We Now Return To Scheduled Operation

It seems that the DSL fixing thing lasted through the night. Here is what seems to have happened. I had a DSL modem / router thing with built in wireless. It worked decently. But it mysteriously died sometime Sunday night or early Monday morning. So when I got up Monday and tried to connect, I could see that the laptop was connected to the router with the wireless thing, but there was no access. I had to get up, walk to the room with the router in it, and see that the "broadband" light was orange. Orange = not good.

So I call tech support, who then ask a bunch of stupid questions that have nothing to do with anything. After a few dumb questions I just ask the person (probably in India) to check the DSL connection. It was working.

So I go out to Best Buy and pick up a Zoom DSL modem/router thing. And while I was there I picked up another game for the PSP and stuff. But I could not get the Zoom shit to connect for some reason.

Lucky for me, I was able to track down another modem/router from someone who had DSL service but for whatever reason quit using it. I plugged it in, reset it back to factory defaults, and it worked perfectly.

That is the story, and I am sticking to it!

In other news, I need a first mate for Baynanza. What the crap is Baynanza you ask? It is an annual event put together by Miami-Dade County Department of Environmental Resources Management (DERM for short). Slaves volunteers go to various places on Biscayne Bay and clean up trash. Trash collected includes normal stuff like plastic bags, cans, and bottles and stuff - but also strange stuff like kitchen appliances, floating chunks of mystery boats, dunnage (packing materials), televisions, and all sorts of other crap.

Some of the cleanup locations are on land, some are islands out in the bay. So boats are needed. I will be like a slave ship water taxi for volunteers, taking them from one place to another place on the bay. I need at least one person that can make for a competent crew - cause the people that the judge says have to spend a day cleaning up garbage are probably going to make for a lousy crew.

Not Broken Anymore

UPDATE! The DSL is now fixed. I made it my bitch.

Still Broken

The DSL shit is still not working. So I am back at Titanic with the beer and free internet.

Which brings up an interesting point to ponder. What if I had to pay for the internet here, but the beer was free? How would that work out?

Probably a loosing proposition - for I only plan to have one more White Star IPA, bringing my grand total up to two. That is a respectable number of beers. My special mug is a 20 ounces, so two beers = one "foty", pronounced F(long O)ty.

Anyhow, using magic and sorcery I managed to conjure up another DSL modem. Hopefully this one will work, allowing me to take the one I bought from Best Buy back to the pit of evil from which it came, liberating my $100 in the process. Then it will be chained to the Tree Of Woe to contemplate its fate.

Woe. Now there is one word that is simply not used enough. It is a perfectly good word too! But it is simply not used, unless you are James Earl Jones in a classic sword and sorcery movie. I think the movie was set in California. Uno will set me straight if I am wrong. He is an expert in all things relating to swords, giant robots, sorcery, high end graphics intensive video games, lumber grading, and saw blades.

So yea. DSL is still out. And beer number two is sitting here, mocking me with its fullness. I need to wage war on it before it gets flat. Then I need to get home and fix this DSL issue once and for all!

DSL Is Broken

You may notice today's post is late. Well the DSL is broken. So I had to relocate to my favorite FREE wireless hotspot in the whole entire cosmos - Titanic Bar and Grill. They make their own beer. So there may be typos. And cursing. And shit like that. You see, it is impossible to come to this place and not have a beer or five. Or two. Or sometimes only one. But I have some beer OCD - I like to drink even numbers. Two, four, six, and so on. Rarely one, three, five, seven, and so on. Even numbers!

So I had to do battle with the Bellsouth DSL people today. Did I ever mention I hate tech support? I know what the problem is OK - so stop asking me stupid questions that do not relate to anything. Like "how many computers do you have connected"? Who cares! It is none of your business OK? Maybe I have 10,000 computers connected all calculating Pi to as many decimal places as possible. What does it matter how many computers I have - I said "my DSL connection is not working" not "my computer is broken".

So after 20 minutes on the phone and 50 stupid questions they figured that the DSL modem was broken and that I should order a new one from them for $75. YEA RIGHT! I got connections. I got the first DSL modem / router for free - what makes them think I am going to pay for another one?

So I called my hookup and was told that he would try to get a minion in Miami to drop off a new modem, or he will ship me one from parts unknown. In the meantime I will buy one from Best Buy or CompUSA. I can return that one once the free one arrives.

New Iguana Music! Click the play button thing to your right. And then pass it on the left hand side. And don't bogart!

Flea Markets and Do Not Fall For It

Saturday was a perfect day for a marine flea market in the upper Florida Keys. So of course I went! I needed some stuff.

Well not really. I only sort of needed more stuff. And even then it is debatable if this is even true.

There was a lot of good stuff there. And some funny stuff too! Check out this photo of an actual sign I saw! Click the photo to see it a little larger.

So do you see it? Notice the sign. Look closely. It says "German made Swiss Army Knife". Is that so? How it is even possible to have a German made Swiss knife? Is that like having a French built American car? Or a Korean made Chinese Finger Trap? Anyhow I thought it was funny. It even claims to be "better than the original".

A German army knife is a REAL knife. The Swiss have been neutral for hundreds of years. And it is a good thing for them! You have all seen their "army" knife. It has a friggin corkscrew? Can you see a knife issued to a United States Marine having a corkscrew? Or folding up for that matter? Seriously, if those little pocket knives really are Swiss Army issue - the nation should remain as neutral as possible.

Not that I do not like Swiss Army Knives! Oh no! They are great. The stainless steel they use is top quality. The blades take an edge and hold it. They are a great all purpose utility knife - but come on now! Army knife? NOT! They do not even lock into place!

Og yea, the sign next to the "German Made Swiss Army Knife" sign says "colostomy scope". Supposedly, you can use it to snake into an engine, or under the floor of a boat or something. But it is NOT a "colostomy" scope. As far as I know, a colostomy is a type of surgery. The device they crap up your ass is called an "endoscope".

So what did I get? Well I got a switchblade! Yes, a stainless steel and aluminum switchblade. Press a button and the blade snaps into place. It only cost $8 so it will probably not last too long. But it is cool and even when the spring things wears out it will still work as a locking straight edge knife. And while it still works, I can open it with one hand quickly. This is sometimes good when fishing. I think these things are legal in Florida - but who knows.

And as further proof that sooner or later I will get a jet ski, I bought a US Coast Guard approved life jacket that will survive a 100 mph impact. Chances are the person wearing the life jacket involved in a 100 mph impact will not survive, but at least their body will float. It will make body recovery easy for the authorities.

Now what to NOT fall for! I looked at that 25 footer on the way home from the Keys. It is a project boat. Not worth the money the guy is asking. It sat in the water for an unknown amount of time. It had new bottom paint. Boats that live on trailers do not need bottom paint. The engines were rough. They had been sitting in water too. The steel plates under the engine mounts were pitted very bad. The sticker on the side of the boat was from 2005 - the thing had not been used since October of 05. I would only buy the boat if he sold it as a hull and trailer only - no engines.

And please - DO NOT FALL FOR THIS ACADEMY AWARD CRAP! Seriously. The best thing that could happen to America is that nobody watches the crap on TV and the network looses a bunch of money airing it. It would be great for the people going to the awards show up at the red carpet - and nobody is there, except maybe for a few homeless people asking for change. Nobody going to the awards is that important anyway. Nobody should give a shit what they are wearing, what shoes they have, or what rented jewelry they have. Really. You have a life of your own right? So live it!

what do you care who or what wins an award? Are you going to make any money off it? Are you going to get an award? Is your life so empty and meaningless that you MUST watch some stupid awards ceremony that you are not important enough to get invited to? So do not watch. Do something else. Watch another channel. Do not feed into the national sickness.

Just In Case You Get Confused

One of my loyal readers MAY become a Corrections Po Po. I hope you enjoy being the man and keeping the rest of us down! Anyway, this post is just so this person does not get confused about what is jail and what is a work environment. Enjoy!

Prison vs Work

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make
things a little bit clearer.

IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK..........you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...........they are called managers.

Thinking And Looking

So just when I think I want one thing, another thing pops up.

This is a 1989 Wellcraft Coastal 250. It is a 25 footer, with TWIN Mercury 150 hp outboards, a dual axle trailer, and electronics (GPS/Sonar, VHF radio, Stereo with CD player, washdown pump, onboard battery charger).

As you can see, this is a "walk around" hull. The current boat is a center console. What is the difference? Well the 25 footer has a cabin. It would make a great weekend cruiser. The 18 footer has the console in the center of the boat - with the walk around the console is on the starboard (right) side of the boat. Like a car in Europe, the helm (steering wheel) is on the "wrong" side.

My dad and myself are going to take a look see at the thing Saturday after the marine flea market in the Keys. I can not exactly afford the darn thing, but other people can. I can handle the 18 footer - it only cost $2.5k. And it has been a good boat! I like the little 18 footer. It is easy to pull, easy to launch, easy to get back on the trailer, and super easy to pilot out on the water.

The 25 footer will probably be too big for my V6 truck to pull unless I get a massive trannie cooler and an oversize radiator. And even then, I will be pushing the limits. Good thing FL is so darn flat! But I do have access to a Dodge Durango 4x4 with a 318 cubic inch V8 - that will pull the proposed boat. The 25 footer has twin engines, which is VERY COOL - with twin engines boat piloting is just so darn much fun. You can put one engine in forward and one in reverse and spin the boat around on its axis. Cant do that with a single engine.

But it also will consume at least twice as much gas. If I go out in the 18 footer and run the engine a lot - I may go through 20 gallons of fuel. No big deal. The 25 footer with TWO engines could go through 50 gallons or more! Yikes. This is probably one reason the dude is selling it. However if I just launch the boat, go somewhere, shut the engines off, and chill out the fuel consumption will be a lot less. I do this a lot when I go out.

And then there is the problem of what to do with the 18 footer IF the 25 footer comes home. Two boats? That is kind of insane. I do not think either one would get used enough to justify that. Get rid of my little 18 footer? I may not use the larger boat as much due to the "pain in the ass" factor. The 18 footer is not a big deal to drag out. A larger boat - bigger deal to drag out.

I will have to discuss all the details before someone makes a decision on this beast of a boat. I am sure I would like it if someone bought it and I can just borrow it whenever - but I will miss the smaller craft.

I do not think this will effect the "I want a wave runner" thing. It may, but who knows. It all depends on the deal I can find on an older model OR used ski.

So much shit. So little spendable funds.

I Will Probably Buy One Of These Things

I am bored. And when I am bored, I look for stuff to buy in order to have fun! So here are some things I am looking at.

This is a Sea-Doo GTX Limited personal water craft. This is a bad mama-jama. Luxury performance and stuff. Here is a brief run down of what this thing packs.

215 horsepower supercharged intercooled Rotax 4-TEC engine.
closed loop engine cooling system. No seawater circulates in the engine - it uses standard automotive antifreeze.
33 gallons of dry storage.
Gauge panel has everything, including surface water temp and water depth.
built in holder thing for a Garmin GPS
800 pounds dry weight
15.9 gallon fuel tank

The bad part is that this thing demands premium unleaded fuel. It is supercharged after all. It will probably hit close to 70 mph on the water with only one rider and a light load of fuel. That is fast as shit. It is a little higher in price range than I would like it to be however.

So there is this thing!

This is just a mama-jama, without the bad part. It looks like the GTX Limited, but this is a GTI SE. Here are the important details

155 OR 130 horsepower Rotax 4-TEC engine.
Closed loop cooling system
13 gallons dry storage
15.9 gallon fuel tank, uses regular unleaded gas
747 pounds dry weight
no supercharger or intercooler.
Gauge panel lacks a depth sounder.
No cool thing to hold a Garmin GPS, but I could add this on myself.

This is a more likely candidate. The price difference in the 130 and 155 hp engine is not a whole lot, only a few hundred bucks. So I would likely get the 155 hp one.

The fun part is going to be pretending like I want to buy one NOW and scamming some test drives. Of course I will test drive the 215 HP beast - even if it is not likely I end up with that one.

Cause I Think It Is Funny

You may need to download Shockwave to view today's post.

Why did I post this? Because I think it is funny. Thats why.

Click here for
the excellent flash animation!

autostart='0'

Iguana Music autostart is now off. You have to click the play button on the right to hear it now.

Out Of Post Titles

Well the boat show is over. Gone. So no more sea shanties. Bet you are all happy about that!

And I will also bet that you never know Steven Hawking cut some albums. You probably thought he was just another science nerd. BZZZZZZZZ. Wrong. The proof is right here. How can you listen to this and say it is NOT his voice??!?! So yea, he is a bad ass. A musical and cosmic genius. A legend in his own time.

Yesterday was "President's Day". The holiday leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Why? Do I hate the Presidents?

No, not exactly. At least not all of them. And I am ALL FOR holidays! Hell give me a free PAID day off work any day! You will never ever hear me bitch about a free paid day off work.

It is just that I remember years ago getting TWO DAYS off! We used to have a holiday for George Washington's and Abraham Lincoln's birthday. And these two holidays were close together. Then some ASS CLOWN decided that was too many holidays, merged them, and created "President's Day". THANK YOU MR. I HAVE NO LIFE AND HATE HOLIDAYS! You suck. I hope you get massive hemorrhoids. I hope a surgeon has to do this to you.

The picture contains a link to the Mayo Clinic. LOTS of good information there.

Another thing. Say you want to be a doctor. So you go major in pre-med for four years, then apply to graduate school. Then you apply to post graduate school. The whole process takes what? 8 years? 10 years? That is a LONG time. So at whay point do you say "gee what I want to do is specialize in assholes! Yes, I want to look at assholes all day every day! Why I might even want to operate on them! That would be great!! Sign me up for that proctology class!". Really! When does that cross through someone's mind? Of all the parts of the body one can specialize in - who would pick the ass? There are eyes, ears, skin, feet, bones, kidneys, livers, gall bladders, spleens, and so on. And you want to spend your career looking at WHAT?!?!?! I do not get it.

Of course you would get to have a circular stapler. OUCH!!! Circular stapler?!?!?! Holy shit! The CIA probably uses those to scare people into talking. Give me a metal chair, wet salty sponge, and 220v of alternating current any day! I think I would rather keep the rhoids than have that thing stuck up there.

So yea, I am a little bitter after all these years about the whole "lets dump the birthday holidays and just have one catch all holiday" thing. Why not just have a "people of importance day" holiday and dump MLK day, Columbus Day, Christmas, and what the hell - Labor Day and Veteran's Day. All these holidays are for important people right?? Civil Rights leaders, people who started the conquest of the New World (and the death of many of the people already here), Jesus, people who work, and people who have served in the military. All people! So one catch all day should cover them all - and we can have 4 more work days! 4 LESS paid holidays!

I better quit now while I am ahead.

Appearances.

Welcome to Monday! Today is the last day of the Miami Boat Show, so this will be the final sea shanty. At least until Saturday when I go to the Key Largo Marine Flea Market. It is a flea market for boat crap. I like going there, because I get to go to the Keys. And I end up buying more crap there than at the show. I can get sabiki rigs for a buck each.

Now a little about todays shanty! From the mid 19th century to the early 20th century there was a famous line of packet ships, known as The Blackball Line. The company flag was a black ball on a red background. These ships were famous for keeping to their strict schedules. They carried mail packets (hence the name packet ship) as well as other cargo. They were known to be among the fastest ships sailing from New York to Liverpool. 3 weeks sailing with the wind and 4 weeks against the wind was not uncommon. Back then that was fast.

But keeping to a strict schedule meant harsh treatment for the hired hands. Sailors could make more money on Blackball ships due to the speed of the voyages, but they were sometimes known as "blood ships" because the captains of these ships were quick to administer harsh punishment to sailors. "Blow the man down" means "beat the crap out of someone till they collapse". Any sailor who did not follow orders, or who did their job too slow, could be whipped.

In the song, the Blackball sailor beats the shit out of a cop in England. The guys who sailed the Blackball line were not pansies.

And now for appearances. As someone who has worked in the public sector, I can tell you appearances ARE everything. Even if you are doing everything right, if it appears that you are doing something wrong - you are toast. Take this guy for example.

This is the former immigration minister for The Bahamas, Mr. Shane Gibson. He has to resign his position recently, because of appearances.

This is the former Minister Gibson in a photo with the late Anna-Nicole Smith. It seems that he is under fire for giving her special treatment in obtaining residency in The Bahamas. In all reality he probably did give her special treatment - but not anything different than he would have given ANY rich person who wanted residency in The Bahamas. Just like USA immigration laws - there are the laws for those without money and the special rules for those with money. Lets say someone from Peru wanted to immigrate to the USA. Now if they are poor or middle class they get to either sneak in illegally OR wait in a long ass line. But what if that person is rich? What if they want to immigrate to the USA with their $100 million in US currency? Think they will wait in a line? Oh hell no! They are let right in! Welcome to the USA!

If I wanted to be a resident of the EU, it would be very difficult. It would take YEARS, maybe even decades. And I may never be able to claim citizenship in a EU member nation - the best I may be able to do is get a EU "green card". But if I had millions of dollars - I could bypass all that "years of waiting" crap and get right in.

But, appearances are everything. When these photos were published, it was all over for the former Minister. If you are going to work for the government - it is CRITICAL that you maintain a good appearance. He should have never EVER posed for these photos. Had he not been in these photos, he would still have his job.

In other news, we all know Britney shaves EVERYWHERE. Above and below the water line so to speak. Not to be left out the Secretary Of State is getting a new look to help out her public appearance.

I think it is an improvement. War?!?! What war?!?! That is a nice new doo Madam Secretary!

Musings.

So you may recall something about some mystery good news! Well I can not contain myself anymore. So here it is! The revealing of the good news!

I got FREE TICKETS to the Miami Boat Show. Yes, while all the other people suckers had to pay to get in, I got in for free. I have the hook up. I got in last year for free too. When I say I have many minions I mean it. My operatives are everywhere, and are always on the lookout for free stuff I may want. Which is almost anything. If it is free, it is for me.

See how things work out? I wanted to go to the boat show for free, and I went to the boat show for free.

In totally unrelated news, do you brew your own beer at home? Well, do you? Cause the Boston Beer Company is sponsoring a homebrew contest! So if you are a homebrewer, enter your best brew. You may just win one of many fabulous prizes. Samuel Adams himself may even make a batch of your beer and distribute it! How cool is that? If my homebrewing stuff were not put away somewhere in storage I would enter this contest. I need to dig my stuff up and start brewing again. It is a lot of fun. It is a lot like cooking, only it takes several weeks and it gets you drunk. But it rules to have your friends come to your house and hang out drinking beer. You usually make 5 gallon batches at a time, so there is usually enough. That is FIFTY TWO 12 ounce bottles. If your buddies and yourself are heavy hitters you can make multiple batches.

Now for a little about today's sea shanty. The Sailor's Hornpipe. The hornpipe is a simple British woodwind musical instrument, consisting of a single reed and an animal horn. Think of a very primitive clarinet. Or a recorder with a real reed. Something like that.

Anyway, it was perfect for a life at sea. No metal parts to corrode. Simple to play. And so on.

There was a dance that went along with this tune. But sailors did not dance to this tune while ashore, so the exact steps seem to be lost to history. But the word on the streets is that sailors would preform dance moves to mimic the daily routine of a life at sea. Dance steps included "hoisting the sail", "swabbing the deck", "weighing the anchor", "drinking the daily ration of grog", and so on.

Oh another thing. For hundreds of years the British Royal Navy issued a daily ration of rum to all sailors. And in a strange coincidence the British were a mighty naval power for hundreds of years. They made the sea their bitch after Sir Francis Drake kicked the shit out of the Spanish Armada in 1588.

However, in 1970 the Royal Navy stopped the daily ration of rum. It was a sad day. Hundreds of years of naval tradition - gone forever. Silly Limeys.

Speaking of Limeys, we all know that means "the British". But do you know how this term came to be? Well I happen to know. I do not know why I know, I just do.

Sailors were prone to get scurvy. This is a condition caused by a lack of vitamin C. It causes your teeth to fall out, skin legions, and bloody mucus membranes. Your body can not produce collagen, so your skin looses its elastic properties and is prone to simply fall apart. So the British Royal Navy provided each sailor a daily ration of limes or lime juice. If I were British, I would not consider being called a "Limey" to be an insult. The term hearkens back to a day when the sun never set on the Empire.

The Boat Show

Today's Sea Shanty is Botany Bay, by some unknown group. This is one of the things that sucks about P2P networks. Sometimes people are dumb and do not know that The Beach Boys DID NOT sing "Little GTO" or that they DID make "Sloop John B". Or as in the case of today's shanty they leave out the group all together. Or the sound quality sucks. And so on. But on the other hand, without P2P I would not know about this shanty at all.

Anyway, seeing as how I secured the day off using the top secret ninja skills (lifesize full color cardboard cutout left at work is a good way to fool people into thinking you are on the clock) - I went to the Miami Boat show Friday.

I like the boat show. It is here every year and it is large. HUGE. How large? Lets just put it this way - I have never seen the entire show. The entire show is spread over three areas - the Miami Beach Convention Center, Sea Isle Marina, and Bayside Marina.

I always go to the convention center part of the show. Bayside has "strictly sail", which as you may have guessed is for sailboats. Not those open day sailor boats, but 25 foot and up sailboats with cabins. Sea Isle Marina is for the big ass motor yachts.

The Convention Center is where a lot of manufactures are. All kinds of crap is there. There are boats large and small, the big outboard manufactures are there with all their products, there are HUGE diesel inboard engines to look at, all the electronics dealers are there, and of course most of the stuff is for sale. If you are at the Mako booth and you see a sweet 25 footer, the Mako people will tell you which local dealer will sell you that boat with everything you see on it for the price listed.

This is the main floor of the convention center taken from a second floor walkway. The phone cam is shitty, but you can see the boats.

This is another shitty phone cam photo. But again, you can see the floor. By the way out these two photos together and you have less than HALF the main floor.

And then there is the outside area. What is usually used as a parking lot is taken over by the show. There are a lot of booths, featuring everything from Carib Beer (NO FREE SAMPLES! BOO BOOO BOOOOOO) to boat dealers, to people selling boat related crap, to people selling stuff that has nothing to do with boats at all. I found a sweet ass power cat, but the phone cam photo is just as crappy as the others.

This is a nice power cat! It is a 25 footer with a cuddy cabin. It is powered with twin 115 HP outboards, but it can use up to twin 140s. This boat is made in Florida and if I had bought the thing I could have gone to the factory to watch my boat getting built. Sweet huh? The dude at the booth hooked me up with a local dealer that can give me a test run in a similar boat so I can see how nice the boat runs. Power cats are LEGENDARY for their ride. I want to do this.

I also looked at a lot of waverunner type PWCs. Sea-Doo makes a nice ski that has a closed loop cooling system. What this means is that raw water is NOT used to cool the engine - regular automotive anti-freeze is used. In my case this would mean sea water would not ever be circulated through the engine block. For $8.5 large I can get a three person Sea-Doo PWC with closed loop cooling and a 150 hp engine. This is as much power as my 18 foot boat has - but the PWC has a jet drive which is not as efficient as having a conventional propeller. So it will only go 50 - 60 mph depending on the weight load on the thing.

I also looked at Yamaha PWCs. They use raw water to cool the engine - but Yamaha has made marine engines for years, so they know what they are doing. Also if you properly maintain your PWC by washing it down and flushing the engine after using it the salt water should not be a problem. The Yamaha PWCs are slightly more expensive than a comparable model by Sea-Doo. Once again, I was told of a local dealer in the Keys that sells both Yamaha and Sea-Doo stuff - and they do offer test runs on floor models. I may do this once it warms up a bit. it is like 50 degrees outside now!

Everything Always Works Out In The End

WHAT THE HELL is up with the Iguana Music? Well in honor of the Miami International Boat Show this blog shall feature a different SEA SHANTY each day for the remainder of the show. Today's Sea Shanty is the ever popular "All For Me Grog". Tomorrows Sea Shanty shall be about a far off land. All the Sea Shanties are from the noble seafaring British - none are from the generally unruly Dutch. I could not find any Dutch sea songs you see. And even if I did find some, I do not speak dutch so how would I know it was a true Sea Shanty?

I may go to the show today. Why the hell not? Friday is a good boat show day. There will be less people than on the weekend. Plus I am in a boat show kind of mood. I need a boatswain's whistle. And maybe some other things. Also I like the boat show. There is lots of cool stuff to look at. Like MSD macerator pumps. I do not need one of these, my boat has a "let it all hang out overboard" type of marine sanitation device. If you gotta go, the ocean is your toilet. Beware the brown shark! They like to hang out on the surface of the water. TIP - ALWAYS take a leak off the LEEWARD side of the boat. Pissing off the windward side is a bad idea.

And I got some fairly good news, which I can not yet divulge. But the news is good. Or at least it is not bad. NAAAA it is good. Really. You have to just trust me here. I can not divulge it due to national security reasons however. Only when such information will no longer possibly compromise anything can I speak anymore of this matter.

But - as in the title, things have a way of working out in the end. Sometimes. Not always. Just enough times to make you ponder cosmic forces.

Make With The Comedy

So for many people yesterday was Valentines Day. But for many others, it was something called "Wednesday". Another "Wednesday" happens in 6 more days. And again every 7 days for the remainder of time the Earth has before the sun becomes a Red Giant and the inner planets are vaporized.

Now it is time for some sit down comedy. You know, not exactly good enough to stand up for, but possibly good for a laugh or two. Was I the only one who noticed that Valentines Day was on a Wednesday? And what do we call Wednesday? HUMP DAY! Get it? Valentines Day - Hump Day?? Because on Valentines Day a lot of people.....well you get the idea. I think I got all the mileage I can out of that joke, so it is time to move on.

Tom and Icy mentioned the other day in the comments that Nancy Grace thinks the people she talks about are guilty of something, and it is her job to figure out what. Because judges are dumb. but I know her secret! One of my operatives got a photo of her BEFORE the make-up people could get to her.

Amazing what stage makeup can do huh? She almost looks normal on TV. So now if you see her at the airport you will recognize her - even if she did not "put her face on" that morning. I hear her condition was caused by an episode of "plastic surgery 911" gone bad. It is sad, but it REALLY helps her sniff out edible roots in the woods. That could be a good thing for survival.

And am I also the only one tired of the LAME ASS Valentines cards? None of them say what people are REALLY thinking. But fortunately I found a link on THIS BLOG (from CANADA eh!) to some great cards. Here are just two of them which I consider to be the best. Here is the best card ever.

This is perfect. Everyone knows the best love is pink, salty, and unclean. I never connected it to a honey baked ham till now. This may become a standard card for future use.

But what if your love is into NPR? A lot of people listen to NPR. And if you have ever tuned into a NPR station, you know that is is different. Not at all like AM talk radio (Air America OR Rush stations). Yea there is the boring political talk, but there is also news and comedy and whatever. So there is this card!

The funny thing here is that I would not be all that shocked if I heard those words while listening to NPR. I do not think any NPR listener would.

Of course there is ALWAYS the old standby - "lets lock legs and swap gravy". Quick, to the point, honest, and who knows - it may just work. But probably not. Maybe. Who knows.

Breaking Point

WARNING - now is a GOOD TIME to go on news strike. Yes, avoid any and all sources of news. Watching the "news" will turn your brain into mush, you will drool on yourself, and the things President Bush says will start to make sense to you.

Now why would I call for a NATIONAL NEWS STRIKE? Simple. There is no news to be found anywhere. Here is a short list of things eating up ALL the national news time, which I do not give a crap about.

1. Howard K. Stern (or whatever the crap the middle initial is).
2. Who be the baby daddy
3. Methadone in the fridge
4. Seminole Hard Rock hotel/casino
5. Hollywood Police Department
6. Whatever crap Larry King is talking about
7. Large homes in the Bahamas.
8. Dead former Playboy models.
9. Bill Cosby's dog
10. Whatever crap Michael Bolton (the former UN guy not the awful music guy) is saying.
11. The other Michael Bolton
12. Miami Heat news.
13. RICK FUCKING SANCHEZ - get his ass off my TV forever.

Now if you want to avoid ANY of these things, avoid cable news shows. All of them. They all suck. How long as Anna-Nicole Smith been dead? Days already. So why is it still news?

YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD! How could you say this? I know you are thinking this. So here it goes.

It is always sad when people expire. Well not ALWAYS, there are some people we make special exceptions for when they croak - but for most people it is sad. And yea I can dig that Anna-Nicole's FAMILY is sad. But it is NOT NATIONAL NEWS! People die every day! They get little more fanfare than a short obituary in the local paper. Is she more important than your grandmother? How about anyone else who died in your family? From a human standpoint no, she is not any more or less important. But did ANYONE you know who died get this much air time? Mother Teresa did not get this much air time! Of course, Mother Teresa had bad timing, she died when someone else was sucking up all the news air time.

We the people need to TAKE BACK OUR NEWS!!!! So join me in the national news strike! Refuse to watch ANY news! Send off emails and letters saying "I am not going to watch your shit unless you air REAL NEWS and get off the bullshit". If you are really hardcore, ditch the cable TV service - and let the provider know why.

I can promise you this - if you watch ANY of the media circus that has already started YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! Do not buy any magazines. Do not watch any TV programs. change the channels to the Game Show Network and play along with The Match Game when the news starts to talk about bullshit (which is all the time).

If you choose to take part by buying shit and watching crap - you are feeding the junk news industry. By simply watching you are contributing to the value of advertising time on the "news" channels. This frantic scramble for those advertising dollars is what drives ALL networks to do whatever it takes to attract viewers. If you bought ANY Princess Diana magazines (when she was alive) YOU helped to make photos of her valuable to assholes with cameras - and in a way you helped kill her. Not me, because I never once bought any of that shit. The assholes with cameras got $0 of my money directly or indirectly. Same for authors of these worthless "tell all" books.

Think about it. No magazine sales = no big bucks for photos. No big bucks for photos = the photos are worthless. Worthless photos = no assholes with cameras dogging people everywhere they go. No assholes with cameras dogging people = no having to drive fast in Paris. And so on. it really does lead right back to the end consumer, for they are the source of all the money.

The choice is really up to you. Do you choose to feed into the madness and watch it? If so, you ARE part of the problem. Will you choose to not take part in any of this? If so you are part of the solution. I am being part of the solution now. NO NEWS! NONE!

Tomorrow we will return to something with more humor content. Like that will be hard to do! That is like saying "tomorrow we will smell something that smells BETTER than a pile of human bodies after being left outside for a few days in South Florida in August!"

Breaking News!

This just in from the Lazy Iguana field reporter.

Lazy Engineers have unlocked the mystery of how to make the Iguana Music optional! So now if you want to hear the wonderful music you HAVE TO click the "play" button in the right sidebar.

autostart='0' That is autostart='zero' not autostart='letter O'.

We now join todays regular post.

Iguana Music

No comments about my Iguana Music? WTF? That is some classic 80s cheese I dug up for you people. Pac-Man was HUGE in 1983, and that is when the feature song was made. Or at least that is when the album was released. I put many a quarter into a Pac-Man machine.

But I need some tips here. How do I make the Iguana Music only start IF someone clicks the play button? I tried to insert autostart='false' but it does not seem to work. Neither does autostart="false". I am a bit concerned that some of the people that come here may not have a cable modem or ADSL. Having to DL a 3 meg MP3 file using dialup sucks ass. So I want the Iguana Music to start on demand. That way, if you do not want to hear classic 80s cheese you do not have to!

If I can get the thing to NOT start playing by itself I will have more than one song. Ill create a play list so that people who want to can jam to more than one tune.

So who is an expert HTML code person? How do I stop the auto play thing?

PS - and this is VERY IMPORTANT! I need / want a flash DONKEY KONG game to add to Pac-Man and Frogger. But not just ANY Donkey Kong game! Oh no! I want one with ALL the sounds and ALL THE LEVELS! The games I have found usually only have the steel beam level, but not the pie factory, rivits, or elevator levels. THAT SUCKS!

Kitty Walk Crap, Iguana Music, And All Sorts Of Fun Stuff

So you want to know what the hell the Kitty Walk Door Climbing Thing is.

Well here it is. It is 5 feet tall, and hangs from almost any door using these metal clip things. Mine looks exactly like this EXCEPT the thing is green the nylon mesh has larger holes, you can see into the top compartment, and there is no awning over the thing. The awning proved to be a pain in the ass to put on so I left it off. Also - there are no Siamese looking cats anywhere near the thing. Sake hates the thing, and wishes the person who invented it would die. Cleo however loves it. She is always climbing the thing. She likes the top two compartments the best. Most of the time she does not use the lowest compartments of the thing, she would rather jump from the floor directly into the ring opening on the third level. Sometimes she climbs up the outside of the thing like it is a tree. Here is how cats are SUPPOSED to use the thing.

Anyhow, I got it for $20. The usual list price is over $100. I got it because the cats seem to like to climb stuff - mostly my DCM Loudspeakers. I paid $500 for the pair of them something like 10 (or more??? I forget) years ago. But they all hate the thing, except for Cleo. So they still climb my speakers. Even Cleo. I can never win.

Anyhow the Kitty Walk people also make other stuff to torture your cat with. Like this contraption.

Or for extra amusement (for you, not for the cat) there is this thing you can buy for $350.

They also make a thing you put in your car and can attach to the seat belts. It is padded, and constructed in such a way that your cat (or dog or kid or whatever else you can stuff into the thing) can look out the window. If you are a bad driver, or like to take hard corners and do brake checks all the time, your critter will not be flying all over the place. it will remain contained in the device.

OH YEA! I also added Iguana Music. Bonus points if you can find out which blog (linked on the left sidebar) I found out about Best Audio Codes on. Anyhow - it is pretty cool. I can add Iguana Music without having to upload MP3 files to any web server I own or pay rent to. Cant sue me! I just linked to this stuff! Plus I got no money. I will change the Iguana Music from time to time as I get sick of whatever crap I put on.

By the way, if anyone knows where I can find the rest of the songs from the Pac-Man Fever album let me know. All I could find was this song, "Froggy's Lament" (from Frogger), and "Do The Donkey Kong". I am missing "Hyperspace" (Asteroids), "The Defender" (Defender), "Mousetrap" (Mouse Trap) and "Goin Berzerk" (Berzerk). STOP THE HUMANOID!

Boring Crap.

Today may be a boring day. I can feel it.

But I will find things to do. Like run the boat engine. I need to do that.

Speaking of the boat - The Miami Boat Show is here in a few days! I like the Miami Boat Show. It is HUGE. MASSIVE. I go mostly to look at stuff, all the newest things are there. But I also buy stuff. I get a lot of fishing stuff and little odds and ends there. I can get some stuff there cheaper than I can get it in a store. And I like looking at all the cool new crap. Like last year I got to see the way cool SIDE SCAN SONAR for recreational boats! Awesome.

After the running of the boat engine, there is a number of things I can do. I have this cool free pass thing that can get me into a bunch of places for free. So I can go to anyplace listed on the card. I may just do that.

And finally - Cleo news. She seems to have recovered from her fixing procedure, and is back to her old running all over the place self. I had to take down her Kitty Walk door climbing device thing cause she was not supposed to jump off things, but I put it back up. NOTE - do not buy the door climbing thing for your adult cat. Adult cats HATE the thing. At least mine did. I bought it for $20 from some web store - with the clear indication it was NON RETURNABLE. I think the thing had been sold and returned a bunch of times. Anyway, the original 4 cats hated it so I took it down and figured I just wasted $20 plus shipping. But when Cornelius vanished and Cleo the kitten showed up I put the thing back up. Cleo loves it. So I did not waste the $20. I guess.

Good Question Senor Caiman!

In case you do not read the comments people leave here (which are often better than the post), Senor Caiman asked if that little post office off Alligator Alley is still there.

And to that I say - what crack you be smoking? NOTHING is on Alligator Alley (AKA I-75).

However, there is the smallest post office in America, located on Tamiami Trail, or as some call it US Highway 41. In a backwater place known as Ochopee. Or as the locals call it "where?". It can be found 30 miles east of Naples. This is also 70 miles west of Miami. Right around the intersection of US 41 and Florida SR 29. In the Big Cypress National Preserve.

Here is the post office as it was way back before digital cameras and color film. I think this photo was taken in 1986 or something. Back when if your computer operated faster than 6 mhz you were a super big computer nerd and probably got a lot of atomic wedgies.

Anyway, the original post office was part of a larger general store. But the store burned down a long time ago. So the post office was moved to the tool shed that was behind the store. It was later moved closer to the road, and that sign you see on the roof was so people did not go in there to crap, thinking it was an out house. It measures 7x8 feet. Actually 7 feet three inches x 8 feet four inches. Here is what the place looks like today.

Yes, this is a fully functional post office. Old school. I think the postage scales are not electronic, and everything is hand stamped. There is only one employee.

And here is the coolest part. UNLESS a friggin tour bus full of idiots who have never seen a post office is there, you are in and out of this place quickly.

Late Post!

It seems I forgot to post something for today. Now I just finished posting a comment on Bring It On about the "success" of right wing AM radio shows.

So this has inspired me to bring you this comedy bit called Preparation Rush. It is only 99k so anyone can download it! It is kind of old, and slightly outdated due to the magic of drug abuse induced weight loss - but it is still kind of funny. Enjoy!

Best Beer I Never Had

If I ever find this beer in the store, I will buy some.

Best 7 Up Commercial Ever

I apologize for the horrible original post. So I am going to make up for it by posting this. I GOT YOU TUBE TO WORK AGAIN!!!!

Hooray!

By the way, I did see this commercial on TV - but only once or twice. Then the ad was pulled. Thanks to the wonder that is the internet, this ad lives on!

America's Elite

NASA - A well known magnet for the elite of America's armed forces. Yes, to go into space representing the USA only those of the highest caliber can be selected! That is, only those of the highest caliber and this lady.

I guess there ARE exceptions to every rule. In all fairness, NASA probably did not know that this chick was a little on the wiggy side. Maybe it was SPACE MADNESS?? YOU COVET MY ICE CREAM BAR!

Anyway, here is the headline and a link to the whole story from Newsday out of somewhere in New York. Space shuttle astronaut arrested at OIA on attempted kidnapping, battery charges. It is a great story. It involves SPACE DIAPERS and everything. A must read.

But will someone PLEASE tell Newsday about THIS website? It is a handy place to find out the proper airport code for anyplace on Earth! If they had used this, they would know that OIA is the code for some airport in Ourilandia, Brazil. That is in South America. Orlando International Airport code is MCO. EVERYONE knows this you poop heads! Get it right next time! Good think you guys at Newsday are not tagging luggage, or else people in Disney World would have to go to friggin BRAZIL to change clothes! I mena I can understand getting MCO confused with ORL (Orlando Executive) or SFB (Orlando/Sanford Intl) - but OIA? That is not even on the right side of the equator!

And now, I have that New Order song "Bizarre Love Triangle" stuck in my head. It displaced "Under The Sea" from the cat washing machine video.

PS - do not forget about today's original post below this one.

Cleo Is Broken

But do not worry! Today she goes to the vet to get fixed! She will be as good as new - only missing a few key parts. The parts that could create more kitties. I have 4 now, I think that is enough. I do not need more popping out of Cleo.

And in other news, you should have seen Opa-Loca Airport today! My dad works at a place that shares a parking lot with the airport perimeter fence, so you get a really good view of the active runway from there. It was like a private jet parade. The small jets were lined up 25 deep. And this is the general aviation airport - not the much larger international airport! My guess is that the jets contained those who were in the expensive as all hell skyboxes. Maybe even some of those in the club seats. Club seats at Dolphins Stadium are under the upper deck so you are in the shade (or out of the rain). They are open air seats, but there are air conditioning vents over the seats so it is cooler in the summer. Some of the jets may have contained some players, although it is more common for teams to fly on a chartered jumbo, decked out so that the coach section is for the actual coach. Opa-Loca General Airport's runway is large enough to handle a jumbo jet, even the 747.

But seriously, I do not see 25 jets lined up on deck for the friggin air show! Amazing the amount of money that some people seem to have.

Some Sort Of National Madness

So I ended up watching the Super Bowl. I had no real interest in watching it, but I got invited to a party and there was beer and tequila and food and stuff - so it was not all bad. I had to watch some of the game, but that is part of a Super Bowl party.

Anyway, here is my synopsis!

The rain! HA HA! if you spend $5,000 for a ticket to a football game in my opinion you DESERVE to get rained on. The cheapest tickets that someone at the party could find were $1,500. After market price of course. If you were able to win the ticket lottery then tickets were going for $300 - $600 or so and you could only buy two. I probably should have entered the lottery, but you had to do it a full year before the game day. Or something like that. Would I have put my tickets on E-Bay? HELL YEA! If some idiot wanted to pay me $5,000 for my $600 ticket I would sell that thing so fast my head would spin. Then I would have gone to the party with the $10,000 cash in my pocket. When someone at the party said "you could have gone and you did not?!" I would look outside, point out the rain, then start to count my wad-o-cash.

So excuse me again while I laugh my ass off at the people who paid $5,000 to sit in the rain for hours. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! Welcome to Florida suckers! Leave your money in the basket, and get the hell out!

The commercials SUCKED ASS! Totally sucking there. I saw a bunch of commercials I had already seen! What gives there? LAME! And there were even commercials for the CBS Evening News!! What the crap? Could not sell all that air time huh? You should have told me! I would have given $50 or $100 for those 15 seconds. It would have been $50 or $100 more than they made throwing out a promo for a news show. I could have made a 15 second commercial better than ANY other commercial aired.

An estimated 250,000 people crammed into South Beach for the "parties". Of course most of the good parties were closed to VIPs only. That is how it always is. So what is South Beach? Ill tell you! It is a small place. The Art Deco district is only a few blocks. There ARE a lot of bars and night clubs - but there is no place to park. I can not imagine how so many people crammed into such a small area. it must have been a lot like putting 10 pounds of shit into a 5 pound bag.

I want to take more time to laugh at the fools who paid $5,000 PLUS airfare PLUS an overpriced hotel room PLUS meals PLUS rental car fee / cab money just to sit in the rain for a few hours. You could have saved a lot of money by paying me $50 to sit in my front yard and watch a TV through a window!

And did I mention that it hardly rained at all at the party I was at? It drizzled a bit, but it was not really "raining".

So now things can return to normal. The airport will be a mess tomorrow. Not only is it CRUISE SHIP DAY but it is also Super Bowl people leaving day. So what is cruise ship day? This is the day that a ship (or several ships) return to port. You know it is cruise ship day because of all the tour buses on the departure level. The buses show up in waves, unloading hundreds or even thousands of people at a whack. So add that to the extra traffic caused by Super Bowl and you have a mess. But I am not working airport checkpoint security anymore - so cruise ship day is not a big deal. Actually, I am not working at the airport at all anymore. So no worries about that! When I did work there I would use the employee parking areas, and ride the free employee shuttle bus so I would never have to drive the terminal loop. It will be extra super crazy there today. I feel sorry for anyone who has to drive to that place. Mostly the shuttle bus drivers. They are nice. Or at least they were nice to me.

So there you go! The Super Bowl from a very lazy point of view.

HA HA if you paid thousands of dollars to get rained on! You deserved it. People are starving to death in third world countries and you paid HOW MUCH to watch a football game?!?!

The commercials sucked ass. They sucked mega super donkey balls ass.

It did not rain very much at the house party I went to! Just some drizzle. HA HA again.

There were 250,000 idiots packed into a small area all day Saturday. How the hell everyone got there with SUPER CRAPPY public transportation and no place to park private vehicles is a mystery to me. There is a light rail system in Miami, but it does not go anywhere near the beach. So I guess they all got there by bus or taxi? Who knows. All I know is that I avoided that area like it was the black death.

Extra super crazy day at both of the South Florida major airports! But I will not be anywhere near either of them. Or tomorrow. Or the day after that. And so on in that manner.

Fish Master!

I am the fish master. Behold, my Eclipse System 6 mini-aquarium!

See all that green stuff? Those are real live plants. I have one large Java Fern that is taking up almost all the tank, and another smaller plant I forgot the name of. This is fairly amazing to me, because the light situation in the tank is pretty crappy. The Eclipse system is pretty neat - the filter is in the hood of the tank so nothing hangs off the back. But the light situation sucks ass. I only have a measly 8 watt fluorescent light over 6 gallons of water. That is almost nothing.

So I did the best I could. I selected plants with low light requirements. And they seem to be doing very well! Those plants were placed in the tank at least 10 months ago.

When I set the tank up, I decided to experiment a little. My last freshwater tank was a 55 gallon tank with only 40 watts of light (less light per gallon than the little tank has). With limited resources (being in high school and stuff) I could never really do what I wanted.

The gravel in the little tank is special. It is called "SeaChem Flourite Red". What makes it so special is that it is fractured clay. It is loaded with all kinds of good stuff plant root systems need. It is not treated with any sort of additional chemicals, and is Ph neutral. If you use it, you do not really have to add anything else to the substrate for live plants to be happy. But the stuff is not cheap. A 7 kilogram bag (a little over 15 pounds) costs around $16 - $20 (depending on the store) and can be hard to find. One bag is enough for roughly a 10 gallon tank. So as you can see, for a 55 gallon tank I would need 6 or 7 bags - which would be costly.

But buying one bag for a little tank is not so bad. One word of caution - if you use this stuff it MUST be rinsed very well. It will take a while to do this. The stuff is silty as hell. It is clay after all - so in packaging and shipping a lot of fine dust is created. But once you flush the stuff well with running water you do not have a problem with it.

I do use ONE other additive for the plants. This stuff called "SeaChem Excel". It is supposed to be a liquid carbon supplement. See, plants need carbon dioxide. But adding a carbon dioxide device to such a small tank is a major pain in the ass. Plus, this thing was in my little office at work. I could not have all this equipment in there. It had to be a simple setup. It is easy to keep a bottle of mystery liquid locked up in my desk - it is not so easy to try to hide a CO2 tank under the desk. I do not know if the Excel stuff works like it says it does - but the plants are not dead! NOTE - for a few months no Excel was added to the tank as I was not there to do it. I would just show up from time to time to add more water.

Other than that - the only thing the plants got was the nitrate from the natural breakdown of organic material and fish waste.

WOW that was long! Anyway, this is the quick and short story of the plants. Flourite gravel, liquid Excel additive, and nitrate levels in the 20 - 40 ppm range. When I moved the tank home Friday I did not test the water, but the nitrate levels were probably a LOT higher. No water changed had been done for a long time. There was a lot of algae, a sign of high nitrate levels.

Now back to the photo! See that pink fish? On the left side of the tank? That is my sole surviving "Glo Zebra" fish. I had three of them at one point. The Glo Zebra fish are genetically modified with jellyfish DNA to make them that color. Normal zebras are white with black stripes. Or is it black with white stripes? Who knows. But they are NOT pink with yellow stripes. Under UV light the Glo Zebras are green! Freaky huh? They were invented in a lab in Taiwan, and may be used to test water quality at some point. The lab makes them unable to reproduce so there is no danger of them getting loose in the wild. Plus - they are bright pink! In a natural setting they would quickly get eaten, as it would be hard to hide. There is a reason nature did not make fish that color.

Friday there were only two fish. The Glo Zebra and one neon tetra. So I bought more, to make the tank look more like it did when I first set it up!

These are my neons. I have 6 of them. They are native to Peru and like neutral to slightly acidic water. I keep my little tank at a pH of 7.0 - neutral.

I also got some glass shrimp. These freshwater critters stay very small and are good scavengers. They will eat algae and other stuff they find. They will not get large enough to be a problem to the fish, and the fish will not get large enough to eat them.

I also got a "peppered catfish". This is what it looks like. Upon release in the tank it vanished in the plant forest, so this is a photo I found on the net. So is the shrimp photo. And the next photo.

This is a "pleco" catfish. They are also called "suckermouth catfish". They eat algae.

So there you have it. All the inhabitants of my little 6 gallon mini world. At this point the tank is probably slightly over stocked - but the bio wheel can handle the load. The plants will help soak up some of that nitrate. And of course, water changes will be required every now and then.

By the way, because the tank is so small I can use bottled distilled water. The great thing about this stuff is that it is just water. NOTHING else is in it. If you do a test, everything is zero except for pH which reads acidic. This means I can make it anything I want! Water in South Florida is hard as a rock so having a neutral, soft water aquarium is a royal pain in the ass to pull off. By going deionized I solve all those problems. I buffer the water for a neutral pH (which also makes the water slightly on the "soft" side) and dump it in! With a small tank, this does not cost too much.

I would very much like to set up a 90 gallon freshwater planted tank at home. I could do a lot with that size tank. But it will not be cheap! The lights alone would run into $500 or more. Then add the 9 bags (at least) of Flourite, the 90 gallons of reverse osmosis filtered water from the fish store (lugged home 20 gallons at a time in clean plastic gas cans that have never been used for gas), and all the other stuff and it works out to a lot.

By The Stubbing of My Toe, Something Stupid This Way Comes

Enter MacBeth.

OH WAIT! That is not how the play begins! I must have stolen that line from Mystery Science Theater 3000 or something.

Anyhow, I am in a rare good mood. Actually it is not so rare. It just is. I went and brought my ex-office Eclipse 6 home Friday. There were still two fish alive, and the thing was only low by about a half to three quarters of a gallon or so. Of course, the System 6 holds 6 gallons totally empty and filled to the rim - so figure the actual capacity is really 5 gallons once you add all the gravel and heater and whatnot to the thing. Also you never fill a tank up to the rim - there is always an air space under the hood. Unless you LIKE the thing to spill over that is. So anyway - it needed more water. I drained it, put the fish in a plastic water jug, bagged the plants, and removed it. Good thing I saved the box huh?

In its glory days, it had a lot more than 2 fish. I had a school of 7 or so neon tetras, three glow zebra fish, and some catfish. Probably too many for such a little tank but the water quality was always good. I may get more neons today. They look cool. The low light plants I have were just going wild. You should see it. I may take a picture of it and post it here. I have NEVER had a tank with plants that have done so well. It is like a forest in there. Soon the plants will grow to the point there will be no room for fish.

In other news - I want to blow some smoke up Sony's ass. See in 2003 I bought a fancy Sony digital camera.

This is the CyberShot F717. It is cool as hell. It has a Carl Ziess lens (quality optics), night shot, night framing (so you can use the night vision to frame your shot, but when you hit the shutter button the camera switches to daytime mode and pops off the flash), several pre-set light conditions PLUS an auto white balance mode, movie mode, it will take bracketed shots, it will take multiple shots (three in rapid fire mode) it has several ISO (light sensitivity) modes, two LCD displays (one large one and one little itty bitty one where the viewfinder on a SLR would be - so on bright days if you can not see the large LCD screen you switch to viewfinder mode), and so on. It is 5 mega pixels. Today you can get more mega pixles but in 2003 5 mega pixles was the shit. If you wanted more, you had to go super high end and pay twice as much for just a camera body with no lens.

Anyway, I got it from Best Buy. I had a 10% off any digital camera priced $299 or more, and a bonus offer of no interest for 12 or 24 months (I forgot) if I bought the thing with the Best Buy credit card. So I applied for instant store credit and went looking at cameras.

Now knowing that I was going to get a bunch of free financing IF the camera was $299 or more - as well as 10% off AND a bunch of Reward Zone points (double for using the card) I was set to buy something good. And by good I mean not the cheapest thing there.

It came down to a Nikon Cool Pix and the Sony. The Nikon was actually a tiny bit cheaper. But it did not have the large lens the Sony had, nor did the Nikon have a night vision photo mode. The Nikon would also not accept standard photographic filters. The Sony is threaded for 55mm filters (or something like that).

So I buy the Sony. For a little more than $700. It was expensive as hell. The most expensive digital camera in the store. But I did not have to pay the entire $700 at once. I had 2 years to pony up before a single finance charge was added.

I paid it off over 6 or 7 months. No big deal. The financing was free. Who said department store credit cards are always the worst?

Anyway - a few weeks ago the Sony died. It just quit working. I was charging it up for the a Shark Valley ride. When I turned it on to see how much battery life it had all I got was a black screen. The camera I used was borrowed from my dad. He paid like $200 for it, it is a whole lot smaller (and therefore easier to lug around), and is 7 mega pixels.

Now where was I? OH YEA! The Sony had died. I was thinking that I would just need another camera, because as much as I paid for the F717 was it worth fixing? Yea it is nice and has a ton of features and stuff - but what if the repair bill was going to be just as much as a new camera with more mega pixels?

So I do a Google search for the camera model and the word "repair". I quickly find that Sony announced that SOME of their digital still and video cameras had a CCD chip defect. They said that effected models would just have a black screen when the camera was turned on, and that they would fix the problem for free!

Free is for me. So I email Sony with the camera model number and serial number. The next day I get an email with a link to print out a UPS shipping label. I print out the label, box the camera up, and send it off.

I got the thing back Friday. All fixed! The camera has a brand new CCD chip and works great. At least I think it does. I will not know till later today when I try to photograph the Eclipse 6.

I have a few Sony products. The company is excellent at supporting the crap they sell. When the PS2 came out, the company continued to produce NEW games for the PS1 for at least a year, and continued to print game titles for even longer. Now that the PS3 is out have they abandoned all the PS2 owners? Nope! You can still but NEW PS2 games and even the PS2 units.

And they fixed the camera. Free. No problems at all. None of this "since your crap is old, here is a voucher so you can buy another one". I did not really WANT to buy another one. I wanted the camera I have to be fixed for free. Cause free is always better than shelling out more money.

Ignignokt - Not A Bomb

This is Ignignokt. Ignignokt is a Mooninite character from the wildly popular Adult Swim show Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

So now you know. If you see this guy in the form of a LED "throwie" its OK. It is probably not a bomb.

As you may know, Boston was pretty much shut down by a bunch of LED signs. They were up for WEEKS at various places around the city (and 10 other major cities) when someone called the police to report them. The cops decided that could be bombs, you know because they had batteries. So the city was shut down while the bomb squad went around finding these things and blowing them up.

Lets go over this again. They were up for WEEKS. Not hours. Not minutes. WEEKS. And not one of them exploded. So clearly one can understand how they could have been mistaken for actual bombs.

Now one cool thing about a throwie is that they are small. In case you are too lazy to click the "throwie" link above, here is what they are. You take a battery, tape the leads to a LED to it, glue or tape on a small but powerful magnet, then throw the thing at something made of steel. The magnet sticks, and the battery powers the LED for however long.

So the idea here folks, is to make them as small as possible, for small means light weight. And you need light weight for the magnets to stick to the steel. SMALL! From what I could tell, the signs were made from a circuit board just large enough to hold all the LEDs, and at least one and possibly as many as three or so 9 volt batteries.

Now I know some of you are thinking - what the hell is a LED anyway? A LED is a "light emitting diode". As the name suggests, LEDs light up. Got it? They light up.

Now, lets investigate this some more. You have a small sign, that lights up, and has been in place for at least a week - and the cops conclude that it is a bomb?

Oh yea, terrorists are dumb. I forgot. They are going to put BLINKING LIGHTS on their bombs, so that people may notice them. They may also put giant loud licking alarm clocks on them. And they are going to leave them sitting around for a week or more before setting them off. You know, to give us a fair sporting chance of noticing them! What good sports the cops must think terrorists are.

No, a terrorist is NOT going to put unnecessary blinking lights on their bombs. Nor are they going to put flags, brightly colored stickers, or any other attention getting device on them.

What people in Boston need to watch out for is not a bad marketing idea. You know what I would hide a bomb in if I were a terrorist? Roadside garbage. A cardboard box beat up to make it look like it fell off a truck. Maybe stick it in some hedges or whatever else may be growing on the roadside. I would NOT attach some sort of blinking light to it.

By the way, this was a HORRIBLE marketing idea. Nobody knows what Ignignokt is. Unless you happen to already watch the show that is. And if I already watch the show - why promote it to me? I already know about the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie. What they SHOULD have done is add "ATHF" or "Aqua Teen" or "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" in LEDs to the sign. If the full title is too much, then how about a short URL like "ATHF.COM" or something. Then put more promo stuff on the website.

You Tube Sucks

It seems You Tube is showing its ass. For whatever reason it will not let me post videos here. I think it may have something to do with the switch to the new blogger. I posted videos here a few times before the switch with no problems. But not now.

So if anyone has any suggestions - I could use them! What I have done so far is to delete the old settings and attempted to add this blog as a new one. It did not work. Oh well.

So anyway, to watch the video CLICK HERE!

Ever hear of the Pet Spa? It is a fully automated pet washing machine. You put your pet into this cabinet box shaped thing. There is a clear window so you can see in and your pet can see out. Water jets spray water everywhere. There is also an air dry cycle. Your pet comes out of the machine clean and dry. It works more like an automatic dish washer than a clothing washing machine. Nothing fills up with water. Think of a fully enclosed shower stall, with multiple shower heads.

It was designed to with the input of veterinarians. The water and air temperature is carefully controlled by a computer. There are multiple safety features built in.

The video link is from someone who was told that "cats love this". Yea right. Cats LOVE being stuck in an automatic dish washer. But the owners used it anyway. By the comments they left on You Tube they would give their cat a bath every so often. Most cat owners simply do not do this cause the cats hate it, and it is a pain in the ass. So they thought the machine would be a good alternative to getting scratched.

The video is set to music. It is quite funny. Exactly what I thought would happen did happen. The wash cycle was aborted early by the owners.

The Pet Spa website has numerous photos of both a cat and a dog using the Pet Spa. Both seem to be somewhat calm. Of course, they are still photos - not video.