South Park Finds A Cure For ADHD

Yes, the creators of South Park seem to have invented the perfect cure for "ADHD". Just watch the video.

Oh Lazy! Don't you realize that ADHD is real?

Yea right. It is real. If you say so.

Now I do not dispute that there are some kids with problems. I have been put into classrooms with special needs students.

But what the hell is the ADD and ADHD bullshit? When I was in Jr. High there was no such thing. You either went along with the program, or you sat in indoor suspension a lot. There was no excuse for not paying attention in class, or acting up because you are "bored".

And then there is the video game factor. The same kids who "can not pay attention to anything for more than 10 minutes" can sit in one place for hours playing World Of Warcraft. They do not get bored with that! Oh no. They can pay attention to a video game for an entire weekend without sleeping, but 10 minutes in math class is too much to expect from them.

MOVIE REVIEW!

21 Grams. The lives of an ex-con who finds Jesus and turns his life around, a terminally ill mathematics professor, and a regular upper-middle class family of 4 collide as the result of a tragic accident.

This is another good movie. It is from the same movie studio as a few other films I got and rated fairly high. There is a complex story and an involved plot. The movie does not rely on big budget special effects and crap.

It is worth watching. It is raw, gritty, and somehow seems "real".

Valuable Office Skills

I need to learn the ways of the Office Ninja.

This way I never have to go to the supply depot, or deal with procurement. Procurement is always such a pain in the ass. Here is a typical interaction.

Me: Hello procurement? I need another toner cartridge for my printer.

Procurement: What printer is it?

Me: It is an IBM "Dino-Lux 5000 BC"

Procurement: OK, we can have that toner to you in a week.

Me: But I need it now! Can't I just go over there and get one?

Procurement: Nope. You have to wait. You should have not waited till you totally out of toner.

Me: OK then can you send me two so that when one runs out I have another one?

Procurement: Nope. You have to run totally out of something before you can order more.

So yea, office ninja skills are useful. Need something? Just "borrow" it from someone else and keep it. It is not stealing if the office supplies never leave the office right? All I am really doing is simply moving the supplies from one area to another.

MOVIE REVIEW! The Constant Gardner. Yes, I finally watched it! In case you do not know, this is the movie that first made me seriously consider NetFlix. You see I rented it, kept it for three weeks, had to pay three weeks of late fees (the rental period was 5 days) - and still never watched it. But now I have watched it.

This is a political thriller, set in Africa. There are planes! Planes are cool. This British diplomat dude has to uncover this sinister plot. This movie keeps you on your toes. Well actually it keeps you firmly planted on your ass. You will not want to get up to miss any of it. Will the vast conspiracy be uncovered? Who was in that grassy knoll? Were the moon landings faked? I do not know, none of these conspiracies were in the movie - but the plot revolves around a conspiracy so foul, so deep, and so obvious that it is fairly believable.

If you like political thrillers and conspiracy movies, you will like The Constant Gardner. 4 Iguana Tail Whips.

To Laugh Or Not To Laugh, That Is The Question

This is a video of the "Squirrel-A-Pult".

I have a moral crisis going on over this video. Is it funny or not? When I watched it I thought it was funny as hell. But then the crisis kicked in and I thought "poor squirrel". It was kind of rude after all. Here the squirrel is just being a squirrel, and the next second it is being hurled through the air, flying kind of like this guy.

Of course, this would make the catapult inventor / operator this guy.

I think I watch FAR TOO MANY old TV shows. Or maybe not. I do not really watch many old TV shows. Oh yea if they are on I may tune in. If I happen to catch an old "Match Game" show on the Game Show Network I might watch. Or if I happen to catch an old Popeye show or something.

I should email Boomerang about bringing back Bullwinkle. That was a great cartoon show. It really was aimed at the adult market. When I watched it as a kid I probably only got 20% of the jokes.

Anyway, is the video funny or not? I guess that depends on what happened to Rocky The Flying Squirrel. If he landed OK and scampered off unharmed, then it is freaking funny. If the squirrel had a rough landing and/or went SPLAT! then it is not funny.

and would it be funnier if the animal being hurled was not considered "cute"? What if it was a big old nasty Norway Rat? You know, the kind of critter known to spread the plague. Would that make the video funnier? Could I laugh at it guilt free?

I do not know. And I do not think there is a "rat-a-pult" video on You Tube. I have heard people call squirrels "tree rats" before. In a way, I suppose it is true - squirrels and rats are very similar.

But animals with a fuzzy tail are "cute" and therefore get special treatment. It is strange.

NEWS UPDATE! I will not make any more fun of Kentucky. And if you happen to read this and live in Kentucky, notice how I call Florida "FloriDUHHH". Bet you think that is funny.

There will be NEW IGUANA MUSIC. The Kentucky State Song may come back, renamed in honor of another State as soon as something stupid happened somewhere else.

In other news updates, it does not look like I will bother to take the boat out. It will be a nice day and all, but it seems nobody else can go. Oh well. There will be other nice days. That is pretty much it.

Where Was The Toothbrush Invented?

Do not bother to Google the question. I already know the answer.

But first........NEW IGUANA MUSIC! To go with this post. And now.........

PRISON RELEASES FELON BASED ON PHONY FAX.

Really. Someone was able to fax their way out of State Prison. Here is how the highly sophisticated escape plot went down.

From MSNBC

"HICKMAN, Ky. - Officials released a prisoner from a state facility after receiving a phony fax that ordered the man be freed, and didn’t catch the mistake for nearly two weeks.

Timothy Rouse, 19, is charged with beating an elderly western Kentucky man and was at the Kentucky Correctional & Psychiatric Center in La Grange for a mental evaluation. He was released from that facility on April 6 after officials received the fake court order.

It contained grammatical errors, was not typed on letterhead and was faxed from a local grocery store. The fax falsely claimed that the Kentucky Supreme Court “demanded” Rouse be released."

Get that so far? This Rouse guy beats up an old woman and gets sent to the clink. So far so good! So he had someone send a fax from a grocery store, claiming that the Kentucky Supreme Court demanded the man's release. So the prison staff let him go.

Here is a transcript of the actual conversation, provided to me by my vast spy network

"Hey Clem, we got this here sheet of paper on that that fancy machine. What do you think it says?"

"Beats me Bo! I am just the jail warden, you know I quit going to that school place in the 7th grade!"

"Huh. Me too. I think this squiggly line is the letter M".

"Aww hell Bo, just go find someone that can read that thing so I can get back to watching the NASCAR race!"

And it gets better! Oh yes, it gets better!

From MSNBC again.

"Prison officials did not notice that the fax came from the grocery store because policies in place did not require checking the source of a faxed order, said the LaGrange facility’s director, Greg Taylor.

“It’s not part of a routine check, but certainly, in hindsight, that would perhaps have caused somebody to ask a question,” he said. He added that misspellings on orders are common."

They did not notice that the fax came from a grocery store? Don't fax machines usually TELL YOU the name of the place and phone number the fax was sent from? And they do not check the source of an order from "the supreme court" demanding a release?

I like the part about misspellings on orders being common the best. The Kentucky Supreme Court commonly sends faxed orders containing spelling errors?

Can ANYONE in a position of authority in the State of Kentucky read?!!? Does anyone in Kentucky know about these things called "computers" and "spell check"? Spelling errors on official orders are common?! Really?

Oh yea, about the title question.

The toothbrush was invented in Kentucky.
If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a TEETH brush.

Teeth. As in more than one tooth. I know that some prison officials may not get this joke, so I should probably mention that there are singular and plural forms of words. The theory behind this is very complicated, so if you are an official in Kentucky I might suggest you go back to the third grade. In another State.

In other completely unrelated news, it is Friday! Will there be more news? Will I make more fun of Kentucky? Will anything exciting happen today? Will there be something to be happy about going down today? Might I go out in the boat this weekend because bay waters are forecast to be "smooth" Saturday?

Maybe, most likely, possibly, could be but who knows, and it depends on what else happens. Those are the answers to the above questions. In order. OR ARE THEY! No, they are. OR NOT! Seriously they are. MAYBE!

I should quit while I am ahead here. Blogger has a quota on bad jokes per day, and I am at that limit.

Interview With A Lazy Bum

Today will feature a half ass post. One of these "meme" things. Who the crap came up with calling them "memes" anyway? Is that part of a real word or something?

You know how these work. Someone invents a set of "rules" and you simply follow them. Maybe you have to find pictures. Maybe you have to answer questions. Maybe you have to run naked through the mall and post the video on You Tube. Whatever.

The point is that it makes for an easy post. You do not have to think up stuff to say. Just follow the instructions! Answer the questions! Steal a cool fuzzy hat from a member of the British Royal Guard and run around London saying "All right then! Move along!" while doing your best silly walk.

NOTE - I do not recommend stealing the cool fuzzy hat from the Royal Guard. You will probably get clubbed like the animal that the hat is made from. Bear I think.

So here we go! Rules for this thing are after the questions. The questions are from Ba Doozie

1. Have you ever been married, and if not, have you been engaged or in a very serious relationship/how long?

I have never been married or engaged. If you define "very serious" as a relationship that you thought may lead to engagement, then I have never been in a "very serious" relationship. Just the regular kind of serious but not really relationships. I keep running into crazy chicks, or chicks who think I do not make enough money.

2. Do you like your job and if not what would you rather be doing to earn money?

My current "job" has me as a sort of "private contractor". My checks come from a public institution, but there is no guarantee of work on a day to day basis. If I want work, I have to go look for it. And even then, sometimes there is none.

It is OK for extra income, like if I had a regular full time job with days off during the week and just wanted to make some extra cash on my days off. But it is unreliable for a long term employment solution. I plan to have a full time job back soon.

I liked my last full time job. I had the same attitude "Friday" after work as I did on "Monday" morning. It was shift work so sometimes my Monday was Friday for everyone else in the USA. This made my Friday the same as Tuesday. But whatever. I liked the job and did not really want to leave. But budget cuts happen! So you just roll with it and keep slogging along.

I suppose if I could do ANYTHING I wanted, I would work for the State Department Foreign Service. Assuming I could pick all the places I would be sent to and stuff. I would also like to work for DERM - if I could get a slot that would put me out on the water in one of the DERM boats every day.

3. Do you have siblings, if so who and how many?

I had a brother, who died in 2000. He had a chronic illness and so it was not exactly out of the blue. His health had been going downhill for a year or two before he died.

4. What was your first car?

A 1989 Dodge Daytona with a 2.5L 4 cylinder engine and 5 speed manual transmission. I had the non turbo charged version of the car.

Just like this one, only mine was black, did not have the stupid fin thing on the back, and I had the "turbo" wheels. I found someone selling the wheels off his dead Daytona "Shelby" after he cranked up the turbo charger just a little too high and blew up the engine. I got the rims for $120 and they came with new racing tires. The factory wheels were 14 inch steel wheels with hub caps. The "turbo" wheels were 16 inch aluminum alloy wheels. What makes tires "racing" tires? The rubber is super soft so they do not last very long. But man do they grip the road.

The car put up with A LOT of abuse, and was pretty tough. It was a hatchback and you could load an unbelievable amount of crap in it. I buried the key to it in Skull Valley, Arizona when I was there in 1999.

5. What is the most adventurous thing you have ever done?

Well lets see here. By "adventurous" do you mean exciting or stupid? Cause stupid is hard to pin down. There was the time I managed to set my hand on fire. That was pretty stupid. And then there was the time I decided to try to go out in 4 - 6 foot seas in my 18 foot boat. That was kind of stupid.

But for pure adventure, I suppose my two day hike on the Appalachian Trail would rank pretty high. That was a lot of fun. And then there was the time I was lost in the Everglades overnight. I was not really THAT lost, I knew all I had to do was head north and sooner or later I would run into a road. And I knew the road was not more than 10 miles away. But I did not know exactly 100% where I was. This was before the days when everyone had a hand held GPS thing. So I had to find a place to sleep overnight, surrounded by tall grass. Not sawgrass, I was not in the "swamp" area of the everglades. I was in an area that is wet in the rainy season. It was kind of cool. It was comforting to know that nobody had seen a FL Black Bear in the area in a very long time. I could find no evidence of panthers either - there was no poop to be found. Of course, cats bury that stuff right?!?! The biggest concern was poisonous snakes. The sky out there was pretty dark and you could see a lot of stars.

DIRECTIONS FOR THE INTERVIEW MEME

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone
else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them
five questions.

NOTE - I am pretty lazy. I will not feel too bad if nobody says "interview me". But feel free to do so if you want.

Can't Even Manage To Mail One Simple Thing Off

First off, this is an item that the owner of a certain Devon Rex Calico Cat may be interested in.

This is a Kittywalk stroller thing. It holds two critters. More if the critters do not hate each other. Up to 50 pounds of critters. That is a lot of critter. Regular price $299 - but right now it is on sale for $129. Click the picture to go to the site that is selling this contraption. I bought the door hanging cat climbing device from this outfit. It arrived in the mail and I did not get ripped off.

I did not know that strollers for cats were such a big thing. But I guess they are. And why limit the thing to just cats and small dogs? Have a kid that keeps escaping? Well lets see them escape from that thing! You can use wire to secure the doors if you need to. The netting material is nylon and very strong.

Also, the critter container things come off the stroller, so it is both a stroller AND a critter car carrier thing. For all critters - the ones with fur and the ones without fur.

But I guess these things are required. Ever try to "walk" a cat? Well let me tell you, you do not take a cat on a walk. You take a cat on a DRAG. And they do not like that. After about 50 feet of dragging the cat decides you are a tree, and climbs you.

And no way in hell would I take a cat for a walk, or push one in a stroller. That is very.....uhhhhh....not manly. I would loose a million man points and have to turn in my penis to the man police for I would not be deserving of such an organ.

In other news, I was SUPPOSED to mail off some crap today. And I almost did! Really! But then I misplaced the darn thing. I think I know where it is - but I do not exactly have access to the place where it may be. So I have to wait till normal business hours, call someone, and see if the thing can be located. If not - no big deal. I just make another copy of the thing. So if you know I am supposed to mail you something, there is the update. I got involved with fixing a fax machine and stuff.

I was able to fix the fax machine. It had some schmutz on the scanner thing, so when you sent a fax or tried to make a copy there was this black line on the document. but I removed the schmutz and so now everything is OK. It was not a total loss.

What else did I do today? I guess nothing. Pretty slack really. My bumification is complete.

Be Careful Where You Piss

Mental note to self, if I ever go to Japan WATCH OUT! This is part 2 of the "Crazy Japanese Prank Show" post. This video is great!

By the way, there is new Iguana Music for this post. The Iguana Music is not exactly about the content of the post, and really does not fit the theme here - but whatever. "Turning Japanese" has nothing to do with Japan. By the way, does anyone here ever click the Iguana Music? Cause I put up some good shit. So what does "Turning Japanese" all about? Lets just say cut that out or else you will go blind.

I suggest starting the You Tube video, turning the volume down, then starting up the Iguana Music. I really hope everyone has high speed internet!

The joke here is that some portable toilets are rigged. You go in, squat, and after 10 seconds the roof pops open and the toilet is lifted up. The funny part is that the person is still on the throne.

You HAVE TO watch this. Part 2 of the video involves a portable toilet, a boat, tow rope, and a wave board. Classic. Funny as....well.....shit.

What got me was the toilet design. Seriously, I would have to think about how to use the thing. It is long and narrow. Are you supposed to squat on it? Cause I do not cop a squat on public toilets. I am a man - I stand up to pee. If I have to crap then I just wait till I get home. Seriously. One time on a car trip I had to take a shit 20 minutes away from home. I held the shit in for 8 hours. Yea it was painful. I actually did shit before I got to the final destination. I had to pull into a rest stop off the interstate, go into the mens room. grab some ass wiping paper - and then I bolted off to the woods. Seriously. The woods. I found two sapling trees that were close enough together to convert into a "seat". I bent the trees at a 90 degree angle about three feet off the ground, dropped trow, sat on my woods throne, shat, wiped, and left.

The trees were probably not going to live anyway - they were too close together. My ass is not that wide. There was no time to dig a trench, so I shat bear style. No digging. No covering up. I left my handy work there for the world to see. I hope nobody stepped in it.

The point is, I did not use the gross public toilet. By the way, that really did happen. I am not making it up. I was in Alabama, I would never do that in Florida. I live in Florida after all. You do not shit in the woods where you live. Unless you dig a proper shitting hole.

It seems from this prank video that in Japan, you do not always stand up to pee. I will probably be arrested for pissing on a tree when I go there. But after watching this video no way will I use a portable toilet over there!

Or if I do, I will count to 10 before I do anything.

Is That A Chopped Chicken?

Well I went and looked at the mystery boat that the lady wants to sell.

First I should mention that I had to drive into el barrio to see the boat. I was in chicken chopper town. Across the street from the seller of the boat were two dead chickens. One was just laying there collecting flies and ants, the other was half in a plastic bag.

NOTE - this post contains a 100% true story about chickens and stuff. Scroll down if you want to.

Well I was not born yesterday. I know what time it is when I see that shit. Chicken Choppers. Also known as people who practice Santeria. Santeria is a form of voodoo. It came to the new world from Africa with the slave trade, and took root in some places. Most notably in Cuba. But the Spanish were not that cool with voodoo so the people switched some voodoo Gods with Catholic Saints. Anyhow, people into Santeria are commonly sacrificing chickens and leaving them all about town. Every morning employees have to remove dead chickens from the courthouse steps, because during the night Santeria and Voodoo "curses" are cast upon the courts or spells are cast so that defendants are found not guilty. Really. This is somewhat common here.

Anyhow, the boat turned out to be a dud. Not because of the dead chickens, but for other reasons.

Number one on the list was that the boat is not in any way "new". My original spy report said it was a 1996 or 1997 or something. Well it is a 1979. The sellers "did not know" the year till I looked at the hull ID Number and asked "is this a 1979 hull?". So the boat is pretty old.

Being a 1979 hull the thing probably contains a fair amount of wood. Wood is heavy stuff. And it is prone to rot. I did not detect any soft spots, so the hull seems to be solid enough but I did not check it that well. The engines were newer than 1979, but I do not know when they were made. The steering worked well, and the engines looked to be in decent shape, as far as corrosion on the mounting brackets and steering go. The engines had not been painted, which is good. They were not trying to hide anything there. There was surface oxidation of the skegs, but this is to be expected. That just happens.

But the engines were only 120 horsepower each. That means 240 HP between the two of them. The boat is a 25 footer and being a 1979 hull it is a heavy hull. I think that the boat is under powered. It needs at least twin 150s. And by "at least" I mean no less than. If I were going to repower that boat I would be looking for twin 175 or 200s.

Oh and the trailer is illegal. It needs brakes. In Florida, if the gross weight of the trailer and the object on the trailer is more than 3,000 pounds then the trailer must have brakes. This trailer has no brakes. I would at least have surge brakes on that thing.

And to top it all off, the boat is having some electrical problems. The good part is that the wiring is very easy to get to. The bad news is that the electrical system probably needs a total overhaul.

So I will probably NOT buy the thing. I do not mind a boat that needs some things, but I do not want a "project" boat. I do not mind having to replace a bilge pump, or re running the wires for the navigation lights or something (this is just crap that has to be done from time to time) but I do not want a 1979 hull, underpowered engines, and a trailer that has to be recycled and made into beer cans. That is too much.

Now for my ALL TRUE chicken chopper story! Did I mention this is ALL TRUE?

Years ago I went to a scuba camp in the Florida Keys to take a 5 day instruction course as part of a BSA "high adventure" program. Anyway, my parents made arrangements to "camp" in long Key State Park (by "camp" I mean chill out by the ocean in a pop up camper with AC and electricity in a State Park that had full heated shower facilities and toilets that flush and whatnot). I was to be dropped off at the scout camp not too far from Long Key so that I could spend the next 5 days learning to breathe compressed air underwater.

When the day to leave arrived, a friend of mine who was going to the same program showed up at the house and we all packed into the old DARK GREEN 1981 Ford station wagon, hitched up the pop up, and took off.

But before we left someone noticed a strange bag across the street from the house. We lived on a quiet residential street with only other houses around - not in a mixed zoning area. The people that lived behind us were into that Santeria shit because there were little statues in their yard and chickens in the backyard and whatnot. Once they even had a GOAT for two days, then there was some kind of gathering in their yard, some camp fire was made, the goat vanished, and by pure coincidence a headless goat carcass was dumped in a nearby canal.

Anyway, the bag was leaking blood. So my dad called the po po. This is the thing to do when you find a strange bag that drips blood when you pick it up.

The cop that showed up took one look at the bag and said "Santeria". He refused to touch the bag, and did not even want to take it away. He pointed at the knot and said that the bag was "holding in bad luck or a curse" or some crap.

PLEASE! How can you bag "bad luck"? So my dad asked the cop if he wanted him to cut open the bag. The cop agrees, because the bag had to be investigated. There could have been a human head in there or something.

So my dad cuts the knot in the black bag and finds some other color bag with another knot. The cops explains what it means and stuff. I do not remember how many bags there were to cut open but at the end they were just chickens. So the cop says to load the shit in the trunk of his car (the "bad luck" had been released safely) and drove off. We finished loading the station wagon and left to the Keys.

It is important to point out that the car was DARK GREEN, and it was July or August or some other ungodly hot month.

Somewhere in Homestead, the Ford overheated. So we had to stop at a gas station and put more water in the cooling system. But even with more water, the car was running hot. So we had to drive WITH THE HEATER ON FULL BLAST. This helped. On the 20 mile "death strip" of US1 south of Florida City and before Key Largo it was hit and miss. The car would run hot, then cool down a bit, then run hot again. Once in the Keys we had to stop at a few gas stations to put more water in the radiator along the way to the camp. Did I mention the car was DARK GREEN? Dark colors absorb sunlight, and therefore heat. And the heater worked great. The back seat windows of the Ford only rolled down half way.

I made it to the camp, and the car made it to Long Key with the camper in tow. But in the park, once unhooked from the camper trailer, the car threw a timing chain and the engine got fucked up. AAA had to send a flatbed to rescue the Ford, and my dad had to go back to Miami to rent a car that could pull the trailer back.

The engine in the Ford had to be rebuilt. When the timing chain broke, pistons slammed into valves (or something like that).

Other than that the trip was fine. The 5 days on Long Key were apparently fun (I was not staying in the pop up, I was at scuba camp that featured barracks style housing with NO AC), and I had no major incidents learning to breathe underwater. Well there WAS the run in with the nurse shark, but that was not me. Some other idiot from Missouri or something decided to harass a nurse shark because they are "harmless" and got attacked. It was pretty funny really. At least it was for me. I tried to warn the dude that no animal is "harmless" if you corner it. I should note that with all the nurse sharks I have seen, I have never once been attacked by them. But I do not go around pissing them off either. I have a general rule with sharks - I agree to not mess with them if they agree to not mess with me. This is the same policy I have with bears and stuff.

But anyway - the dead chicken bag killed the Ford. So I did not mess with the dead chickens I saw while looking at the boat. I did not want to curse my Toyota.

I have another voodoo story that I may recant tomorrow. It involves the airport, my career as a federal baggage screener, and a bag in transit to or from Haiti.

Pimped Out Toilet Seat

About a week ago I submitted my blog to the "Critique My Blog" blog. HA! Now I challenge you to make a complete correct sentence that used the word "blog" more than three times. Anyway, here is the result.

"This sharp looking blog from the land of Florida is one of those fresh and witty blogs that make you stop and think for a minute. I like the writing and the overall look of the blog is very cool with the sidebar set up with arcade games from when I was little. One thing I noticed and I might have missed it or am looking in the wrong places ( I got in big trouble for this one time), but I didn't notice an archive section. I view my blogs in IE so maybe that is the reason. Aside from that I have no complaints. Stop by and say Hi and enjoy your visit at the Lazy Iguana!"

You can go to Critique My Blog, submit the URL to your blog, and it will be reviewed. It takes about a week for the critique to be done. I do not think anyone ever gets a bad review.

So what is it with the blog title? Got me. It is something that came up as a result of the greatest in depth discussion of toilet seats in the history of the internet. This discussion took place on Caiman's blog. The link is in the left sidebar.

The boat lady called me back! I was busy at my favorite bar drinking beer and eating a meatloaf sandwich, so I could not talk very long. But the lady claimed she was going to give my phone number to the other lady who is supposedly in possession of a boat she does not want. I have not spoken to the seller yet, but the spy report I got indicated it is similar to a Wellcraft Coastal 250. The Coastal 250 is 25 feet long, and has a beam of 8.5 feet - the largest beam allowed for a trailer boat without needing a "wide load" sign and escorts. From what I can gather, the boat has a full transom with twin outboards on a gill bracket. It also has a walk around cuddy cabin. Having a full transom is cool because the boat is not as prone to take on water over the transom. The current boat has a cut out transom with the outboard bolted directly to it.

Honestly, I have concerns over such a boat. It is a little too large for my V6 truck to deal with. At the least I would need to add a heavy duty transmission cooler and maybe even an engine oil cooler. I have access to a Dodge Durango 4x4 that I could use to pull the thing however.

The biggest deal is the cost to operate such a beast. Twin outboards = a lot of gas.

Unless You Are The Late Great Rodney Dangerfield, Old People Should Not Make Jokes

Poor John McCain. He really wants to be the Big Cheese, but it will just never happen for the man. It could have happened, but the drunken frat boy stole his chance. You see, in 2000 the Bush attack machine buried the old man. War experience? We did not need that! So what if you were shot down over Vietnam and spent time as a POW. That shit does not matter anyway. Service to the nation? HA! While you were wasting your time serving the nation for the pittance the military pays, REAL Americans were off cutting deals to make real money. And getting wicked drunk.

Did you not get it old man? You were written off in 2000. You should have learned, but you did not. Like a good loyal suck-up, you thought that your chance would come. Well, sorry to tell you this but it is not.

But McCain may be starting to understand this. I think he is loosing it. What the hell does he think Americans want? Take his latest attempt at a "joke". Talking about that Beach Boys song "Bomb Iran".

Wow. That is funny? Apparently is funny. So damn funny I forgot to laugh! Did he really think that the "joke" would help his campaign? With majority opinion turning against the mess in Iraq, and the vast majority against starting shit with Iran while still stuck in Iraq - who did he think this joke would appeal to? The crazy 10% that watched too many John Wayne movies and think that war is as easy as getting your trusty lever action rifle and single handedly taking on 10,000 Indians?

By the way McCain, the song is not "Bomb Iran", it is "Barbara Ann". It is today's featured Iguana Music.

What happened to you? Do you have a blockage in the artery feeding your brain with blood? At the very least, you should hire better joke writers. I could write better jokes. Of course I would require a joke writing office in Amsterdam, with a satellite office in Antwerp or Brussels. You know, Belgium for the beer and Amsterdam for the.....uhhhh....coffee! Yea thats it. The coffee. And maybe the space cake. I hear that stuff goes well with coffee. I could come up with far better jokes than jokes about bombing another Country.

Like Kim Jong Illin for example. The rapping dictator of North Korea. You know, like in that ancient Run DMC song. Not my best material, but better than the old and stale "Bomb Iran" joke. I remember that joke from the first Gulf War, only it was "bomb Iraq". You remember! Bomb Iraq....kick Hussein's ass....and so on. Recycling jokes over 10 years old? What's next McCain? Maybe you can get a big wooden mallet, call it the "Sledge-O-Matic" and mash up fruits and stuff. That has never been done before.

In other news - I am so fucking tired of hearing about "violence on TV" being a "problem". Get real people! I just finished watching some cartoons from the 1930s, and the whole cartoon revolved around violence. Every episode ends with some guy in a spiffy sailor suit and with forearm tumors, a speech impediment, a squinty eye (can anyone say STROKE) and smoking a pipe beating the shit out of some other guy. Babies are given shotguns to amuse them so they stop crying.

And lets not even talk about the TV westerns from the 50s. Lets recap a typical episode. Some white guy in a white hat shoots a bunch of Indians, and maybe some other white guy wearing a black hat. There is no blood, but a whole lot of rootin tootin gun shootin. That is violent I suppose.

So how exactly is TV more violent today? Just because it is in color and more realistic? The bottom line is the same. Beating up people is fun, the good guy never gets shot, and so on.

Water Restrictions

So as you may or may not be aware, I am living under phase II water restrictions. What does this mean? Nothing really. I am opposed to yard watering, so why do I care if I can only water the lawn 2 days a week? I don't. I think all forms of lawn watering should be banned really.

But I can do more to conserve water. For one, I need to get a thingie for the shower that allows water to be cut off without having to turn the faucets. This way I can restrict water use in the shower to getting wet, then rinsing off. There is no reason to leave the water running when I am soaping up really. With the water cut off thingie, I can probably keep showers to only three or four minutes of "water on" time without compromising "anti stink" properties.

The toilets here are also old, and they use a lot of water. I think they are at least 5 gallon flush units. These toilets are actually illegal now - so NOBODY TELL THE TOILET POLICE! But really, as soon as I can get around to it I would like to replace the toilets with a modern low water flush toilet. In the meantime, the best I can do is put a displacement device in the tank and reduce the amount of water used per flush by a half gallon or so. MAYBE a gallon at the most. The ideal solution would be a waterless composting toilet, but the 1 pint flush toilet would be more realistic here. And instead of composting, it would be easier (and more practical) to make the toilet dump into the sewer.

Oh yea, and nobody is supposed to run the dishwasher unless it is full, and half loads of laundry are discouraged - even if you lower the water level in the wash tub.

Washing your car is restricted to designated watering times and days. But I can wash down my boat after I use it regardless of the time or day.

How bad is the water situation? Why is South Florida under water restriction? Is this just some crap made up so the water police can hand out tickets? I decided to find out! As always, clicking the images loads them in full size - which in this case is not that much larger than the ones here. Full size photos are 90k or less in size. They were all taken in and around Lake Okeechobee recently. I did not take the photos, they all came from the South Florida Water Management District website - the date stamps are all this month or last month.

This is a lock, going from the lake to some canal. The pile of rocks are supposed to have water between them. As you see, they are high and dry. I do not think this lock will be used anytime soon.

This is dry lake bed. Actually, I think this is a canal that runs around part of the lake. Anyway - the point is that the water level is clearly supposed to be higher. It does not take someone with a hydrology degree to see that.

This is supposed to be a pier that extends out into the lake. It BARELY reaches the water now. It is a pier over a mud pit now. If you look carefully at the piling, you can see water stains. This is where the water is supposed to be. The upper stain is the high tide mark. Notice how these stains are just under the walkway.

This is a lonely day marker. It is supposed to mark a channel so boats do not run aground. But it is not marking a channel anymore. It is far from the waters edge. This photo really hits home. This is a severe water shortage - no question about it.

This is a wide shot of a channel leading to a boat ramp. The outer green day marker is in the water, but that water is probably only a few inches deep at the most. The rest of the channel is dry. This channel and ramp is probably supposed to be for flat bottom boats or canoes - not V or semi V hulls like my boat is. It may even be intended to air boats that CAN run in only an inch or two of water. But it is not supposed to be this dry. The markers are supposed to be in water. On land, these markers are not needed.

And this is the ramp. Or at least a ramp. See that nice green field with the gently rounded edge off to the left? That is all supposed to be water. But it is not water, it is dry. The basin is also dry. This is not a boat ramp, it is a 4x4 vehicle ramp.

I really think that South Florida should be on level III restrictions at this point. Maybe even the most severe restrictions - level IV. Level III restrictions limit lawn watering to one day a week, level IV bans all lawn watering.

Second Amendment Part 2

Emma made an excellent comment that clarifies my point on this subject. Blocks in quotes are from the comment.

"Under the Second Amendment, I can hypothetically, sling an AK over my shoulder, have no concealed weapons permit, and walk through downtown P-town...legally."

Actually - you can't. This is my point. Under any other Amendment I have the same rights no matter where in the 50 States I go. I have the same freedom of speech in Florida that I would have in Mississippi or Washington DC. So therefore, under the Second Amendment my rights from state to state SHOULD be the same. But they are not. In Florida, open carry is illegal. Of course if you are engaged in the act of hunting then you can open carry - but you all know what I mean. I can not strap an AK to my back and take a leisurely stroll in Downtown Miami. You may be able to do this in your state, but not in Florida. Likewise, open carry is outlawed in many other states. And some cities have successfully implemented gun restrictions that go beyond what State law says.

"It's the 'concealed' carry, not the 'carry' that states are concerned about and requiring permits. I'm for that. Although, someone popping Zoloft or a person institutionalized within a certain time frame can't pilot an aircraft but can walk into a gun store and purchase a gun, and carry concealed legally with a permit."

Again, it depends on the State. Like I said, some major cities have severely restricted gun ownership. And the States have not done anything about it. Nor have courts, except to uphold the city laws. There may even be States where there are no concealed permits and open carry is also banned. This would pretty much mean you can't carry. Guns have to be transported in the truck of a car, unloaded. You can own them, but the idea of a shootout on the street to defend yourself is illegal. And once again, courts have not overturned these laws.

For many years Washington DC banned all gun ownership. That was overturned, but I do not really understand the reasoning behind that. Just looking at the second half of the Second Amendment, it says "..... to keep and bear arms". Bear means carry. Have on hand. So if a State or a city says "no concealed weapons, no open carry" that is in effect "infringing" on my "right to bear arms". If it is OK to infringe on my "right to bear arms" then what is the big deal about my "right to keep arms"? How am I supposed to fight government tyranny if I can not patrol the streets of Washington DC with a fully automatic AK and a 100 round drum?

Anyhow the original point remains. Constitutional rights are uniform across the entire United States. No matter where in the USA you go, you have the same Constitutional rights. This is the whole point in the Amendments. My First Amendment rights do not change from State to State. Nor do my 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, or any other Constitutional Rights. And my 2nd Amendment "rights" do not vary either. They are uniform across the land. States have the right to form well organized militias no matter what State I go to.

The simple fact that gun laws are not uniform means that they are NOT protected by the Constitution. They are provisional rights, granted by State Law. My "right" to have guns is not protected by the Constitution, it is however protected by State Law. My "right" to bear arms is likewise limited. I have a permit for Florida. Some other States will accept the Florida permit as valid in their State - but some do not. States without concealed carry will not accept my permit. Other states with concealed carry laws may not accept my Florida permit.

But it is clear to me that the Constitution does not apply here. For if it did, what I can do in Alaska I could do in Washington DC. What I can do in Miami I could do in Los Angeles.

Anyway, it really does not matter too much. The majority of the population supports stricter gun control laws. So why are they not on the books? It has nothing to do with the Second Amendment - I have a feeling that if it came down to it the Supreme Court would side with gun control. They already have really - even if it is by inaction (refusing to hear cases).

The deal here is that those who support gun control do not really "vote the issue". The other side DOES vote the issue. Because of this, a politician who says "I will ban guns" stands little chance of getting elected. Those who agree with the statement will not get worked up into a frenzy about it. They will view other issues as more important. But the other side WILL get worked up into a frenzy.

In other words, you have little to gain by pushing for gun control. It is a risk, even if the majority supports it. Little progress in gun control will be made, no matter WHAT happens.

My personal belief is that it is too late. There are too many guns out there already. The NRA was incorporated in 1871. At that time handguns were still large revolvers, many of which were still black powder shooters (SLOW to load). Cartridge rifles and revolvers were around, but they cost more. Some very primitive and unreliable auto loaders were being developed, but they were not in common use. The common man was likely to have a "yellow boy" lever action rifle, or a Colt revolver. This was the time to restrict guns. By now these guns would be well over 100 years old, and in questionable shooting condition. The guns in good condition would be worth a lot of money (they are now).

But now these guns are considered primitive. There were no 30 round magazines. There were no auto loaders. Hell, I do not even think there were smokeless cartridges. I think in the 1870s the thing was black powder cartridges. Black powder is for the most part lower power than smokeless. It burns slower and can not build up the pressure that smokeless powder can. And there were not produced in the numbers that guns are produced in today.

So even if there is a total national gun ban, for the next 50 or so years it would be a problem. Until the guns on the black market were either all confiscated OR in such bad condition that they fail to function AND all the ammo and ammo supplies were used up (which is not possible, black powder is somewhat easy to make) violent criminals who were determined enough to do so could get a gun. It may have prevented the V. Tech shooting however, as the loner gunman probably did not have any connections. You have to have friends to have connections.

Second Amendment

First, more movie reviews! Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is a strange show that is part of the "Adult Swim" block shown on Cartoon Network. If you like the stuff that the William's Street people come up with, you will probably get a few laughs out of the movie. If you have never seen it before - you will not get this movie at all.

Today I should get two more movies from Netflix. The Constant Gardner and Hotel Rwanda. The Constant Gardner is the reason I got Netflix in the first place. I rented this movie from the video store, and never got around to watching it. So I kept it for t he full 5 days. On the 6th day the late fee was equal to another 5 days rent. So I kept it. For three weeks. And I never did watch it.

Now for the main post.

Due to current events, once again the Second Amendment is in the news. Seems to happen a lot. Anyway, what exactly is the deal with it?

I do not think that there is a Constitutional right to private gun ownership. Really. Even the NRA knows this. Here is a link to the NRA store and the "2nd Amendment T-Shirt". The shirt reads "... the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed". Now the Second Amendment is only one sentence, so why use the dots? Why shorten it? Because the part about "a well regulated militia" is not something that the NRA wants to talk about. They would rather those words not be there - but they ARE there. And they can not simply be ignored. "The people" is a collective term. Notice how the First Amendment only contains the phrase "the people" when talking about the right to assemble. A single person can not "assemble" anywhere. One person in the park is just one person in the park. So the right of "the people" to assemble means form a group. Collective. There are other examples too. Like the 4th Amendment. "The right of the people to be secure in their persons...".

Persons. As in more than one person. And so on.

Also, there have already been many court decisions on the subject. Lower court, appeals courts, and even the Supreme Court.

For example - if I have an unlimited "right" to own guns, why do I need a permit to carry one? I do not need a permit to speak. I do not need a permit to write a letter to the newspaper. I do not need a permit to obtain the due process of law. I do not need a permit to hire a lawyer, or a permit preventing the cops from raiding my home without probable cause. I do not need a permit to attend whatever church I want to attend. And so on.

But I need a permit to pack heat. And FL has fairly "liberal" gun laws - meaning not very strict. Hell almost anyone can get a gun here, and only machine guns are restricted. But with the proper permit I can get a machine gun.

So what is up with this permit shit? If the Constitution says I have the right to keep and bear arms, how can the State "limit" this by requiring a permit? Why does the Supreme Court not declare this Unconstitutional?

Because it is Constitutional. States CAN restrict guns. Just about all of them do.

And what about ex felons? When a felon gets out of jail they have all of their Constitutional rights restored. Well all except the right to keep and bear arms and vote. But FL is considering allowing ex felons to vote (as they should, it is supposed to be a right guaranteed to ALL Americans, not just some). And when ex felons are allowed to vote, should they also get back their "right" to own guns? I mean, it is in the Constitution right? Felons have the right to free speech and religion and stuff. They even get the full due process of law. They get fair and speedy trials, have the right to a defense attorney (private or public) and so on. Because all that stuff is clearly intended to apply to everyone in the Constitution.

But nobody, not even the NRA, is suggesting that ex felons should be allowed to own guns.

It seems to me that if the Second Amendment really gave individuals unlimited rights to own and bear guns, there would be no permits. All states would have to allow concealed carry. No types of guns would be restricted. Every kind of ammo would be legal. And any attempt to pass laws would be struck down by the Supreme Court. And yet even in Texas you have to get a permit to carry. Only that liberal Vermont allows concealed carry with no permit. You do not hear the NRA blasting Texas for violating "the people's" rights.

Movie Review, Strange Dog

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Wait a minute! This is the wrong Jabberwocky! Although the movie does start with these exact words, the movie is not about mimsy borogoves.

It is the reign of King Bruno The Questionable, and some kind of horrible monster is roaming about. Dennis the Cooper's Apprentice is in love with the "lovely" (and very overweight) Griselda - the daughter of a fish monger.

Anyhow Dennis gets kicked out of the barrel making business because his father is not happy with the fact Dennis is not a craftsman. He wants to make barrels that last only a few days, not a lifetime and take inventory all the time. So Dennis has to go off to the big city to try to make it.

Jabberwocky is a silly movie. Word on the street is that this is the movie Terry Gilliam had in mind when Monty Python made "The Quest For The Holy Grail". So after the comedy powerhouse that was Python broke up, Gilliam made Jabberwocky. So if you like silly, you will love Jabberwocky. But you have to really like silly. It helps to have a beer or two. The jokes in the movie are not always right on the surface. Terry Gilliam is a friggin genius.

In other news, it seems that a mystery dog has decided to hang out here.

This is Dumb Shit the dog. He is large and dumb. The dog seems friendly enough, but he is stupid - even by dog standards. The dog lacks even the most basic of training. Dumb Shit will jump up on you, does not know how to walk on a leash, and so on. Dumb Shit has no ID tag, so who knows where he came from. Dumb Shit is not hungry, at least not for dog food. So if he was dumped he was dumped recently. I had him tied to the tree in the front yard this afternoon - thinking someone might come by and take him. But of course, this did not happen. So he is still in the front yard. He will run in the house like he owns the place, which causes cats to scatter and hide for hours. I tried putting Dumb Shit in the backyard for the night, but he scratches at the door. So he has to hang in the front yard.

He does not seem to be in a hurry to wonder off. Maybe he will wonder off overnight - but somehow I doubt it. He seems to be fearful of feet, and will cow down if if you raise your hand abruptly like you are going to pimp slap him - so he has probably been abused.

People get puppies that are going to be large dogs, then refuse to train them - thinking that the stupid animal will just train itself. Well this does not happen. So they end up with a large dumb dog with no manners, and then they let it loose.

Anyway, maybe the beast will find some other place to hang out. I just got rid of a shit producing machine and have just gotten used to a land mine free yard.

Got UnLazy And MOVIE REVIEW!

If Unlazy is a word, then I am using it properly. However if it is not a real word I just made it up and hereby claim all rights associated with it.

Speaking of assholes trying to "copyright" words and phrases, can you believe that Dead Muskrat Hair Man tried to claim all rights to "you're fired"? Yup - he tried to make "you're fired" a trademark, and license it for others to say. What a mega turd flower. That would be like me trademarking "bicycle" or "poker chip". The courts threw it out.

As many people know, Don Ho died. As Caiman pointed out, is it proper for the media to keep calling the man by his last name? "Ho"? Good thing his first name was not "Greasy Head" or something.

Anyway, this made me think of something. WHO HAS / HAD THE FUNNIEST NAME???? The contestants are:

1. Don Ho
2. Dick Trickle
3. Dick Butkus
4. P. Diddy
5. Markie Mark

And now for the unlazy part! I actually took the memory stick out of the digital camera, stuck it in the 6 in 1 card reader PCMCIA thing I keep in the laptop, and uploaded the photos I took! Hooray! NOTE - click the photos to make them larger. Large photos are around 2 megs each

This is a photo taken towards the end of the event. The people you see were the volunteer trash collectors. The trash is in the bags. Some other boat came by to pick up the garbage. I transported 5 of the people. Other boats took the rest.

This is ICW marker 29. This is what you would call a "daymark". It does not have a light, so on the chart it is a green square. If it were a lit marker it would look like a ! symbol. You can tell this marker is part of the Intra Coastal Waterway because there is a yellow mark on it. Cool huh? The manatee sign means that you have to go SLOW. Even if you are in the ICW. You still have to go slow. The water police will give you a ticket if you do not go slow.

This is the Carnival Imagination at the Port Of Miami. When the photo was taken the ship was taking on passengers, and getting ready to depart on another cruise. I was on that boat. It is a little larger than my boat, but it also uses up a lot more fuel. All the boats in the foreground are anchored and are pretty much always there. This is one of the few remaining free anchorage places left. I was by the Miami Yacht Club and the new Parrot Jungle at the time, having lunch.

This is the pirate ship that roams Biscayne Bay. The scurvy crew operates out of Bayside Marina. Some people on board were probably drinking. They tried to board me, but my blunderbuss is legendary for its ability to keep idiots away from me.

MOVIE REVIEW!!! Children Of Men. what a gritty film! It is the near future, and no children have been born for at least 18 years. We know this because the "youngest person on Earth" is killed and the news mentions his age. Anyway people are freaking out about it. And probably having a lot of sex - but they do not get into that aspect.

Anyway, as you probably guessed a woman gets pregnant. The movie revolves around getting her and her baby the hell out of the madness going on in Europe and somewhere she will be safe.

Did I mention gritty? Well it is. In one part an explosion goes off and blood spatters on the camera lens - and remains there for a while. The director apparently was into long takes. That little added touch of realism was unexpected.

It is a good movie. The ending is very nautical.

Thanks to Normy for the movie suggestion!

Baynanza Recap

What a day it was!

The event started at 9 AM, but I was at the ramp and in the water by 0730.

Now who ever said divorce was a bad thing? You see, one of the people I transported told me about a friend of hers that has a boat that "she wants out of her yard". It is a 1997 something with twin engines. The lady pointed at a boat with a walk around cuddy cabin with an enclosed helm and said "it looks just like that, only it has twin engines".

The boat is a divorce special. The lady ended up with it, and she does not use it. It has sat on a trailer for a few years it seems. The boat and engines are a 1997 package. The engines are started every few weeks, or so the person claims. The lady on my boat was not the owner, but mentioned that the owner would sell it for "$7,000". Now if the boat has twin engines in good shape, that is not a bad price really. So hopefully someone calls me about it. But the boat could suffer from issues relating to a lack of care. Leaving a boat to sit is bad - both on a trailer or in the water. The water is worse, but even on land there are issues. Water gets in the fuel tank. Varnish and gunk clog up the engine. Trailer parts go bad. Tires rot. If the boat is left out in the rain, water collects in the bilge and corrodes wires. Wood in the deck rots. Foam collects water and gets heavy as shit. And so on.

Too bad I did not get this lead sooner. The woman might have been so pissed off at her ex that I could have bought the boat for $5 or something. Then she could have had the satisfaction of telling the guy "I sold your fucking boat, here is your half of the $5 I got rid of it for". That would have been bad to the bone. For me, not for the guy.

Now back to Baynanza!

It seems that Miami-Dade County D.E.R.M. needs some intelligent people living in Canada and who just finished their undergrad work to apply for a job with them. Because the people working there now seem to all ride the short bus to Special Town every day.

The boat ramp fees were not waived. I had to pay the usual $10. You would have thought that DERM could have mailed all the volunteer boat captains some kind of slip that would have allowed a one day free pass for their designated marina. But noooooo. Nobody did this. Or at least nobody told the part time marina attendant this. But whatever - Parks and Recreation probably needs the money.

I got some cool photos of ICW markers, slaves from the Tax Collector's Office collecting garbage as opposed to your money, a shot of the Carnival Imagination tied up at the Port Of Miami, and a pirate ship that tried to board me but me blunderbuss staved the scurvy dogs off.

In other boat news, the guy "selling" the Trophy I posted about is still selling the thing. But he is a strange one. The ad said "moving, must sell" but he never returned any calls. I tried to get him to call back for two weeks. But the boat is still listed, so I called the dude again. It seems he is now "out of the State" and will not be back till Thursday. What a goof. Usually when someone is selling a boat and you call them, they call you back every 6 - 12 hours asking "so, you want to come by and look at the boat now?!".

All Systems Go

Baynanza is here. Today I get to transport slaves volunteers to various places in Biscayne Bay to pick up trash. It should be fun. I guess.

This event is sponsored by Miami-Dade County. And they have BANNED BEER for the event. What kind of communist bullshit is this? I guess they do not know that I carry at least 6 beers per person on board as standard provisions. There are very good reasons for this.

First, I like beer. It is good stuff. Just because I bring 6 does not mean I have to drink all of them you know. Maybe I only have one. Maybe two. It is not very often I drink the full supply of beer.

Also, what if I need to send a message in a bottle huh? I bet the County did not think of this. Well with no beer on board it is impossible to send a message in a bottle. So this is another reason to bring some beer.

There is also the chance that someone may be christening a new boat. Now I know you are supposed to use champagne or wine or something for this ceremony, but beer works in a pinch. It has alcohol and it is fizzy, so it is kinda sorta like champagne.

Anyway, this is just how it is. It is my boat and as the captain ADMIRAL I say that beer is allowed on the boat. So I will stash some in the fish box, and hide it under a pile of ice. And I will not consume any until after the event is over. I can handle that. Really. It will all be over by 1 PM anyway.

The marine forecast for today is

SOUTHEAST WINDS 10 TO 15 KNOTS. BAY WATERS A MODERATE CHOP.

Moderate chop. This means I will tow the boat to the Pelican Harbor Marina and launch from there, as opposed to towing the boat to a closer marina and having a longer boat ride. The drive will be longer but I will not have to deal with as much crap on the water. I will try to remember the digital camera.

Imus Fallout

First, the winner of the "whose hat smells the worst" contest!

The competition was very stiff. Beanie pointed out that Garth Brooks should win because I have not made fun of him yet. So lets start! What the hell is up with that "pina coloda" song? Was he just trying to get some endorsement money from the Captain Morgan people? Let's set sail with Captain Morgan? Are you serious?!?! No Garth, let's not. As a general rule I do not set sail with a dude who likes to drink GIRLY pina colodas and then get drunk. I do not understand how his "fans" did not kick his ass for that song. You might was well get a big ole rainbow oversize 55 gallon comedy cowboy hat and assless leather pants there partner! You need to take drinking lessons from George Thorogood and just stick to manly drinks like bourbon, scotch, and beer. Drink one of each, repeat as necessary.

OK so now I have ripped on Garth Vader.

Ed voted for Billy Ray, because lets face it here, mullets stink. Everyone knows this. Ever smell a mullet that has been out of the water for a few days? Terrible.

CM voted for the obvious choice, Trump. But do muskrats really stink? They are semi-aquatic critters. So they may not stink too bad.

Caiman voted for his dog, which the panel of judges point out is not technically a "hat".

So therefore the winner is...NONE OF THE ABOVE! I award the title of smelliest hat to Pope Benedict XVI.

What the crap is this? A Santa hat? Has the Pope lost it? By the way, click the picture. Go on. The link it to the official Vatican website so you know this is not a doctored picture. It seems that this particular Pope Hat dates back to the 12th century and has not been seen on a Pope since 1960. So you know it has to have a funk to it. Back in the 12th century there were no dry cleaners.

Now that I have re secured my place in Hell, and made fun of manly macho country music stars who like to daintily sip on fruity girly drinks using a twisty straw we can move on to some not so good news.

The latest marine forecast for Saturday.

SOUTHEAST WINDS 10 TO 15 KNOTS. BAY WATERS A MODERATE CHOP.

Getting worse! Wednesday the forecast was for 10 knot winds and a light chop. Then Thursday it was 10 knot winds becoming 15 knots in the afternoon, bay waters a light chop. And now it is 10 to 15 knot winds with bay waters a moderate chop. Hell's Bells. I hate it when bow spray soaks me. This is why the next boat will have an enclosed helm, so this shit is not an issue anymore.

OH CRAP! I forgot about the original post! The Imus fallout.

It seems the crusty old fart was shit canned by his employer because of what he said. Now really, this is too bad. I mean, he has the right to say shit like that. This is America. I do not know if the guy is a racist or not, but lets look at the facts here.
1. Old white guy
2. Big stupid cowboy hat
3. Large oversize shiny silver belt buckle
4. racist remarks on more than one occasion.

You draw your own conclusions based on the evidence I presented. Well the "stupid hat" part is an opinion but the rest is fact. He is old and white and stuff.

But free speech only goes so far here. You see, the company that pays for his show has the right to fire his ass. This is how it works! Your boss is the thing that pays you - be it a person or a company or whatever. And if the boss does not like something you do, guess what? You can get fired. So while someone has the right to make racist remarks on the radio, radio companies have the right to cancel your show. It all works out.

So here is the issue. What happens today when some right wing talk show host says something like "John Edwards is a fag"? Or when some formerly drug addicted fat ass tells a black caller to "take that bone out of your nose" and that the "NBA should buy a liquor store and practice robbing it"? And yes, these things were said. The bone in the nose comment is 30 years old so it is dated, but the NBA thing is a lot newer. And he will say some shit again. He has to, because it is what he believes.

The stage has been set everyone, for a lot more radio talk shows to get canceled. The closet racists out there will slip up and blurt out something. Coulter will make more "faggot" jokes about someone else. And then the same media companies will have to either stand behind what the blow hards say - or fire their asses.

Censorship? Not really. The government is not going to pass any laws, or at least any more laws, about what can be said on the radio (the FCC has banned countless things from the radio, including sounds). But the companies that pay for the shows to be on the air will come under more public fire for the shit they allow to get out.

It is going to be good. Maybe. Possibly. Nobody on the right is defending Imus. They are trying to point out that the Imus show was "liberal" and therefore the comments were what the left really thinks. But the "left" put pressure on the media company to fire Imus's old wrinkled ass. So now what? Imus is gone. Nobody will renew his show. Not even XM or Sirius. Now what happens next time that Savage guy says something sexist or racist or both? How will the right attempt to cover it up? The "the liberals let Imus get away with it" thing is played out now - for Imus was fired.

I await the next media shit storm with much anticipation. Hey Rush - still think playing the theme from the TV show "The Jeffersons" when talking about a black person elected to Congress will be funny? I do. It will be hysterical.

Random Crap

That is right folks, time for another random crap post! No telling what I will write about today! Will it be things that piss me off? Maybe. Things that do not piss me off? Possibly. Who knows! Anything goes!

And first up - old farts who should retire and move to St. Petersburg Florida and join a shuffleboard league. I am tired of hearing about Don Imus. I had almost been able to forget he was even still alive and then this shit happens. His radio show is crap - all he does is mumble about shit. He mumbles worse than Larry King. So here I was, able to totally avoid his show in all forms and then comes "the comment". And now he is back in the news. But there is good that came out of this. MSNBC dumped his show. They figured out that putting a talk radio show on the TV makes for terrible TV. Talk radio is for ugly people, this is why most of them are not on the TV. Nobody wants to see them (Stephanie Miller is a rare exception here). Imus had a face made for radio. Not TV. MSNBC should have figured this out long ago.

And now for a game! I call it "Whose Hat Smells Worse". The rues are simple. I list the contestants and you vote for whose hat smells the worst. The winner gets made fun of endlessly here. And your contestants are:

1. Don Imus
2. Garth Brooks
3. Billy Ray Cyrus
4. Donald Trump (his bad muskrat hair counts as a hat)
5. Smellie Dos Caiman, Senor Caiman's large hound dog that never takes a bath.

Next - more messages for idiot drivers in Miami! No matter how much you honk your horn, I will not run a red light just so you can make a right hand turn. You are stuck behind me till the light changes. Deal with it. I will not block the intersection or crosswalk for you. So go on, lay on that horn! The longer you honk the longer it takes me to notice when the light changes back to green. And it is up to me to blow my horn at the car in front of me. It is not your job. Got it? Cause there will be a test later. Fail and you get sent to Greenland to be an ice farmer. When you honk your horn at me because I will not ram the car in front of me off the road I drive even slower, and react slower to green lights.

And while I am on the subject, I do not think it helps to blow your horn at a freight train. I do not think the train dude gives a shit about you. I do not think the train dude can even hear your car horn. If you are in a hurry, may I suggest playing "beat the train" next time? Please do! You might loose the game and die in the collision. This act would raise the collective IQ of Miami by a few tenths of a point, and would be one less car on the road. Trains have a way of sweeping cars off the road so that the accident scene will not block me. So please OH PLEASE play "beat the train but stall out on the tracks and loose". Your death will raise the collective IQ of Miami a few hundredths of a point.

The marine forecast for Saturday is still:
SOUTHEAST WINDS AROUND 10 KNOTS BECOMING AROUND 15 KNOTS
IN THE AFTERNOON. BAY WATERS A LIGHT CHOP.
Not bad. But the wind speed forecast did go up 5 knots.

I have to replace one of the two batteries in the boat. I have the battery, I just have not taken out the bad one yet. The batteries are a pain in the ass to get to. But I should probably do this before Saturday. Tomorrow afternoon would be a good time. Or not.

Raining Idiots

It rained today. Yea I know - news flash, rain in South Florida - story at 11. But as always, there were idiots who forgot what rain is and how to deal with it. This is always amusing to me, for about 30 seconds. Then it annoys me. So if you are reading this and you live in Miami and you are an idiot - write this on a Post-It note and stick it somewhere.

"DO NOT DRIVE WITH YOUR HAZARD LIGHTS ON". Of course you probably can not read or write so the note will not help you. Maybe you can get someone to draw you a picture or something? Maybe Miami-Dade County should publish a driving coloring book so that morons who drive might learn something. It is worth a shot, because nothing else is working.

Speaking of rain, we are under water restrictions right now. And it is raining right now as I type this. But what do you want to bet that some ass clown has their lawn sprinkler on right now? Is it that big of a deal to buy a rain sensor so that your lawn watering device does not waste water? And lastly, what kind of asshole are you if you think that your green lawn is so important that you can just dump water on it when the area is running out of the stuff? Really at this point lawn sprinklers need to be banned. If nature provides enough rain, then your lawn is green. If there is a rain shortage - too bad. Deal with it. Paint your lawn green if you are that uptight about it.

I got more Netflix movies on the way. One of them (Children of Men) is a reader suggestion! Of the other two, I have seen one a bunch of times and the other is the final disk in a TV show series. Hooray! More crap to watch!

Baynanza is this Saturday. The marine forecast is currently:

SOUTHEAST WINDS AROUND 10 KNOTS. BAY WATERS A LIGHT CHOP.

Seems like it will be a nice day.

Easy Day

Today I am being sent to some Environmental Center for the day. The center is located on Key Biscayne, inside of Crandon Park. Right on Biscayne Bay.

It seems that this place is mainly used for field trips. It is a two day program. One day involves in the water stuff, the other day involves lab work and a stroll through a hardwood hammock. Instructors are supposed to know stuff about the ecosystem of the bay and of hardwood hammocks.

So I will be spending a good part of the day with my feet wet. Or so it seems. It will be an easy day of slogging through the shallow grass flats, identifying critters captured in a drag net. Good thing I have my boat shoes that are already nasty and used to being in salt water. And I get paid for it. Getting paid for something you would probably do for free is always a good thing.

The people who run the place told me that have a hard time finding people to fill in there, because of the specialized nature of the stuff done there. But I have basic laboratory experience, so I could probably run the labs there. I may need to study the manuals a bit, and brush up on a few chemistry geek skills, and go over the math - but no big deal there. I have spent my share of time in hardwood hammocks. I can probably identify the critters captured by dragging a landing net through some grass flats in shallow water. So this will work out pretty good. I will enjoy it.

The only down side - I am not allowed to bring my kayak.

How I Got Ford Motor Company To Give Me Free Food.

This post is inspired by a post on another blog about how renting a Ford Focus allows you to avoid tickets on road trips. Depending on the model you rent anyway. I suppose some of the GTX or whatever Ford calls them can be fairly quick for a 4 banger.

Anyhow I was a senior at Florida International University. One day while leaving a class, I think it was economics or some boring ass banking class or some shit, I noticed that some idiot had parked some car on the lawn by the Student Union, where I was going to grab some lunch and a beer. I had to walk past car man to get there.

As I got closer, I noticed a few more things. Like one of those self supporting tarp things. And then by brain kicked in. Why would someone be parked next to a walkway on the lawn by the student union? Something had to be going on. Otherwise the University Police would be clubbing someone like they were a baby harp seal. Nothing ever happens at FIU and the cops have to get bored doing nothing but parking enforcement and traffic directing.

And I was right! Something was up! As I got closer I saw what appeared to be propaganda, a very large cooler, AND a hot dog stand.

BINGO! My free stuff detector started to go wild. Yes, there would be the best of all kinds of free stuff - free food and drinks. All I had to do was play the situation just right.

So I got up to the guy. Hey is that the all new Ford Focus?!?!

At that point the guy was hooked. I had him. OH YEA! So you know about the all new 2001 Focus? Here, take some literature! The guy was a rep from Ford. Perfect. A sucker. Then he asked what kind of car I drive.

"I drive a 1987 Honda Accord. It runs OK but the AC broke and I really need a new car. My little Honda is starting to get body cancer (car talk for rust holes) and the trunk smells when it rains (water was getting in through the body cancer). Also the AC is broken". Now the hook was set. I pretty much said I was going to get an new car, which was true. I look like the sucker now.

So I take the propaganda and move closer to the large cooler. Man it is hot today!

HERE! Have a soda! Just open the cooler! Jackpot. I open the cooler and every kind of soda known to man is in there. So I grab a Coke. Then I go to look at the tricked out Focus that is parked there.

It had an upgraded sound system that actually sounded pretty good. Of course any car can have a good sound system if you put in premium speakers, a sub, and a large amp. According to the guy, all this was available as dealer option. But it was a total scam. You paid the dealer, then the dealer called a local stereo install shop which then sent some guys to the dealership to install the upgraded stuff. So why not save a few darn dollars and just go to the shop yourself?!?! Mr. Ford guy was probably sorry he said anything at all.

At this point I had to up the ante and fast. So I say "well I have to go! I need to get lunch". Lunch?! I have a hot dog cart right here - help yourself. PAY DIRT! All I really wanted was the free food anyway. This way I would have more money for beer. It is a simple matter of economics, which I had just finished hearing about for an hour or so. So I grab a hot dog. And another soda, which I stashed in the backpack. Free lunch = more cash to pay for beer.

So what other features does this car have? Then I learn about all sorts of stuff. Like the intermittent wipers. And the built in power inverter. And the cool rear spoiler thing as part of the "GT" package upgrade. And the engine with its whole whopping massive 130 hp engine - which is not really bad for what is supposed to be an "economy car". It is probably fairly quick for a 4 cylinder car in its class.

Meanwhile I scarf down another hot dog or two. And stuff another few sodas into ye old backpack when the guy was not looking. And scarf another hot dog. I was fairly hungry.

So now I am full, and not thirsty anymore. So I have to ditch the guy.

"How much will this car tow"? What do you mean how much will it tow? Like in the hatchback?

No, I mean tow. Pull. Can I get a class III towing hitch for it? Because I plan to get a jet ski and possibly a 17 - 21 foot boat. The boat will weigh at least 3,000 pounds. Will this car tow a 3,000 pound load?

Uh, I do not think so. But why do you want to pull 3,000 pounds?

Well you see, I like boats and the water. So therefore I need a boat. And since I can not afford to keep my boat in a wet or dry slip, I have to trailer it. Therefore I need something that can tow a boat. But really, if this car can at least pull a pair of jet skis on a small lightweight trailer I can probably deal with that. I would estimate a pair of jet skis would weigh at last 1500 pounds, so a 2,000 tow rating will work. I can always borrow a Dodge Durango 4x4 to pull a full size boat.

So the guy consults the owners manual in the glove box. Bad news. The Focus is rated at 1,000 pounds towing capacity. Or something like that. It probably could tow a pair of skis, but it probably would not like it very much. It all depends on the transmission really. With 130 horsepower it should be able to pull skis.

Ahhh. Too bad! I kind of like this little car, what with its cool built in power inverter and such. I guess I will just have to get that 2002 Toyota Tacoma Pre-Runner 4 door pickup truck with the v-6 engine and the 5,000 pound tow rating. And I already have a 1,000 watt inverter I am going to install in my truck (I still have not done this yet - the Focus inverter was something like 150 or 200 watts - enough to power a laptop computer).

And then I leave. Full, not thirsty, and with three or four extra sodas stashed in the backpack. All for free. Thanks Ford people!

Also it should be noted that in 2000 there was a massive mega rain storm that hit Miami. Everything flooded. I was at FIU that day and just as one class was letting out the rain started. I had another class to go to, but I skipped it and bailed for my little Honda because I did not like what I was seeing. I know rain, but this was RAIN! Anyway the campus flooded and lots of cars stalled out and class was canceled anyway. The parking lots and roads went under water to the point where nobody could tell where the roads were. People ended up in the middle of fields, and cars were in standing water up to the windows. Had I stayed on campus the Honda would have been toast. As it was I parked it as close to the house as possible and water still got into the trunk - creating a wet sock smell for a few days.

With the memory of the great flood of 2000 in my mind, and the perceived need to pull jet skis, I got the Tacoma Pre-Runner. It has enough ground clearance to drive through almost 2 feet of flood water without any getting in under the door. The air intake is high enough that the engine would not stall either. As long as I went slow I would get home. The Focus would be dead in 2 feet of flood water. Of course it has not flooded that bad here since then, but whatever. If I had bought a little car it would have.

I do not know if the guy going there resulted in a single sale or not. But Ford was pushing the hell out of this car to the "younger first time car buyer" crowd. That is what their marketing department said would be the most likely market segment to buy the thing.

Where Did All This Chocolate Come From?

Good news - the photo from yesterday seems to be an impostor Easter Bunny. I know this because someone felt the need to bury my vehicle under a big pile of chocolate. It seems my yard is no longer fire ant free. I am plotting my revenge now as I type.

Nothing too heavy today.

Does anyone else here vote on acceptable.tv? I do. This week I voted for "Mr. Sprinkles 3" and "Pedophile Gladiators". The "Mr. Sprinkles" idea can go a long way, mostly because it is animated. Animated shows can go almost anywhere. The "Operation Kitten Calender" is a great spoof of that horrible "Mr. Dead Muskrat Head" show, but it simply has nowhere else to go. "Shady Acres" was not really funny. "Murder He Rapped" has some potential, but I want to see where they go with "Pedophile Gladiators" so I voted for that. Last week the shows I voted for won, we will see if my streak holds.

EASTER MIRACLE TIME! The boat stopped leaking gas! I started up the engine so that I could disconnect the gas line and run the thing dry. While doing this, no gas leaked out. This is a very good thing, because the marine engine parts store wanted $86 for a stupid rebuild kit. And I would need three of them! But because the engine stopped leaking gas on its own, I used this stuff called "Sea Foam" just for good measure. It probably needed a cleaning.

This "Sea Foam" stuff could just be the best gas additive you can ever buy. You can add it to your gas tank and it stabilizes the fuel, and cleans out your fuel injectors / carburetor jets, removes water from gas, frees sticky lifters and rings,removes carbon deposits from everything it touches, and a bunch of other stuff that sounds cool but I have no idea what it means. Point of clarification - my boat has three 2 barrel carburetors, as opposed to 6 one barrel carburetors. Yes, every time I leave the marina I have a six pack on board. In the car world, having a six pack is a HUGE deal. It means you have one mean ass car that probably goes very fast. Sweet.

So I fill the sticky carburetor up with the Sea Foam stuff and let it sit for a bit, to dissolve any nastiness that may or may not be there. I also filled up the other carburetors just for the hell of it. Then I put the gas line back on and started the engine. Perfect. Purrs like a kitten. A very loud kitten. Well not at first because with only Sea Foam in the carburetors the engine did not work very well. But once the gas got there everything was fine. It seemed to run a little smoother than usual. I am going to dump the remainder of the can into the fuel tank and top it off with gas when I use the boat next Saturday.

MOVIE REVIEW! I am currently slogging through the Dilbert Complete Series. It is ok, but you have to like Dilbert. It also helps to have worked in an office that is similar to the world of Dilbert. I can not say that I have. Oh yea I had a cubicle and yes that cubicle was my fortress of solitude - but the co workers and boss were not like any of the characters in the show. I had no pointy haired boss. I pretty much worked at Nirvana Co before the marketing department was created. Maybe this is why I just can not seem to want to work in the private sector for more than about 30 seconds before I decide that it is a bad idea. As a public servant there is no marketing department. Life is very good with no marketing department. No sales quotas. I can see why the show did not last too long. If you like Dilbert, you will like the series. Otherwise do not bother.

That is about it! Do not get too sick on candy and stuff. It will kill you. Refined sugar is not exactly health food you know. Enjoy your day, however you chose to celebrate it!

What The Hell Is A "Blogswarm"??

When I first heard that there is going to be a "blogswarm" this weekend I thought "OH CRAP! There goes all the internet bandwidth this weekend!". Visions of millions of people looking like this guy running about, clogging up coffee shops everywhere.

But as it turns out, it is not this bad. This is the good news. The bad news is that it almost that bad.

A "blogswarm" is when a bunch of people blog about the same crap ON PURPOSE! It is a premeditated thing, as opposed to the usual randomness that tends to rule the Internet. Order from chaos. Entropy. Call it whatever you want.

This weekend's blogswarm is apparently about theocracy, and why it needs to be avoided at all costs.

First, some definitions. Theocracy is a POLITICAL THEORY. It really has squat to do with religion. You see, it is all about how to control people with a set of policies. Just like any political theory. So now that we have gotten past the "a rant against a political theory is NOT an attack on religion" thing, we may continue.

You see, many people have the misguided belief that this is not the case. They have been led to believe that the two are interchangeable.

Over the past decade or two, there has been a major push to interject religion into all facets of American politics and law - and to make the case that there was never a separation of Church and State.

This is simply silly. Had the founders wanted the United States to be a theocracy, they would have made one. They would have declared a state religion, and banned all others. The motto on the dollar bill would not be "A New Order Of The Ages". Because back then, another theocratic government would hardly be new.

No, the first amendment clearly states that Congress shall make no law respecting the establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof. This is the wall of separation. There is no "state religion" in the USA. There is no "official religion" in the USA. Regardless of what leaders from the evangelical movement might say, this is the case. This is a new order of the ages, not the same old crap repackaged and marketed as new.

Government is protected from the excessive influence of religion, and therefore by default - and this should be very important to all people of faith - religion is protected from the government. If this nation were a theocracy, then ONE brand of Christianity would reign supreme and all others would be banned. Would it be the Methodists? The Baptists? The Catholics? Mormons? Jehovas Witnesses? None of the above? Who knows. But only one flavor would get its way - and the rest would be ignored at best - outlawed at worst.

This is why the Puritans went across the Atlantic in the first place. They got kicked out of England for not joining the Church of England. So they came to the only place where they would be left alone. In effect, they exiled themselves.

And now there is a push to do it all over again. Reclaim America for Jesus! Sounds good right? Well maybe it would be. Except that the people behind the movement have gone from the realm of religion to the realm of politics. They want to inject their view of religion into everything. Law. Education. Billboards. Malls. Everything.

I found these points on another blog.

* Every American should have the right to make personal decisions -- about family life, reproductive health, end of life care and other matters of personal conscience.
* American tax dollars should not go to charities that discriminate in hiring based on religious belief or that promote a particular religious faith as a requirement for receiving services.
* Political candidates should not be endorsed or opposed by houses of worship.
* Public schools should teach with academic integrity and without the promotion of religious preference or belief.
* Decisions about scientific and health policies should be based on the best available scientific data, not on religious doctrine.

Point 1. Every American should have the right to make personal decisions. I understand that some of the choices others make may not be the same ones you would make. But that is part of living in a free society. Take that away, and what are we left with?

Point 2. American tax dollars are supposed to go for the public good. Excluding people from services paid for with tax money because they do not believe in the same thing you do is not a good use of tax money. If you think it is, how about this idea? Traffic in Miami sucks. What I think is needed is a highway only for Agnostics that drive red Toyota 4 door pickup truck that has at least 4 anti-Bush stickers on it, and this road should be built with tax money. What is that? This idea sucks? Why? If you want to use this road you can - so long as you abide by the rules set forth by the highway committee - of which I am the only member. Same thing with charities funded with public money. If you are going to offer services to families in need - then ALL families in need must have a chance of using your services. Not just the ones you like or the ones that join your church. If your charity is privately funded then you may set any rules you like.

Point 3. Politics is nasty business. Poly = many and ticks = blood sucking insects. Do you want to being that into your Church? It is filth. I would find it highly offensive to bring such smut into a church. My mother went to a Sunday service at the church she used to force me to go to during the 1996 elections. She came back home floored that the sermon was all about how voting Democrat was a sin. Really. Right wing propaganda was handed out and everything. The offense to God was carried out by the Church "promise keepers". I just told her "now you know why I quit going to that place - and maybe you should quit going there too". She eventually did stop going. She was raised in the Baptist Church. Her parents were very religious, but in a normal sort of way. They always avoided the fire and brimstone end of the world kind of stuff. She had never, in all the years of her life, EVER heard such a thing in a church service before.

Point 4. Schools are here to educate people. Plain and simple. While a religion class could be incorporated into the curriculum, it would probably be an elective. Another humanities / philosophy class that would have to compete with all the other electives for students. While I think that philosophy is ignored by schools and this is a problem, I also have to recognize that there are only so many hours in the day, schools only get so much money, there is only so much classroom size, and other subjects are more important. If you can not read, you can not get too far in philosophy - therefore English is an important subject. As is History, for it is important to know the past. Math and science are important because these subjects keep America at the forefront of technology. And so on. there is just not any room to cram more stuff in - without making the school days longer, the school year longer, or the school week longer. This would require more money. We do not inject science in Sunday School, therefore we should not inject Sunday School into science. Makes sense to me. By the way, a real comparative religion class on the High School level would probably attract a lot of smart kids. I would support such a class in a public school - but it would be an elective and would have to compete for students. It may or may not make it at all schools. Elective choice is often dictated by college admissions, ease of passing, or interest in fine arts. Maybe a longer school day is not such a bad idea.

Point 5. Science is not a political agenda. Science is not "anti" anything. It is simply an analytical method of arriving at the truth - whatever that truth may be. Science lives in the realm of facts and figures and numbers and crap. Religion on the other hand lives in the realm of faith. You believe in God because you do. Not because you have "proof". If you have faith, you do not need proof! That is the whole point. If you require proof, then you no longer believe. So stop looking for proof in God - you will not find it. You must have faith. If you have that then piss on proof. You do not need it. It is OK to exclude religious doctrine from science and health issues. That is, if you truly have faith. Matters of science and health should be decided using the best evidence that can be proven, not religious doctrine.

And finally - oh dear! Looks like there may be a problem here! People really should drive slower and pay attention to the road.