swing the weekly rate by yourself.


This is what I was in. My power cat. A good boat. She always gets me home. In this photo I am docked at a waterfront restaurant. Getting lunch. And beer. And waiting for the arrival of my crew.


And finally, a shot after I was at my assigned location. This is a spectator boat.

I have more shots, but I have to put them up later. Most of my night shots are no good.

All in all, it was a good day. I was very close to the action. Volunteering to be a control boat paid off for this year.

Winterfest Wrap Up

The massive boat parade was, as it usually is, very nice.

I had a much better position this year. I was placed pretty much just to the side of the main route. Way closer than the public was allowed to be. Volunteering paid off this year.

I was actually scary close. The first three boats that come through are sponsored, or maybe even owned, by the Seminole Tribe.

The same Seminole Tribe that paid something like $10 BILLION to buy up the entire Hard Rock empire. All the restaurants, all the hotels, and all the casinos.

Them likeum casino. Pale face go to casino with a lot of money - leave with a little money. Chief Wam-Pum take days to count all the swag collected in just one hour.

But hey! Nobody forces people to the casino!! And we DID steal their land. And try the whole genocide thing to get rid of them. So I guess it all worked out. For the tribe members alive today anyway.

But history and shit nobody can do anything about aside - the first three boats in the parade were enormous. I was surprised there was enough water for them to be able to float!

And when they passed me I could not have been much more than 25 yards or so away. So after I confirmed that I was supposed to be where I was, and that I was NOT considered to be in the channel, rather off to the side of the channel, and able to see I was not going to get run over by a cruise ship - I was able to chill out and just watch stuff float by.

And then 10 minutes later (or less) one of the parade boats hit a day marker. Once again - I had front row seats. I do not think anyone on the boat was hurt - but the boat had to take some damage. There was that "fiberglass hitting steel" sound. Kind of a crunching scraping cracking sound. The bow popped down and the stern popped up. I do not think the boat even slowed down. If it was in reverse trying to slow down when it hit then the stern would not have popped up as much.

And more importantly, the boat would have backed up almost right away. Once the steel post of the day marker stopped the forward motion.

But what happened after the noise was that the boat sat there for about 10 or 15 seconds. THEN it backed up.

Now if it were my boat......well I would not have hit the marker. See I have the GPS and electronic chart I paid all this money for. So I use it. I can look at the GPS screen and it shows me where I am, where I am going, and what is around me. So when I see on the GPS screen that there is a day marker near by I LOOK FOR THE THING! Then I DO NOT HIT IT.

Pretty simple concept really.

But....shit happens. That is why it is called "shit" and not "a wonderful, fragrant, cheerful bouquet of flowers I would love to have in my living room".

Anyhow assuming I was not paying attention to the thing I paid the money for and I was not looking for steel posts with reflective signs attached to them and I did not one - I would check the vessel for critical damage. You know, hull leaks. Punctures. Cracks. Smashed in fiberglass. Something like that.

However what do I know? Probably nothing.

The cops also saw it and they pulled the boat over. I do not know what happened after that.

And now here is the fun part. After the incident the US Coast Guard showed up to make sure the marker was OK. It was. The marker was fine. Then they asked me if I could move to act as a floating "hey watch out for this day marker" lighthouse. The reasoning was that surely someone would see me, with my 4 strings of LED Christmas lights covering the t-top on, the pretty bright LED anchor light on, the rotating orange light on, and my blue LED strip lights on.

So I did that. And nobody else (that I am aware of) crashed into anything else. So I guess I did a good job acting as a lit danger marker.

I have some photos to put up, but they need to be resized and shit. Ill have them up very soon!!!

Winterfest

The Winterfest Boat Parade is today. I suppose I am ready. Or at least the key issue is resolved. I had a source make me a key that works. It is not the right key. But it will allow the engine to be started. So whatever. It works. I am happy.

I also have 15 Sierra Nevada Celebration Ales!!! Celebration Ale is new to me. And it is good!!! It was not what I was expecting. I expected it to be a holiday spiced ale. Spiced with traditional holiday spices. Maybe a hint of nutmeg. Or something.

What is turned out to be was something like a pale ale made with slightly darker malts, and with an extra dose of hops tossed on. It is rich and bold, and dry hopped so you really get that hops smell going. It is also 1.2% more alcohol by volume than the pale ale.

I like the stuff. It is good for a cool winter day. Not over the top like the barley wine, but more than the pale ale.

I like it. Others may not - but I do.

I am also very happy that I found my "lost" Sony camera. My good one. I can not find the charger and of course the battery is dead - so I will not have it for tomorrow. But I found it!

The Sony is lower resolution than my Olympus camera (5 megapixel vs 7.2 megapixel), but the truth is that megapixel ratings are bullshit. There are more important things. Like the size of the CCD chip. Or the light sensitivity of the CCD chip. Or the optics.

The Olympus has more "resolution", is waterproof, and is compact - but the Sony has a better quality CCD chip, a much better lens that will work a lot better in low light, and offers more manual controls.

I am just glad it turned up.

Christmas Story

Santa was having a very bad day.

First he wakes up, and while getting out of bed he stubs his toe. Then he steps on a pin that someone had dropped on the floor. And then he could not find his boots. Mrs. Clause remembered moving them somewhere, but did not remember where she put them.

But that was not all. He gets out of his room only to find that all the real coffee is gone. He had asked Mrs Clause and the elves to get some more - but they think that magical jolly old Santa can get it all done! So nobody went to the store. There was only decaf.

So Santa makes some decaf, thinking what the hell. But just as the pot of coffee is finished, Santa spills it all on his crotch. All 12 cups of it.

At this point poor old Santa is just beside himself. All this shit happens, and it is not even 7 AM yet!!! What else could go wrong? Well Santa was about to find out.

At this point Santa decides he needs to step outside for some fresh air. But he does not see the giant pile of fresh reindeer shit. Santa steps right into it. But he does not notice right away. He goes into the sleigh to look for his cell phone and tracks the reindeer shit all over the freshly cleaned sleigh floor.

And you know how hard reindeer shit is to clean out of plush Santa grade sleigh carpet? You do not want to know. Lets just leave it at that.

But Santa is jolly. So at this point he is still jolly, but only a little bit. Whats a stubbed toe, a pin stuck into your foot, no boots, a hot pot of DECAF coffee spilled on your crotch, and fresh reindeer shit all over your sleigh?

So Santa goes to the workshop to check on progress. Well the elf foreman got drunk and vomited all over the new production line. And it was not just any regular old vomit - oh no! This was rancid eggnog vomit. And the worker elves decided that they wanted a new contract. They wanted to be paid for overtime, and wanted a dental plan to go along with their insurance. They refused to do any more work until their demands were heard.

So Santa had to start loading up boxes of stuff himself. And of course one box broke open, and all manners of heavy objects fell on Santa's bootless feet.

Well that was it. Santa stormed back home - considerably less jolly. In fact by now he was downright grumpy.

But he forgot about the fresh reindeer shit, so he steps in that again. He feels it squish between his not so jolly toes, but he does not care.

Mrs. Clause on the other hand does care. She starts to bitch to Santa for tracking in the shit and snow. SANTA! What are you doing!??! Not on the clean floor!! And what is that smell?? Is that....is that....reindeer shit? What is wrong with you?You do not have the sense of that special elf who was kicked in the head! My mother was right about you! You only work one day a year and I have to live up here in the North Pole where it is freezing all the time! And when are you going to take me on that vacation to Hawaii? You have been promising for 400 years! But NOOOOOOO that will never happen because YOU ONLY WANT TO WORK ONE DAY A WEEK!! YOU LAZY BASTARD! YOU DON'T LOVE ME!!

Poor Santa! Nobody should ever have a day this bad. So he stands up on the kitchen table, rubbing his reindeer shit encrusted feet all over the table cloth, tells Mrs. Clause to shut the hell up, and storms off into his study.

And then, just as he closes the door - there is a knock. Santa opens the door and there stands an angel with a Christmas Tree.

The angel says "Santa, here is the Christmas Tree you asked for. Where would you like me to put it"?

And that is why to this day, the traditional ornament for the top of a Christmas Tree is an angel.

People Unclear On The Concept

The "Polar Bear Club". Also known as "a bunch of idiots who jump into freezing cold water, in a lame attempt to look cool".

Mostly members of the club are old fat white guys. Or drunken frat boys. Or idiots who were "dared" to do it.

Now since this tradition was invented by the old fat white guys (old fat black guys do not generally live in places where water freezes over outside) - the tradition is to WADDLE into the frozen water. Much like a walrus, only less evolved for the conditions.

But some people are unclear on the concept.



So what did we learn here?

Jumping into a frozen over pond is a BAD IDEA! Of course I already know this. And I have never seen a frozen over pond. But something would have told me "this is a bad idea".

Lesson 2 is that it is funny when it is NOT you.

Immune System Of Steel

Having no time or patience for disease, I have banished the whatever it was I had to the center of my white blood cells. It really only had me down for a day.

So I did not need that stupid flu shot after all! HA! Me 1 flu shot 0.

In theory.

In other news, my parents went to New York City. My mom always wanted to see the stupid big ass Christmas tree light up and stuff. So they went.

They went to Radio City Music Hall, Times Square, rode the subway, went to Harlem to see the Apollo Theater, went to the museum of natural history, and so on.

I understand it was quite cold.

They also got to see Belleview Hospital. America's oldest public hospital - opened when George Washington was a wee lad only 4 years of age.

Apparently my mom slipped. The curbs in New York are higher than one would expect them to be it seems. Any how she had a slight tumble and had to take a ride with the EMTs to the hospital.

Now unknown to them - Belleview is the crazy people hospital. It is also the hospital the cops take people that are arrested to if they need to go to a hospital before they go to jail.

The EMTs sort of warned them. On the way they asked my dad if they had ever been to Belleview. Last time my dad was in New York City he was something like 4 or 5 years old so of course they had not. So the EMTs said "it was the hospital that people who cause problems or have issues" are taken to.

So they got to see a lot of typical New Yorkers. People yelling at sandwiches. Transvestites shackled to benches. Vagrants. Drunks.

And then in the middle of all this are my parents.

The hospital staff was really nice though.

Mom turned out to be OK. She looks like she was mugged on the subway, but she is OK.

She got a tetnus shot. The doctor said you need one if you get injured somewhere dirty. Apparently the streets of New York City count as someplace dirty.

And of course, there was the obligitory crazy person on the street accusing her of falling on purpose, as part of a master plot to sue the city. You deserve an academy award! You deserve an academy award!

A grizzled old New York City cop, apparently with a typical old grizzled New York City cop accent, said to the crazy street person "Hey pal, why don't you beat it before I beat you" - while guestering to his night stick.

The crazy street person, having at least some sanity left, got the message. But on the way down the street felt the need to tell everyone about the lady who faked the fall, as part of a plot to sue the universe.

Nobody paid any attention. Nobody cared.

There was also the incident on the bus. My parents did not get up fast enough so they missed their stop. A chinese lady asked them if they missed their stop and when they said "yea, but thats OK" she felt the need to yell at the bus driver. From the back of the bus.

"HEY DRIVER! Some people here wanted to get off! Stop the bus and open the back door!!"

Bus driver (over the bus intercom) "Keeps your pants on lady! Ill stop when I stop! Until then remain where you are and wait for the doors to open."

"Maybe you did not hear me! I said STOP THE BUS NOW and let these people off!!"

"Maybe you did not hear me, I said Ill stop when I feel like stopping! Now quiet down, Im driving here!". Still on the intercom by the way.

Everyone else on the bus was pretending like they could not hear anything going on.

Ah yes - the big city. A real big city. Not a fake city like Miami is. I would probably have a lot of fun there.

Under The Weather.

Back in the glory days, when ships made of oak and pushed by winds ruled the seas, the unfortunate sailor who had to stand watch on the lee of the ship at the bow was subject to the wind and waves and spray as his home continued to push across the boundless sea.

Such a man was said to be "under the weather". Exposed to it all. Standing sentry - usually alone - up at the bow.

While I am not in that state right now, I certainly fall under the modern meaning of the phrase.

No Shots

As what is supposed to be dry and crusty turns into a warm liquid that will not stop dripping, a thought runs through my head.

Maybe it would have been a good idea to stop at the drug store that was advertising flu shots on the sign outside the store.

But no. I did not do that. Why should I? The flu? Who gets that?

Also, it is not like I have been living anything other than the life of a hermit. Have I been going out? No. Well there was the holiday party thing I went to Friday. But that was Friday!

I was fine Saturday. I was fine for most of Sunday. But not for all of Sunday.

And so here I sit. I lack tissue paper, so I have to use the sleeves of my shirt. Wondering what the evolutionary reason for liquid snot that drips out of your nose is.

I have a small supply of Alka-Seltzer Cold Plus. That is some good shit. At least it works for me. Keeps me functional.

So that I may spread my pestilence around to those who do not hold my favor.

And So On

I got bored and ordered more crap off the internet. This is the problem with the internet. It is far too easy to order more crap you did not really need. So what did I get? Well the above photo is a good hint. Up until today the lights were blue. Now they are red and green. And all I had to do was change the bulbs.

And if I really want to, I can order two more colors. Boring "super white" - not to be confused with regular not super white, and amber yellow. Now I know amber is one color and yellow is another. But the website I order from calls it "amber yellow".

But I am not going to do that.

The effect I have with the red and greens is good enough. And if I want to I can go back to blue. Or go all red! Or blue and green.

But who really cares? Nobody - that is who. Hell I do not know how much I care anymore.

I have the photos from the USS Cole. I have to resize them.

DDG-67

A special visitor is in Port Everglades, Ft. Lauderdale right now. The USS Cole (DDG-67), an Arleigh Burke class guided missile destroyer. Pictured above is the USS Cole, underway somewhere in one of the worlds oceans or seas.

This is the same ship that was attacked by a small recreational type vessel loaded with explosives while in port in Yemen.

Well not to be done in by a small fiberglass boat, the Cole was repaired and headed back to sea. And now she is visiting South Florida. I am sure that right now as I type this, people serving on her are out somewhere raising hell like only US Navy personnel can do. I hope Ft Lauderdale can handle it.

Anyhow, she is open to tours. I do not know if she is open to the entire general public or not, but I got an email saying if I wanted to take a guided tour I should email someone. So I did. And I got a time slot! Today. Friday! So I have to be at the port before the tour starts.

Cameras are allowed. There may or may not be areas of the ship where photos are not allowed to be taken. I have no idea. I figure someone will tell me if this is the case however. My guess is this is the reason I was told to show up before the tour starts - so that I can get a briefing.

Anyhow - this will be cool. When I get chances to do stuff like this I do it. Because they do not come along every day.

I am going with a full camera battery, and an empty storage card.

If This Letter Is For You, You Are Retarded

Open letter to the Miami-Dade so called "Express Way" Authority:

Dear Retard,

I know you were dropped on your head when you were born. And as much as I support work programs for people with severe mental disabilities, I do not think it is a good idea to allow them to design roads.

For example, who the fuck thought that ONE LANE exiting the 836 onto I-95 was enough? Well guess what - it was nowhere near enough!

Let me explain what happens. I am sure you people know about Sunpass. You know, electronic toll collection? Yea. Well you made these two really cool Sunpass lanes right before the I-95 exit. Now if you happen to be in the far left hand lane - which is a Sunpass only lane - then you are set to use that exit. Unless you merge out of it.

But what if you do not have Sunpass? Well then you have to stop and pay the toll with cash. And then you have to merge across AT LEAST two lanes to get to the exit lane.

So what is the problem?

When there is a lot of traffic - which is ALWAYS - there are two kinds of asshole douchbags. Asshole douche type A thinks they can just stay in the lane next to the I-95 lane until the very last minute, STOP, then squeeze into the exit lane.

Of course this clogs up TWO lanes. The exit lane (everyone else waiting in the line has to stop to let some fucking dickless motherfucking douche into the exit lane) - and the other lane (everyone there has to stop because some fucking dickless motherfucking douche is stopped in that lane).

The type B asshole does not want to get off on I-95. But since they are related to you, the people who created this mess, they are also retarded. So they pretend they do not notice they are in an exit lane. Then, as the last minute, they stop and try to get out of the exit.

The end result if I have to wait at least 30 minutes to go 1/2 a mile.

Once on I-95 north, it was pretty clear sailing. So do not say "the problem is I-95". It is not. The problem is the assholes who think they are too important to wait in a line, and the retards who thought one exit lane was enough.

I do not know which group is the bigger asshole. The road designers or the drivers.

And then there is the "express lanes" on I-95. What a fantastic idea! Two lanes, reserved only for those who want to go north on I-95 from the 836 to the Golden Glades Interchange. 8 miles of exit free lane. Assholes that want to get into the two left lanes for a mile, then weave across three other lanes of traffic to make an exit are not allowed in. Plastic sticks act as a barrier.

Except assholes still think that because the barriers are just oversize straws, and their cars are metal, they can drive through them. And cause accidents.

Now this is not the fault of the designers. That problem is all retarded drivers.

But for all you jerk offs who think that drivers tests should be given in languages OTHER than English - FUCK YOU! You give people a test in Spanish. Fine. Not everyone speaks English after all. And Spanish is every bit as much of a real language as English. People can have in depth discussions on very complex ideas in Spanish after all. I wish I could speak it better.

But the ROAD SIGNS ARE ALL IN ENGLISH! Now maybe you do not see the problem here. So allow me to connect the dots.

Prospective new Miami resident who just arrived, feet still wet, walks into the DMV. They are given a drivers manual in Spanish. They read it and take the test. They pass the test. So now they have a license.

Except the road signs are still in English. So they do not know what "exit lane only" means. To them that shit is gibberish. Just like a road sign written in Creole, German, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, French, Swiss, or Arabic would be gibberish to you. Unless you can read one of these languages. In which case take the language you CAN read and substitute Ancient Greek, Babylonian, Aramaic, or the lost language of Easter Island - whichever one you CAN'T read.

Now you get my point. Do you think if you move to Russia you can take the drivers test in any language other than Russian? What about Poland! Can I move there and take a drivers test in any language other than Polish? NO!??!?! Well I can take a drivers test in France in some other language! NOPE!!

Well no shit! You mean to drive in France I have to know what the scribbling on the French road signs means?? What kind of communist bullshit is that?

Why even have a drivers test? I mean if people can pass this test and still not know what "exit lane only" means - why not let people who can't read anything in ANY language just get a license? Why even have signs? Lets just wing it.

Anyhow these "licensed" drivers become a menace. Because THEY CAN NOT READ THE SIGNS! So they end up in the "express lane" then decide to just ignore the plastic stick barrier. Or they stay in a clearly marked exit lane until the last minute - then come to a STOP so they can get out of the lane.

But this is not the only problem. The retards have mostly learned about the "express lanes". And they work! I was able to zip along at increased speed from the the other lanes.

So I am thinking "WOW! Something that works!"

UNTIL I approach the Golden Glades. The two "express" lanes ends. EVERYONE who does not want to keep going north now has about 50 yards to get out of the "express" lane.

So as you can imagine, this creates a problem.

And if that were not bad enough, one of the two "express" lanes becomes an exit for the fucking turnpike! So if you are in the right hand "express" lane you have to get the fuck out of it if you want to keep going north.

Otherwise you are on the turnpike, unless you can cut off someone else and get back on the slow I-95 lanes to keep going north.

(Fill in the deity of your choice) be with you if you want to do anything else.

And of course, after the cluster fuck caused by the end and then rebirth of the "express" lane it was clear sailing once again.

It took be about 1.25 hours to go close to 30 miles. 45 minutes of that was wasted on TWO MILES of road. The other 28 miles was a 60 mph cruise. Really.

The Law Is An Ass. Sometimes.

I made one more addition to the boat! A secret decoration. I could not find the exact thing I was looking for so I went with a "this will have to do" option. The "this will have to do" option was cheaper than what I was looking for anyway.

And it will work.

So what did I get? I am not saying. Ill have to pull the boat out to attach it anyway - so there is no picture. When I have a picture Ill post it.

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There is a NICE batch of cool air here. I am pretty excited about that. I am going to make a serious attempt to get out to the everglades this weekend. There will not be any bugs. And the skies are clear. The moon is not full. So the skies will be fairly dark. Good telescope weather. Jupiter will make an excellent early evening target. From there the winter star clusters, nebula, and other deep sky goodies are up. The telescope knows where to point itself. Which is a good thing. I only know where to look to find a few things.

*******************************************************

I watched "A/K/A Tommy Chong". The true story about how the US Federal Government Justice Department, under John ASScroft wasted a lot of taxpayer money to put the highly dangerous, major threat to world peace and stability, criminal mastermind Thomas Chong in federal prison. For 9 months.

Yes - that Tommy Chong. The old hippie. The actor. The guy who made some movies with "Cheech" Marin. The criminal mastermind is the guy playing the guitar.



Anyway the movie is about how ASScroft appointed some twit to be a prosecutor, and she came up with "operation pipe dreams" and targeted....Tommy Chong. Because Tommy Chong was making glass pipes. And selling them. Because in many states (such as Florida) pipes are LEGAL. As long as you do not use them to smoke illegal shit. But as long as they are not used for illegal shit the pipes are not in themselves illegal.

Except for two states. So some DEA agent, who instead of busting people dealing and importing drugs - because that is hard and the agent might have had to put down the donut - pestered Tommy Chong into shipping a bunch of pipes to Pennsylvania. And then the feds raided the place.

By the way, the DEA got them to send the glass pipes by actually driving from Pennsylvania to California - in a SUV - using up all that gas and contributing to America's energy Independence, and going to the glass pipe facotry. Because no matter what, the company would NOT ship to Pennsylvania. Then a large order for out of stock items was placed and paid for. The deal with the agent was that he could come back for the pipes when the order was filled. Then if he brought them back to Pennsylvania HE was breaking the law.

Well the agent never went to pick them up. So they sat there. And sat there. And then the guy called and said to just ship them. Since they were paid for and the guy was being a dick - they pipes were shipped.

And just like that Tommy Chong - who was never arrested for anything in his life - was a criminal.

WAY TO GO DEA!!! All that meth being made in illegal labs? Not a big deal. Lets spend millions on an operation whose longest jail sentence was handed out to Tommy Chong.

By the way - keep this in mind. While the justice department was dicking around with Tommy Chong, the guy who mailed the anthrax that killed people and had everyone paranoid to open mail WAS ON THE STREETS! Nobody had any idea who he was. And what does the justice department do? Waste money on glass pipes and putting Tommy Chong in federal prison.

It was a sham.

By the way, there is footage of the twit (lead prosecutor) giving a highly informative presentation to a room full of assholes (other agents and prosecutors) about all the different kinds of pot pipes. There was even a cool slide on how a water pipe works! And one slide was pretty interesting. The same words also appear in the court documents.

And what were the words? Something along the line of how "children" would be watching Cheech and Chong movies for decades to come, and would then think smoking pot was cool.

So thats why pot is still being smoked today! Cheech and Chong movies! Why, if we just get rid of those movies pot would vanish!

Sometimes I think that law enforcement are the ones who are stoned. Really.

So that is why Tommy was singled out in the $12 million "operation pipe dreams" bust. Because of his movies. Well that and he said to the DEA "bongs are the only weapon of mass destruction Bush can find". Or something along that line.

Shit, I knew ASScroft was a prince among assholes (as opposed to the king) but really. $12 million in an operation targeted mostly at an old hippie actor?

Imagine if you had that $12 million. Someone just gave it to you. You can spend it any way you like. It is yours. What would you do? I wager that you would NOT spend it on "operation pipe dreams".

I would not. I would spend it on "operation World Cat 320 Express Cabin". With the optional free fall windlass, stainless steel anchor, and electronics package. And still have over $11.5 million left over for things like gas, bait, beer, and a boat lift at a marina.

But then again, I am not some simpleton twit trying to impress the asshole boss by concocting some worthless plan to bust people making glass pipes.

More Stuff Means More Festive!

I decided the boat needed one more string of lights, bringing the total up to 4 strings. Each string has 60 lights, for a total of 240 lights. Each string draws .03 amps at 120 volts - for a total of 3.6 watts. So the total draw for all 4 strings is .12 amps or 14.4 watts.

The blue strips are always there. They are a permanent feature and not part of the Christmas lights.

A 1.5 amp fuse on the 12v plug that feeds the power inverter will be able to supply 18 watts. If there is any problem at all with the 120v side - the fuse will blow and nobody gets the shit shocked out of them. Which is good. I may need a 1.75 or 2 amp fuse, depending on what the power inverter itself draws. If it draws more than 3.6 watts then Ill be exactly at 18 watts - which will result in the fuse blowing.

I am thinking that I will need a battery powered something to place on the tip of the VHF antenna. A star maybe? Something else?

Ill see what I can find at the Target. I avoid Wal-Mart because I like to NOT get stomped on.

But I am done with the lights. I have enough now.

Christmas Lights

I got my Christmas lights up. South Florida style. As you can see, this is the boat t-top. Three strings. The boat is only 20 feet, I have close to 60 feet of lights.

Here is a wider shot of the view looking at the bow - head on.

I think it came out OK. I went with LED Christmas lights. They are pretty bright. Ill need to wire in the power inverter - but that will not be hard.

From the starboard side. It is a little blury - but that is because my camera sucks in low light.

Pretty snazzy if I say so myself!!!