The Story Will Just Not Die

Taking up where I left off yesterday, this Larry Craig thing will just not die! Now the news channels are playing the police interview with the guy. Do we really need to hear details of exactly how this guy takes a dump? I do not think so. And what the hell kind of crap is the "bust" all about? Shoes touching? That is it? I did not want to listen to the whole tape because frankly it is boring. Who cares. Not me.

Now I may have posted here how much I hate using public cans. I would much rather just use a tree. The tree is cleaner and the woods do not stink. Now I want to use the tree even more!

The cops are trolling the bathrooms? Is this really such a huge problem? Are bathrooms really a great place to pick up a date? All this is very distressing. I would think that with all this internet stuff and Craigslist personals, nobody would have to troll the bathrooms anymore looking for something.

And what if I go in to a public toilet to drop a duce in the brownie bowl? I guess I should keep my feet planted in front of the toilet! Which is what I was doing anyway. You see, personal space is very important. I keep all my stuff well away from my stall walls, and you keep your stuff in your stall. Never should anything touch anything else. Ever. Not even to pass the important papers from one stall to the other. I check BEFORE I go in if there is a supply of the important papers in there. If I am going to need them that is. If not, then I pick another stall. Or I use the woods and a leaf or something. Or I get some of the hand drying off paper towel things from the sink area. Self sufficiency is the name of the game in the men's room. Never should one ask for any sort of assistance or help.

IMPORTANT DETAIL! Learn how to identify poison ivy. NEVER use poison ivy to wipe with if you use the woods. You will be very sorry if you do.

And you also never try to talk to anyone else in the room.

But really what I want to post about today is how there is no real news in the USA anymore. This Larry Craig thing is not news! His interview tape is not news. His press conference is not news. Nobody gives a shit. Or at least I do not give a shit. This is something that belongs on some lame daytime TV show ala Jerry Springer or Oprah. Not "the news". The news is SUPPOSED TO BE informative and relevant. But what we have is bullshit about unimportant crap that nobody really cares about.

The "news" has become an all day, never ending, gossip show. And the public is buying it up! No wonder the nation is getting dumber and dumber (and wider and wider). People are watching this crap and THINK it is news! Well it is not.

I need to hold up a Brinks truck and get a few billion dollars so I can buy my own news network. I will install an electric zapping device on all the chairs used by people on the air. Whenever they cover non-news - ZAP! 50,000 volts at low amps to the ass. What counts as non-news? Whatever I say counts as non-news. It would be funny to watch my news network!

Is there not a WAR going on right now? Could have fooled me - because if I turn on CNN or Fox or whatever right now all I will hear are details about who did what in the bathroom. Is there nothing more important going on? I guess not.

Time For A New Party Logo!

So it seems that there is yet another crisis for the Republican Party. Well not really a "crisis", more like an "incident". I have a suggestion on how to deal with this incident. See the picture to the right? How about making this the new logo for the Republican Party! Why not. Might as well be honest about it all.

Now one might think that I am just going to gloat and point out that here is yet another "I hate all gays" guy whose voting record is very predictable. A good wholesome pro family upstanding guy who always voted on the side of morality and goodness.

Also a self hating, looking for love in all the wrong places, bathroom trolling, show tunes listening, YMCA dancing, flamer.

It is a mighty long fall off that moral high horse huh Larry Craig? If you are going to make a big deal over being on that horse, you better not be doing ANYTHING. Got it? Nothing.

Not that I really care. But this is in the news and I can make jokes about it. So I will. But really I do not care what the man is or is not. I think that if you really care about this stuff so much (EVERYONE on Fox News) it must be due to the fact that you are gay yourself and you are looking for a hot date. Therefore you want to know who is of your persuasion so you know who to ask out. Otherwise - why care? Why waste valuable space in your memory? If I have to choose to remember the hot oracle chick's boob in the movie 300 or which Republican is gay - I am going to choose the boob. But that is just me. There are so many boobs to remember out there, and so little space left in my memory. I just can not spare a single brain cell on this crap.

Anyhow, Larry Craig needs a theme song. This is a trying time for him, and I have compassion. A good theme song is needed for EVERY public relations campaign. So I rounded up a few choices.

Of course, there are the obvious ones. Like this ditty by THE WEATHER GIRLS. This may work for Larry's new theme song. But that may be just a bit too obvious. As would Song 1 and Song 2 by The Village People. Yea I know - WAY too obvious. Although I have to admit I would not know right away that Song 2 was. But everyone knows YMCA and Macho Man.

By the way, funny YMCA story. When I was on my cruise last year I ended up leaving a really generous tip for the waiter and assistant waiter. You see, the EVIL CRUISE SHIP company made the poor people do the YMCA dance for the amusement of the people in the dining room. The waiter was this really nice guy from India and the assistant waiter was this cute chick from some Eastern European Country. I felt bad for them. This is what they think American culture is? The YMCA?!?!? Shit, I would have had them do the Safety Dance or wear flower pots on their head and do the Devo thing.

Anyway, back to the theme song voting. I hope you are clicking the links because you will have to vote! Help the man out!

And since we are in the 80s and have left the horrible disco behind, here are a few possible theme song choices!

We have THIS ONE by Josie Cotton. And also we have THIS CLASSIC by The Waitresses. Both acceptable theme song possibilities. But once again - so obvious.

So using the power of the internet, I found songs by people I did not even know about. Like "The Gerbil Song" by Stephen Lynch. I found this gem on Frostwire. Who even knew about this? People really do that with gerbils? Lets ask Richard Gere. There is this long standing rumor that Snopes.com says is not true.

And them I found some comedy bits. Of course. My secret stash of comedy bits never fails. So here are some more theme song possibilities.

Gay Square Dance
Luvalibitobentover

And then there are some theme songs I found for the ENTIRE Republican Party. I think these two fit in well with their new logo.

Everybody Knows You're Gay
We Swear We Are Not Gay

So there. Pick your favorite, and vote in the comments section.

Classic. Like this guy was fooling anyone? Just look at this totally not altered photo. And now we are supposed to be surprised?

Almost Forgot To Post

It seems I almost forgot to post. I would have totally forgot, for I was asleep. I was watching a movie, and after it was over I was going to take a shower and stuff. Then go to sleep.

But after the movie was over, I went to sleep. Everything was OK for a few hours, then Skipper decides to attack my face. He does this sometimes. So I wake up, take a shower, get a snack, and now here it is 4 AM nothing good is on the TV and going back to sleep is kind of pointless now. But I will try anyway.

MOVIE REVIEW! 300. I had to wait a while for this one. Netflix does not usually send me new releases. I have to wait for them. And so I do.

300 is about the legendary Battle of Thermopylae. This battle really happened. 300 Greeks from the City-State of Sparta, along with another 700 Greeks from another City-State held off a much larger army from Persia for three days. The battle was possible only because the Spartans forced the Persian army to fight in a very narrow pass. They could not use their massive numbers properly.

The Spartan force were all killed, but they caused heavy losses for the Persians.

The movie was of course highly stylized. But as for as "accuracy" is concerned, I guess it was accurate enough. Three tail whips. LOTS of blood. Lots of slow motion blood spattering. A few decapitations. OH YEA and a boob shot. Partial boob shot anyway. The oracle chick is HOT. I should throw in a bonus tail whip for the oracle chick scene.

All movie reviews from this point on shall contain a boob count.

Stickers Can Get You In Trouble.

This is a crappy photo of a sticker that is on the bow of the boat. The sticker is clearly visible to all people onboard. It is on the bow sundeck. The picture is shitty because it was taken with my cell phone while I was working on the stereo installation. The boat sits under a car port thing so it is not in the sun getting bird shit all over it. I hate birds.

Now I think this sticker is humorous. Excessive weight in bow while underway will cause undesirable performance. Allow me to translate this into plain English for all you who do no completely understand boat speak. My translations are in parenthesis.

Excessive weight in bow while underway will result in undesirable performance (no fat chicks).

Pretty simple. And you can not argue with the sticker! I did not put it there, it came that way from the factory. So it must be there for a reason. One must always pay attention to warning stickers.

One of these days that sticker is going to get me in a lot of trouble. Here is what will probable happen.

ME: I need you to move to the stern, because the boat is riding bow down and causing too much bow steer.
SOME CHICK: WHAT!!? Are you saying I am excessive weight?!??!
ME: Yes. I MEAN NO! NO! Of course not! I just need you to sit closer to the stern...
SOME CHICK: Just shut the hell up. Are you saying I am fat?
ME: Be reasonable. Of course you are not fat. I am just trying to make the boat ride as comfortable as possible for you.
SOME CHICK: BE REASONABLE! Ill show you reasonable! (shoots me with a flare gun).

So yea, I need to re-word that sticker. I am thinking of the following possibilities.

WARNING! Anyone who is not wearing a size 2 or smaller bikini should not sit in the bow while underway.

If your ass is wider than this I---------I you should not ride in the bow while the boat is underway. Or ever.

ATTENTION! If the boat captain asks you to move to the stern, it is not because he is saying you are fat - even thought you may be. That is not the point. The point is that too much weight in the bow will result in "bow steer". This happens when the boat can not be trimmed properly. So just move to the stern and do not make a federal case out of it. The captain has enough to deal with piloting the boat without having to hear a bunch of shit from you. Your ass is just fine. Really. Otherwise, chances are you would not even be on the boat - unless you are the friend of the good looking chick. There are always exceptions. By the way, it does not take much weight to unbalance the boat. The stern is usually a more comfortable ride anyway.

Whoever worded that sticker was not thinking too clearly.

WTF is a Robot Chicken?

MOVIE REVIEW! Lady Vengeance. The final installment of the "revenge trilogy" from some Korean director who likes Alfred Hitchcock films. By the way - the films are not a "trilogy" as you may be thinking. They are not connected, other than the theme. All three films have totally different characters and do not follow one another. Anyway, this one was not so great. After Oldboy I was expecting something crazy. Like quad revenge! Where the person you think is going to take revenge turns out to be someone that revenge is bring taken on for some crazy reason and then someone else takes revenge on the person taking revenge on the person seeking revenge and then everyone dies. You know, something wild and crazy and nutty and totally unexpected. But no. This was not the case. It was the most straight forward of the three movies. Three tail whips - barely.

THIS JUST IN! The second season of Robot Chicken is due to be released on DVD in early September. That is soon. So look for it, Robot Chicken rules. Seriously. If you do not know what Robot Chicken is, what rock are you living under? A mad scientist finds a road kill chicken, and turns it into some kind of half chicken half robot thing - and then makes the chicken watch crazy TV shows. Like these.

The Calvin and Hobbes skit


E.T. The Retard


Morning Wood


6 Million Peso Man


And so on. Each show is 15 minutes of clips like these. Awesome stuff. So if you get the Cartoon Network, put that DVR to use. Tell it to record Robot Chicken whenever it is on. If you still use a VCR the new shows are on Sunday 11:30 EST. I think. Check your listings.

Other than that - have a happy Monday!Do not get busted looking at porn on the computer. It is a bad way to start the week.

What Are Words For

MOVIE REVIEW! Part two of the revenge trilogy from the Korean director. The guy is a student of philosophy and a fan of Hitchcock. Anyhow, the second film, OLDBOY, is pretty good. 4 tail whips.

The plot revolves around some guy that is imprisoned in a hotel room like cell for 15 years, for unknown reasons. Needless to say, he is fairly pissed off when he gets out. He is pretty much planning on kicking all the asses in South Korea - regardless of their need to be kicked. He is very upset about being imprisoned alone for all that time. But that is not all! OH NO! There is more to the story than that. You will not see the plot twists coming. Trust me. You will never figure it out. That is why the 4 tail whips. I like it when I can not predict what is going to happen. The movie is dubbed in English so you do not have to read it. Like those old kung-fu movies. It is also subtitled if you want to read the movie. And here is the coolest part - the Engligh audio dubbing does not match the subtitles. Huh. This one I liked better than the first one. It is one hell of a revenge theme movie.

In other news, I invented a new word. It is a verb and/or adjective. The word is "Skippered". Here is how it is used in a sentence.

"I think your drink got skippered when you got up to take a leak". Or "Your food just got skippered, I told you that you had to guard it".

The word comes from Skipper the cat. He gets into EVERYTHING. If I set down a beer, his nose gets stuck into it. Food is not safe at all. He seems to really like french fries. He likes McDonads fries the best, but he will also eat BK fries. I get very little peace. He does not give up. You can push him away, but that does not last. You can put him on the floor, but that only works for about 3 seconds. You can flick water at him, but that only works for 6 seconds unless you use a 5 gallon bucket full of water. But this creates a big mess and is only effective for 30 seconds. It takes longer to clean up the mess - in which time whatever you were eating/drinking will get skippered. I threaten to kick him out, but he does not believe me. All the threats are ignored. He seems to know that the threats are all empty. Oh yea - you are really going to toss me out. Well go on then! Do it. No? HA! Did not think so! Now step aside so I can stick my paw in your drink to see how cold it is.

I have dumped more liquids out that way than I care to think about. Cause that is gross. He digs in things with that paw. Ugly horrible things. So when the beer gets super skippered (paw in the item you are eating/drinking) - it is no good. And does he want it? Hell no. He just wants to investigate it. If my beverage just gets regular skippered (sniffed) then it is still good. I guess.

Lets see, what else. I guess that is all.

Blah blah blah and shit. And a movie review.

I had a bunch of stuff to post about, but I forgot what it was.

In other news, yet another rumor that Castro is dead is floating around. These rumors used to float around once every year or two, then they started to float around yearly, then two or three times a year, then monthly, and now it seems like it is a weekly thing. Well not quite but almost. And one of these days it will not be just a rumor, it will be fact.

Nobody lives forever. Castro is an old fart and not in the best health. Shit for all we know he is dead now. It is very possible. I really would not be surprised. What is that guy? Like 90 or 100 now? He has to drop dead any day now. If he is not already worm food but the Cuban government is hiding it. I would hope the CIA would know and leak it to the media. The CIA is supposed to know about stuff like this. And I know they would just love to break the story to force Cuba to admit it.

And so now, my prediction. Nobody is leaving Miami. The first few waves of exiles live here now. All the property that had is gone. Other people live on it now. If they want it back, they will have to buy it back. This is possible. But if they try to just go back and take what is "theirs" the people living on that land may disagree.

But if a lot of people do go back, it would be nice. There would be less traffic. Rent may get cheaper. And so on.

I just hope that when the news does break, I am not stuck in too much traffic. The standard way to celebrate in Miami is to drive around on major roads at 10 mph honking your horn. It is also the standard way to protest. 8 people in cars can block thousands of people from getting anywhere by simply blocking all the lanes on a highway. It has happened before.

So lets hope this does not happen again. People can be happy and celebrate and stuff (Castro is an asshole after all) but there is no reason to block Bird Road. People are trying to get to work, or get home from work. They do not want to be stuck in traffic.

Anyway, MOVIE REVIEW! Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance.

Mr. Vengeance is a strange film from a Korean director. The concept is revenge. In fact, this movie is part one of the directors "revenge trilogy".

In Mr. Vengeance it is hard to tell who the sympathetic character is. And it is hard to keep track of what exactly is going on. The audio is in Korean, but there are English subtitles. How well the translation is I can not say. "Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers" will probably not translate very well into Korean - the alteration will be lost and the phrase will just be nonsense. But there is not much dialog in this film anyway.

A mute has a sister that needs a kidney. He can not donate one to her. So he goes to some black market organ dealers. They take his money and one of his kidneys. So now the sister has an organ available (the dealers find one somehow) but there is no money to pay for the operation. So the mute and his girlfriend kidnap some rich guys kid. And then all hell breaks loose. Everyone is seeking revenge on everyone else - for different reasons.

A lot of viewers on Netflix give this 5 stars. And I do not know why. I give it three tail whips. Not horrible but not great either. It just is. It is the first of the three films, so I will see how the other two are.

Miami Intensive Post

WARNING! This will be a Miami-Dade intensive post. My three local readers (one posts under "anonymous" because he is too lazy to invent a fake name even if I allow that, the other who posts as -.- --- ...- . , and the lurker who I know is out there somewhere but never comments so I am really just guessing about that) will probably be able to relate to this rant. Everyone else may want to skip to the bottom where I rip on CNN's Rick Sanchez some more.

And now, on with the show! That is on with the show if everyone is all neat and pretty. I think I messed that up. The giant rat who lives in Central Florida will be very upset and kick me out of his club now.

I was going through my email and I get a link from someone I know who has created an online petition for the County to build a giant sandbox for men to play grab ass baseball in. It seems that Miami-Dade County has earmarked $88 million for the project (a retractable roof stadium), but the team wants more money. And you just know that the project will be in the budget! HA! What a joke!

So I created my OWN PETITION. If you are local to Miami-Dade County please spread this link around like Paris Hilton spreads around the clap.

First off, the proposed site seems to be the Orange Bowl. This stadium is old and crappy and really needs to be blown up. However, it is not so easy to just "build something else" in its place. For one, it is surrounded in houses. Parking is already a problem there. And now the team wants an even larger stadium there? That will hold more people? And where would the cars be parked? Huh? Please tell me. Nobody is going to use public transportation - unless the transportation is a shuttle service from a large lot to the stadium and back. And where would that be?

Buy out the property around the stadium? Great idea. It is not very valuable property now. But it will be if suddenly demand for that property increases! Oh yea. If I had a house near that place that would sell for $150,000 today and I knew you wanted to buy it for a stadium - the house would suddenly be worth a lot more. A LOT. I would sell it for a million. Do not like my price? Fine - do not buy the property. Build around my house - and provide me access to my property. Or take me to court to try to get my private property that I own away from me and still claim to hate communism and Castro. Go on. Try it.

So again - where is all this land going to come from?

Of course they want a retractable roof stadium. It is hot as hell here and it rains a lot in the summer. So they could open the roof for sunlight for the lawn, and then close it up and run the AC for the games. Of course this means a very large AC plant would also have to be built. And the convertible roof! That would be cheap to build, right?

Anyone with three brain cells to rub together can see that the $500 million budget is a joke. The AC plant alone will be at least $200 million or so. This $500 million stadium will easily be a billion by the time it is all done. At least. It could end up costing more. So if the team puts up $400 million and wants the tax payers to pony up the other $100 million - who pays for the cost overruns? Thats right, TAXPAYERS do! You see, once you are in for a penny you are in for a pound. Do you let the project go poof because of lack of funds and then have this large construction site in a neighborhood and loose your public money - or finish the project so you have not "wasted" the $100 million?

And now for the best part. The State wants to cut back property taxes. This means the County is looking at a lower budget as a large portion of County funds come from property taxes. So now it gets good! The County is already in debt. There is the famous airport expansion which is up to a few billion dollars now. There is the proposed seaport tunnel which is needed for cargo operations. There are all the bonds issued for parks and other public projects that need to be paid off. Roads need to be maintained. Highways need to be expanded. Public transit is currently being improved. And so on. A LOT of projects.

At this point, Miami-Dade County can no longer afford to give public money to a PRIVATE BUSINESS so they can build a giant sandbox. Really. If The Marlins want a stadium, that is fine. This is America after all. They can do what any PRIVATE BUSINESS has to do when they want to expand. Find the money themselves. Players can vote to either cut their pay or loose their job because the team folds. They can move somewhere else that is stupid enough to fund their sandbox. They can sell stock in the team. They can charge the 10 fans that show up to the games more money for admission.

But asking the County for a lot of money at a time when there is a budget crisis due to the State proposed tax cuts is insane. There are more important things than men playing with balls after all.

So I say to all three of my Miami-Dade County readers - do you want a stadium or property tax cuts? Because if you support this disaster, you should demand that your house not be included in the tax cuts. In fact, you should request that your taxes go UP. Send that letter off to the Governor. Ill help you write it.

Dear Governor Crist,
I am a stupid moron who thinks that grown men playing with balls should be subsidized with public money so that the team owners can afford to pay them more in five years than I will make in my lifetime and still turn a profit on the team. Please do not lower my taxes one cent. I want my taxes raised 20% so all that money can go to the Florida Marlins and their new stadium.
Signed,
Sofa King Stupid (or your own real name).

Miami-Dade County has reached its credit limit. All the credit cards are maxed out. And the work on existing projects is not over yet! Have you seen the Palmetto Expressway? It is a fucking disaster! What is more important to you - not being stuck in the endless construction zone on an "expressway" or watching men play with balls? You already know what my answer to that question is. And how about the mess on SW 97th AVE right by my house? I can no longer access my neighborhood from 97th ave because the third lane / improved drainage project there has all the side roads blocked off. I have to either use Miller Road or SW 48th ST or SW 92 AVE. Fix that fuster cluck before you spend money on a sandbox.

Oh yea, schools are also going to loose a chunk of money. So if you have kids in school and you want a new stadium - then tell the principal at your kid's school that you demand Alpo dog food be served at lunch, and classrooms be limited to one 40 watt florescent light. Because you know, the stadium is more important than seeing schools are properly funded. And if you do not have any kids (like me!) then tell your neighbor who has kids in public school that their kid's school deserves to loose funding because you think baseball is more important. See if you do not get your ass kicked.

And so on. The money already earmarked needs to be retracted and put back into the general budget. It is needed there more. The County has done just fine without a domed retractable roof baseball stadium for over 100 years. It does not need one now.

-----------________________----------------_______________------------

And in other news - it is time to RIP ON RICK SANCHEZ! My Miami area readers will know why this is so much fun, and so easy to do. We are all glad he is not here anymore. See he was a local TV news creature, but he left Miami to go work for MSNBC. And less than a year later he returns home. Guess he could not hack it there. But would his old employer hire him back? NOPE! So he makes the awful "Rick Sanchez Show" that aired on a daytime slot along with Dr. Phil and shit like that. The ratings were terrible, and the show was canceled. So he went to CNN and they gave him a job.

Anyway, while he was here he made some horrible karaoke. And guess what? I found a recording of it! So in the left sidebar you will see a photo of Rick Sanchez. Click it to hear the comedy bit that was a huge hit on a local radio show. The comedy bit that Rick has probably forgotten all about. I hope someone from CNN reads this and steals the bit then plays it in the office. That would so totally rule.

How Exciting

It seems that I single handedly got rid of all the regular readers and commenters. Three comments? And one of them is mine? All time new low. Well not really - my real all time low is zero comments.

Anyhow I think I know what I might be doing for the rest of this week. So here is the schedule so far.

Thursday - the usual stuff I always do. You know, all that boring "life" stuff.

Friday - I might get to move some stuff! How exciting. And then after that, go out to a somewhat cool and trendy place for some food. I know a place that is good. And then after that there are all sorts of things in the area. Bars, ice cream, shops, movie theater, and so on. All in walking distance. Pretty slick.

Saturday - who knows. Ill figure something out

Sunday - too far in the future to know anything about it.

Monday - back to the usual.

And this is pretty much it. More than I did last week. Yea yea I know - my life is way too exciting. It is so exciting that I have time to dig this up!

Did you know the Great Wall Of China CAN NOT be seen from space? In fact, it is all but invisible from even low Earth orbit. You seem it is very long but not that wide. So from space, it would be a very thin line. And furthermore, the wall would be a similar color to the land it sits on. After all it is made from local rocks and/or tamped dirt.

So what if visible from space? Cities. Airport runways. Stuff like that. But not any walls.

And if I have time to dig this fun stuff up - then you know that my life is very action packed and so full of stuff that I have no time to piddle with unimportant bullshit. Like for example, researching what is and is not visible from space.

Totally Safe

Today this post is 100% safe. There will be no in depth discussion about should it sink or float. I promise. Not even a little. And there will be no discussion of noises that one might make while at an important business meeting or interview or in church. Really.

And I swear - no talk about the hazards of football season. Do people go to the games to drink and act like idiots or watch a bunch of men play with balls? It is all very mysterious. And the lines can get very long.

Where do I find this stuff at?? Jeez. It is all very tasteless. Very tasteless indeed. Or so you think! You want tasteless? Well here you go! Now that is just terrible. Horrible. The worst. And on the same day CNN has this puff piece about Diana - I post this stuff. I must be terrible.

So maybe this will be better. Although this song link may need to be updated. I do not know. I do not really keep up with stuff like this. I just find the links and post them here. For better or worse. Usually worse. What show was this from? I Dream Of Genie? Sad. I wonder if the song is true? Very tasteless.

Now where was I? Oh yea, posting about comments from yesterday. Some left wing nutjob seemed to find it hard to believe that not even I know what I am doing. Well it is true! By the way, the last link is not to another comedy MP3 file less than 300k long so anyone can download it. If you can call all of those links "comedy bits". I would say some are just crude and should not be funny - but when I heard them on a local radio show while driving a delivery van around town I thought "I am going to hell for laughing at these bits".

This is how it works. Later today I have to go to this thing. Some sort of boat class that somehow I managed to get involved with, and even if I barely know an anchor from a spinnaker they let me help instruct the class. And not knowing an anchor from a spinnaker is bad because one is this large chunk of metal you throw overboard to hook into the bottom and keep the boat from moving, and the other is a sail designed to grab the wind that is blowing from 90 - 180 degrees off the bow. So one should know a chunk of metal from a sail. But the good part is that the people in the class are there because in theory they do not know either. So I just make stuff up and hope it floats.

There I go! I promised there would be no talk of what should sink or float. Depending on its density and composition.

Now in this class I have to do a recon mission. Using large amounts of skill and tact, I have to find out what my plans are for later this week. I have to discover a few things.

1. What some other people in the class have planned.
2. If they have anything more important to do than go somewhere and hang out.
3. If they do have plans, if they can ditch them to do something else.
4. what they want to do.
5. What day(s) they are free to go places and do stuff.

So until I know the answers to one or more if the above questions I do not know what the hell I am doing later this week. I may just sit around here and sulk and feel depressed and finish drinking the bottle of wine I opened up today. And open another. See I am running low on beer from Sanibel (seems like a long time ago) but I remembered I have like 6 or 8 bottles of wine. Hey - might as well drink that stuff. I have only had it for a year or more depending on the bottle. It is just going to go bad.

Or I might go someplace. Get some food. Are there any good movies playing? Probably not. But I know some places to go where I can just walk around and there are a lot of cool places all over. Or splash the boat and enjoy Biscayne Bay because it will be empty because school is in session and people will be at work. Or whatever.

So there. I do not know what I will be doing. There is no way to be able to tell what I will be doing. I have to wait till later today. I know what I would like to do - but I do not know what I will end up doing. But this kind of thing happens fairly often. One would think that by now I would be used to it.

One more thing. Remember Joycelyn Elders? You know, the Surgeon General from 1993 - 1994? Ah the good old days, when THIS was all we had to worry about.

The Food That Binds And Democracy.

Doozie brought up a great point in yesterday's comment section. Cheese is the food that binds. So if you have the atomic green apple quickstep, eat a block of cheddar cheese. Extra sharp. That should bind you up so you do not have to go for a week. At least.

So why should everyone keep this in mind? There are times when such knowledge can come in handy. Say you have to fly from New York to India nonstop. Yes, there are flights that do this. But you are in the air for a long time. Like 12 hours long. At least. Now do you want to risk having to use the airplane toilet? Not me. I would eat the cheese.

You see, with my luck the flight would be smooth ant turbulence free up to the point when I enter the lavatory. And then the mega turbulence would hit. I just know it. So I would play it safe and eat the food that binds.

And there could be other times when the food that binds may be handy to know about. You may have tickets to a live performance of Beethoven's 9th Symphony. Maybe you are thinking about drinking the water in a foreign city. Or that burger is just a little undercooked and you get the funk. And so on.

Now this brings up another topic. Tracer foods. Lets say there is a food you suspect that gives you problems. Or you are at a restaurant you have never been to before and suspect it. You need hard evidence what is giving you the squirts.

Eat corn. Plain old boring corn. Try to swallow some of the corn whole. The corn is an excellent tracer food. When you see it come out, then you know that whatever you ate with the corn is now out of your body and on its way down the drain.

Peanuts also work as a tracer food if you can swallow some whole. WARNING - this can cause scratching. If the point of the peanut lodges in the right position, you will feel it on its way out. And it has to come out. There is no stopping it. Prairie Dogging is not good. So I do not recommend peanuts as a tracer foods. You want something softer. Corn is perfect.

You all can thank Doozie over at her blog for this wonderful topic.

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And now for the Democracy part of this post. If you made it past the binding agent and tracer food topic.

Vote for what I might do Friday! Or Thursday. But probably not Wednesday. Here are the options!

1. Take the Miami to Key West fast cat ferry for a day trip.

2. Skip the fast cat and just launch my power cat which is smaller and slower and does not have the range to make it to Key West without having to stop for fuel at least once or twice. But I would not try to get to Key West. I would just hang out in Biscayne Bay.

3. Skip the water all together, and just go to Coconut Grove or someplace and hang out. Maybe catch a movie, get some drinks, find food, and so on.

4. Something else. Something a little lower key.

I am thinking I can do 2 and 3. Or 4. Or just 3. Or just 2. Maybe do 2 Friday, because the forecast calls for smooth bay waters and all the kids will be in school and so the boat ramps will be empty and the bay will have very little traffic. And then Saturday or Sunday I can do the land based thing. Or not.

Decisions decisions. I shall know more about what plans I should make on Wednesday. Land or water. Or nothing. It all depends on what I hear Wednesday. Cause that is how I roll. I like to keep myself in suspense. Not even I know what I am going to do.

More About Skipper And Korat Cats If You Can Get That Far

So the other day I was at McDonalds, and they had installed double drive up lanes, but only had the same single window where you pay!

Just kidding. The retarded bullshit has not made it down here yet. By the way, those are two separate totally unrelated links. So that is one thing I do not have to worry about. Not that I go to McDonalds very much. It is food of last resort. It is pretty nasty stuff.

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Ever think you are just going to go to sleep because someone you know just popped into town from Germany so you went out to a Thai/Japanese place to meet them and have some food and ended up drinking 5 things of hot sake, ate an order of vegetable spring rolls, some spicy tuna rolls, and spicy yellow curry with shrimp then hung out at a Starbucks but did not order any coffee? Well that is just what I was thinking. I get home at 11:15 and start to watch TV. Then I get tired, probably from all the sake. That stuff is good. I like it a little too much. If I ever get to Tokyo I am going to consume my weight in sake and then be like Godzilla, except instead of destroying everything I will just be taking a leak on everything. I do not know what the Japanese symbols for "mens restroom" is. So I might have problems finding a toilet. The cops there do not carry guns, right? I hope so.

Anyway I sleep for a bit, then wake up. And shortly after that I have a slight gut ache. So I think "oh shit" and go to the bathroom. It was very.....uhhhhh....liquid like? So I get that over with and then I feel better. But I am awake now. Great. Aren't you glad I shared that with you? It was like there was a pressure down there - and it decompressed rapidly. I do not think anything was solid. More details you are probably more than happy to read.

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And now for more on Skipper and Korat cats. If you made it this far. Which I somehow doubt.

Anyhow, in another post which I am too lazy to locate but you can search this blog for "Skipper" and "Korat" and find it yourself, I posted that Skipper looks a lot like a Korat cat. So I started to research this finding. And it seems Skipper also looks like a Russian Blue, and a Chartreux. But these two breeds have a double coat, Skipper seems to only have a single coat. The Chartreux is also a stocky cat (Skipper is not) and the Russian Blues have vivid emerald green eyes (Skipper does not). The Chartreux, Russian Blue, and Korat all have a similar color. The Russian Blue is the most common of the three breeds in the USA, with the other two being somewhat uncommon.

So Skipper may just be a random blue cat with silver tipped hair and a single coat. It really does not matter. But I still think he is more like a Korat than any of the others. He is not stocky, and does not have the double coat.

But all three breeds have similar personalities. They all pick one human that they are always following around and hanging out with. That sounds like Skipper. He is always around here someplace. If I am on the sofa, Skipper shows up. If I am in my bed watching TV, Skipper shows up. Cleo and the other cats are not like that. Oh yea and if I am on the sofa and Cleo comes by to visit, Skipper will attack her and make her run off - then he hangs out. Of course he is playing, but none of the other cats want to play with him.

But Korats are known to be full of energy, either in "cat high on cocaine" mode or in "totally crashed out" mode. Again, sounds like Skipper. There is no middle gear for him. He is either zonked out or running all over the place terrorizing the other cats. Right now I do not hear things getting knocked over, or other cats running away and hissing so Skipper must be zonked out somewhere.

Lets see, what else. Oh yea, Korats get along well with other cats - as long as they get to be number one with the human they choose to claim. Again, sounds a lot like Skipper.

The other day I was draining some water from a 6 gallon fish tank. While I was putting the gallon container on the floor so I could siphon out some water, Skipper jumps on my back. So now I can not just stand up straight without getting clawed. And then he goes into zonked out mode. Seriously. He just sprawls out, purrs, and makes like he is about to take a nap. So I had to stand up slowly. And then get him off my shoulders. He does stuff like that all the time. It is kind of a pain in the ass. And it happens rather often.

But there is one good thing. Skipper does not seem to loose hair all over the place.

Getting Lazy With Watching Movies

You may have noticed the lack of movie circulation in my Netflix list. This will change next week as I will mail off all three movies Monday. They will get to the distribution center Tuesday, and on Wednesday I will have three more movies. The next three on the list are from Korean director Chan Wook Park. Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance, Oldboy, and Lady Vengeance. These movies are known as his "revenge trilogy". Each movie features.....well....revenge. I do not think the movies are like Kill Bill V. 1 and 2, they are each separate movies. But I shall see. A lot of people rate the three movies very highly.

So now for some MOVIE REVIEWS!

Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy (BBC TV series). Excellent. I never read the book, but I meant to. I just never got around to it. The series is broken down into 6 episodes of about 30 minutes each. The series is adapted from a BBC radio play, and of course as is typical of BBC productions the budget was low. Now this is a GOOD thing. See, the story line and dialog becomes more important than the special effects. So the result was a very funny series. Totally great. 5 tail whips for the series. If you read the book, then you will love the BBC series. And if you did not read the book, but enjoy the kind of humor presented by the book - then you will like the series. So rent it. Trust me here. By the way, the radio play predates the books. That is right, the books are based on the radio series. And the TV series follows the radio play. So in effect, the TV series is the original story. I think the infinite improbability drive had something to do with this because usually stuff is based on the book - not the other way around.

Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy (the movie made with a higher budget). Not so great. They cut parts that were in the series out - like The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe. How can you leave that out? They mention it, but never end up there. And the story line is changed. The Vogons are chasing the characters for the whole movie, because in the movie version Zaphoid is the Galactic President (the people thought they were voting for "worst dressed being") and the Vogons think he was kidnapped. Totally not in the original series. And Marvin The Paranoid Android is not nearly as depressed nor nearly as funny. And so on. And did we really need a "so long and thanks for all the fish" song? NO! The original bit was much funnier. The think about God vanishing in a giant poof of logic because the Babelfish proves his existence and therefore there is no point in having faith and without faith God is nothing was also removed from the movie. And much more. Skip the movie and just watch the TV series. 0 tail whips for pissing me off by taking what was a perfectly good story and plot and screwing it up by trying to change it so you could have more special effect shots.

Wag The Dog - BORING! What a turd this movie is. I am watching it now. Here is the general plot as I understand it. There is an election about to take place. Two weeks or so before the election there is some kind of scandal involving the sitting President and some girl. And of course the person running against the President makes a big stink about it. Public opinion is going against the President - who is in China when all this breaks.

So the staffers invent a war. Not the "find a fake reason to go to war with some other nation then invade" - they invent a totally fake way. In a studio. With actors. And digital enhancement to turn a bag of chips into a kitten. And stuff.

Of course the real nation is a little concerned when US news is showing a war where there is none. And for some reason, nobody in the USA is watching the BBC which in real life would be reporting from Albania showing no war. But whatever. The CIA "ends" the fake war so some other story is made up about someone stuck behind what was once enemy lines and they run with that. And it just goes on and on.

The movie is a "comedy". And I suppose it is a comedy, in the way that it is totally absurd.
The events are pretty out there. But it works. The news is manipulated, public opinion is changed, and so on. So I guess there is a message there too. If it is on TV, it is real. And it is easy to get people to buy almost anything.

But the pace is slow, and the comedy is dry. 2 tail whips. Not a very good movie.

More stuff about Skipper and Korats on Monday. Maybe. If I remember.

Forecasting, Guessing, Can Not Get A Decent Phone In The USA

This whole Dean thing is getting downright spooky. Someone is going to get hit, and they will get hit HARD. Big time hard. I am afraid that the island nation of Jamaica is going to see the worst of it. Jamaica and the Grand Cayman Islands. Or should I say THE Grand Cayman Island. Little Cayman and Cayman Brac will likely not see the absolute worst of the storm. But they will still see some bad conditions.

So why the rather gloomy outlook? The forecast track just keeps looking worse and worse. Here is how I base my guess. First, the forecast track from the NWS.

Now notice how the track has not changed significantly over the past few days. The track did jog slightly to the north, but not by much. Yesterday the track had it just to the south of Jamaica till the 11 PM update. Since then it has it going right over the island nation. The jog to the north is not at all significant. At the current speed the storm is moving, Jamaica will be feeling the effects well before 48 hours.

Now here is what I found to be the worst. The wind probability table. This table you have to pay attention to. You have to watch it over time and see how it changes - if it changes. So here is the 5 PM wind probability table.

So according to this table, in the next 24 - 36 hours, the chance of the storm bring a category 4 or 5 is 50%. The chance of category three winds are 40% for the next 24 hours, and 33% in the next 36 hours. And look at the 12 hour prediction. 50% for category 4 or 5, 45% for category 3, and 5% for category 2. The storm is already at category 3 by the way. The table over the past few days has been following a pattern - the odds of a 4 or 5 keep going up.

We can therefore conclude that the storm will be a category 4 or even 5 by the time it gets to Jamaica. VERY bad news for them indeed. This is starting to look like another Hurricane Gilbert. It is on an almost identical track as Gilbert. Gilbert was the second most intense hurricane observed, with Wilma taking top honors. Gilbert became a cat 5 storm after it left Jamaica, Dean could hit Jamaica as a 5. It very well could.

Now you may have noticed that the above table is from the Friday 5 PM update. So what about the Friday 11 PM update? Way ahead of you all here.

All NA? What the hell is up with that? Now this is the really scary part. Why would the computers suddenly come up with this result? And why would the NWS change their official published data to what amounts as "I have no idea"? Odds of a major storm have gone up and up. So what are the forecast models really saying now? NA? Not available? I do not buy it. I hope people under the gun are taking this seriously and are not underestimating what they are in for. This storm will cause major damage.

So, what the hell is up with the post title saying I can not get a decent phone in the USA? Why would I say that? Well lets see. Still thinking......still thinking.....OK I got it!

This photo of a flower was taken by Jane on a 2 megapixel CELL PHONE CAMERA! Can you believe that? A cell phone camera. My cell phone camera sucks ass. It is almost useless. It takes the worlds worst digital photos.

Apparently, I have to go the UK to get a decent phone with a usable camera.

Mysteries

OK so some alert readers, and one phone spy, reported to me that the blog looks messed up. Something about stuff on the left sidebar invading the space reserved for my postings.

I have no idea what this means. You see, it looks fine on my laptop computer. And also looks fine on the emergency backup desktop computer. Maybe it is my video settings? The "wide screen" display on the laptop? Who knows. By the way, I tried loading the page with both Firefox and Internet Explorer. I like Firefox better.

Now this means I need more spy reports. I think I removed the offending thing that is causing the overlap. But this is just a guess. So what I need is MORE SPY REPORTS! This means you. Does everything look right? Yes? No? Can't tell? With enough spy reports, I can solve this mystery.

And now for the second part of the mystery. The mystery of Skipper The Cat. Skipper, as you may remember, is the newest cat. He is a gray kitten. I found Skipper across the street from the house, on the sidewalk. He was just barely weaned, and very little. He weighed less than 2 pounds. Kittens that little just do not wonder off. I do not think he was able to climb over the fences, and where he was the nearest house door was pretty far. So I suspect he was dumped.

But why would someone dump him? He seemed to be taken care of. He was free of fleas and ear mites, had no worms, was not at all afraid of people. He was just on the sidewalk meowing. When I walked up to him he started purring and rubbing against my leg. I was able to pick him up and he did not freak out. Clearly, this was the kitten of a well taken care of house cat. And he was still little and cute and a kitten and stuff. Usually if someone dumps a kitten that little they dump the mama cat and all the brothers and sisters too. But in this case it was only Skipper.

I figured the mystery would just go unsolved. But then I saw a cat on the cover of some cat magazine. It looked almost exactly like Skipper.

This is a Korat. I had never heard of this breed before. But it looks like Skipper. Same fur color, same eye color, same gray nose, and everything. I had found a Korat kitten photo that showed a litter that all had the same color eyes as fur. Skipper had the same color eyes when I found him, but they have since turned green.

He even has the silver sheen that is a characteristic of the breed. Like you can see in this photo. The fur is almost shiny in natural light. The roots are a deep gray color, but they are tipped with a silver tinge. This is that gives the cat its color.

By the way, the cat experts cay this breed is "blue" as opposed to "gray". But I think they are on crack. I have never seen a "blue" cat. I think the "cat experts" are all smoking too much cat nip.

And so now, I think I have all the evidence I need to solve the mystery of Skipper. Here is what happened.

Some asshole out there thinks they are a Korat breeder. They got a few pedigree cats and figured they could make some easy money selling cats, even if the shelters are full of free cats that are really just as good as any other cat. Backyard breeders.

But Skipper posed a problem for them. See, Skipper has WHITE PATCHES! This means that their "pedigree" cats are of poor quality. Korats are supposed to be solid "blue". Some slight white coloring on the very tips of the paws are OK - but only a little bit.

Skipper has too much white on his paws, a white splotch on his chest, and another white splotch on his belly. No good to be a pedigree Korat. So the breeder simply dumped him somewhere so nobody would see him and question the "quality" of the litter. All his litter mates were probably all "blue".

This would explain why he was in good health, not afraid of humans, and free of parasites. His white coloring may not have been there when he was first born. Usually when a newborn "pedigree" animal does not look right it is killed right off the bat. No evidence! Or maybe the people knew he was up to specs but just could not kill him right away. So they let him get weaned then dumped him before any buyers could see him and his ugly white splotches.

That would explain how such a little guy ended up where he did. With no mama cat looking for him. And no "lost kitten" signs. And why he was not wild.

Skipper does not want his picture taken, because he is upset about his white splotches and keeps attacking the camera. Or I might have made that up, and I am just too lazy to get up and get the camera. One or the other.

THIS JUST IN! I got motivated to get the camera. I had to get up to take a leak and get a beer anyway. So I might as well get the camera too. And find Skipper. This is never hard to do. So here is my almost perfect Korat, discarded like so much garbage because he is not perfect due to his white blotches - clearly visible in these photos




Oh by the way, I have room for only 2 more songs in the Iguana Music list. I have to replace one of the Def Leppard songs because it is a COVER and not the real band.

The Problem With Dean

DEAN UPDATE!

Now I know, you are all wondering "are you in the cone of death yet Lazy?"

Well the answer is yes. And no. Both at the same time. So how is this possible? Through the magic of guessing! I mean forecasting. Forecasting is not the same as guessing right? Of course it is. Except it is not a blind guess. It is a guess based on the best evidence available at the time. And if that evidence changes? Well the forecast changes. So anyway, without further to do - I present the most recent cone of death!



This cone of death is cool because it is in color. I like colors. The colors correspond to probability. Probability of tropical storm force winds. As you can see, the Florida Keys are in the 10% - 20% probability range. I am also in the 10% - 20% cone, but just barely. The rest of my general area is in the 5% - 10% probability cone for tropical storm force winds. Now what do you do when you are in a cone of death? Why, you look at another cone of death! You may like that one better. You may not be in that one. For example.



Now notice how this cone totally leaves out Florida. I like this one much better. The bad thing is people in Jamaica probably think this cone sucks. I do not blame them for thinking this. I hope that if Jamaica is to be hit, it is not hit very hard. Nobody wants a hurricane to hit them, but at the same time nobody really wants it to hit someone else either.

But, my Iguana Sense is not tingling. Nothing is tingling. At this point I can just not worry about it. I do not think it is going to effect South Florida. Someone is going to get hit - just not me. Not this time. It is possible - but I am going on record now with my guess. It will stay well south of Florida. So there. I will either be right or wrong. Who knows which, it is just a guess. It COULD shift north after all. I just do not think it will. But we shall see. One way or another.

Really - this is terrible timing. Of course it is never a good time to get a hurricane in your area, but whatever. I made plans to go out in the boat this weekend! But of the weather is shitty, I can not do this. I will have to make alternate plans. Which may be possible. At least I will make every attempt to make it possible - without sounding all creepy and stuff. I always have a backup plan or two for some things.

Housekeeping

I need a button that says "housekeeping". That way I can press it whenever I need something cleaned, but I am too lazy to do it myself. Which is 99% of the time.

But anyway, I just did a little blog housekeeping. Mostly with my blog links. I added some, and removed some.

And I cleaned up the playlist thing a little. I removed some songs, and added others. And I am not done yet. Oh no. I want to add even more stuff.

And I better hurry! Because today I was alerted about some sort of storm or such crap that is "out there". Now here is the funny part. I had no idea about it. A storm? Out there? Really? I see no storm clouds! I think you are on drugs.

Except the people were not on drugs. And this is where it gets funny. So pay attention here. The people were extended family visiting Deerfield Beach from Ohio and Mississippi. Got that? OHIO! When was the last time Ohio was hit by a hurricane? Huh? Never - that is when. Oh yea they might THINK they "got hit" because what was once a mighty hurricane passed over them and dumped some rain. But the fact is that 0 hurricanes have hit Ohio in the past 50 million years. And the family from Mississippi? They live nowhere near a beach. They are way up in north Mississippi - on the other side of the state from the river.

So here I am - a lifelong Florida resident - and they say "did you hear about the hurricane on the way?". And what do I think? I swear this is what I said - "Oh yea! Of course! In fact, I am about to get up and get myself another Hurricane Reef beer! Want one?".

"No really, there is a hurricane out there! It is supposed to be here sometime later this week". Still thinking this is a joke, I say "well that works out well for you! You guys plan to leave Friday right? Good plan by the way, it really sucks to be staying on the beach when the power goes out and a 15 foot storm surge rolls in. Of course, you are staying on the 4th floor".

So today I decide to watch the local news at 10 PM. And sure enough, there is a storm out there. WAY out there. 2,200 miles out there. Closer to Nigeria than Florida. And of course, the local weather goon is already starting to bask in the lime light. Seriously, the news NEVER opens up with the weather goon unless there is a storm out there.


So yea, I should probably watch this thing. But other than that - it is just too far away to really get all excited about it.

Now for all you in places like Ohio and Idaho and Montana and places that never get hurricanes, here is what they are like. They suck. Your electricity WILL go out. And your roof might get ripped off your house. Both these things suck to no end. You see, after a hurricane the air is still. Very still. And it is hot as hell. Except after Wilma. Wilma came in on a cold front - and from the wrong direction. Wilma was a rare and unusual hurricane. It did not matter that much that the power was out. Because the air was nice and cool. Just open the windows and there were NO BUGS and it was colder than the AC is normally at.

But this is not usually the case. The hurricane blows out all your window screens, and no matter how hard the wind blows the mosquitoes manage to hang on. So you get to be all hot and sweaty and the bugs are biting you and life just plain sucks.

And now everyone has a generator. But I have rifles. I swear - I am going to start shooting at the noises. People fire up these darn things and let em run all night. ALL NIGHT! So now your window is open and you are hot and cranky and the bugs are getting you and you get to hear the lovely noise created by all the generators near by.

And of course, these noise makers use up a good deal of gas. At least 5 gallons a day. So every day, idiots line up with gas cans so that they can run the #@%$#@% generator all #@$%#@%$# night. But if I simply place one shot in a generator fuel tank, that will take care of that problem. I think I will use the 7.62x51 rifles for this. But they are not the most accurate. So I might miss the fuel tank and hit other parts of the generator. But I think that the end result will be the same. Quiet.

My generator is quiet. You can hardly hear the darn thing. It cost more than any other 2000 watt generator, but it is quiet. So if you are a cheap asshole with a $150 generator - you suck. Spend some more and get a real generator that I can not hear a block away.

But getting back to Dean, which is just a measly little unimpressive tropical storm right now - I will probably be in stage 1 mode in the next few days. This calls for me pulling the boat out one night and filling it up. And I will also start filling the truck up every time I use 1/8 a tank. That way IF the thing hits and the power is out and it is hard to get gas I will have a full tank, and another 55 gallons in reserve in the boat. Cause I am smart. Everyone else is a flippin moron.

Poll

I moved the new and improved Iguana Music list to the sidebar where the old Iguana Music thing used to be. I do not know if I like it there. Yea it fits in the sidebar now, but it is all scrunched up and stuff now.

So today's daily poll question which is not here every day is this. What is better, the music list in the sidebar, or the list where it was?

Oh yea. I added some Def Leppard for someone, and some Bangles for someone else. And I was going to add some Kiss for someone else but then I broke the website and I got a "temporary error" message. So I will try again later. But I hope the Def Leppard makes people feel better. Cause I picked out happy songs. I guess.

THIS JUST IN! The Kiss link works now. So disregard all that other stuff.

Another thing, Jenny/867-5309 is not a good theme song for your blog. It is actually a sad song really, if you listen to the lyrics. Some poor guy is so pathetic and lonely that he drunk dials a number he saw written on a bathroom wall. Sad. Do people really do that? I always thought that you would put fake numbers on the wall. Like the jerkwad in advertising who thought up MENS ROOM ADS! You put his cell number on the wall and write "for a good time call (insert chick name here), 305-867-5309" or something. So the jerk gets drunken calls all night and has to change his number and move to Siberia. Someone who shall remain linkless will know what I am talking about here.

And now I shall switch topics seamlessly to men's room ads. See how I just worked this seemingly unrelated topic into this post? I have mad skillz. Chicks dig mad skillz. But they hate idiots who spell words with a Z when they really call for a S. So my bad spelling cancels out my mad skillz bonus pointz. The end result is that I have a lot of spare time. A LOT. Tons. More than you can possibly imagine. But if I learn to spell properly, then I could become VERY busy. In a parallel universe maybe.

Now it used to be that in this crazy commercial world we live in at least a man could take a piss without being assaulted by ads. Well those days are GONE! Some creative genius asshole came up with the idea of putting ads on the wall, right where you have to look when you are draining the dragon. So I am taking a leak, and thinking "wow! The new AT&T has an improved network! Maybe I should switch my service". Really now - are establishments so hard up for cash that they have to put ads on the walls of the can? Just horrible. If the ads were just a little bit lower, I may just wizz on them. Take that the new AT&T! My stream of justice shall teach you a lesson!

I think I may have adult ADHD. I can not seem to stay with one topic for more than a few minutes. This is a recent development really. I used to be able to stay focused for longer periods of time. My brain was like a laser. But now it is more like a flood light. All over the place.

By the way, this is when the Kiss link started to work. In case you were wondering. But instead of changing what I already wrote I just added an update. So there.

I can put 20 more songs in the play list and then it is full. I will have to edit it and take out some crappy songs, or maybe just create another play list and have Iguana Music 1 and 2.

Please do not forget about the poll. Or do. Whatever. It really does not matter. I am starting to like the new and improved Iguana Music where it is.

I am thirsty and require some fizzy water. Dry fizzy water from Canada. Except it is not from Canada. I should sue the Canada Dry company for false Country of origin labeling. But they do make great seltzer water. I have really cut back big time on soda. I almost never drink that stuff anymore. When I want something fizzy that is not beer, I go for the carbonated water stuff.

The Lazy Army

Hey why not! If the band Kiss can have an army, why not me? That reminds me - I have to add some Kiss to the new and improved Iguana Music thing. Ill get right on that. Later.

Anyhow some of the music links do not work. So if you come across a song that is screwed up let me know. I will then work on fixing it. Later.

See the way the music thing works is it somehow scours the internet, looking for music. And linking to it. You can also upload your own MP3 files to the internet, and tell the thing "hey I got this song at this URL". And then I can search for that song.

The play list is not actually on my web server. The songs come from other places. So they could work one day and not the next day. Or they could work for a long time. Who knows. Oh yea and you can always put your own songs on a server and then do it that way. Whatever floats your boat so to speak.

And I am very lazy. Too lazy to check all the songs. And sleepy. Too sleepy to check all the songs. And sleepy. Too sleepy to check all the songs.

So if you are not sleepy or lazy, check some songs. Then give me spy reports. Or not. Whatever. Ill get around to it. Sometime. Later. Not today.

Adventures

Oh man what a friggin mission I had the other day. It was not actually THAT bad but this version will be funnier.

First off there was no sleep. None. Apparently, I did not need any.

Now Saturday rolls around and I am still awake from Friday. I spend the time killing brain cells with the TV and of course putting up the Iguana Music mega play list. The play list website thing was being a pain in the ass by locking up and not giving me an account and shit. Eventually it worked and then I had to create the list. It is not complete.

Anyhow what is not important. At around 8 AM it was time to start getting ready for the boat mission thing. So I leave with a borrowed Dodge Durango 4x4 equipped with a 318 inch cubic inch V8 engine. That is 5 or 5.1 liters or something if you can not deal with volume expressed in cubic inches.

Now this boat is a monster. A 32 foot Whitewater with twin 225 HP outboards and a giant triple axle trailer. The boat also has an engine bracket on it. You do not count the bracket as part of the length, but it does add another 3 feet or so.

So the trailer is a good 35 feet. At least. Maybe longer. And heavy as hell. The load was several tons. At least 3 tons. Probably more.

Now the Durango really is not designed to pull that much. But it was only a short distance and on flat ground. So I had to accelerate slowly. Once at speed, the truck was being pushed by the load on the trailer so the strain was off the engine and transmission.

But have you ever tried to haul close to 40 feet of boat and trailer behind a vehicle? Oh yea and one of the trailer lights is broken. So I was missing one turn signal.

Going straight is easy. Sort of. You have to take the turns VERY wide. If you want to hang a left turn for example, you have to go straight until the trailer tires (all 6 of them - two per axle) clear the curb. THEN you turn sharp to the left and the trailer starts to turn. If you turn the tow vehicle too soon, you are jumping curbs. or getting the trailer hung up on stuff. Like other vehicles, trees, bus loads of nuns, zoo animals, buildings, cruise ships, aircraft, or whatever else is within 100 yards of you.

And going in reverse! Wow that is fun. Now I am pretty much used to my smaller boat and single axle trailer. In a way, the single axle trailer is harder to deal with. With only one axle it can turn faster, so in reverse it is very easy to over correct. Really easy.

So here I am. Going forward is pretty easy, just remember to not get the trailer hung up on anything. But now I have to back the trailer under the boat lift thing. So I start to do this. I was able to do this, but it took a while. I had limited space to maneuver the trailer and vehicle. But I got it. And then I had to park the trailer, which was easy because with no big ass heavy boat on it I could actually see what was behind me.

The boat itself is a slug. In the water it is a slug. At least I thought so. The trim tabs are broken. This is bad. And I think the boat drivers were leaving the outboards trimmed up a little. This made the boat ride bow up. Really, there were times when I was standing by the helm and all I could see was the bow. Sticking up in the air. When this happens the boat is "plowing" and the engines are working harder than they have to. The boat is pretty much displacing the maximum amount of water, and creating the maximum wake possible. I wondered why nobody trimmed the engines down - but nobody did.

Even on a plane, the bow was high. At least I thought so. But the drivers are very experienced and so I just thought "wow, this boat is a pig! It rides bow high and creates a lot of wake. I am glad I am not paying for the gas". I do not know why they did not try to trim the outboards all the way down. This would have made things a little better I think. But I had never gone out in this boat before, and so maybe that is just how she rides? I do not know.

In reverse, the boat does not go anywhere. The props spin, and the water around the boat turns white and foamy - but the boat is not responsive. The engines have 4 blade props which have a smaller pitch than a three blade would have. They are really speed props - designed to give max speed while going forward. But in reverse they do not work as well. But in a boat reverse is not very important. Really in any boat reverse gear does not work so great. But with two engines with 4 blade props churning up the water, the props slip a lot.

Now at slow speeds the boat can do almost anything. I can turn it totally around without using the wheel. Want to make the bow point left while going very slow? Put the left engine is reverse idle, and the right engine in forward idle. The boat will turn to the left without really even going forward. That is cool as hell. It is also pretty easy to keep the boat "on station" meaning in one place without moving forward, backwards, or to either side - without dropping anchor. On my single engine boat this is possible - but it is more difficult. You have to keep turning the wheel and going in and out of forward and reverse gear.

It would be cool as shit if my boat had twin 70 HP outboards with counter rotating props than a single 135 HP outboard. But oh well. Next time I go out in my boat I will see if I can hold the boat stationary over one spot without using the anchor. I probably can - but I will have to work at.

And then after the mission I had to tow the boat back to where it lives, and park the trailer. Being an idiot I messed this up. I pulled up in such a way that the trailer were at an angle, which made it a lot more difficult to get the thing straight and where it needed to be. NEXT TIME (if there is a next time - which really I do not care if there is) I will pull up differently so that the truck and trailer is straight, but off to one side. Backing up then will be a lot easier.

And thus the adventures for the day were over. Once unhooked from everything I was able to go back to the boat launching place, which had a bar. Some people were there hanging out so I had a double gin with some club soda. It was good.

After the mission, I said I did not want to ever tow the beast again. But today I have a little different attitude. It was really not THAT bad. I could do it again. But the other guy that usually tows does a great job - so he can take care of that. No problem. But if I have to, at least I know I can now.

Doomed

My night shift ways are about to doom me. You see, the night time is the right time. Left to my own devices, I would never see the sun. The sun is over rated anyway. It is very hot. And bright. And it gives you skin cancer. The moon is your friend. It is not hot, not bright, and can not give you skin cancer. See why the night time is the right time now?

Of course, being a night shift kind of guy causes other problems. Everyone else insists on doing stuff in the day. And they insist you do not do stuff at night. Take something simple like mowing the lawn. Now for me a great time to do this is 2 AM. But when I try, pain in the ass neighbors call the cops because of the noise. But when they mow their lawns at 9 AM when I am trying to sleep - well that is just fine. What bullshit in that? Ill tell you what kind of bullshit that is - the stinkiest kind.

So how can I function on the night shift? Well you see, work was canceled when school ended for the summer. Now of course one day work will begin again. And I am seeking other employment opportunities. That whole process is going along. At least I hope it is. Who really knows these things.

Anyhow, regardless what happens the odds are stacked against having a night shift. Option A simply does not run at night. Option B operates at night - but only sometimes. And to get the night shift on a regular basis I have to do battle with people who I can not possibly do battle with because you know how it is. When you are the new guy at a job you can not just go up to someone else and say "yo dude - I am working your shift from now on, so deal with it". Because the other guy will just laugh at me. And then I will have to go to option C - or the "move to Alaska and work on a crab boat" option. And I do not like that option. The water up there is really cold. I do not deal with ice very well unless it is in my cocktail.

But this is not the point. The point is something. OH YEA! I am doomed.

For you see, here is the deal. I am supposed to go out on a boat today. Not my boat. Another boat. A larger boat by 13 feet. And on this boat I have tasks to do, it is not a pleasure cruise. There will be no beer, no fishing rods, no swimming gear, or anything like that. This is pure boat handling / boat crew stuff.

The boat leaves the dock at 11 AM. I have to be at the boat a little early, because I am supposed to help figure out how to tow the beast. I will be dealing with this no later than 0930.

It is currently 0200. I woke up at 4 PM. So needless to say, I am not very tired right now. I will be tired at around 0900 or so. Which is when I have to be somewhere.

See what happens when you are a night person living in a day shift world?

0540 update! You may notice another thing on the blog. New and improved Iguana Music! The old Iguana Music code is still there, because I am too lazy to save it. The new and improved Iguana Music thing contains a playlist! Yes! And none of the songs are actually on any webspace I personally own - so I can not get sued! Awesome!

When In Doubt, Make Something Up

This is going to be a cool Friday. You see, I have to conduct a training class thing. In fact I get to instruct it. Not really a big deal.

Except I have never actually done the stuff I am supposed to train others to do before. Not that this is a big deal. I learned how to deal with these situations however.

1. Don't Panic (I have been watching the Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy BBC TV series)
2. Make something up.
3. Whatever you make up, stick to it.

That is pretty much it. Make something up, and stick to it. And if you don't panic, you will come across like you know what the hell you are talking about. Since nobody else will know any better (otherwise they will not be there), you can pull it all off. Really. You can!

You just have to throw in a few "cover your ass" statements. Things like "This is the theory. When you get out on the water, you will receive further instruction". Or something like that. I will make up something that sounds plausible.

I am making this all sound worse than it is. Really I know the stuff. It is not terribly difficult. It is just the proper way to communicate over the radio. Now this may sound very easy. And it is. But there is a proper way to do it. There are proper pro-words and stuff. And procedures such as "call base every 30 minutes even if nothing is going on - which will be normal". Normal operations means just that - nothing is going on and therefore you have nothing to report. Well you report your location but that is it. And nothing going on is GOOD - because that means nothing horrible has happened. You are just hanging out in the bay, watching chicks in other boats. Some may be topless. But you do not report that stuff.

Anything other than "normal operations" means something is on fire, boats have crashed into something, or something else crazy is going on. So nothing is much better than something in this case. I guess. I have never actually been out in the water to notice things like that. I was just the other guy out there in a boat, running about trying not to hit anything. And looking for boobs. But not looking for problems.

And looking for / at boobs takes talent. You see, sometimes there are chicks on your boat who get upset for some reason if you are looking at boobs on other boats. They get all like "see anything you like" and when you say "yea, over there on that Contender with the twin engines" they get upset. Because I am never on the Contender with the twin engines.

This is why a good pair of sunglasses is so important. That way, nobody can tell what you are looking at. You can be looking at anything. Now you are supposed to be looking at where the boat is going. This is the best idea. But this is also the most boring idea. So you get a good pair of sunglasses that are polarized so there is no glare from the water, and so you can look at things other than where you are actually going. And since nobody can see your eyes, nobody can say "see anything over there you like" and get pissed at your answer - which is always wrong. Say "no, those things are disgusting" and what does that make you? I mean what does that make you besides gay? And of you say "yes" then that means you are a man pig and deserve to get slapped. So it it better to wear the sunglasses and then you can look at whatever you like without having to worry about hearing anything.

And this is how you crash into things. Like this guy did.

And when you see something like that, you have to call someone over the radio and say something. Something other than "nothing going on out here".

This pretty much concludes the training thing I have to do. Well there will be more of course, I am supposed to fill up 2 hours of time. But the chapter is not that long and really not that complicated. I think I can get through it all in an hour. And then comes the best part! The yacht club where the training takes place has a bar. And even if I am not technically a member, someone is. So the bar serves us. A group stays for a few hours every week and we all kick back and order a few pitchers. And food. And kick the bobo. Or shoot the shit. Whichever term you prefer. They both mean the same thing.

Fake News And Boat Trailers

So I was thinking up something to post for today. And I came with a great idea. Rip on CNN for something. It is pretty easy. Just go to CNN.COM and find something to rip on.

Now when I go there, I always scan the "popular news" section. And I find........some CRAP from Oprah.com. Popular news? Some crap from Oprah?

See this is why the Country is going down the tubes. If this is what is popular, what kind of crap do you think the "news" will carry? Bullshit stories about bullshit. And of course it is presented as real news, or at least something important enough to make "National News". And if it does that it must be important, right?

And what is this crap? Questions to ask before you get married. Really. This is why chicks are insane. They read too much of this crap. And they place too much importance on this crap. Did it ever occur to someone that maybe each situation is different, and therefore there are no "questions you should ask". Other than of course "do you have herpes, genital warts, or anything else gross I should know about". But by the time you are talking about getting hitched, it is kind of late for those questions. You have already been exposed to whatever might be there.
Really - people in the USA seem to have a hard time figuring out what is "news" and what is "shit". If you are confused, let me give you a hint. Most of it is shit. Take the bridge collapse horrible event. Did we need to see endless footage? Did we need to see rescue workers in the water? Did we need to see video footage of the bridge falling down? Not really. The event itself is news, but the endless coverage is just too much. Do the news networks ever stop to think that maybe someone knows who owns the car they are showing on TV under water? Huh? Probably not. Assholes. All they see are the ratings numbers, and the advertising revenue.

And now my blood pressure is climbing. Probably taking away minutes of my life. But the last few minutes are the worst part anyway - so no big loss there.

Tomorrow I have to figure out how to defeat the evil 5 wire trailer connector. The 5th wire is for the reverse solenoid that disables the surge brakes on the trailer. My truck trailer wire connector only has 4 wires. No big deal, the boat trailer surge brake system is not functional. So I do not need it. But I may have to tow another boat trailer. A much larger much heavier boat. So it has surge brakes. And without rigging a 5th wire I will not be able to drive in reverse. Going in reverse will cause the trailer brakes to lock up. My truck already has secondary reverse lights. Twin 55 watt halogen secondary reverse lights. It is like a set of headlights behind my truck. They switch on when I shift to reverse. So I can simply tap the secondary reverse lights power supply, and make another wire connection that goes to the trailer. So when I shift into reverse, the factory reverse lights come on, which sends 12v to a relay I installed, which then opens up and sends power to the halogen reverse lights and at the same time sends power to the trailer brakes so they unlock.

Now if I borrow a Durango 4x4 for the mission, I will have something with a 318 cubic inch V8 engine. But it is a Dodge, so it will probably break. And there is no easy way to tap the reverse circuit. So I will have to put the truck into park, get out, disconnect the truck to trailer connection, then connect the running light circuit to the reverse thing on the trailer, and the two ground connections together. Then back up. Then before I can move forward again get out of the truck, and reconnect everything back correctly so the surge brakes work again.

What a mission.

Mystery Package

Check out what I learned to do! Cool huh? I have seen other blogs do this and always thought it was cool. So how was I uploading pictures before I bothered to see what all the clicky things in the Blogger Post Editor thing did? Well I would find a photo and steal it. Then I would upload the stolen photo to my personal web server - lazyiguana.org. Then I would open Microsoft Front Page. Then using the "insert an image" by entering the URL to the stolen photo on my web server. Then finally, click "HTML view" and cut the code and paste it into the text editor.

And sometimes I would just copy the link to the photo without stealing it and uploading it to my web server. Then add the image using Front Page and so on.

Anyway, who cares about all that boring crap. Today I found on the doorstep a mysterious package. What could it be? Who knows. So I call the bomb squad. They show up and get really pissed off because it was just a book. The book to the left actually. So they went home and said some hurtful things to me. Something about "wasting their time". So I said back to them "wasting your time huh? Well then tell me - how many bombs did you guys find today? How many bombs did I prevent you from finding? Whats that? NONE!!! REALLY!!".

And then I got clubbed like a baby harp seal. I really need to learn how to not say things and just keep my mouth shut. Far too often I am right, and it pisses other people off. And if they have clubs and all I have is a book - well you can figure out who is going to loose that fight.

Anyhow, I figured out the book came from Cheesemeister. Thanks for the book! It has stuff written in it that no other copy will have. Pretty cool huh? I shall read this book over the next few weeks. My schedule could possibly be changing soon. Changing as in "less time to do stuff". But this is OK, because it will also mean "mo money". I will of course balance "time to do stuff" with "mo money". Cause the "mo money" part will allow me to do more stuff when I have the time. Otherwise, I have more time to do stuff but less money and therefore even if I have the time - I still may not be able to do stuff. So one must balance the two. It is bad to concentrate so much on "mo money" that you never have time to do stuff.

Anyhow go on and click the photo. If the book sounds like the kind of book you may like, order a copy. It will show up in the mail from Amazon or Barnes and Noble. Or you can download it from E-Book in PDF format for only $5! How about that. But personally, I would rather have it in print. Reading that much off a computer screen would probably drive me insane. Way over the edge.

As If I Do Not Have Enough Already

So you may have noticed something new on the sidebar. The left sidebar. You see, I had to switch over to a three column blog template late last year. With only one side bar, there was simply too much crap. The blog would go on and on and on with no end in sight. Way past the last post the sidebar continued. So I found a boring three column template, stole it, and then proceeded to customize it. So now behold in all its glory! My sidebars full of crap! Marvel at its glory.

But it seems someone did not think I had enough stuff. So they gave me the red button thing. The red button thing is the creation of two people. This person, and that person. Also known as Doozie "The Beagle Master" and Emma "Sometimes High On Coffee". Or always high on coffee. Anyway, something to do with coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.

Anyway, DO NOT PRESS THE RED BUTTON. It is very important. Really. So do not press it. OK? Good. I knew you could follow simple directions.

Now on to movie reviews! Yes movie reviews. We will start with...

Intimacy. Two strangers meet every Wednesday for hot sex. The sex scenes are not simulated by the way. The actors are either doing a REALLY good job at acting, or they are actually having sex on camera. Not like porno sex or anything, just regular hot non porno sex. By the way - it is not acting. Trust me here. You do not "act" like you are sticking something into your mouth. You are either doing that or not. Acting has nothing to do with it.

Anyway, the movie is about much more than sex. It is about relationships. You see, the two just meet for sex once a week. Very little is said. They do not even know each others name. Just sex, then the chick gets up and leaves.

But after a few weeks, the guy wants to find out more about her. So he follows her. And wants to know more about her. Like what her name is. What she does. Anything. And then the real story unfolds. The guy wants more than just sex. He wants her. Will she stay with him? Can she stay with him?

Anyhow, it gets 4 tail whips. One tail whip for the boob shots, and three for the story. I suppose this counts as a chick flick, but the boob shots make up for that. And it is not the standard sappy horrible chick flick. It is gritty and real.

The Mothman Prophecies. The other movie. Now I never expected much from this one. Really. I mean, look at the title. What the hell is a Mothman anyway?

Well it seems that a while back, a bunch of (drunk...stoned....tripping on LSD....all of the above) people were seeing something. This half moth half man thing with glowing red eyes. Spooky huh. Anyway this moth thing would tell people stuff. Stuff that would supposedly come true. But after one event, a tragic event on a river, the moth thing went away and was never seen by anyone again. So they made a movie out of this supposedly true story.

2 tail whips. The movie was pretty cheesy. Even for a movie I knew was going to be bad, it was awful. First off, they never show the Mothman! How can you have a creepy movie without showing the creep? I felt cheated. The movie tried to take itself way too seriously. The director had to know the movie was crap. And so did the actors. And the film crew. And the prop guy. And the janitor. Everyone involved with it had to know it was crap. So why not try to have some fun with it? Oh well. 2 tail whips. Nothing gets 1 tail whip - that honor is reserved for something truly awful.

Kayak

You know what it is time for? A photo post. Why the hell not. It is my blog and I can post whatever crap I want! Do not like it? Get your own blog. Then you can post whatever crap you want. See how that works? Pretty slick.

So I will start things off with my kayak. I have posted about it before. It is pretty cool. Here is what it looks like.

Here you can see it in action, so to speak. Only this is not my kayak. Apparently it belongs to some random chick. Chicks like kayaks it seems. Could this be why I bought the thing? Who knows. It is possible. But anyway, this kayak belongs to some random chick. Or maybe not. I stole this photo from the Hobie website. So maybe the kayak belongs to Hobie and they are just letting some random chick borrow it so they can photograph her using it so that people think chicks like kayaks so they buy one. You think? Now if you look closely, you can see she is not paddling the thing. The paddle is stowed off to the starboard side. That is the right side. She is working the foot pedals and using the rudder to steer. Oh yea and my kayak is yellow. Not red. I figured the yellow would be more visible and reduce the odds of my getting run over by some idiot in a Bayliner. NOTE - I do not know if that last link is a photo of an actual Bayliner or not.

The foot pedals are unique to Hobie kayaks. No other kayaks have them. Using the pedals I can get the boat to hull speed. This is about 5 mph or so. Much faster than I can paddle the thing. And I can keep up any given speed for a longer amount of time. The foot things are cool. Click the animated icon of the fins under the kayak to see how the foot pedal things work.

But that is not all! Oh no. Here is another photo of a kayak that is not mine, but is very similar. Remember mine is yellow not white.

A sail! Yes a sail. Now the dude in this photo does not have to row or pedal or anything. You just hang out and use the rudder to steer. The sail kit is a lot of fun, but in this photo the winds had to be light. Or directly behind the boat. Or the photographer was snapping photos like crazy. Because the kayak is tippy with the sail up. The kayak is...well a kayak. It has a narrow beam. That is what makes it a kayak and not a canoe. The sail tends to push the boat over in one direction. This is known as "heeling over". On a real sailboat this is not a big deal. On a kayak, it is. So you have to lean in the opposite direction or flip over. And when you tack (change directions because you can not sail in a straight line due to the direction the wind is blowing so you take a zig-zag path) you have to coordinate your leaning to match the forces on the sail, or else you flip.

Now of course I figured out what the kayak needs. Outriggers! But sadly there is no easy way to add outriggers to my kayak. The boat was not designed for them. So the sail kit is just something fun to use when I am in the kayak and the breeze is very gentle. Hobie makes an inflatable outrigger kit, but I do not know how well it will work. They are not very big.

So what Hobie needed to do was make the same kayak, with a larger sail, and include twin outriggers that are the length of the kayak itself. This will effectively make the beam much wider so the kayak will not be tippy. And the larger sail will make it go faster. So Hobie made this that I saw at the February boat show.

Now we are talking! This is a sailing kayak! By the way, this kayak is the same yellow as mine. Sadly. my kayak can not be upgraded to this model. I lack the metal inserts that have to be there to deal with the stress created by the outriggers. I can put an insert in the front, but not the back. There is no access hatch in the back. The kayak is made of plastic, not fiberglass. So I can not simply cut a hole, put in the inserts, and then re-glass it. The plastic would be tough to repair once cut.

As you can see, the wind is blowing harder here. One outrigger is totally out of the water. The weight of the outrigger is pulling the kayak in the opposite direction the wind is pushing it. And the other outrigger is in the water, pushing up in the opposite direction the wind is pushing the kayak over. The operator does not have to worry about leaning to compensate here. Just relax and let the wind do its thing.

The sail is self furling. Just pull a rope and the sail mast spins around, furling the sail up. Pull the rope in the other direction, and the sail is deployed. So if you have to move right into the wind and can not tack, furl up the sail and there is minimal wind resistance to paddle or pedal against. The outriggers also fold up against the hull. They are hinged. Excellent design. They really thought of everything. I jumped in the game one boat show too soon.

So I have to eventually sell the old kayak, which is in great shape, and buy this one. But I do not really want to sell the old one. I will have to see what I can work out. I will probably keep both, because I do not know how much I can get by selling the other kayak. It is not very old and is not used that much. It will be two years old in Feb 08. So is it worth selling? I do not know. I will have to see what the financial situation is for next year.